“Thirty-three.”
“Kind of young to have your life over, while you’re still alive. Daisy, you make it sound like you died that day too. It’s supposed to be until death do you part. Not until you die as well.”
“Sorry, I don’t want to be accused of leading you on.”
“So we’re just going to what? Have a fling? Be friends with benefits?”
She sat up. “Don’t tell me this isn’t the first time you’ve had a fling.”
“No, but I bet it’s the first time you have.”
She looked down, embarrassed. “Well, yes.”
Daisy Mae jumped on the bed and curled into Sky’s side. He scratched the cat between her ears, then turned his attention back to Daisy. “Why won’t you let me get close to you, Daisy?”
“It’s not you. I don’t think it’s possible to find true love twice in my life. And if that’s what you’re looking for, I wanted you to know that. Anyway, you said you didn’t think you’d ever marry, so there you have it. Can’t we keep this simple? Maybe a long-term fling? Look, I like you a lot, Sky. You’re a good man. You make me laugh. You’re funny and you make the world a happier place.”
“You think I’m funny? Took you long enough to react to my humor.”
“I was afraid to encourage you. But I thought you were funny the first time we met.”
He sat up. “You did? Are you kidding?”
“The first thing you said to me was ‘nice rack!’ and what I loved was you had no clue you were looking at my chest when you said it.”
“I was?”
“You should have seen your face when you figured it out. Only you could be looking at my breasts and be talking about my car. You have a good heart. I mean, sometimes what you say doesn’t come out right, but your intentions are good. I started falling for you that very first day.”
Sky’s heart skipped a beat. She wanted to keep things simple, but she was falling for him? Who said he didn’t understand girl-speak? “You did?”
“Yes. When you cuddled Daisy Mae to your chest and said ‘You mean, kill the babies?’ You looked like a ten-year-old boy, afraid for your pet puppy. I knew right then and there I needed to stay far away from you or I was going to lose my heart again.”
“And what would be so wrong with that, Daze? You know what I think? Maybe you’re afraid if you fall in love with someone else and move on with your life, you’d be forgetting Jack, like he didn’t matter anymore. And that makes you feel guilty.”
Daisy’s brow furrowed in confusion.
“Let me share something I heard recently. My buddy, Philip, and I were talking about how he’s been doing since the attack on the Blanchard. He told me Hallie taught him something valuable about survivor guilt. He struggled a little because a couple of guys in his division died in the attack. He was knocked unconscious, but he still felt responsible for his guys. Anyway, he learned that instead of feeling guilty for surviving, he’d been left behind because he still has a mission to accomplish. A contribution he still needs to make to the world.”
“I believe I do that in my practice. I hope I make the lives of animals and my clients easier, more productive, healthier. You know.”
“Well, maybe there’s more to it than that. Maybe you’re supposed to marry again and have a family or something. Raise a slew of responsible citizens who make an impact on the world. Maybe you’re meant to discover the cure for doggie cancer? Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about. But I do know that instead of wallowing in the sadness of being left behind, you should figure out why you’re still here and what it is you’re meant to accomplish.”
“Oh, my. That was quite an eloquent speech, Sky. I didn’t know you could wax and wane quite like that.”
“Neither did I.”
She leaned up and kissed him. A kiss that went a little longer and a little deeper than he had expected or was capable of handling. Although his mind was clear about a sexual stand-down for a week or so, his body hadn’t gotten the memo, and remained at the ready every second he spent near her. Locked and loaded, and ready for action.
He pulled away. “Sorry, sunshine, but there’s a moratorium on kissing in bed until I’m ready. Let’s go. Lights out.”
“Good night, Sky.” Daisy snuggled into the curve of his shoulder.
“Good night, sweetheart.” He lay there stroking her hair. Daisy Mae curled up in his other armpit and he knew it might be safe to doze off, as long as his alarm cat was present.
