Abe swallowed. “No, you’re very good. You have presence and charisma. You put emotion into the songs. People love you because you’re authentic. I’m just adding color to people’s lives.” He looked away, suddenly too choked up to speak anymore. Why would Dusk even assure him that there were people to fall back on when Abe had just so clearly told him no one ever bothered to support him regardless of earlier declarations?
Was Dusk just buttering him up for sex? Was this what the conversation was all about?
But despite the sparks between them, Dusk wouldn’t even touch Abe, and it was just as infuriating as being touched after outright rejecting the notion.
Dusk smiled in that heart-melting way. “Everyone needs some color in their lives. It’s not something that you want to disappear.”
Abe ate some more of the burger. “Yeah, only it’s full of fake ingredients and not very good for you.”
“Are we talking color, or lollipops?” Dusk winked at Abe.
Abe met his gaze hesitantly, and his heart throbbed under the weight of Dusk’s warm gaze. “Life is about having fun for a while until everything goes to shit. Then you move on, and it happens again. Everything is temporary, like a visit to Disneyworld. And it leaves you drained, because you know it’s never going to last.”
“It doesn’t have to be temporary. Instead of running away from the shitty stuff, you can work through it. I’m not gonna lie, this isn’t ideal for me, but I wanna make it work somehow. If you started working at Disneyworld, you could stay there forever. You wouldn’t have the experience of a guest, you’d have to deal with job bullshit, but you’d get free rides and discount food. You know what I mean?”
Abe swallowed hard, and his hand twitched, so close to Dusk’s he could simply entwine their fingers and fall back into the instability of a connection that would ultimately leave him even worse off once it broke. “I don’t think you can have those kinds of things forever. I could never keep them,” he said, suddenly realizing that he hadn’t talked like this to anyone for ages.
Dusk stayed silent for a while, browsing through a few more fanart pieces. “I think that’s something I love about touring with the band. We go to new places and try new things all the time. Some people would hate the instability, but I love that every day brings something new, that even when we do the same set of songs, the audience is different. It is temporary, but there is stability in the people around me. I might not be able to change your mind, but think about the bus art, and let’s take it one day at a time.”
Dusk got up from the bed, and Abe couldn’t help his utter disappointment. He’d been sure Dusk was here to make a move, to show a new, tender, caring side so that he could get into Abe’s pants, and now he was leaving?
“Oh, you have rehearsal?” Abe asked.
“Yeah, it’s getting busy before the BoomFest. Mage is working us like crazy, but it’s good that he keeps everyone in one piece.”
“He’s a good manager,” Abe said, even though he was already itching to see Dusk again.
Dusk smiled and waved at him. “Talk to you later! Finish off that unicorn piece.”
And he was gone. Without touching Abe once.
Abe’s hands felt clammy, so he rubbed the sweat off on his jeans and helplessly punched the mattress with one fist. How could a man have gotten so deep under his skin? Why couldn’t Dusk be one of those countless pushy fuckers Abe had no problems walking away from? Why was he so nice and sweet?
Abe pushed more fries into his mouth. They were cold already, but Dusk had given them to him, and he’d eat them, no matter how little appetite he had after this conversation.
The fanart versions of himself and Dusk looked at him with so much judgment he slammed the laptop shut.
Chapter 13
Dusk sat in a folding chair with a cold beer in hand, hiding his wandering eyes behind shades. The day was so hot he opted for no shirt, but the problem was that Abe went the same route. They’d stopped at a motel out of town to save money between gigs, and with the weather being so good, Abe was at work on the bus painting for the third day in a row.
Day in, day out, Abe showed off his lean inked body, his hair twisted into a messy bun on top of his head and stray locks teasing bare skin. Not only was he a piece of candy Dusk wasn’t allowed to unwrap, but he also seemed so happy. Dusk tried not to stare, but he didn’t have all that much to do, and he could totally justify sunbathing and watching the progress of work on their tour bus.
