by Sara Marion
“She was nice. I don’t know what to say about it though.”
“Dude, come on, she is hot. She has her own career and she’s single. What more can you ask for?” Duke knew Ella, his girlfriend and Paxton’s best friend, would be asking about it later.
“Doesn’t mean she is interested,” Jack continued eating.
Jack thought about the girl who captivated him as he took another bite. He remembered her smoky-gray eyes always finding him, the way she laughed, her smile, the innocence that emanated from her as she tucked her long brown locks behind her ear. She had a glow to her and Jack started to fall hard for her. He shook his head trying to dispel the images of her. “Besides I am leaving soon and she probably doesn’t even like me in that way.”
“But there’s still time to make her like you if you wanted her to,” Duke said. He took his last bite and took his plate to the sink.
“What do you mean?”
“I gotta run, clean up after yourself.” He left the kitchen and headed out the front door.
Jack wasn’t sure what Duke was up to. He was worried about it. It was almost as if they were back in their freshman year of college when Duke tried to hook him up with every girl that passed by. Duke wasn’t acting like they were in their early thirties. He was sure that Paxton wouldn’t give him a second glance as she was very quiet the night before. She held polite conversation with him but he was so taken by her. While she was busy taking care of Ella, he slipped a note in her purse to give her his number. It was a high school move but he was nervous about it. He hadn’t heard from her, so he figured that he was the only one with feelings.
He didn’t know where the day had gone. Jack holed himself up in his room trying to distract himself with anything he could. He cleaned his room, took another shower and finally settled on working on lesson plans for his students. Duke was out for most of the day then came home with pizza and said Ella was coming over with Paxton for a movie night.
Before Jack knew it, Duke was answering the door. Jack felt himself slightly panicking. He looked over at the mirror as he got up, checking his appearance because Paxton was now down the hall from him. He had the disheveled look going at the moment. He quickly messed with his hair as it was a little bit longer than most guys. Jack straightened his shirt up and put on a pair of jeans. He looked in the mirror again, it was an improvement but not much. He turned and headed down the hall to greet everyone.
***
“So did you already have feelings for Paxton, before she came over for movie night?” Dr. Keeler asked as she sat back listening to Jack tell his story.
“Looking back now, I would say yes. At the time though, I didn’t know what I was feeling. She made me nervous but it had been a long time since I had dated any girls. I was more into my career than chasing girls. I had been out of college for a couple years at that point.”
“So what made Paxton different then? I mean, you seemed to want to focus on your career. After all that is why you were in Kansas, to look for a job, right?”
“Yeah, I was there looking for a new way to let music help kids,” Jack replied.
“So what happened that you dove into your career head first? I think that would be a good point to start to help me understand the reason why Paxton was so different.” Dr. Keeler leaned forward and grabbed her mug of coffee. She knew she hit an uncomfortable subject for him because he kept slightly adjusting his position in his chair and he avoided eye contact with her. It was like he was trying to decide how much he should divulge to her.
“Jack, let me remind you that I’m here to help Paxton. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think it was pertinent to her case,” Dr. Keeler tried to reassure him.
“It’s not that I don’t want to share because I don’t think it will help Paxton, it’s just that it was a long time ago and sometimes it hurts to think how much has changed since then. Then I remember the end with Paxton and I changed into a person I thought I would never be. I’m here to make amends and pray to God that Paxton will give me another chance because even though she may not deserve another one with me, I realized that she’s part of me and I can’t turn my back on her again. That is why I am here now.”
“I can tell you want to help her. You have taken the first step by talking to me.” Dr. Keeler set her mug down. “Why don’t you tell me about your family?”
Dr. Keeler saw Jack contemplating on whether or not he should answer. He rubbed his hands together and dropped his head a little bit as he leaned back. He looked over at the window and stared for a moment. Then he leaned forward again. He finally looked at her and leaned forward after a few minutes.
