A baby.
With Grace.
So many emotions were warring for attention in the moment. I was scared, worried, confused, and surprised. But the loudest emotion, the one that was pulling rank on all the others, was elation.
“Everything is going to be all right, Grace. I promise.” I just kept whispering words of comfort to her, stroking her hair, rubbing her back, and she continued to softly cry. She cried while the nurse took her blood, she cried while we waited for the results, and she cried when the doctor came back in and confirmed what he’d said before.
Grace was pregnant.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Grace
Detectives took my statement and told me the man who’d shown up at my house was being charged with violating an injunction which was automatic since I’d had a restraining order against him. The guy had been found circling the neighborhood while the cops were still on-scene, stopped, questioned, and then taken into custody.
He’d also been armed.
The thing he was holding onto in his pocket had, indeed, been a handgun.
That got him an extra charge of attempted aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. The detective told me the man had crumbled when interrogated and confessed. He also said he’d be in jail for a while, hoping that would ease my fears. And it did to a certain extent.
They’d released me from the hospital the next day after holding me one night for observation. Devon hadn’t left my side once.
Prescription in hand for pain meds that were safe for the baby, the doctor told me to make an appointment with my obstetrician in the next four to six weeks. They said the stitches would dissolve, but that I needed to have the wound on my head checked in seven to ten days. They told Devon to keep an eye out for signs of a concussion.
I listened to everything they said, but absolutely could not comprehend any of it.
I was pregnant.
Pregnant.
Me.
Clearly, it was some sick joke.
I was silent the entire way home.
So silent and so out of it, I didn’t even realize it wasn’t my home we were going to. Devon had driven me back to his house. He opened the car door for me, took my hand as I climbed out, and led me to the front door, not saying a word. He opened the front door, walked me in, and took me back to the bedroom, where I sat on the edge of the bed.
“Where are the kids?” I managed, noticing we were alone.
He looked surprised to hear my voice.
“They went home with my mom.”
“But your parents are sick.”
“They’ve got a bug, baby. They’ll survive. It’s you I’m worried about.”
“They were really scared, Devon,” I whispered.
“They were scared for you. They were afraid you were hurt. But they saw you were all right, and I feel like you need a minute, or a night, to let your brain catch up with what’s happening.”
My eyes finally sought his out, and when they connected, they filled with tears.
“I’m so sorry,” I cried, the lid finally popping off the container I’d been stuffing my emotions into.
“Sorry for what?” Devon asked as he sat next to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him.
“For everything,” I sobbed. “I’m sorry that man came here, that I put your children in danger. I’m sorry I’ve made such a mess of everything, and now that doctor thinks I’m pregnant and I’m sorry because even if I am, it won’t last, Devon. I’m not supposed to be able to get pregnant, so this is a mistake. And I’m sorry, so sorry, to bring you into this at all.”
“Grace,” he said as I collapsed against him, “you need to calm down.” Just like he had all day, he ran his hand along my hair, and I had to admit it was soothing, but there wasn’t any amount of comforting he could provide that would take away all the fear tearing me apart.
“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, Devon. I wasn’t ever supposed to accidentally get pregnant. I’m so sorry.”
“Grace, I was there too. We both made the decision not to protect against pregnancy, together. This is something we’re in together, 100 percent. I don’t want you carrying this weight on your own, because you’re not alone. I’m right here.”
“You aren’t upset that I’m pregnant?” I asked, looking up at him.
“No, Grace. I’m not upset. Shocked? Yes. Surprised? Definitely. But I’m not upset. How can I be? I love you and somehow we made a baby against all the odds. We defied all the doctors who told you you’d never conceive, and our love made a baby. How could I be upset about that?” His hand came to cradle my face and he kissed me so softly it almost made me cry harder.
“I know he did two tests, but I just can’t believe it. I’ve got this sick feeling in my stomach that it’s all going to come crashing down and I’ll be left without a baby again.”
“There are definitely a lot of things that could go wrong, but it could also go right. You could carry this baby and be a mother just like you’ve always wanted.”
I shook my head, more tears staining my already wet cheeks.
“I can’t risk hoping for that.”
He nodded like he understood and pulled me into another hug.
That night I slept in Devon’s arms and in the morning he reluctantly agreed to my plan.
I didn’t want to talk about the pregnancy.
