“What’s wrong?” asked Sherry.
“Oh, someone just came in…”
“Who?”
“Oh, it’s just Judith Ramsey,” I said in a hushed voice.
“The city manager?”
“Yes.” I remembered the photo but told myself not to be ridiculous.
“Is she alone?”
“She’s with a couple of women. I can’t remember their names, but they look familiar. I’m sure they work at city hall too.” I shifted where I was sitting so that the post behind Sherry managed to block me from their view.
“Didn’t I hear that Judith got divorced recently?”
“Last year.” I peeked around the post momentarily. “And, don’t look now, but I could swear that woman’s had some plastic surgery done.”
Sherry giggled. “I’m afraid to ask where.”
“Don’t.”
“Are you uncomfortable talking now?” asked Sherry in a gentle voice. “We could go somewhere else.”
I glanced back over to where the three women had just sat down not far from the door and decided they couldn’t hear us. Besides, I told myself, why should I care?“I doubt they’d even recognize me anyway.” I sighed. “Looking like this I mean.”
“Well, you don’t really look like yourself today, Glennis.” She patted my hand. “But now I can understand why.”
“It all feels like a bad dream,” I told her. “I keep thinking I’ll wake up and everything will be like it was before.”
“And that would be okay?”
“Well, maybe not. It wasn’t so great before, either.”
“But do you think you and Geoffrey would still be together if things hadn’t gotten so, well, so out of hand with Jacob?”
I still hadn’t told her about the drugs. I wasn’t sure I even planned to. Or at least maybe not today. It seemed we had enough of the family’s dirty laundry tossed onto the table for one day.
“I suppose it’s possible, Sherry. I don’t really know. Everything seems kind of hazy and blurry to me right now.”
“I can imagine. So where are you staying? A hotel?”
I shook my head. “No, I can’t quite believe I did it myself, but I signed a six-month lease on an apartment.”
“You’ve got to be kidding.” She looked at me in disbelief. “When did all this happen?”
“Yesterday.”
“You left Geoffrey yesterday and signed a six-month lease the very same day?
“I did.
“Oh my.”
“Do you think I made a mistake?” I leaned forward and peered into her eyes, longing for some sort of confirmation or encouragement.
“I don’t know what to think, Glennis. It’s all so sudden. I’m sure your head must be spinning.”
“It is. I literally feel a little dizzy.”
She pointed at my untouched food. “Eat your salad.”
I obliged her and considered my straits. Telling Sherry about all this made it more real somehow. What had I gotten myself into?
“What did Geoffrey say?”
“He doesn’t know”
“Doesn’t know? But you said you left yesterday. What did you tell him?”
“Nothing. As far as I can tell, he never came home last night either.
“Really? Do you think he’s okay?”
“I’m sure he’s perfectly fine. Probably just steamed at me for stepping over the line when I bailed out our son.”
She frowned. “It would be hard to leave your son in jail, even for just one night.”
“That’s how I felt. But Geoffrey thought it would be good for him—those were his exact words. He was really angry at me yesterday morning. He probably thought it would shake me up when he didn’t come home last night.” Despite everything that had gone on during the last twenty-four hours, I couldn’t help but giggle. “But then I never went home either.”
“You two.” She shook her head.
I sighed. “Too bad all this drama has just been going to waste.”
“You should see a counselor, Glennis.”
“I should see a counselor? What about Geoffrey? Or Jacob, for that matter?”
“Well, yes, of course. But you can’t force them to get help.”
“Tell me about it.”
“But you can get help for yourself.”
I studied her for a moment, so together in her off-white jacket and matching capri pants. Even the pale blue shell under her jacket seemed to bring out the color of her eyes. Her light brown hair styled neatly as usual and makeup just perfect, Sherry had it all together. I suspected that even her handbag and shoes matched. In some ways this was just the kind of woman that Geoffrey would appreciate. But she was devoted to her husband, a fine Christian man who had a reputation for being one of the only honest building contractors in town. I’d met Sherry at a women’s Bible study. I’d been as impressed with her intelligent comments as I was with her coordinated wardrobe. I wasn’t surprised to learn that she worked part-time as a very successful real-estate agent. It seemed that everything Sherry touched had a way of turning into gold. I suppose I’d hoped some of that would rub off onto me. Based on the recent events of my life, that had clearly not been the case.
“I know a woman,” she continued, and suddenly I wondered if I’d missed something.
“What?”
“A counselor.”
“Oh, right.”
“She’s wonderful. I know you’ll love her. Her name is Lucy Abrams. I’ll give you her number.” Already Sherry had located a neat little notepad in her handbag and was writing down a name and number. She pushed it across the table to me. “It’s not that I don’t want to listen to you, Glennis. I do. But I just don’t feel qualified to give you advice about, well, your marriage and everything. I’m afraid I might fall back on my old fundamentalist roots and start preaching at you about how divorce is the devil’s domain.” She made a face. “You know, stuff like that.”
