by Candi Wall
Her facial expressions were animated, sucking him in until he realized he was staring at her.
Cain nudged his arm. “Remember that?”
He didn’t even know what story Cain was telling.
He had no idea what was happening.
Fuck. He’d been so wrapped up in studying her, he’d lost track of everything around them. The world had disappeared while he lost himself in her laugh and smile. He’d never found anyone as soft, tender or human as Elizabeth. She made him feel right in a crazy-ass, cruelly spinning world.
Then it hit. He was crazy about her. Which was all kinds of wrong.
Before he could really start to panic, his phone rang. He grabbed it like a lifeline. He didn’t even care who it was, all he knew was the call was going to get him out of what he’d almost made into a very awkward situation. Shooting Elizabeth an apologetic smile, he hit the answer button and let out a slow breath. Whoever it was, they were about to be drawn into a long conversation, just to give him a minute to regroup.
“Ian Malcolm,” he said, standing and hoping he had the right mix of sorry and I have to take this expression in place.
“Ian? It’s Samantha.” Her voice cracked. “I— I have bad news.”
The world tilted a bit under him. Samantha. Jimmy’s little sister.
Elizabeth watched him, her expression concerned.
“Ian?” Samantha said. “Are you there?”
“Yes. I’m here.” Ian cleared his throat. Jimmy had always taken the most dangerous assignments. He’d expected this call so many times while they’d been dating, the actual moment shook him. “Jimmy?”
“Yes. I didn’t know if I should call. But… He died. Two days ago, in Africa.” She sniffled. “A car crash, of all things. I wanted to call. You know. Because you should know.”
He could hear the struggle in her voice. “I’m glad you did.”
“Thanks for that.” There was a long pause. “I know things were a little awkward in the family when you guys split up. Mom and Dad were just hurting because he was leaving again, and they have a hard time showing what they feel. We were all scared of what could happen to him. They didn’t mean to take it out on you. No one could have changed his mind.”
“I tried.”
“I know you did. We all did.” Her voice broke, and Ian experienced the same old anger that surfaced every time he had to deal with Jimmy’s family. Poor Samantha always took the reins. At twenty-one, she was more adult than her parents and five older siblings. Of all Jimmy’s family, she’d been the only one he’d truly connected with. Sometimes, he’d wondered if she loved him because of who he was to her brother, or because he took some of the pressure off of her by tackling the beastly horde head-on. It hadn’t taken long to realize why she was Jimmy’s favorite and that she thought of Ian as better than family.
“Are you getting any help from anyone?” Ian knew better, but he figured he’d ask.
She chuckled. “Right now I’m just trying to keep Mom from going back to the palm-reader for life advice.”
“You’re amazing as always, Sam. I hope you break away from the caretaker role someday.”
“I’ll stop caretaking when you stop thinking you can fix everything.”
He moved away from Elizabeth and Cain. “What can I do to help?”
“Nothing. Everything. I can’t… I can’t even think right now.” She sighed. “The funeral will be on Friday. I understand if you don’t want to come, but I thought you should know.”
“Thanks.” Ian swallowed hard. “I’ll try to make it.”
She said something else, and he thought maybe he answered. Then she said goodbye. Jimmy was dead.
He was numb.
Elizabeth stared at him. “What’s wrong?”
“We have to go back.”
“Back?” She sat up on her knees. “To Texas?”
He nodded, still numb. “Jimmy was killed in a car crash in Africa. I have to go back for his funeral.”
Cain was on his feet. “I’ll make the preparations. When do you want to leave?”
“As soon as possible.” He looked at Elizabeth. “I’m sorry to cut our time short, but I’ll take you home first so you don’t have to deal with any of this.”
Chapter Thirteen
Liz unbuckled her seatbelt when the pilot indicated it was safe to do so.
She hadn’t seen Ian since their picnic, and Cain had escorted her to the plane. The only reason she even knew Ian was on board was because she could hear the echo of his voice from the rear of the plane.