“I grew up in New York. A prominent family but I resented the wealth.” He paused and looked off to the side. Dr. Keeler didn’t interrupt. He had been so forthcoming about him and Paxton meeting she was sure he would open up about his past. She continued to wait as she knew she couldn’t press him for the information. If she did, he may shut down on.
“I saw how my parents could buy whatever they wanted. Money was no issue to them. They were both public figures. I grew up in the spot light in our town. Anyone who tried to become my friend only wanted to be around me because of my money. I saw how money influenced and how some people changed relationships. I didn’t find really any true friends until high school. I found my best friend in college. Duke saw me for me and didn’t care that I was rich or came from a prominent family.” Jack paused.
Dr. Keeler noticed that he was remembering something but he did not share whatever it was. She wondered what it would be like to understand the power of money at such a young age.
“So it sounds like you were grounded where you parents may not have been. You saw the corruption?” She wasn’t sure if that was too strong of a word or not.
“I would say influence, money influenced.”
He didn’t continue after that. Dr. Keeler wondered why that was. She took another sip from her mug and waited patiently for him to continue. He looked like he was having a hard time opening up about his past.
“So were you parents disappointed when you became a teacher?” She asked when he just sat there. She wanted to know more about him, how he fitted into Paxton’s life.
“My parents kept telling me that I was going to be a public figure, a lawyer, someone in a powerful or prominent position. They really didn’t give me a say. So thought of the one thing they would hate most, something that they would want no part of.”
“And what was that Jack?” She watched his demeanor change. He relaxed on the couch and gave a boyish grin.
“A rock star.” He laughed. “My parents didn’t like the ruckus that bands made. They always complained about it when we passed busy bars on our way to functions. So I thought I would learn to play guitar. I did but along the way somewhere, it became my outlet. Whenever I found myself angry at my parents, I would go to my room and turn the amp on and just rock out. Whether it sounded good or not, I didn’t care. I began to write little tunes and try to play them on the acoustic. Soon, I fell in love with music. It helped me through some tough times. A couple years later when I graduated high school, I decided my career was going to be in music. I wanted to help kids find their own outlet through music. It helped me through things when I needed to get away for my sanity. It was my sanctuary if you will.” He took a deep breath. Dr. Keeler kept the smile from breaking out on her face, she got through to him and his is opening up.
“So how else did you try to rebel? How did you get to where you are now?” Dr. Keeler questioned him.
“Obviously with music and rebelling came the girls.” Jack continued. “There weren’t a lot of girls I actually pursued but I did attract a lot and most my parents would not approve of. They were groupies, girls who didn’t graduate high school. The ones who did graduate high school or didn’t continue their education. I knew bringing girls home like that would drive my parents insane. I started partying and drinking. I would come to family events intoxicated and didn’t even ca
re what happened or how I damaged my family’s reputation of a good, wholesome Christian family. I would bring trashy girls that my parents couldn’t even look in the eye or acknowledge they were there.”
“So you partied in college like every other person. When did you get out of that phase?”
“By my senior year of college, I started straightening out. I figured if I wanted to influence the kids I wanted to help, I better set an example. So the girls I chose to get into relationships with were more structured. The girls were educated, nice, any parent’s dream for their son. But there was always something missing for me. All my relationships lasted no more than six months. My friends called me picky but I didn’t want to settle.” He took a drink of the tea Dr. Keeler poured for him.
“So you had been in several real relationships before Paxton came along,” Dr. Keeler noted. She still had no idea how this fit in with why Paxton was here but Dr. Keeler was starting to get to know the man that stole Paxton’s heart.
“Yes, Paxton was different from everyone else. That night she came over for the movie changed my life. I know how that sounds but looking back now, it definitely changed.” He looked like he was lost in his thoughts but then suddenly he looked over at Dr. Keeler. “She was captivating from the moment she introduced herself to me. She lit up the room. It was one of those moments when she breaks eye contact from everyone and steals a quick glance at you and you just know she is the love of your life.”