I nodded. I did know. She and I had both come from pretty conservative church backgrounds where words like forgiveness, grace, and mercy were seldom heard. But we’d found comfort in each other and in the understanding we had as a result of our upbringing.
“It’s not that I think divorce is a good thing,” she continued. “But I do believe there are some cases where marriages can’t continue. For instance, abuse. I would never encourage a woman who’s being abused to stay in her marriage.”
“Well, Geoffrey never abused me. At least not physically.”
The three women from city hall were getting up to leave. But I suspected that Judith had noticed me when her face suddenly changed from its otherwise placid expression to something akin to slight shock. I’m sure it was because I was looking so pathetic, like some unfortunate bag lady that Sherry had kindly picked up off the street and offered a meal. Even so, I managed to hold up my hand in a pitiful little wave and smile. To my relief, Judith smiled back and then simply exited. I would’ve been mortified if she’d come any closer or even greeted me in my current condition. And I couldn’t imagine what she might possibly say to my husband the next time their paths crossed, and I felt sure they would. Perhaps she would ask him if his wife had been seriously ill.
“Did they go?” asked Sherry.
“Yes. But Judith recognized me.”
“Well, you know it’s only a matter of time before everyone starts hearing about this.” Then she held up her hand as if in an oath. “But rest assured, Glennis, they won’t be hearing it from me.”
“Thanks.”
“So what about Jacob? Does he know about this yet?”
“No. I’ve been looking all over town for him. I think he got fired from his job for not showing up today.”
“That’s too bad.”
“Yeah, I’m afraid he’s just about exhausted all the minimum-wage jobs in Stafford by now.”
“He must have quite an interesting résumé.”
I pushed my plate away. “I just hope I can find him, before,
well, before anything bad happens.”
“What do you think might happen?”
“Well, I can’t imagine how he must feel, being kicked out of his home by his own father. Just before he left, he told me that he knew his dad hated him.”
“That’s too bad.”
“I guess I’m worried that he might be depressed, you know, and possibly do something foolish.” I didn’t mention my biggest fear—that he might accidentally overdose.
“But Jacob wouldn’t harm himself, would he?”
“It’s hard to say.” I wrapped the paper napkin around my finger like a tourniquet. “He was pretty down and discouraged when he left the house yesterday.”
“Do you think he’s staying with friends for a while?”
“I don’t know. But even if he is, how long can that last when he doesn’t have a job or anything to fall back on?” I wanted to say, how long can that last if he can’t pay his so-called friends for their stupid drugs? But I didn’t.
“Maybe he’ll try to call you on your cell phone,” she offered.
“Maybe. So far he hasn’t. I just want him to know that I’ve moved out and that he can come stay with me. I want him to know he has a place. I plan to fix up the second bedroom for him. It’s pretty small, but—”
“But it’s a roof over his head.” Sherry smiled. “And I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.”
“If he ever figures it out…”
“Did I tell you that Matthew is home for a couple of weeks before college starts again next month? How about if I ask him to keep an eye out for Jacob while he’s here? He probably still knows a lot of the places where kids hang out these days.”
I wasn’t so sure about that. Matthew may have had his troubles a few years back, but he’d never sunk so low as my son. “Sure,” I told her. “I’d appreciate that.”
“Well, at least I know why I kept thinking of you lately,” she said in a sad voice. “And I really have been praying for you, Glennis. Guess I’ll have to pray even harder now.”
I studied her. “Do you really think it makes a difference?”
She didn’t seem surprised by my question. “I know what you mean. And I can remember feeling like that too. Especially when Matthew and Mark were going through their drinking and partying era. I swear that’s the year when my hair went completely gray.” She patted her head. “Of course, I don’t have to tell the whole world about that.” She smiled. “But I can remember those sleepless nights when I felt certain I’d be called to the emergency room to identify one of my sons.”
I nodded. “I’ve had those exact same thoughts.”
“And I can remember praying the same things over and over again.” She sighed. “It was always, ‘Keep them safe, God. Just take care of them until they can take care of themselves.’”
“That’s pretty much what my prayers sound like. That and ‘Help!’ I seem to be praying, ‘Help me, help me,’ more and more these days.”
She sort of laughed. “Yes, I remember doing that too. But then I had a little breakthrough. I’m sure I’ve told you this before.”
“What?” I asked, trying to recall whatever bits of wisdom she’d passed along to me in the past.
“Oh, you know, the letting-go thing.”
I nodded but only vaguely remembered. “Yes, but maybe I need to hear it again.”
“Well, it was one of those nights when Mark was away at college and not doing too well. And then Matthew had started partying at the end of his senior year.”
“Right. I remember.”
“And I just felt as if I was at the end of my rope. And I was praying for both of them one night when I couldn’t sleep, and it suddenly occurred to me that if God had created both of my sons—you know, knit them in my womb as it says in that psalm—well, then it was like they were his sons too. And I just figured, well, if God is really God, then he should be perfectly capable of taking care of my boys, and much better than I could. And so I just told God, ‘Hey, they are your boys, and I expect you to be taking care of them.’ Then I thanked him and said ‘amen.’ And that became sort of a regular prayer for me. I called it my letting-go-and-letting-God prayer, and it really seemed to bring a sense of peace.”