But like the night before, there was a lot to think about. Jack suffered from PTSD so bad that Daisy almost left him. It had gotten so they’d stopped having sex because he couldn’t perform. Whoa. Big whoa.
Daisy had some huge guilt issues to deal with. She needed to talk with someone besides him. She needed a professional. And she didn’t believe she could love twice in one lifetime. And what about him? Did he need professional help for his dreams? As to a long-term fling? Fling by its very definition meant just that, a fling. Nothing long-term about it.
But what if they both actually fixed the problems they had with PTSD?—not that he couldn’t handle a few bad dreams. What about the other issue that had kept him from ever committing to a woman? Experience had taught him the one-woman thing was for the birds. But, he was pretty sure Daisy was The One, if there was ever going to be a One. What had Philip said? “If it’s the right One, then the magic doesn’t wear off.”
Still, Sky found that a little hard to believe because it had always worn off before.
Chapter 17
It was a textbook landing and yet George instinctively knew something was wrong. Everything seemed fine until the wheels touched down and then the helo imploded. Flames shot into the air. The heat flashed through his flight suit, searing his skin. Of course the fact that he could feel anything at all was a good thing. Because in that split second since they’d touched down on the flight deck of the USS Kitty Hawk, George already knew Joe couldn’t feel a thing.
And never would again.
He knew what would come next. It always happened the same way. The flight deck crew would rip open the door and attempt to extricate him. But he would fight them. George had to get Joe out first. If he didn’t, Joe’s wife would be pounding on the window before long.
And there she was. Screaming at him, begging him to pull Joe out alive. How many times had he tried to convince her he was doing his best? So here he was, fighting off the crew whose hands snaked out from everywhere to pull him to safety. But they didn’t understand. He’d rather die than leave Joe to suffer. And then the hands really were snakes. What the hell was up with that? They fell to the deck of the cockpit and writhed in the flames.
Now Sarah’s hands were all over him. “Leave me alone, Sarah! I can save him!”
“No! He’s gone! You have to come with me!” She handed Joe’s baby to one of the crew and pulled him from the cockpit and into her embrace.
It felt so good. He wanted to hug her back but it was wrong. Her husband had just died in the cockpit. He shouldn’t be holding Joe’s wife. Why would she do this? She kissed him passionately and he knew he had to pull away and go back into the inferno, but it felt too good. He didn’t deserve to be kissed. Hell, he deserved to die for what he’d done. He was the senior pilot, which made him responsible for Joe’s death. And yet Joe’s wife held on to him for dear life. Why would she do that?
George pushed Sarah away to safety and turned to climb back into the fiery cockpit but it was gone. Only ashes remained on the flightdeck. A gust of wind blew the black ashes away. Nothing remained. No helicopter, no rubble, no Joe. Sarah pushed the baby into his arms and cried, “Take care of him! You have to take care of him! His father is dead! Help us!”
He tried to tear himself away from her, but she wrapped herself around his legs. When he looked down he noticed it was the
snakes that had entangled themselves around his feet. He screamed, but he couldn’t get away. One slithered up the leg of his flight suit. He stomped his feet and kicked out again and again, but he was entangled in something. Pinned to the flight deck. “Help me! Please help me! I have to find Joe! Please let me go!”
Sarah’s hands comforted him. She rubbed his shoulder and crooned to him, “Captain Duncan. Wake up, sir. Everything is going to be all right.”
“No, it’s not! You don’t understand! I have to find Joe! Set me free so I can find him!”
“You’re having another nightmare, sir. Wake up. Everything will be fine, Captain Duncan.”
Captain Duncan? He was a lieutenant. How could he be a captain? He was only twenty-eight years old. He wasn’t old enough to be a captain. Why would the crew call him Captain?
“Shhhh, sir. It’s okay. Wake up.” George realized the hands that stroked him were a woman’s, but they weren’t Sarah’s. He wasn’t on the Kitty Hawk. Snakes were not twisting around his legs. Sheets were. Again. He’d been dreaming. Again. Another nightmare.