Until my obstetrician could confirm it and tell me it was a healthy pregnancy, I didn’t want to spend my time planning on a baby. I wanted to live our lives as normally as we could, and tell no one about the pregnancy. The fewer people who knew, the fewer people we’d have to tell when we inevitably lost the baby.
In one afternoon, that doctor had dangled the one thing I’d ever really wanted in front of me, and I couldn’t be so reckless as just to grab hold and hang on. I wouldn’t let myself be hurt that way again. I couldn’t survive that kind of devastation.
Devon didn’t like the plan, but he agreed, only if I agreed to some of his stipulations. In order for him to go along with my plan, I had to move in with him. He said he wanted me there every day and every night. I didn’t have to officially move out of my apartment, but he wanted me to bring enough clothes over so I didn’t have to go there every day, and he wanted us to live as a normal couple would.
I pretended as though I was a little put out by his request, but really, spending all my time with Devon, Ruby, and Jaxy was the best distraction. At least when I was around them I could pretend my mind wasn’t always on the child I wished for so desperately.
Even with my previous history, the obstetrician wouldn’t see me before I hit eight weeks. I tried to negotiate for an earlier appointment, but the scheduling nurse said it wouldn’t make a difference. If we wanted proof of a viable pregnancy, we’d have to wait for the eight-week scan—that’s when we’d be able to see the heartbeat.
Six weeks.
Six weeks of waiting for that appointment.
Six weeks that felt more like six years.
But Devon did exactly what I asked of him; he never mentioned the pregnancy or the baby.
At four weeks when my period never came, he was silent.
At five weeks when I went back to school and came home exhausted every day, napping and going to bed early, he said nothing.
At six weeks when I started vomiting every morning, he simply held my hair up and rubbed my back, saying not one word.
At seven weeks when I could no longer stand the smell of meat being grilled, I watched him smile, but he still said nothing.
At eight weeks when the doctor pointed to our baby on the screen, showing us the little fluttering of its heart, he finally leaned down and whispered in my ear, “You’re having my baby.”
Epilogue
Devon
Three Months Later
Spending Christmas in Hawaii was both good and bad. Good because, what’s not good about Hawaii in December? But bad because for every Christmas until the end of time I’d
be thinking about that one glorious holiday we spent in paradise.
Evie and Nate’s wedding was wonderful, and I’ll never forget how beautiful and grown-up Ruby looked standing next to Evie acting as her maid of honor. They opted to stay in Hawaii for their honeymoon, but since they were newlyweds, we hadn’t seen much of them.
We planned on staying a week after the wedding and rented a condo right on the beach. It was my favorite time of day in Hawaii—sunset. And my favorite sunsets were the ones that included Grace. As I stood on the balcony of our rental, I could see Grace walking along the sand, Ruby and Jax walking alongside her, dress blowing in the wind, and baby bump on full display.
We’d decided to leave the sex of the baby a surprise, so I didn’t know if she was carrying my son or my daughter; all I knew for sure was that it didn’t matter in the slightest. She was healthy, the baby was healthy, my family was stitched together in the most beautiful way, and Grace was the thread that held us all together.
I think I knew from the moment I saw Grace and Jax under the shade of that tree that she’d be mine forever, but life and all its tangled webs made sure our path was just rocky enough to prove to Grace that I wasn’t going anywhere, that there was nowhere else I’d rather be than with her, Ruby, Jax, and our new baby.
We’d waited until we hit twelve weeks to tell anyone about the pregnancy for two reasons: one, because we wanted to hit that safe zone, and two, because we wanted a little bit of time to acclimate. Those weeks – between eight and twelve – where I was the only one who knew Grace was carrying my baby—and was allowed to speak to her about it—were some of the best weeks of my life. I’d catch just a glimpse of her face and see the glow she had and know it was because she was pregnant with my baby. The first time she got out of the shower and I could see the tiniest of bumps, nothing was going to stop me from kneeling down right in front of her and running my hands, lips, and nose along the gentle slope.
None of her doctors could explain how it happened; most just called it a happy occurrence. And it was. But it was more than that. Our baby was a miracle. And if it could happen once, it could happen again. I never brought up another baby with Grace because I knew she wouldn’t like it—she wanted to focus on reality, not fantasy—but I couldn’t help but wonder if there were more babies in our future. I wanted to give her everything, and I knew she’d want another.
When we’d finally found the courage to tell Ruby and Jax they would have a little brother or sister, well, I’d never seen my kids so happy before.