“Sounds like a fairy tale, Jack,” Dr. Keeler commented. Jack had shifted again on the couch.
“A fairy tale? I wouldn’t say that but it seemed magical until Paxton changed.”
Dr. Keeler noticed there was a tone in his voice that made it seem like there was a very dark time in their relationship. As she was about to ask him to continue her timer went off.
“I’m afraid our time is up. I have a patient coming for a session in a few moments.” She saw Jack check his watch. She could see that he lost track of time and didn’t realize that he was there for nearly two hours.
“Would you mind coming back and talking to me some more Jack?” Dr. Keeler asked as they were heading towards the door.
“Anything to get her out of here. She doesn’t belong here.”
“I know Jack.” She paused, thinking of Paxton. “I know.”
Dr. Keeler showed him the way out. She only had about ten minutes before her next patient came in and she wanted to see Paxton after that to finish their session that was cut short because of her reaction to Jack.
Paxton was attempting to sleep but she couldn’t. She tossed and turned trying to get thoughts of Jack out of her mind. Every time she closed her eyes, his voice rang in her ears. You are nothing to me. You disgust me. I do not want to ever see you again. His face, the door slam. It played over and over in her head. Soon she heard a knock on the door and two orderlies came in.
“Dr. Keeler wants to see you.” They informed her.
They led her down to Dr. Keeler’s office. She was too tired to even pretend she was checked out, she just was.
“Come in Paxton.” Dr. Keeler interrupted her thoughts. She was at the door holding it open for Paxton. “Thank you gentlemen. I can handle it from here.”
Paxton crossed the threshold of her office. She sat in her normal spot and stared out the window. She waited for Dr. Keeler to sit in the chair across from her. As everything fell into place, Paxton looked over to her. She seemed to have taken her by surprise in this sudden movement, because Dr. Keeler just stared at Paxton to see what she would do next.
“Why did you bring him here?” Paxton’s lifeless voice filled the silence. She knew it was the first time she initiated conversation since she came here.
Dr. Keeler didn’t answer right away. She saw Dr. Keeler studying her.
“Jack is here to help.”
“I do not want him here.”
“I cannot push him away if he’s willing to help. Look at yourself. You’re actually talking to me for the first time. This is a great start for your recovery.”
“He’ll only make it worse if he’s here,” Paxton quietly said looking at her hands.
“Why don’t you tell me about Jack?” Dr. Keeler pressed.
“What about Jack? The past, that he ‘misses’ me? I don’t believe him. Why did he really come?” Paxton became defensive but her voice remained calm, almost emotionless. Jack’s last words still ringing in her head. She stood up and walked to the window.
“I think he still cares about you.”
“Maybe once he did, but I am nothing to him.”
"If Jack didn't care then he wouldn't be here. You know it means something to you that he’s here. Especially after all this time. I think you are struggling to keep your emotions contained. He told me a little bit about how you two met." Dr. Keeler studied Paxton. She noticed Paxton tense up at the window. She could see Paxton's facial expressions in her reflection. It seemed as though Paxton went deep into her own thoughts and was lost in the memories.
Paxton remembered the movie night. She remembered Jack pulling her in and holding her tight. Then she saw him slam the door and the look of disgust on his face. She remembered falling into the darkness when she realized everything that she had lost. Anything that reminded her of what she once had was too much for her to deal with. She would not let Jack get to her. She couldn't afford it. Paxton shut her eyes and tried to dispel the images of the life she once had.
When she opened them back up, Paxton pulled her hand back towards her and blood was running down her arm. She looked at the window in front of her, realizing her hand just went through it. Everything around her slowed down. She heard Dr. Keeler call for help. Paxton looked at Dr. Keeler frightened. She didn’t remember driving her hand through the window. Orderlies came running in.
“Get me towels!” Dr. Keeler ordered them. They were back in a few moments. Paxton winced as Dr. Keeler wrapped her hands.
“Are you okay?” Dr. Keeler questioned her.