She walked over to look out the window. Clouds swallowed the airplane, and she waited for the moment when they’d push through the tops. It was her favorite part of flying. Floating over the blanket of cotton.
She memorized the sight. According to Ian earlier, and now Cain, they would be flying to Texas first. Liz supposed it was best. She hadn’t known Jimmy, and she didn’t know his family. As much as she wanted to be there for Ian, he obviously wasn’t in the mood for company. The last thing she wanted to do was be an extra wheel when he needed to concentrate on his grief.
Still, this wasn’t the way she’d expected to say goodbye. They’d shared so much in the few weeks they’d been together. But maybe it was best. Their goodbye was going to be tough. Now, it was out of their hands. She hadn’t known what she would say anyway.
Hours passed in a blur of napping, pacing and playing cards with Cain. She got her first in-flight look at Ian when he strode into the main cabin. He nodded in her direction but never stopped listening to whoever was on the phone as he grabbed a bottle of liquor from the cabinet. Then he was gone again.
Liz smiled at Cain and set her cards on the table. “I think I’m going to try and get some sleep.”
“Probably a good idea.” He nodded, his gaze still on where Ian had left the room. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep an eye on him.”
“Thanks.” She liked Cain. He was a good friend to Ian, and she was thankful he understood her concern for Ian and would keep her in the loop without making a big deal out of it.
Just before she walked from the room, Cain called out, “Liz?”
She turned back to meet his gaze. “Yeah?”
“Do you love him?”
It was a loaded question for a new relationship, but she supposed the question came from the right place. His heart.
“I don’t know if it’s love yet,” she answered honestly. Leaning against the wall, she took a deep breath. “But I know it’s damn close. I guess you’d say I’m falling in love with him.”
“Do me a favor and don’t push right now.” Cain tapped his fingers against the table. A second later he scrubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “It’s just… I don’t think you should write him off just yet, regardless of what he says. You’re a great person, and I think you’re good for him. He’s happy when you’re together. But if you have feelings for him, now isn’t the time to tell him. He’s going to need space.”
“He can have all the time he needs.” It hurt a little that Cain actually thought she’d be that self-centered. Reminding herself his concern was from the heart, she still refused to have him think about her that way. “I’m a big girl. I knew what I was getting into. I knew there was a goodbye at the end of all the fun. He made it clear that his first rule was no falling in love. Just because I broke the rule doesn’t mean I’m going to make a stink. I’m sure you’ve dealt with crazy before, but I care enough about him to play by his rules.”
“I figured as much.” Cain nodded, his gaze respectful. “I hope you won’t hold it against me for mentioning it.”
“Oh, you’re definitely going to pay for this lack of confidence at some point,” she teased.
He nodded graciously. “Good night, Liz.”
She turned away, hiding a smile that did a one-eighty when she found
Ian standing there. He stared at her, his face blank and pale. The hand holding the phone dropped away from his ear and he took a step forward. “You’re falling in love with me?”
She put her hand out, silently demanding that he not come any closer. She’d fall apart if he touched her. She didn’t want to say goodbye, but everything was already in place for it to be easy. Now, because of her foolish admission and a badly timed appearance on his part, he could ruin a perfectly good memory of their time together.
“No. This is not going to happen like this.” She would turn this around, come hell or high water. “I was supposed to get off the plane, kiss and hug you goodbye, and not look back. I was supposed to be able to tell you I was sorry for your loss, and that I’d be thinking about you, and then maybe eat a tub of ice cream and ache a little when your flight took off.”
He opened his mouth, but she shushed him before he could respond.
“Don’t. Say. Anything. I get to leave and grieve for what could have been between us because what we have is smokin’, and it’s my right. I know it was against the rules to want more, and you weren’t ever going to know. I didn’t want you to know. We both would be fine without you in this fucked-up loop.”
