“You’re an idiot!” Mel hissed.
Wick paused. His next words came out dangerously low. “Excuse me?”
Mel didn’t answer right away. Probably quivering with fear. Speaking against her Alpha went against every instinct in her Werewolf body. Facing his rage would be terrifying.
“She let you go because she loved you. She never stopped. It’s plain to anyone who looks,” Mel whispered.
“Not to me.”
“You need to fight for her. Claim her. Not dance around with a norm you’ll eventually hurt.”
“I tried.” His tone hardened. “I tried and she threw it in my face.”
Mel sucked in a breath in time with mine. “She was grieving. Give her a chance.”
“How many?”
“What?”
“How many chances should I give her? I’m tired of chasing. Of waiting. I’m moving on. If she wants to love a ghost or run away, fine.”
Mel groaned. “If you hadn’t noticed, she’s not running away. She’s at the end of the hall, behind that door. In your house!”
I recoiled at the mention of the door I hid behind. Warmth rushed to heat my cheeks. I shouldn’t eavesdrop on this conversation, but a flock of flamingoes on steroids couldn’t drag me away.
Mel grunted, and her footsteps stomped away.
“Mel?” Wick called out in a hushed tone.
She stopped.
“You’ll not speak to me like that again.” His voice remained hard.
“Of course, Alpha. Please accept my apologies.” She walked away. A door shut in the distance.
Wick swore.
My cheeks heated again. My skin grew clammy. I’d never heard Mel talk that way. Certainly not to an Alpha. She’d rather go belly up and bare her soft neck.
I remained frozen at my door. Mel had walked away, but Wick hadn’t moved. Did he stand in the hallway, staring at the very door I leaned against? If I moved now, he’d know I was up.
Maybe this was a chance to talk to him.
What would I say? That the ache in my chest wasn’t just from losing Tristan, but from losing him, too?
How could I have predicted Lucien’s demise, Wick’s freedom, and Tristan’s death? Hindsight was twenty-twenty. I thought I’d saved Wick and myself from pain and hurt. Instead, I caused more.
How could I have asked Wick to endure the torture Lucien would’ve no doubt enacted to control me? How could I have expected him to suffer, even if he’d been willing?
I took the high road once and crashed. Should I take it again and let Wick find happiness without me or should I—
“Andy?” Wick’s deep rumble vibrated through the door.
I jumped and stumbled back. Frozen, I stared at the door, too lost in my own head to hear Wick’s approach.
“Andy. I can hear you breathing.”
Not to mention my graceful startle-response. Reflexes? Check.
Of course, he heard me through a Were-proof door at that distance. They weren’t completely sound-proofed and as an Alpha, Wick’s senses were even more heightened than the rest of his pack.
Dumb, Andy. Real dumb.
Red chose this moment, of all times, to wink into existence and run around my feet. I’d already accused her of acting like a hyped-up Chihuahua once. Obviously, she didn’t get the message.
Wick, Wick, Wick, she chanted.
Shoo!
Red shot me what could only be described as a grin before disappearing.
I sighed and opened the door. Wick’s large presence filled the doorway. His sleep tussled hair stuck out, and his rumpled T-shirt and boxers clung to his muscled body. I ripped my gaze away from Wick’s chest and focused on his narrowed gaze.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I said. I wanted to shift my weight or flee, but I locked my knees and tensed my muscles instead. Dangit. I wouldn’t buckle. Not prey. Not submissive.
The beast rumbled approval.
Wick’s jaw clenched. “How much did you hear?”
“Enough.”
His hands folded into fists.
Claim him. The stag’s voice echoed through my mind.
Wick nodded and turned to go.
“Mel was right,” I blurted.
Wick froze, half-turned away.
My heart raced in my chest, and sweat dripped down my back. My feet itched to run. Crap. Maybe I should’ve kept my mouth shut.
Wick slowly turned to me. His gaze still narrowed, his eyebrows furrowed. “What?”
