How to Date a Douchebag_The Coaching Hours

Home > Other > How to Date a Douchebag_The Coaching Hours > Page 10
How to Date a Douchebag_The Coaching Hours Page 10

by Sara Ney


  Then she does kiss me, right on the underside of my chin, along my jaw. One quick kiss and another hug before she backs away, practically leaping in the air.

  Talking a mile a minute.

  “How soon can I bring my stuff over,” she jokes, doing a little fast footwork around an imaginary ball. “I don’t have much, so this is going to be so easy!”

  “This weekend? Tonight?” I joke. “I don’t know, what works for you?”

  “This weekend? Tonight!” she kids back. “Seriously Elliot, I am so freaking pumped.” Her arms go up and she jogs ahead of me. “Eek! I’m moving out of my dad’s house! This is the best day ever!” she yells into the night air.

  I bite back a smile, staring down at the ground.

  When I glance up, Dev is shaking his head from side to side, a knowing grin on his asshole face.

  Anabelle

  “Daddy, I have something to tell you.”

  It’s late, half past eleven, but he had a long practice tonight with the team and has only just gotten settled in the living room, feet up on an ottoman, remote pointed at the television.

  When he tips his head to the side, ear in my direction, I know he’s listening.

  I can barely contain my excitement.

  “I think I found a place to live.”

  My father doesn’t move a muscle, eyes trained on the TV screen.

  “Dad, I said I—”

  “I heard ya, pumpkin. As soon as you called me Daddy, I knew you were up to something. It’s just taking me a few seconds to absorb the information.”

  I step farther into the room, sitting next to him on the couch, twisting my body to face his even though he’s staring straight ahead.

  “It’s such a great place, Dad,” I babble. “Small, but there isn’t any maintenance, and I’ll have plenty of room for my stuff and a roommate. Just one, so, kind of perfect.”

  He finally looks at me. “Where is this place?”

  “Just on the opposite side of campus, near the university center. One block over—you’d be able to pop in sometimes to see me!”

  “What about fire escapes? How many of them are there?”

  “Uh, none? It’s only one level.”

  “Smoke detectors?”

  “I, uh, I didn’t count.”

  My dad’s jaw twitches. “I suppose you didn’t look to see if there was a fire extinguisher, either.”

  “No, but I can text my roommate and ask.”

  “Who’s the landlord?”

  “Uh, I’m not sure. I’m, uh, subleasing.”

  “Do you have a signed contract?”

  “Not yet, but I will—tomorrow,” I lie, making a mental note to find out about all those things so my father doesn’t have a coronary.

  Dad’s mouth remains pulled into a straight line, somewhere between pursed and expressionless.

  He looks kind of sad, actually.

  “Dad, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong.” He’s being dishonest, something he’s never been good at, and I frown, too. If he’s already not happy about me moving into my own place, how is he going to feel when I tell him I’m living with a guy?

  It can’t happen.

  At least not tonight.

  He will find out soon enough and he. Will. Be. Pissed.

  “I’m really excited, Dad. This place is perfection.” I know it’s rotten, but I lay the groundwork for a little guilt-tripping, unable to handle his silence. Wanting to move out but wanting to do it with a clear conscience. “You know how hard I’ve been looking…I thought you’d be happy for me.”

  “I am.”

  My arms go around him and I squeeze. “Aww, are you being a big grump because you’re going to miss me? You are, aren’t you?”

  He mumbles under his breath, “What kind of a dumbass question is that? Of course I’m going to miss you.”

  Nope, not subtle at all—not my dad.

  I let out a loud laugh before releasing him and fall back onto the couch cushions, giving his hair a tussle.

  He grumbles. “Tell me about this roommate of yours. What’s she like?”

  Oh shit.

  “Uh, well…” Let’s see, how can I put this without being specific? “Plays soccer. Is good at, uh, science. Has everything we need so all I have to do is find a bed!”

  Dad considers this information. “You can take the one in your room here, or we can get you a twin if a queen is too big.”

