by Vance Huxley
Fergie allegedly wore a lace dress, made from not enough lace curtain.During her dance,she wanted to know how she’d squeeze between Harold’s women to get more machete training. Harold laughed because he’d known her secretfor a year. This time Fergie didn’t dance as much becausethe lads were realising she’d prefer aBarbie,especially one with Ski goggles and a wig. Not everyone had connected the dots,because several young men tried to trade for Fergie’s number to walk her home.
As usual, who walked who and how long they took fed the rumour mill. Harold didn’t need a rumour mill to know Alfie would walk Hazel home. He’d started to wonder if the only thing stopping a gartering might be him, becausethe idiots still tried to hide their relationship. Harold was already sure Hazel slept at Betty’s house more often than not. He didn’t spreadthe bit of rumour fodder he collected on his way home, and swore Tessa to silence. Roy, the refugee fighter, sat hand in hand with Celine, watching the stars. It looked as if Celine’s unorthodox rape therapy had finally paid off, and she’d found her older version of dangerous but safe.
They’d need everydangerous fighter to keep Orchard Close safe. As November progressed,Haroldbecame more certain that Caddi or the Geeks would come for Orchard Close, or at least launch a raid. Too many visitors made comments about the number of fine young women now living there, even if the cold weather meant everyone wrapped up more.Harold had nightmaresaboutboth teaming up, becausethe GOFS couldn’t uphold the treaty against that pair even if they tried. At least the Geeks wouldn’t team up with the General, while Caddi’s and the General’s current wars stopped them from joining up.
*
Two days after Guy Fawkes, Dealer turned up again. This time Harold knew the way it worked and the two of them were soon in the Embassy. “The weapon?”
Harold produced it. “This isn’t one of yours.”
“What makes you think that?” Dealer’sexpression wasn’t saying either way.
“It’s a gang weapon, probably taken from a policeman back during the Crash. I reckon your blokes cleaned up the outside butinside it’s filthy. Someone’s used axle grease instead of oil, and they haven’t ever stripped it properly.” Harold worked the mechanism. “It was jammed solid. I see a lot of it, especially using home reloads with the new propellant and old brass.”
“Maybe my men aren’t very good at keeping weapons clean? I should chastise them.” Dealer startedsmiling properly.
“If the rest are like this, I’ll tell the lasses taking the beer to bring back the guns and the cars. I’ll bet you don’t use reloads in those weapons, do you?” Harold gave a smile that showed he already knew the answer.
“No. I took this in trade because it’s allegedly bloody useless. I will be keeping it now, because these are much too good for some asshole to spray the neighbours with.” Dealer worked the weapon, peering down the barrel and into the breech. “Lovely clean job. Where do you get your oil?”
“I collected a lot from clubs and shops at the beginning,after the rest stole the propellant and weapons. I also collected reloading equipment: presses, dies, powder measures, moulds, and resizers for brass.”
“If you have spares, I could give you a really good deal on any or all of those. Most people didn’t think that far ahead.” Dealer glanced up. “You didn’t buy caps or primers last time.”
“I found a few here and there, and I tend not to waste ammunition.” Dealer smiledin genuine amusement, so he already knew Harold’s reputation of one shot, one hit. “A few people in here thought further than day one. We collected up a lot of wool, for instance. Good Arran hand knits are a specialty.” Harold gestured at Dealer’s jumper. “Bespoke, not mass produced like that. We could make you some bobble hats and scarves with Dealer on them? Or balaclavas?” He wanted to get away from how many primers he might have. It worked better than expected.
“Seriously? Not the hats and scarves, but hand knitted Arrans? Any other sort of knitting, or craft work?” To Harold’s surprise, Dealer seemed genuinely interested.
“More or less any sort of knitting, I think. We have one or two who can wield a mean needle now, forembroidery or crocheting as well.Some are quite artistic. The latest Rambos have a bit of fancy engraving and you were right, I get a better price for them.” Harold chuckled at his next thought. “My bodyguard is known as Demon, but that’s because she’s a Demon knitter.”