Too bad it was causing the sexual tension in his body to knot up and scream for a way out that he wasn’t getting. Sure, there were always people he could try to have sex with. Even here at the motel, two young women kept ogling him any time he went to get some food at the diner next door, but he wasn’t in the mood for a random hookup anyway.
He was in the mood for a piece of Abe. His hopeless feelings weren’t going anywhere, and it meant he could hardly get a boner while watching porn without ending up with a fantasy of Abe riding his dick.
And worse still, through trying to be just friends, they’d only gotten closer. Abe had never talked about himself much before, and Dusk should have noticed. Now that he purposefully asked questions, Abe was unveiling sides of him that expressed a whole new part of his personality. It turned out he’d been a brilliant painter all along, that he had hopes and dreams beyond hanging out with The Underdogs, and even though Dusk had kinda known that was the case, getting the truth dished out still made him feel like he’d missed out. He should have paid more attention to his lover and made things less about himself.
And now it was too late. Because of his past actions, the love confession was worthless. Abe would only ever be a friend, and Dusk would die loveless.
Dusk had a swig of beer and grunted to himself.
Abe stretched, rolling his head back to relax the muscles of his nape, which must have gone rigid from staying in the same position for too long. The colorful decoration behind him was an explosion of bright shades emerging from the plain white of the bus and the simplicity of the black outline that was the groundwork for the whole thing. Abe was adamant about finishing the piece within the two next days, just in time for the BoomFest, which the whole band saw as their biggest chance for a lift to the top.
Christ, Abe was hot.
Dusk could lick the sweat off his back and then eat his ass until he was ripe for fucking.
He swallowed and put a magazine over his lap. Fortunately, he also wore loose shorts since it was boiling today.
Despite the earlier grim thoughts, when Abe looked over his shoulder for half a second and smiled, Dusk smiled back with his stomach clenching. Sure, Abe was the hottest piece of sweet ass on the planet, but it was the connection they shared that had Dusk obsessed and unable to let go. As long as he was with Abe, he could even spend all summer at his family home, helping out on the freaking organic farm. If he got those smiles, those conversations, the stupid jokes, and the even dumber pranks, he could become a farmer and grow organic produce to the end of his days.
Before he could settle into his fantasies of making out with Abe in his parents’ orchard, something that didn’t belong tore into that image. A muscled guy with tattoos all over his arms and a wide smile below a pair of reflective shades approached Abe. It appeared as if he was watching the artwork, but there was no denying that his gaze wandered down Abe’s back too.
Dusk felt his top lip twitch, and he squeezed the bottle so hard it was a miracle the glass didn’t shatter and cut his hand to pieces. His reaction was so visceral it flooded him with ice and left him frozen to his stupid seat. He had no right to go into jealous tiger mode.
He had no right to Abe. Period.
Maybe soon this new guy would. And Dusk would just DIE.
To make matters worse, Dawn’s happy squeal from the other side of the parking lot meant that other people were having fun while Dusk’s heart was being put through the meat grinder. He leaned forward to see what was going on.
Mage wa
s sprinkling water from a hose over Sid, who tried to flee, shouting obscenities, while Dawn twirled in the drops of water as if it was raining. It was such a rare sight to see him get so openly excited in public that Dusk couldn’t help but smile.
Sid managed to run beyond the reach of the spray, but Mage didn’t seem to care and just directed the water to splash directly above his own head. Dawn approached him to be closer to the artificial rain and pulled on Mage’s wet shirt, only to sneakily tickle his side.
Dusk frowned.
Why wasn’t he included in any of that?
He downed his beer, dropped the magazine, and walked off toward the group, set on turning his back on Abe flirting with a buff, inked dude. He could only take so much torture, and watching Abe without a shirt in the sunshine had been enough.
“I could use some of that!” he yelled to Mage with a smile, spreading his arms as he approached.
Mage blinked, but his confusion only lasted a second and he directed the hose straight at Dusk. The cool water felt heavenly on his heated skin, and when he felt it drizzle down his legs and soak into his hair it almost felt as if the anger and jealousy were easing somewhat, washed down to asphalt so hot it felt soft under his feet.