  He says it with authority, pleased to have solved my problem.

  “A twin is probably best, thank you Dad.”

  “What’s this girl’s name?”

  I step headfirst into the lie. “Ell…Ellie.”

  “Ellie?” He squints at the television. “What’s her last name?”

  “St. Charles.”

  “Ellie St. Charles.” His eyes narrow farther, never missing a beat. “Why does that name sound familiar?”

  Crap. What if my dad has met Elliot because his roommates used to be wrestlers? My housing solution would come crashing down around me before it began.

  “Not sure. Do you know lots of Ellies?”

  He doesn’t answer. “When you planning on moving in? Next month? Beginning of next year?”

  “Not exactly. We—Ellie and I—were talking, and we kind of think moving this weekend would be best, if that’s possible.”

  He is not pleased by this news. “I won’t be here this weekend—we have a meet in Indiana.”

  Excellent.

  “Oh, well don’t worry about it, Ellie and I have it covered. Shouldn’t be a big deal.”

  “But I should be here to help, don’t you think?”

  I pat his arm. “Dad, stop worrying, it’ll be fine—it’s just a mattress. How hard can that be?”

  “It’s my job to worry.”

  “I know, but this is a piece of cake, and I’m just on the other side of campus. Seriously, draw a short line between the two houses and there you are.”

  Disgruntled, he lets out a puff of air. “Fine. If you think you can manage the move without me.”

  “It’s a few boxes, and I can have the mattress delivered from the store.” I lay a reassuring hand on his forearm. “I’m not a kid anymore, Dad. Everything is going to be fine.”

  “All right Ana Banana. I trust you.”

  Elliot

  “I can’t thank you enough for letting me move in with you, Ellie.”

  “Would you stop calling me that? It’s weird.”

  “Sorry, I’m just so freaking excited! If my bed was put together, I’d totally be jumping on it like a little kid.”

  “I don’t think the springs on mattresses are boing-y enough to make them bouncy.”

  Anabelle rolls her eyes, skirting past me into her new room. She wasn’t lying when she said she didn’t have much. Half a dozen boxes and an inexpensive bed that was delivered earlier in the day. I’m standing in the doorway, box hoisted on my shoulder, waiting for instructions.

  “Stop being so literal, Elliot. It was a metaphor for my level of excitement.”

  “Oh. Sorry.”

  “Can you come in here and help me with this bed frame? It’s awkward maneuvering in here. If you could hold that end up while I screw in these bolts, I’ll be good to go.”

  She’s arranged herself on the floor, grabbing a brown metal piece and resting it in her lap like a boss, ready to kick this project’s ass.

  “I sound like a broken record, I know, but my God, I am so pumped. Do you think it’s because you’re a guy and I’m used to only living with women?” Anabelle gushes again, holding the two metal parts together, fitting them into place.

  “Maybe.”

  To be honest, now that Anabelle Donnelly is sitting cross-legged in the middle of her new room—my old storage space—I’m a little fucking nervous.

  Fine, a lot nervous.

  There are things I clearly didn’t think through before inviting her to move her shit into my house, such as:

  Wh
at if I walk in on her naked while she’s showering and she thinks I’m a pervert?

  What if I accidentally leave the door open while I’m taking a piss and she sees my junk?

  What if she decides to walk around the house with no pants on and I have to see her ass cheeks? What if I like it?

  Why do I keep worrying about all these naked, nonexistent body parts?

  Fucking Devin and his nagging about living with a girl, that’s why.

  Christ.

  “How long are you planning on standing in the doorway holding that box? I know you have those firm muscles and all, but you can set it down if you want. I don’t expect you to stand there all day.” She laughs, concentrating on tightening a screw, oblivious to my inner turmoil.

  “Shit, sorry.” I give my head a shake. “Where should I put this?”

  “How about on the floor there, maybe in the corner so it’s out of the way? It’s course books from my first year, and I probably won’t be needing them—I don’t know why I even brought them here.”

  “You want to try to sell them?”