“I wish I could do that,” I admitted. “But I get tied up in knots with worry. And I lie awake in bed just trying to come up with answers and solutions, ways to help Jacob get back on track.”
“Maybe it’s a timing thing.”
“Timing?”
“Maybe God will put the letting-go prayer in your heart when you’re really ready to let Jacob go.”
“Let him go?” I tried to imagine such a thing. “You know, and let God look after him.”
“That sounds good, Sherry. But maybe you’re right. Maybe it is a timing thing, because right now I feel like Jacob doesn’t have anyone who loves him or cares about him anymore. Except for me.”
“And God?”
“Yes, I suppose God cares about him too.”
“But not Geoffrey?”
“I don’t think so. I really felt like Geoffrey was completely washing his hands of Jacob. Like that was it. Finished, over and done with.”
“Maybe just temporarily.”
“Let’s hope so.” I unwound the napkin from my finger and set it aside. “How about Sarah?” I rolled my eyes.
“Still acting as if she doesn’t care?”
“I don’t think it’s an act, Sherry. She really seems to dislike her brother.”
“I’m sure she just dislikes how he’s acting.”
“Don’t be so sure. Sarah is my daughter, and I love her dearly, but she can be a little narcissistic at times. She and her father react in a similar way when it comes to someone, even a member of their own family, inconveniencing them or making them look bad.”
“Like the time she brought her college friend home, and Jacob came home plastered.”
I wanted to say,“You mean stoned,” but didn’t. “Yeah, little things like that.”
“Well, I’m sure she was embarrassed.”
“Of course, we all were. But it’s no reason to disown your brother.”
“No, but she’s still young. She’ll probably grow out of it.”
“You mean like her father has?” I could hear the trace of bitterness in my voice.
But Sherry didn’t seem to notice. Or if she did, she didn’t mention it. “Despite how perfectly miserable this looks and feels to you right now, Glennis, I know you’re going to come out on top. You’re going to be just fine.”
“How do you know that?”
She smiled. “Let’s just say it’s a God thing.”
“I hope you’re right, Sherry. Because, to tell you the truth, I don’t exactly feel like God is looking down and smiling on me right now.”
After three days in the apartment, I still hadn’t heard from Geoffrey I wasn’t sure if this was good or bad or if I even cared. I seemed to be in survival mode, trying to get my life into some kind of order. As a result, I’d spent most of the day hunting down the items I felt I would require in order to continue living on my own like this.
After just two nights of sleeping on the floor, I had gotten up stiff and sore and with the full realization that I would need an actual bed to make it in my new habitat. So, armed with my plastic cards, which I hoped still worked, I’d set out shopping at the various discount stores, places where Geoffrey would never allow me to shop for home furnishings before. I was surprised at the bargains I unearthed, and by the end of the day, I’d not only purchased a full-sized bed but a futon as well, in case Jacob decided to make an appearance. I even purchased a few other pieces of inexpensive furniture that I figured I might as well get before Geoffrey canceled all my credit and bank cards, which I knew he would do eventually, maybe had already done. I’d brought some of the items home with me, and others would be delivered within the week. But I was exhausted by the effort.
By that evening Geoffrey finally called. As usual, I jumped when I heard my c
ell phone ring. Hoping it might be Jacob, I quickly answered only to discover it was Jacob’s father, and he was angry.
“Where on earth are you?” he demanded. “Are you all right?”
I stammered for several moments but managed to explain that I’d left him.
“Because of Jacob?” he asked calmly.
“I don’t know…” I struggled for an answer. “Because of everything.”
“You’re going to let Jacob destroy everything? All that we’ve built over the years?”
“You can’t blame this all on Jacob,” I said. “Who then?”
“It’s all of us. It’s just not working.”
“You’re the one who left, Glennis.” His voice became edgy.
“I couldn’t stay any longer, Geoffrey…” I felt a tightening in my throat, hot tears burning behind my eyelids. I longed for him to say something comforting, something warm or loving—anything to make me want to come home again.
“Well, you’ve gone too far this time.” It felt as if he’d just shut the door.
“Too far?” My voice sounded small and distant to me, but it was all I could do to get the words out. “I’m warning you.”
“What are you warning me about?” I asked, trying hard to keep calm.
“If you do this to me—if you walk out like this, Glennis—well, just don’t plan on coming back.”
I stood up and walked around the small, cluttered apartment. It felt reflective of my life. But as I walked, I considered his warning.
“I mean it,” he continued, his voice growing sharper. “If you think you can pull something like this and then come waltzing back into my life, well, you just better think again.”
For a split second I wasn’t sure if he was talking to Jacob or to me. But I glanced around the messy living room and realized that Jacob wasn’t even here. “Have you seen Jacob?” I asked.
Crystal Lies Page 6