Jesus Christ, would Joe ever leave him alone? Would Sarah?
George pushed the hands away roughly. “Leave me alone!”
Although he couldn’t see who it was, he recognized the voice. It was the nice CNA Lola or something. He was at Portside Manor. He was old. He was blind. And he was covered with sweat. And fear.
The kind woman’s voice soothed him as she straightened out the sheets and asked him if he wanted to change into clean pajamas. “Captain Duncan, are you awake now, sir? It’s okay. It was just a bad dream. Let me find you some clean clothes. Would you like me to change the bed? How about a glass of water?”
“How did you know to come in here?”
“Your neighbor called me, sir. He could hear you…uh…calling out. Wondered if maybe you needed some help.”
“I’m okay now. Lola, is it?”
“Yes, sir. I’ll be down at the desk if you need anything. Just pull your cord. Okay?”
“Thank you, Lola.” He heard her bustle out, but did not hear the door close. She had probably left it ajar in case he “called out” again.
Goddammit. It had been so real. In brilliant color. The fire. The flames. Sarah. And now he was left in this ever-present darkness. For the rest of his life.
Somehow it didn’t seem fair. Although he couldn’t see a single thing out there in the world, Joe remained. Would George ever be able to rest in peace? That was all he could think about as he groped his way into the bathroom to try to wash away the stink of the sweat—and the dream.
Chapter 18
Sky opened his apartment door, ushered Captain Duncan to the couch, and pushed the remote. The pre-game show filled the screen in all its glory as four thousand Navy midshipmen marched in precision onto the field. Sky felt the lump in his throat, although he’d never been part of the march-on. He’d always been suited up to play football on those crisp and often icy autumn afternoons. As he handed George a cold beer, he felt goose bumps on his arms. Not from the beer, but from the knowledge that this old man had spent four years of autumn afternoons in just the same manner. Fifty years before Sky had.
“They’re showing the march-on.”
“Ah, never got to participate in that, but it sure gave me a thrill watching the brigade in formation. Ready to support the team. Don’t worry that I can’t see it today. Hell, those kids are younger than some of my grandchildren.” He pointed to his head. “I’ve got plenty of visuals up here in my head.” He pretended to flip though files. “I believe I’ll pull up the Army/Navy game march-on of ’54. Never will forget that one. We won by a touchdown in the final minutes. It will remain one of the happiest days of my life. Too bad we lost the big one senior year, but as you can tell, I survived.”
“I still don’t understand why we play Notre Dame every year. I mean, we’ve never played at the same level as them. I lost to them all four years.”
“I’m surprised they don’t share that story with you kids anymore. Considering how the Academy is all about tradition.” George settled himself and took a swig of his beer. “So many men left to fight during World War Two that Notre Dame was in danger of having to shut its doors.”
“No way.”
“Yes, it’s true. So the Navy offered to commission an ROTC unit there in the hopes it would draw more students. It worked and Notre Dame was able to stay in business. To show their gratitude they said they’d proudly put the Naval Academy on their football schedule every year.” He indicated the TV screen. “And there you have it.”
“Cool story. I never knew that.” Sky picked at the label on his beer bottle, then changed the topic. “Speaking of finding things out…I, um, now know Daisy’s story.”
George rested his beer on his knees and turned to Sky. “Her story?”
“Yeah, I know about her husband being KIA in Afghanistan.”
“Ah, Jack.”
“Yeah, I know all about Jack. I kind of wish you’d filled me in on that.”
“It wasn’t my place.” George felt around the coffee table for the chips and helped himself to a handful.
“I guess you’re right. But damn, it sure was a shocker. I mean, God.” Sky let out a long, slow breath.
“Has it helped? With you and Daisy?”
“Let’s just say we’re pretty good right now. I mean, she’s speaking to me. I guess that’s something. And she’s saying nice things.” And sleeping with me. Well, not sleeping with me but she’s sleeping with me.