“Oh dear, I’dbetter not tell David or he’ll propose. My bodyguard. He was quite taken with her.” Harold thought this amusement might also be genuine. “Tell David she’ll knit him a jumper and he’ll want her to run off into the sunset.”
“Get his size. Then you can buy him one for Christmas and tell him who knitted it.”
Dealer laughed at that idea, a definite crack in his cool. “I’m going to enjoy visiting here. I am truly interested in quality hand knits, silly as that may sound. Will they knit to order?”
“Bring patterns, and wool if it’s a special. Some of the children have pictures knitted into theirs and apparently that is easy. I’ll bring Patty, providing David can keep himself under control?”
“He’ll behave on duty,but once he knows he mightwant to hold her hand on the way out. Bring whatever hand knits you can spare,and next time we’ll talk orders. What else do you have?” Dealer paused, thinking through what they’d covered.”I’ll take a reloading kit this time, if possible. What about those helmets the gate guards have? They’re new.”
“Only alloy, and there aren’t many yet.” Harold ran through his very short list. “We’ve got the fancier Rambos, and a few other knives you might like.Maces of course. This time I have some little gold ingots, because now the scavengers look for jewellery or ornaments. My people are keeping an eye open for a Turner or a Banksy in case there’s one in an outside loo or shed.” Dealer’s smile acknowledged how likely real artwork would be. He took the automatic back with him in the bag it had arrived in. Harold sent beers to the guards, and half an hour later wheeled the barrow down with Patty as his bodyguard.
Davidseemed very interested when Dealer started talking knitting and Patty answered, instead ofHarold. “You bring a pattern, or maybe a picture, and we’ll get close.” Patty sounded utterly confident.
Dealer inspectedthe four jumpers, five scarves and three pairs of gloves whose owners had agreed to accept a replacement if these sold, then passed them to David for an assessment. The bodyguard inspected them closely and murmured something, so he had to be genuinely knowledgeable about knitting.Dealer nodded and smiled. “We can deal for this quality, especially if you can manage the less mainstream types of knitting. We’ll pay a premium for anything knitted by whoever did these.” Patty smirked when he pointed at two of the jumpers, because she knitted one of them. “What about crocheting? Can you make toys or dolls?” Dealer had to have a customer in mind, butHarold’s mind boggled at a gangster collecting woollen dolls.
“We’d need more colours, vivid ones.” Patty set into serious trading, taking orders for a black minidress in thin wool and a man’s Arran jumper. Harold radioed Emmy to bring a bag of croqueted toys and any embroidery she could get hold of, and leave it outside the door. Dealer took them all. Next time he would bring patterns and definite orders for embroidery, croquet and knitting, and the wool for them. Part of the payment would be in brightly coloured threads and wool.
While Patty negotiated, Harold started wondering who Dealer wanted to see in a black minidress. The knitted ones were thin, stretchy, and fitted like a second skin, and Harold had a momentary wobble at the thought of Mercedes in one. She’d started getting to him when she wasn’t here.Those pheromones must be strong stuff!
It was almost a relief when the dealing moved back to weapons. The three helmets were taken in trade, as were the two that Harold and Patty were wearing.InDealer’s words, in a week or two gang bosses on the opposite side of the citywould be prancing about wearing shiny new hats.
Once again,Dealer took the maces and Rambos, giving a little more for the knives
with the engraving. They each had something different, including stylised wolves and an attempt at a dragon. Sorcha, the engraver, used several pages of tattoo outlinesfrom one of the computers as guides and had already improved from her first attempts. Dealer thought the word Rambo probably added as much value as the fancy work. Hemade a good offer for the pair of Wamil style knives. With the gun repair and the knitting, Harold came away without parting with any coupons for purchases.