“I don’t know what you want from me here.”
He looked so lost and confused she hated herself for letting him overhear her foolish admission.
“I want you to forget.” She stomped her foot. “Ian Malcolm, if you care one little bit about how I feel and how hard this is for me, you’ll disregard whatever you just heard, finish your phone calls and then kiss me goodbye when we land. Nothing more. Nothing less.”
He closed his eyes for a long moment and when he opened them again, all she saw was resignation. For what, she didn’t know. All she knew was that he nodded. He’d do as she asked.
What should have been a win felt a whole lot like a loss. Damn her fickle mind. Angrier with herself than she’d ever been, she stormed away before he could see the tears rushing over her lashes. Slamming the door to the main personal cabin, she dropped to the bed. Fuck a damn duck. There was no clear-cut way to handle the situation. No matter what she might have said, she had a funny feeling she’d still feel like shit.
Rolling over, she curled up with the pillows and buried her face in their soft comfort. She’d stay put until the plane landed. That was all there was to it.
Ian paced his room. He wasn’t sure what the hell had just happened. He’d heard her say she was falling in love with him, then she’d turned into a fiery little general and commanded him to shut up and suck it up.
He grabbed the bottle of Grey Goose. Taking a long pull directly off the bottle, he welcomed the burn coursing down to his gut. Maybe the liquor could ease the knot formed there. Forget what she’d said? Not possible. His head was a mess. Jimmy’s family wouldn’t stop calling now that he’d opened the floodgates to communication. He hadn’t really even meant to. He’d wanted to offer to help pay for the services and told them he had a copy of Jimmy’s will at his apartment.
The phone calls hadn’t stopped since, and he just couldn’t be cruel enough to shut them off. If he did, he knew Sam would bear the brunt of their frustrations. But damn it. He didn’t want to go through this emotional roller coaster with them again. He didn’t want to hear that he and Jimmy had been perfect together. He didn’t want to see the looks in their eyes, wishing he could have stopped their golden boy from leaving.
He’d moved on because Jimmy had forced him to. Saying goodbye to Jimmy again, in death, just seemed too cruel. The vodka slid down too easy and he set the bottle aside. It wouldn’t give him the relief he needed. Nothing would.
Except Elizabeth. It was so easy with her. What he wouldn’t give to lose himself in her tonight. One last time. To have her lie on his chest, her fingers surfing over his skin as she told him stories from home. He’d love to get lost in the pictures she painted with her words. With Elizabeth, he could just let everything go.
Problem was, she felt more. She’d taken something stronger away from their time together than he’d planned. Going to her, seeking her out wasn’t fair. He had nothing to offer. He’d proven it time and again by letting people he cared about walk away.
Emotional ties always ended in pain or disappointment. He’d gone against the grain with Jimmy, and he’d been burned. Double burned if the funeral he was expected to attend, speak at and sit through without losing it was indication.
He couldn’t do that again. Especially with Elizabeth. It wouldn’t be fair to her or himself.
Dropping down on his bed he eyed the bottle of Grey Goose. Maybe a night in a bottle was exactly what he needed. Maybe forgetting was the answer… He grabbed the liquor and took another long pull, even though drinking to ease the ache had never been his thing.
A soft knock on the door jarred him back to reality and he sighed. “Cain, I’m not in the mood.”
The door opened slowly, but instead of his friend, Elizabeth stood in his doorway. Her hair was free, tumbling over her shoulders in a messy curtain. He knew her well enough to know that she had no idea how sexy she looked. She was here for a reason, and her incredible body, encased in an icy-pink pajama top that hung to her knees, was nothing more than a coincidence. She wasn’t aware of what she did to him. Damn her.
Ian groaned. Heaven help him. “Go to bed, Elizabeth.”
“I can’t. Not yet.” She stayed in the doorway, her hands wrung together. “I needed to see that you were okay.”
“I’m fine,” he lied. “You should get some sleep.”