“Been asleep?” Mage asked, pushing back his dreadlocks.
“Nah, just enjoying the sun.” Dusk whipped his wet hair around, sprinkling Dawn and Mage in return.
Dawn raised his baseball cap a bit to look into Dusk’s eyes, and the green gaze was so inquisitive Dusk had to fight himself to not look away. It was as if Dawn were attempting telepathy.
“You’ve been spending a lot of time alone lately,” he said in the end, looking at Dusk with his big eyes.
Behind him, Mage briefly met Dusk’s gaze and bit his lip, as if the same thing somehow were on his mind.
Dusk wrapped his arms across his chest. Was this some kind of intervention? “No I haven’t.”
Mage exhaled and stepped closer until the three of them formed a circle in the puddle of water. The hose was off, leaving them wet in the sun that was already turning the dampness on their skin into vapor. “Look, man, we’re not saying you’re physically not there. But don’t deny shutting us out.”
Dusk’s first instinct was to deny it, but with his mouth still open, he glanced back at Abe, who was talking to the hunk, and he sighed deeply instead. “I miss him,” he whispered in shame, crushed by the weight of saying it out loud.
Both Mage and Dawn seemed to physically deflate as soon as he said that.
“Shit. Him being around you is only making this worse,” Mage said. “It’s not healthy, Dusk.”
“But I don’t want him to go.” Dusk looked into Mage’s eyes as if he could somehow communicate the depth of his misery. “I’ve never felt like this. He’s the guy for me. I know it. But he’s told me that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. The publicity thing’s made it sour for him, and I can’t take it back. If I made a move on him, it would be ignoring what he’d said, so I can’t, but he’s always on my mind.”
Mage leaned back, opening his mouth to inhale a big gulp of air. His eyelids lowered slightly, but the dark eyes never lost their focus on Dusk. “I mean... if he’s to stay with us, you need to talk to him. I’ve never seen you acting like this. You need to understand that we are worried.”
As if to confirm Mage’s words, Dawn gently stroked Dusk’s arm, wordlessly communicating his sympathy.
“What could I possibly tell him? I want to lick him all over.”
Dawn sighed, never taking his fingers off Dusk’s skin as if he could read emotions just by touching. “There is middle ground. If you like him so much, and you feel there is still a chance you two could get back together, then give it time. Be your best self, be there for him, show your interest in a gentle manner, and wait for him to make the move. I can see how he might not have been ready for commitment and got scared. Before the day you broke up, you two seemed like the perfect couple.”
“But if he doesn’t in like… three months or something, you’ve got to move on, man,” Mage added.
Dusk nodded, trying to re-evaluate his recent actions. He’d believed that there was no other way but to give up and try to be friends only with Abe, but what if there was room for change? What if he could show Abe what a fantastic guy he was, how much fun they could have? Waiting for someone else’s move was not in his usual repertoire, but maybe he could work with that.
“I could try and tease him too. Walk around shirtless, do sweet things like it’s no big deal…” Dusk’s brain started waking up to new possibilities. “Instead of trying to hit on him, I could seduce him.” The hesitant look on Dawn’s face made Dusk lose confidence in this new plan. “No?”
“Just... don’t go overboard. Be yourself. Just chill out and listen to what he says. I know he’s always avoiding serious discussions, but you could work with it, I’m sure.”
“I won’t, I won’t, I’ll be cool.” Dusk smiled and felt at least a bit of weight fall off his shoulders. If he still had a chance to make things right, hope was in the air again.
Dawn smiled and squeezed his shoulder. “You can always ask us beforehand if you have another grand idea.”
Mage’s lips twitched, but he didn’t say anything and patted Dusk’s back.
Dusk shook his head at Dawn and pressed on his brother’s nose with his pointing finger. “At least I’m not a virgin. Sometimes, you gotta risk.” He turned around, not waiting for an answer, and he was happy to see that the stranger was gone from Abe’s proximity.