Everything was absolutely perfect.
Except for one thing.
“Hey, you,” Grace said as she slowly climbed the private stairs to our condo. “What are you doing out here all alone?”
“Enjoying the view,” I said, pulling her close as she made it to the top of the stairs. My hand automatically found the part of her belly that stuck out the farthest and caressed her there. “How are you feeling?”
“Pregnant,” she said with a smile. She never complained. Not once. And I understood that, knew that she viewed her pregnancy as a miracle and wasn’t about to complain about something she’d wished for for so long. But I knew it took its toll on her. I’d have to be blind not to see the times she rubbed her back, or winced as she ran a hand over her belly.
“I have something for you,” I said, gently taking her hand and leading her along the railing of the balcony.
“You do?”
“Yeah, down there.” I dropped her hand and pointed to the black velvet box sitting atop the railing a few yards away. She stopped and I heard a quick intake of breath. Her face turned toward me, shock and surprise written all over it. “Go. Open it.”
She walked slowly toward the box and when she reached it, her hand shook as she picked it up. I watched as she opened it slowly and waited, wanting desperately to see the reaction paint across her face. Grace never disappointed me, and I smiled as I watched her face go from surprise, to shock, and then straight to the ugly cry. She did that a lot too, now that she was carrying my baby, and I loved it. Almost as much as I loved her.
Her hand was covering her mouth, the tears were streaming down her cheeks, and she didn’t notice when I went down to one knee just to the side of her.
“Babe?” I asked with a laugh. She turned to find me on my knee and started crying harder. “Ah, don’t cry, Grace.” I took her hand and pulled her to sit on my knee, the ring box still cradled in her shaking fingers. “I want us to be a family, Grace. All five of us. I met you and was captured by your compassion, and years later your heart’s capacity still astounds me. If you let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to match it. I’ll love you every day with everything I have, but it will still pale in comparison to the love you’ve shown me and my kids. Marry me, Grace? Let me love you forever.”
“Are Ruby and Jax all right with this?” she asked, placing one trembling hand on my cheek, making me love her that much more.
“They helped me pick out the ring.”
“You’ve given me everything I never thought I’d have.”
“Then say yes, sweetheart.” I brought her hand from my cheek to kiss her palm, watching her melt at my words.
“Yes,” she whispered, then laughed as she threw her arms around my neck.
Ruby and Jax ran up the stairs giggling and laughing, hugging Grace as she slipped the ring on her finger. I had my whole world right in front of me, and everything was beautiful in the presence of Grace.
The End
Books by Anie Michaels
The Never Series
Never Close Enough
Never Far Away
Never Giving Up
Never Standing Still
Never Tied Down
The Love and Loss Series
The Absence of Olivia
The Presence of Grace
The Private Serials
Private Affairs
Private Encounters
Private Getaway
Private Property
Private Serial Box Set (Novellas 1-4)
Stand Alone Novels
The Space Between Us
Instead of You
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Acknowledgements
Thank you to all the ladies in my awesome teamster group on Facebook. They tolerate a lot of random posts from me, along with a lot of insecurity and indecision. Thanks for always listening and offering your input and support. I love you all.
To my beta readers – Joanne Anderton, Michelle Tikal, Danielle Renee, Ali Crawely, Andrea TerKeurst, and Becca Dawn. Your insights were incredibly helpful and imperative to the final outcome of this book. Thank you for waiting all summer for my productivity to return, and for volunteering to read so readily, even though I left you without an ending. To Kelly Vaugh Morin, Andrea Luna Galante, and Stephanie Pace – Thank you for being my eagle eyes and helping me make the final product as close to perfect as I can manage. I am so grateful for your help.
To my family, thank you for supporting me and making this job a possibility. Especially to my husband who provides so much coffee which fuels my words.
To the readers – Thank you for giving Devon a chance. I know he might not have started as your favorite, but I love him because he’s flawed. He needed a happy ending and I am glad I could give it to him. I hope you’ll continue to enjoy the series as it grows.
Thank you, Olivia Ventura, for your work on this novel, and to everyone at Hot Tree Editing for always fitting me in and providing a superior experience.
Special thanks to AJ Harmon for being my favorite cheerleader and always supporting me. I want to be you when I grow up.
nce of Grace (Love and Loss #2)
The Presence of Grace (Love and Loss #2) Page 21