“I’m glad to hear that. That she’s speaking to you. And saying nice things.” George smiled and took a sip of beer, waiting patiently for Sky to continue.
“Now I’m scared shitless of something else. I’m so crazy about her. I mean I’ve never felt this way about a woman before. They were always just fun, you know?”
“No, I don’t. But go ahead.”
“Let’s say I decided to settle down with one woman. Let’s say it was Daisy. How can it last?” Sky’s laughter had a nervous edge to it. “Let’s say she’d even marry my sorry ass. What’s to say it wouldn’t wear off? You know, the way I feel right now. This euphoria.”
George’s thumb worried the lip of the bottle. “You can count on it, son. It will wear off.”
Sky’s head snapped up. “What?”
“Those feelings you’re talking about. They’ll wear off.”
“Then how do people stay together? What makes marriages work? You know, the ones that do? I mean, I’ve seen some happy couples out there. My best friend, my parents, for instance. You can’t tell me they’re just going through the motions. They haven’t lost that...that thing.”
George felt around the table and rested his bottle squarely on a napkin. He shifted on the sofa to face Sky. “Because they made a decision, son. To love each other. Being in love is probably one of the best feelings on this planet. And yes, I do remember it well. I can still resurrect the feeling of being in love when I think of my wife, especially in the early days. But feelings come and go. They don’t last forever. We feel good, we feel bad, we feel angry, we feel enthusiastic, we feel disappointed. But we don’t feel those things all the time. They’re transient. Just like being in love. Hell, if everyone stayed in love all the time, nothing would ever get done in this world. We’d all be lost in a dream world, walking into walls and things.”
George leaned back and settled into the sofa, shutting his eyes as if reminiscing for a moment. Then he opened them and continued. “Love is something entirely different. We decide to love someone, regardless of whether we have those giddy feelings or not.” George raised his hand, gesturing for Sky to stop and listen, sensing—knowing—he still didn’t get it.
“Think of it this way. When you were commissioned in the Navy, you took a vow to protect and defend the United States. Doe
s that mean you absolutely love your job every single day? You know the high you felt when you threw your midshipman’s cap in the air at graduation from the Naval Academy? And the rush you get when your helo lifts off the ground and when she lands safely on the deck of a ship? Or when you’re flying off the fantail over the ocean at sunset. You can’t tell me you feel that way every second of your naval career?”
Whoa. Marriage was like joining the Navy? The old man was getting through to him now. Sky set his bottle down on the table. This was way more interesting than beer.
“No, you get bored on the job sometimes, you get tired of the routine, and you get angry at your shipmates once in awhile. So why do you keep doing it? Why do you keep flying? Why do you stay in the Navy? Because you made a decision. You raised your hand and you took a vow. You made a commitment and you signed a paper. You. Pledged. Your. Honor. Same thing in a marriage. It’s a partnership too. Just like the Navy.”
Sky sat there slack-jawed, glad George couldn’t see how much power his words had over him.
“There will be times in marriage when it’ll be boring, when you’ll make each other angry, when you get tired of the routine, when you’ll even drive each other crazy.” He gave Sky a good-humored grin. “That’s when a six-month cruise comes in handy. There’s nothing to get you to appreciate your wife like a six-month cruise.”
“I never thought about a deployment being a good thing for a marriage.”
“It’s all in your perspective. But I can tell you this. If you want to rekindle those feelings you had when you first fell in love with someone? Nothing does it like missing the hell out of her for half a year and then returning to find her waiting for you on the tarmac.”
Captain Duncan leaned forward and reached for his beer. Sky picked it up and handed it to him. George took a sip, then continued. “And just like you trust the Navy to take care of you and the Navy trusts you to keep up your end of the bargain? You do the same with a woman when you decide to take those vows.”
Forget Me Not (Love in the Fleet) Page 16