“I never stopped,” I mumbled to my feet. So much for not cowing to his dominance.
Wick sucked in a breath.
I gripped the door and forced my chin up to meet Wick’s gaze. He’d clamped his lips shut, but his look smoldered.
Maybe I should bolt. Dive out the open window of my room, shift to falcon, and fly away. My wolf howled.
Wick stepped forward. His warm hands slid up my bare arms. The contact zinged my nerves in a million directions. Hope ballooned in my chest.
Startled, I looked up. Wick’s hands groped my shoulders and pulled me closer. I staggered forward.
“You never stopped what?” Wick demanded. His fingers dug into my skin, and his angry gaze bore into mine.
“Loving you,” I whispered.
Wick pushed me away. I stumbled back. My breath lodged in my throat. The warmth in my chest fled as ice trickled up my spine. What the hell?
“Fuck, Andy!” He ran a hand through his hair.
Umm… What should I say now? I hadn’t thought that far. Stupid stag. Where was that soft-nosed, antler-head now?
“You’ve never said those words to me, before.” A bitter laugh. “And now? You choose now to say them?” His gaze flashed wolf yellow.
“I—”
“I, what?” he stormed.
“I’m a mess, Wick,” I hissed back. “Haven’t you noticed? I’m a fucking mess, and I’ve made a shit storm of everything. I know that. I have to live with that.” I thumped my chest. “I thought I made the right choice, for everyone. I couldn’t stand to see you hurt, and tortured, because of me, so I let you go.”
I shoved him back. He didn’t move.
“Don’t you get it? I loved you so much, I let you go.”
Wick growled.
“I had no way of knowing your wolf wouldn’t accept another. No way of telling the future—”
Wick’s lips crushed against mine. My next line melted into his warm tongue claiming my mouth. Molten lava flowed through my veins as his delicious scent wrapped around me. My fingers ached to run over every inch of his hard body. Wick’s mouth moved over mine with delectable pressure and need. My stomach fluttered as my thoughts spun off their tracks to get lost forever. Time slowed to an exquisite pace where every cell tingled with awareness and begged to be tasted, and then—
Nothing.
Wick pulled back without warning. His gaze searching.
Too soon. The kiss, the contact, the connection… He ended it too quickly, too abruptly. My whole body reeled from the unexpected loss of contact.
“But let me guess.” Wick’s mouth curled down. “You need time and space.”
“What?” I sputtered, still swaying from his kiss.
“You always push me away.” Wick took a step back. “I understood your reasons. I tried to be patient and let you heal, but another man stole you from me instead. I have my own interests to protect. I meant what I said on the Haida Gwaii. I’ve been without a mate for almost two hundred years. I can go another hundred or so. I’m not waiting for you to be ready, Andy. Mating be damned.” He spun around and stalked back to his room.
“No! Wick, I—”
His door shut on any protest I could muster.
My mouth opened and closed. My mind reeled. What had I done?
My stag flittered back into existence. Fight for him.
Shush, you…you…herbivore.
The beast rumbled through my essence, shaking with my breaking heart. I’d professed my love to Tristan too lat
e, and we never had a chance at a happily-ever-after. I didn’t want the opportunity for love to slip by again. But I finally put my feelings out there, and Wick shot me down. He had every right to, every reason, but it didn’t make the deep wound hurt any less.
I gently shut the door and walked my heavy limbs back to bed. The soft duvet did little to assuage the cold seeping through my body. Wick had refused me, and the sad part of me understood. The other part locked itself in denial, and a small itsy-bitsy part, hated how every other Were who’d stayed the night at Wick’s place overheard our conversation and witnessed my humiliation.
****
Wind ran along my long nightgown like soft caressing tendrils. The dark forest loomed around me as I waited in a clearing by a fast flowing river.
Having experienced this artificial forest in a dream before, I knew immediately what awaited me beyond the mist-shrouded bank.
Sid.
As I walked to the end of the water, the mist cleared to reveal the Seducer Demon waiting patiently on the other side, this time fully clothed. No “big gun” swinging to and fro.