The sun was finally shining on Dusk Hill.
Abe’s smile was so bright it could have powered the whole country with its energy for a month. He tossed away his brush and ran straight at Dusk. His lean muscle worked under the perfect tanned skin with each movement as he rushed through the scorched backyard of the motel like a pink gazelle.
Dusk almost thought Abe would jump on him like in the good old days, but sadly that didn’t happen and instead, Abe stopped right in front of him.
“What’s up?” Dusk asked in that cocky flirty way they used to when they were together, and hoped it wasn’t a step too far just yet.
“You won’t believe this. This guy just offered me a commission for actual real money!” Abe said in a voice so highly pitched from excitement it almost sounded like a squeak. In the brief moment of shock on Dusk’s part, Abe stepped closer and grabbed his arms, squeezing them firmly. “He’s opening a restaurant in Austin, and he wants me to do murals inside!”
Dusk blinked, fighting the tide of conflicting feelings about to knock him off his feet. “Wait, wait. That’s a lot to take in. In Austin, Texas? When? What?” A bad feeling was settling in Dusk’s gut. They weren’t scheduled to play in Texas any time soon. And that meant Abe would leave for work. And he might well stay there, away from Dusk.
“He said the artist they hired had an accident and they almost lost hope. But the opening is within three weeks, so he wants me to come over in two days!”
Which was when the Underdogs would be playing at the BoomFest. The touch of Abe’s fingers was muddling Dusk’s thoughts further, but he still smiled despite his heart shattering quietly in his chest. He’d wanted to play the new song Dawn’s been working on at the show, and he’d hoped Abe would get to hear it there, to understand it. That it would speak straight to Abe’s soul and pull him back into Dusk’s arms.
Now that chance was lost too.
Dusk pulled Abe into a hug. “I’m so happy for you.” And it wasn’t a lie. He was happy for Abe. He just wasn’t happy.
Abe relaxed against him, and his warm arms tightened around Dusk, bringing their naked skin even closer. “Really?” he whispered softly.
Dusk couldn’t look at him, so he pressed his face against the side of Abe’s head. “Of course. This is the kind of break you’ve dreamed of, right? You should go for it.”
Slowly, Abe pulled away, just enough to look into Dusk’s eyes while still holding him. His eyes were ba
rely visible behind the sunglasses he wore, and for a moment he remained silent. “Yeah. It could be a big opportunity. Like BoomFest is for you.”
“Exactly. And you can always come back after completing the project, if you feel like it.” But regardless of his declarations, Dusk sensed that once Abe left, they’d never see each other again.
This was it.
He’d never get his chance to seduce Abe, never get a chance to make up for being too busy fucking Abe’s brains out to ask him what his dreams and passions were, or even what his name was.
Chapter 14
Standing in a dressing room with their band’s name stuck to it felt surreal. The sounds of another group playing and the crowd cheering were muted by the door somewhat, but it still gave Dusk a shiver of anticipation.
Soon, that crowd would be cheering for them.
Abe wouldn’t see any of that, but at least he was here now, checking his watch every now and then to make sure he wasn’t late for his flight. It had been already paid for by Abe’s new employer, so it was vital he didn’t miss it, as he didn’t have the money to buy another ticket.
They’d only arrived on festival grounds earlier that same day, and the chaos of the mass event was already overwhelming. Their bus, bearing the fruits of Abe’s work, had attracted a lot of attention, and Dusk continuously spotted people taking pictures next to it, only boosting interest in the band and flooding their website with new views. It had Dusk’s stomach itching with nerves and his skin tingling whenever he thought of going on stage.
This was a completely new environment for them. To skyrocket from humble clubs to a stage this big was a step so huge all of them were afraid it would end on a stumble. With the clock ticking, everyone was tucked in their corner of the dressing room, rehearsing parts in their heads or—in case of Sid—bashing invisible drums.
“Thanks again for the amazing work on our bus. People have been hashtagging about it all over Twitter and Instagram,” Mage said to Abe with a wide smile.
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