There were five weapons for repair: three poser type hand guns, a hunting rifle and an engraved pump action shotgun. Next visit, in three months’ time, Dealer promised an AK for repair at a truly exotic price.Harold remembered Dealer’s comments about finding repairers who wouldn’t steal automatic weapons, he must have passed that test. The repairs came into Orchard Close covered up in the barrow, along with propellant and brass casings for weapons that Harold hadn’t much ammo for. He also had six new clips for his pistols as part of the pay for fixing Dealer’s firearm, and twenty .38 rifle rounds to use in the adapted shotgun. Harold had an agreement to deal for another two of the reloading kits next time,once Dealer had sounded out how much he could get for them. Orchard Close might be wanting coupons from Dealer at this rate, or maybe Dealer had some more exotic stock. When the Orchard Closeleaders discussed the visit later, Alfie thought half a dozen hand grenades would be useful.
*
Grenades might be more of a dream than a possibility, but Caddi’s forge would definitely be a big help in defending Orchard Close. Two days after Dealer’s visit, on the ninth of November,Harold lined up his guards before setting out to deal for the blacksmithing equipment. “This is Caddi’s gang we are meeting, and it’s not on our turf so the language rules don’t apply. Half of you are going to get a lot of comment, and it won’t be nice.”
Logan, a metal beating candidate,sneered. “We can fix that.” He hefted his mace.
Harold fixed him with a glare. “No you can’t, Logan. Not without starting a war.If you can’t handle the women being harassed, step back now.”
“We’ll handle it ourselves anyway.” Several women nodded to agree with Tilly, and put a hand on a weapon.
“No, Tilly. I told you when you volunteered.” Harold sighed,this could end up a total disasterbecause the Riot Squad had insisted on half the guards being women.”The same applies to you. Ignore the language.”
“We don’t care about the language.” Tilly looked around the other young women. “We’re all refugees so we’ve all heard it before.”
“Last time we had to ignore it, and hope the bastards let it go at that.” Rihannon looked as if she’d swallowed something disgusting, but that might just be memories resurfacing.
“Or they didn’t let it go, and we remember that all right.” Tilly actually smiled a little at that but it looked more of a snarl. “This time if they go further, they’ll bleed. Unless we’re supposed to ignore everything?”
Harold kept his face and voice bland, in case he wound them up any further. “Mercedes rules. I’ll tell them up front.”
Everyone understood Mercedes rules, because the residents had cross-questioned the Hot Rods after her visits. “Good. We can start up a Mercedes style collection.”Eight heads nodded to agree with Tilly.
“But not for bad language.” Harold didn’t mind a bit of confidence, but he didn’t want the women pushing for an excuse.
“No.” Tilly relaxed and tried for a real smile. “Sorry Harold. Memories, they got a bit intense for a minute but we won’t let you down.”
“Fair enough. You heard what Tilly said, Logan? The women will deal with it if someone gets too frisky.” Logan and other men nodded, so Harold turned to smile at Liz. “Having second thoughts about coming?”
“Cripes no, I’m feeling a lot safer. I just need to copy that attitude and stand back sharpish if a fight starts.” Liz looked round and then patted her own gear. “I can’t actually use all this armour and sharp stuff.”
Tilly grinned and patted her on the back. “Don’t worry, sister, we’ve got you covered. You just keep making us more sharp stuff.”
“Keep in mind that you’re supposed to look as if you’re guarding Abraham. He’s the metals man, as far as the Hot Rods are concerned.” Harold smiled at the only unarmed man.
Tilly looked him over. “He doesn’t really look the part. No offence Abraham, but you’re old, and sort of scrawny for a smith.”
“In that case the Hot Rods won’t try to kidnap me, and they can see why I need bodyguards.” Abraham flexed a non-existent bicep and smiled happily. “Caddi will know Harold hasn’t got a real smith, and I get to put one over on the asshole.”
“If he tries for the real smith, I don’t care about the rules. I’ll brain him.” Henry, another candidate for Liz’s apprentice, carried a mace and definitely had the muscle for braining.
“Only if he recognises me.” Liz smiled and poked his bicep. “If you get sweaty rescuing me you might get the traditional reward.”
“Calm down Liz, it’s too cold for sweaty. If you’re all sure you can behave, we’ll get off. It’s over a mile to the meeting place but we won’t be rushing. Tilly, put a couple out front as scouts and let’s go.” Harold had to smile once the group started off, because Tilly struck up with “hup, two three four” so they were marching. Soldier Boy’s army didn’t have any morale problems.