Huh.
I wondered when I’d see the Demon again. Although there’d been more than a few full moons since my escape from the SRD, he hadn’t used the bond to pull through to the mortal realm. Maybe he couldn’t until I fully broke the effects of SomaX on my beast.
“Carus,” his deep voice greeted me.
“Hey, Sid.” I yanked down on my sheer nightie. “How about more realistic clothing?
Instantly, my body lost the dated outfit and became clad in form-fitting fighting leather.
“Not exactly realistic.” I frowned. I hated fighting leather, always made my legs and butt sweat and ridiculously hard to peel off after that. Good for washing off blood and guts, though.
“When I think of you, little Carus, this is how I see you.”
“As a ball-busting dominatrix?”
He shook his head. “Badass.”
I sputtered. Not sure how to take a compliment from this guy, I narrowed my eyes at him. “What are you playing at? You promised no sex mojo.”
Sid sighed and held his hands out to his sides. “I can’t help it if you want to jump my bones because of a compliment, Carus. I merely wished to praise you.”
I grumbled and crossed my arms. The leather outfit creaked.
“I wish to discuss the next full moon.”
“Why haven’t you used me as an anchor after my release? Did the SomaX prevent you?”
He shook his head again. “No. After you escaped the magical confines of the prison cell, I could’ve used my bond with you to pull across at any time.”
“Too busy eye groping Veronika?”
Sid’s lips compressed, and something dark flashed across his gaze.
Oops! Touched a nerve there.
“I left you alone these past months because the anchor business is hard on you. Not fully in touch with your abilities, I didn’t want to risk hurting you more.”
“Uh.” I shut my gaping mouth and stared at the Demon.
“How is your health, Carus? I sense you’ve reconnected with your divine nature, only it’s stronger now.”
“Yeah, I’m full badass, now,” I mumbled.
He shifted his weight and glanced around. Silence stretched over the dream world as I waited for him to speak, too shaken by his changed demeanor to make any snide comments.
I scratched my head. “Thank you for getting me out of the lab. I would’ve gone certifiable in there.”
“More than you already are?”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do.” His chin dipped down in a nod. “You’re welcome.”
“How’d you get the rescue team together?”
His white teeth flashed and contrasted with his olive skin. “I cashed in a favour and it allowed me access to Lucus. Once in contact with Veronika’s brother, it was a simple matter of rallying the troops.” He paused. “Or rather, willing participants.”
A fuzzy feeling spread through my chest at the thought of Wick and Stan risking their lives to rescue me. As for Clint and Allan, well, they had their own agendas, but I didn’t despise them anymore.
“What was the favour?” I asked.
Sid tsked at me. “I collect favours easily, but I never kiss and tell. I’m a Seducer Demon, little one, not a gossip.”
I rolled my eyes.
Sid hesitated. “Would it be okay with you if I used our bond on the next new moon?” he asked.
Asked.
The big, bad, Seducer Demon asked permission.
My jaw hit the dream world’s floor.
Sid’s lips curled up, and he snarled at me.
“Yes,” I heard myself saying. “Yes, it would be okay.”
Sid nodded. Before he disappeared and the dream world faded, his words whispered in my mind. “Thank you.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Kill me now
“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
~Theodore Roosevelt
I bent my head toward the mug and hid my face in the aromatic steam lifting off the caffeinated surface. I’d waited until others arrived or got up before I slunk downstairs to show my face. Not only reeling from Wick’s rejection, I mauled over Sid’s odd behaviour from the night before.
Mel had wordlessly handed me a supersized mug filled with coffee. Her blue gaze soft, and her half-smile sympathetic. The Wereleopards phoned with more information, and Olly was on his way over.
I avoided Wick, and he appeared to have the same game plan. Though he sat, staunchly silent, two feet away, the emotional distance spanned like a dark abyss between us.