She noticed Dr. Keeler’s movements were frantic. Paxton felt Dr. Keeler squeezing her hand and opening it up to check on things. Paxton stared over at the broken window. She couldn’t function, she couldn’t answer Dr. Keeler. Her mind was reeling trying to figure out what came over her.
“Paxton?”
Paxton felt like someone finally kick started her brain. She felt herself begin to panic, tears fell down her face and her eyes went wide as she finally looked at Dr. Keeler. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“It’s okay, it’s just a window, but I need to get you to the infirmary. Then we can talk about this.” Dr. Keeler said leading the way still holding the towels around her hand.
Paxton followed Dr. Keeler who still had a hold of her hand. Each step Paxton took only confused her more. She was frantic and she couldn’t put the pieces together. She looked at Dr. Keeler as they reached the infirmary. Dr. Keeler seemed shocked at what she just saw. Paxton wished she could remember driving her hand through the window. It was like she blacked out for those few moments. She knew that breaking that window was a sign that she was not as in control as she needed to be.
A nurse came rushing towards them. Paxton slipped her mask on. She knew she had to get control of herself. She needed to lose herself into the darkness to get through this day but she found that it was a lot harder to do now. Jack came back for her, he finally came back.
THREE
Paxton was nervous showing up at Duke’s that night. Ella told her to make sure she looked good for movie night because they may be going out afterwards. Knowing that Paxton threw on a white skirt that was shorter than she would have liked but it went so well with her knee-high boots. She threw on a black top where the back was laced together with a piece of ribbon. Ella was rubbing off on her when they went out. She wanted to look every bit of sexy that Ella also told her she was. Ella always said she should wear clothes that reveal her body more because she was so fit. Paxton figured it was because she was alwa
ys at the gym if she wasn’t at the hospital or busy studying.
“Don’t worry you look amazing,” Ella whispered as they were walking to the house.
“We better go out tonight, otherwise I would have wasted this outfit for nothing.”
“Trust me, it will not be wasted,” Ella nudged her. She knocked on the door.
Paxton gave her a glance and wanted to ask her what she meant but Duke opened the door. She quickly turned and smiled.
“Whoa, Pax, if I wasn’t already taken...”
“Watch it buddy, I happen to have your balls in my purse already,” Ella interrupted him.
“I was just commenting. You know I only have eyes for you.” He smiled sweetly towards Ella. Paxton slightly turned the other way. She shifted from one foot to the other as they had their moment.
Duke let them in and she looked up just as Jack was walking down the hallway. Her breath caught in her throat. She suddenly felt like she needed to put more clothes on.
“Jack!” Ella pranced over to him. “You remember Paxton.” She pushed him forward to where Paxton stood frozen and wide-eyed.
Paxton tried to regain herself, shaking away the shock of how good he looked. Ella winked at her. “Hey, Jack.” She released the breath she was holding. She felt a pull deep in her stomach, one that refused to release.
“Hey, it’s good to see you again,” he pulled her into a hug. She inhaled his scent and closed her eyes. He smelled heavenly. She smiled as Jack released her.
“So I ordered pizza for tonight, hope that’s okay ladies,” Duke interjected.
“Fine with us,” Ella piped in going over to Duke.
Paxton felt herself squirm under Jack’s gaze throughout the night. She tried to steal glances at him but every time she looked at him, he glanced at her too. Paxton felt like it was almost a game of who could catch who looking at them.
She was forced to sit with Jack on the loveseat after dinner when they decided to watch a movie. Ella and Duke had claimed the couch sprawling out all over it. Paxton tucked her legs underneath her. She regretting her choice of clothing now. Jack sat next to her and put his arm on the back of the loveseat, giving them a little more room. Paxton was finally able to steal a glance at him. He was grabbing a beer from Duke. Jack then passed her one. Their fingertips touched each other when he handed the beer to her and Paxton felt the sensation that ripped through her body in that moment. She wanted his arms wrapped around her, she wanted to see how she fit against him when she leaned into him.