*
When Caddi’s men saw the guards with Harold, there were a lot of comments about surplus women. The looks the women gave the gangsters weren’t encouraging.”Are you trading some of these for the gear, Harry?” Caddi grinned because he knew Harold didn’t sell people.
“No Caddi, and a word of warning to all your lads. These young ladies might not be in Orchard Close, but it’s safer not to touch. They’ve heard of the Mercedes rulebook and decided to adopt it. Now they want to start an ear collection.” Harold looked over Caddi’s men. “Or nuts, I don’t think they care.”
The Hot Rod warlord’s smile slipped a little. “You training up more girlfriends, Harry?
Harold’s smile widened as several of the women sniggered. “I don’t need any more, Caddi. These lasses are all volunteers for this trip because it’s the best chance they’ll get of trophies. Just a word of warning, that’s all.”
“This isn’t Orchard Close, somy men can say whatever they like.” Caddi had his little half-smile back.
“Words aren’t a problem. Now are we here for your lot to lust after my bodyguards, or to do some serious business?” Harold looked pointedly at the two pickups full of gear.
“Definitely business.” Caddi turned to his men. “I’m here to deal so you’d better do your job. If one of you gets adventurous and loses a hand, tough shit.” The gang boss turned back to Harold’s party and laughed. “That’s a blacksmith?”
“No, I told you I haven’t got one. We’ll give him a minute to see what useless crap you’ve included and then we can deal.” Harold waved Abraham forward and four guards went to help him, including Liz and what now appeared to be her personal minder, Henry. Harold and Caddi watched while the loads were pulled apart. Abraham inspected various bits and scratched his head, genuine puzzlement because Abraham felt more at home in the garden. Once he’d looked, all the guards moved round Harold and Abraham so that Caddi couldn’t hear the discussion.
Only a short discussion, with Liz right behind Harold, murmuring as he pretended to talk to Abraham. “The gear we need is here, and it’ll be a big help. There’s some crap in there but I need to look closer.There’s some moulds and sand boxes that might be ok.Please get the useabletools and anvil at least.”
“Is that all?” The pickups carried a lot more than that.
“I’d rather have charcoal than the broken tools and worn chisels. Decent charcoal because with this gear it’ll be a lot easier to make proper blades.” Liz paused. “I’ll have another look at that heap in the second pickup with the electrics mixed in. It’s ringing bells in my head but I don’t know why. We’ll pull it
apart properly while you get the bloody stupid demands out of the way.” Harold laughed, because Caddi always started a negotiation by asking for something outrageous.
“Be quick.” Harold raised his voice. “Well go and have another look then. I’m not giving up good weapons for anything you aren’t sure of.”
Abraham spoke louder as well. “Okay, but I’ll have to pull the heap apart properly.”
Harold looked over at Caddi, who could hear that part. “We can start while he does that.”
“Good. I haven’t got all day.”
“Neither have I but I’m not buying your scrap. Some tools are better than we’ve got and we want the anvil, but I’m not buying worn chisels and broken tools. We’ll need a lot of charcoal as well.” Harold tried to sounddisinterested, but Caddi knew he wanted the anvil at least.
“Have a word with your new blonde girlfriends. Together you can raid the Trainspotters and cut down their precious bloody trees. It will serve them right.” The Hot Rods all laughed because the Trainspotters controlled one of the old parks, with plenty of mature trees if they’d not already cut them down. Caddi inspected Harold’s guards, again. “The Barbies might help you for nothing more than a date with your soldiers. No wonder we can’t find any decent women among the Murphies. You’ve nicked the lot.”
“Refugees so they’re volunteers Caddi. They seem to prefer Orchard Close to the Hot Rods.” Harold kept an amiable smile, because after all he’d told the guards they were to ignore words.
“That’s not neighbourly, Harry. You could share them out a bit.”
“They go where they want. That’s how Orchard Close is run, Caddi.” Harold pointed at the women and laughed. “Make them an offer.”
At least Caddi laughed at that.”I still reckon the Trainspotters are your best bet for charcoal.”