What more could I do? I hadn’t asked for more time. Hell, I wasn’t sure I wanted or needed it. But if I acted now, I needed to be sure. I couldn’t play with Wick’s heart. Assuming he still wanted me.
My thoughts faltered.
That kiss.
His searing tongue twisting with mine to claim my mouth as his hard body pressed into me…
That kiss said he still wanted me.
I drummed my fingers along my mug. If Wick hadn’t pushed me away, would I have done exactly what he accused me of? Another long drag of caffeinated air, followed by a deep sip of heaven.
No.
The answer shocked me. Although I still hurt from the losing Tristan and grieved his death, I had time to heal—first as a rampaging beast hell-bent on destruction, then in the lab as a chemically-curbed shell, and last, and more importantly, on the Haida Gwaii as myself with my brother’s help.
No. I didn’t need more time or space. I glanced at Wick. His mouth remained clamped shut in a firm, thin line, and he refused to look at me.
I’d already loved and lost. I refused to let another chance at happiness escape. Would Wick believe me? Maybe I should tell him and find out.
I breathed out and let the tension slide off my shoulders. Wick.
Wick tensed. His fingers gripped his mug tightly. He didn’t reply to my mindspeech.
I—
The doorbell rang and interrupted my confession.
Wick leapt out of his seat, coffee sloshing over the sides of his mug. He ignored the liquid dripping down his hand and placed the cup on the kitchen counter before walking to the door.
A soft murmur of a female’s voice and her boring as paper norm scent trickled into the living room.
My stomach dropped, and my eyes stung.
Everyone’s gaze turned to me, but I ignored them. How could I meet the sympathy in Mel’s expression, or the smugness in Ryan’s?
I locked my knees and blinked my eyes rapidly. No bolting. No crying.
Wick re-entered the room with Amanda in hand. Literally.
My gaze snagged on their clasped hands. I couldn’t look away. Look away, dammit! Look away before Wick caught my stare or smelled my pain. With a clenched jaw, I dragged my attention away from their interlocked
digits. Wick’s dark gaze met mine. His irises flashed gold. His nose flared. He tightened his hold on Amanda.
I gripped my coffee mug and moved away to look out the bay windows. Dog walkers, joggers, and people in general milled around outside, completely oblivious to the pain whirling inside me like a tornado.
Everyone else inside remained silent and frozen.
“I’m going for a walk with Amanda.” Wick’s strong voice shattered the uncomfortable moratorium on speaking and drew my attention away from the window. “If the Wereleopards arrive while I’m out, start the planning without me.”
Amanda flashed a nervous smile at the blank-faced group.
My stomach twisted. God, I was such an asshole. As much as I hated my position, I wouldn’t want hers. Even with me out of the equation, she’d never be accepted by the pack, only tolerated. As a norm woman, the risk of an unsuccessful transition was too great. No sane, respectable male Were would attempt to turn a female on purpose. Amanda was almost powerless to change her status in Wick’s pack if she stayed. She had to know her time with Wick was limited.
Maybe the punishment for my treatment toward Wick would be waiting out his relationships until he was ready. The idea held a sick sense of fairness to it. And if this was what Wick wanted or needed, I had to support his decision. Even if it ripped out the entire contents of my chest and left me hollow. I sighed. “Have a good walk. It looks nice out there.”
Amanda jumped a little, and her gaze widened.
Wick’s lips flattened, and his grip on Amanda’s hand tightened more. His nose flared again, and he leaned forward as if to say something.
My wolf popped into my head and growled. Coward!
I ignored her and turned back toward the bay windows and the crisp blue sky—a novelty in Vancouver at this time of year. Heck, any time of the year.
Wick and Amanda’s steps grew fainter and the door closed on their exit. I didn’t breathe the entire time. My stomach kept trying to tie itself in knots, and my heart convulsed, the beat echoing as if in an empty chamber.
Wanting to have Wick now, after I screwed everything up, was selfish. I saw that now. I’d hurt him. He deserved happiness, or at least the freedom to pursue it,
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