She hesitated, and all he wanted was for her to fight him. For her to refuse to go away. If she’d just say it didn’t matter what happened from here and that she needed him tonight, he could lose himself in her. If she pressed the issue…
He just couldn’t be the one to ask for what he needed.
“You’re sure?” she asked. “I’m worried about you.”
He couldn’t remember the last time someone had worried about him. Elizabeth was an anchor, a solid in his crazy life. He couldn’t let her go any more than he could keep her. Pulling on every bit of reserve strength he had, he met her gaze. “I’m fine. I’ll always be fine.”
Something shifted in her gaze. He wasn’t sure what he’d said to make that stubborn spark light in her eyes, but he sent up a silent thanks to the Grey Goose gods as she moved farther into the room and closed the door behind her. She held on to the doorknob for a long moment before shaking her head. “You’re lying.”
Yeah. He was a lyin’ dog.
“I already know you’re nothing more than taillights in my rearview mirror.” She moved into his room like a siren. “Considering the emotional crap you’ve had ladled on your plate, it wouldn’t be ridiculous for you to look for something else to focus on.”
She unbuttoned the first of six or seven pearly buttons on the pink fabric covering her delectable body.
“Focus on?”
She nodded and unbuttoned another length. “Yeah. You know.” Her fingers trailed over the skin she revealed. “Something to take our minds off of what’s coming.”
“The end?” he asked.
It was cold and precise, but he had to throw it out there. She was the one putting herself on the chess board. She’d come to him ablaze. It was only fair to let her know what she was starting, because he wasn’t man enough to resist.
“Yes,” she agreed. “An end to a great time. It was supposed to be simple. Let’s make it that way. For both of us.”
“Nothing about saying goodbye to you is going to be easy, Elizabeth,” he admitted.
A long moment of silence filled the room. He didn’t know if he should say more. Maybe admit that she’d become more to him than he’d planned. The thought evaporated as soon as it formed. He had nothing to offer her beyond trips around the world and money. Someone else might have been happy with that, but
Elizabeth was a completely different creature. She wanted his soul. She wanted starry nights, homemade lemonade and barefoot children chasing puppies in the hot Texas sun. Even if he wanted to give her that, he didn’t know how. Family was the polar opposite of his forte.
“It is going to be easy,” she insisted, easing the last buttons free and letting the silk drift off her shoulders. It was all he could do to stay on the edge of the bed. Everything about her begged for his touch, his kiss, his control. “Because this is how we do what we do. This is where we started, where we shine and where we’ll ultimately end. I’m okay with it if you are. No regrets.”
He held back. She sounded certain, but he’d had a few drinks. He was tired and stressed. “You’re sure?”
She smiled and waved a hand down to indicate her naked body. “I think that goes without saying.”
It was all the temptation he could take. Closing the distance between them, he pulled her close. Pressing a kiss to her lips, he met her gaze. “Not that you were ever reluctant when it came to sex, but you weren’t usually the instigator.”
“Things have changed. I’ve changed.” Her hands roamed down his chest and she had a hot little grin in place as she guided him backward toward the bed again. When the backs of his knees hit the mattress, she poked a finger against his chest and pushed him back. He went willingly since she followed, her knees sliding up on either side of his thighs so she straddled him. “I’m a quick learner. There’s no use in denying myself what I want. I think maybe you taught me that.”
His pajamas weren’t hiding anything, so he gripped her hips and settled her over his cock. “I think maybe I’ve been a bad influence on you.”
“No.” She leaned in, nipping at his jaw. “You were exactly what I needed.”
Yeah, welcome to hell. His cock was saying its thanks to the good-fortune gods, and his brain was rolling over the real meaning of her statement. Had she meant need instead of needed? Was he setting her up for a fall? Elizabeth was different than most of the women—well, people—he’d ever dealt with. She had a kind heart. One he didn’t want to damage any more than he had.