  She shoots me a radiant, content smile. “I should, shouldn’t I?”

  “I would, yeah.”

  “All right, how about we put them back on the porch? I’ll sort them later and list them online.”

  “Sure thing, roomie.”

  Anabelle shoots me a look, a smile breaking out on her face. “Oh my God, it feels so good hearing someone other than my father saying that! He really was starting to drive me crazy.”

  “If I still lived with my parents and was going to college, I’d want to drive my car off a fucking cliff.”

  Anabelle winks, watching as I lift another heavy box from the hallway, damn near toppling to the side.

  “This is going to be fun. I can feel it.” She giggles.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You. You’re so big and strong, and here you are, tipping all over the place.”

  Big and strong?

  Shit, that’s like…music to every guy’s ears—except when I look over to study her face, I see no hint of flirtation there.

  She looks happy and comfortable sitting on the floor of this tiny room that’s not really fit to be a bedroom, surrounded by her unpacked boxes.

  Anabelle emits a few grunts, twisting the wrench in her hand, face turning pink. “Ugh, can you give me a hand? This is so hard to push in.”

  Hard to push in…did she seriously just say that? In that breathy tone?

  Devin opened a floodgate to the gutter, and I can’t keep my mind out of it.

  “Sure.”

  “Great. Can you just hold that end?” She wiggles her fingers toward the end of the bed frame. “I’m almost done. Then if you could help me flip the mattress on, I can start putting on the sheets.”

  Together, we finish her bed frame, arranging it in the center of the room. Add the box springs and mattress to the top. Anabelle disappears and returns with a white, padded cover. Fitted sheet.

  Shaking the top, it billows into the air like a cloud, white, crisp, and fresh. It flutters onto the mattress, resting there gently, and my roommate fusses around, tucking here, tucking there, until the bed is neat as a pin.

  White sheets.

  White quilt.

  White pillows.

  Immediately, I wonder what her dark hair would look like fanned out on the stark, snowy bedding, her pale skin…

  Stop it, Elliot.

  Get a grip.

  Fantasizing about your new roommate will lead to no good, and she’s already had shitty luck with men at this university; there’s no need for her to trouble herself with one more.

  “I’ll be here! Oh! Wait.”

  I poke my head back into her room.

  “Are you hungry for anything? Maybe we could start thinking about dinner?”

  Am I hungry for anything?

  I wasn’t.

  But maybe I am now.

  I crash in my room a few hours later, flopping on the bed and grabbing my phone. Ten missed messages, all of them from my old roommate, Oz.

  Swiping my thumb to open the messenger app, I shoot him a return text.

  Oz: Hey dude, what’s up? We haven’t talked in ages.

  Me: Hey. Not much going on.

  Oz: Really? Because I’ve been trying to get ahold of you all week.

  Me: What are you, my girlfriend?

  Oz: No, but if I was, I’d feel neglected enough to not give you a blow job.

  Me: Sorry man, I really have been busy.

  Oz: Busy doing what? Since when do you do stuff?

  Me: Real funny asshole. I was helping someone move into the spare room of my house.

  Oz: Shit, that’s cool. You finally have a new roommate?

  Me: Yeah, it’s nice not having to fork over the entire rent and shit.

  Oz: Who’d you end up with? One of the guys from the team? They still hanging around you like flies on shit?

  Me: Nah, just someone who really needed a place to stay. I lucked out not having to look.

  Oz: What’s his name?

  Me: Anabelle.

  Oz: LOL that fucking sounds like a female’s name.

  Me: That’s because she is a female.

  Oz: I don’t get it. I thought you said your roommate was a guy.

  Me: I never said that.

  Oz: Hold up, you’re living with a GIRL? One with tits and everything?

  Me: Yeah, she was kind of desperate to get out of her parents’ house.

  Oz: Her PARENTS? Please tell me she isn’t a minor and is over the age of eighteen? DUDE. Elliot, what the fuck? Are you living with jailbait?

  Me: You wouldn’t even believe me if I told you.

  Oz: Oh really? Try me.

  More than a few minutes tick by while I debate telling Oz Osborne my new roommate is his ex-wrestling coach’s daughter, but I hesitate, not sure how he’ll react to the news.

  Oz: Dude, I’m waiting. You’re giving me blue balls.

  Me: It’s complicated.

  Oz: What the fuck does that mean?

  Me: Had you heard that Coach Donnelly has a daughter?

  Oz: Yeah. Daniels might have mentioned he saw her in Coach’s office a few weeks ago shooting the shit with him. Said she’s cute.

  Me: She’s my new roommate.

  Oz: Come again? I’m sorry, what?

  Me: Anabelle Donnelly.

  Oz: Yeah, I got that, but I thought you just said you’re now living with COACH FUCKING DONNELLY’S DAUGHTER, but that can’t be right, because only a fucking moron would do that.

  Me: Why? It’s not like I’m dating her—she just needs a place to stay. And I’m not on the team so what difference does it make?

  Oz: Because Coach warned everyone away from her. He will blow his shit if he finds out she’s living with a dude, trust me.

  Oz: Was he there the day she moved in?

  Me: No.

  Oz: Yeah, you’re fucked.

  Me: Seriously, stop saying shit like that. I am not fucked.

  Oz: Has she told him yet? That you’re a guy?

  Me: How the hell should I know? She’s 21, she can do whatever the hell she wants.

  Oz: You can’t see me, but I’m laughing my ASS off so hard right now. You’re so cute and naïve, Elliot. So fucking cute.

  Shit. What if he’s right? When I agreed to letting Anabelle live with me, call me a fool, but I honestly didn’t think her parents would give a shit about her having a male roommate.

  Me: I’m not telling her she can’t live here, dude. She just moved her shit in.

  Oz: Hope she doesn’t have a lot cause she’s gonna be moving it all back out, LOL.

  He can be such an asshole sometimes.

  Me: She’s just renting the spare room—it’s not even a bedroom, dude. That’s how desperate she is to get out of his house. And I really need the money for rent, so…

  Oz: Okay man, whatever you say. Keep the lies coming.

  Me: What the fuck, Ozzy?
/>
  Oz: Look, all I’m saying is, keep your dick away from Anabelle Donnelly and you should survive the rest of the semester. That’s just some advice from one friend to another.

  Me: I’ve been on the receiving end of your advice before, but I’m not one of her dad’s wrestlers so I’m not going to worry about it.

  Oz: Seriously Elliot?

  Me: Dude, trust me. I won’t even know she’s here.

  Won’t even know she’s here?

  Who the hell was I trying to kid?

  It’s like an Anabelle Donnelly bomb was dropped on my house overnight and detonated—her presence is everywhere. Her makeup is in my bathroom, on the counter, and in the cabinets. Her adorable baby blue narwhal slippers are by the front door, and the perky little coffee mug she plunked down next to mine winks up at me as I slough into the kitchen.

  Taunting me.

  Grabbing an orange from a basket, I peel it as Anabelle enters the tiny room, hair piled on top of her head. Makeup-free.

  Beautiful.

  She’s wearing a short gray robe made out of some satiny material, brushing past me when she reaches to pull open the fridge, bending to peer inside, ass in the air.

  I turn to stare out the window so I’m not staring at her butt; this space is way too fucking small for both of us now that she’s no longer just an overnight guest.

  “Morning,” she singsongs, clearly in high spirits. Leans against the counter, sizing me up. Twists open a bottle of water.

  It’s the weekend and there are a few errands I have to run, but first I want to stare at her, this girl in my kitchen, both out of place and belonging here.

  I’m staring because I simply cannot help myself. Anabelle Donnelly in the morning is a sight to behold. Chipper, cheerful, and looking none too worse for the wear.

  I just assumed she would look the way she did that morning she was hung-over, but I’ll be the first to admit, she most certainly does not.

  This could be a problem; she is way too good-looking and wearing far too few clothes.

  “Morning,” I mutter.

 

‹ Prev