by P. Jameson
Mirena dug deep, searching for her light, testing it. She ached. She felt anger. She even felt fractured. But there was nothing spiteful, nothing malevolent. It was as Nastia said, there was no darkness surrounding her. Nothing dulling her magic.
“No,” she mumbled. “I don’t feel darkness.”
“Mirena, do you understand what this means?”
She nodded numbly, her mind swirling with a new reality.
“The darkness isn’t coming for you. You won’t transition. You have found your Anchor.”
It meant she wasn’t leaving Theo. She could stay by his side, and they could get through this together. It meant she would keep her light magic. It meant she could still be of use to the clan. It meant even though her future with her bear was altered… it wasn’t over.
“Theo,” she breathed, meeting Nastia’s wide-eyed gaze.
Theo was her Anchor. Theo was the one she loved enough to anchor to. Of course he was. Of course.
“It’s Theo. He’s it. The Anchor I’ve been searching for.” Mirena scrambled to her feet. “I have to find him. I need to tell him right away. We… we can make it through this. Together.”
She hurried through the open room with her sister hot on her heels. Nastia gasped when she saw what Mirena had done to the door.
“I… I…”
“It’s okay,” Nastia said. “I’ll clean this up. You go find your man. Tell him the news.”
Mirena nodded, backtracking long enough to give her a hug. Things were sticky between them, but that’s what happened sometimes with family. Wrongs were done, words were said, but in the end, love remained.
As Mirena rushed from the cave and melted into the woods, she kept her eyes open for a fearsome grizzly. Her bear. Her Anchor.
Chapter Thirteen
A brown grizzly stood on hind legs, arms spread, a thunderous roar splitting the night air as spittle flew from his dagger teeth. It was a warning. A command.
Theron faced the bear that was identical to his own. His brother bear. He was here to keep Theo under control, but he didn’t want to be wrangled.
He wanted to be wild.
Theo knew he was too close to the lodge in his animal form. He knew he risked people seeing him. He also couldn’t care.
Frustrated, he charged at Thames. Maybe if he bled him some, or let Thames bleed him, the rage and helplessness inside him would settle.
They came together in a clash of fury, claws slashing at fur, growls ripping through the dusk of the approaching night. Thames clamped his jaw around Theo’s neck and pulled him to the ground. Theo batted at him with this paw, trying to free himself, but his brother bear had him good.
Damn it.
He went limp under Thames, feigning a yield. And when the bear released his bite, Theo shoved him back, rolling himself off the ground all in one move. But Thames wasn’t deterred. With his massive paw, he pushed Theo back with all the force of his animal’s body. And back even more, before Theo could recover. Thames kept shoving, growling his warning with every push, until they were well hidden in the thick brush of the forest surrounding the lodge.
Enough.
Theo retaliated, lunging at this brother and rolling with him, snarling and batting and raking for blood. When he was kicked away, he rose to his hind legs to meet another of his brother’s blows head on.
But Thames didn’t attack. He only stood there watching. Waiting.
That’s when Theo realized they’d brawled nearly all the way back to his fucking cabin.
Not here. Don’t want to be here.
He gave his brother a snarl for doing this, for bringing him here. But Thames just returned it with one of his own. One Theo recognized. It was his don’t be an asshole sound. Thames wanted him to shift back to human. He wanted to talk, but Theo couldn’t. Wouldn’t.
He chuffed a disagreement, his chest heaving to drag air into his lungs.
But Thames shifted anyway, returning to his human form. His eyes became blue, his tattered fur became skin again, red from the fight. No blood. The idea relieved Theo, but riled the animal, bringing another challenging growl.
Thames stared calmly at him, his eyes sad.
Shit. He knew. Somehow he knew Theo was losing everything.
Theo hung his head, letting all that pain flood back to him. His bear felt it just like he did as a human. The bear couldn’t keep it away. He could only distract him from it by fighting.
“Doc said you might need someone to talk to.”
Thames’s voice raked his nerves. Reminded him of all those conversations behind the dumpster. He was always the voice of reason, the calm one, even when he was losing himself in daydreams of a better life.
With a despairing sigh, Theron shifted, letting his animal fade away. The air on his body was cold and it hurt. He hurt. Everywhere. How could he feel this torn? How could he survive it?
He wrapped his arms around his middle and stumbled through the trees until he reached the porch of his cabin. Their cabin. The one he’d shared with her. The one that signified hope. Fucking hope.
He collapsed onto the bottom step, his head falling into his hands, and tried to focus on breathing.
Thames settled beside him, but didn’t try to speak. Not for a long time.
“It won’t always be like this. It won’t always be bad,” he finally murmured the words he’d spoken to Theo so many times. So many other nights they’d sat like this hurting, licking their wounds, desperate for those words to be true.
“She can’t have young,” Theo croaked. “And it’s because of me. Because she took the dark magic intended for me.”
“That’s one way of looking at it,” Thames murmured. “Or maybe this is the way it was supposed to be. Maybe Mirena did what she did because her heart needed you.”
“Don’t you see?” Theo growled. “She is only wounded because she picked me. It’s exactly as the Mother Bear spoke. My mate will regret the day she chose me. That was my reading, and here it is, coming true. I’ve taken away the thing she wanted most. The thing that could anchor her. She’ll hate me for it, brother. How can I live with that?”
Thames stared out into the woods, his brow furrowed.
“You’re looking at this all wrong, Theo. What she wanted most was you. She can’t have young because she sacrificed to save you. Have you asked her if she regrets it?”
Theo shook his head. “That isn’t any better. I don’t want her sacrificing for me. I want to give her things, not take them away. I want to give her everything.”
Thames nodded, rubbing at his palm with his thumb. Thinking. Always thinking.
“I’ve learned something since mating Nastia. Something we were never taught as young, brother.”
Theo ran a frustrated hand through his short hair. He wasn’t up for one of Thames’s parables. He just wanted to be alone so he could cry. Cry like he had as a boy. Because he hadn’t hurt this bad since then.
“Love is all about sacrifices. Love is the choices you make for another person that have no benefit to you other than seeing them well. Mirena didn’t think twice about stepping into your place. She only wanted you safe. Even at the cost of her own life. If she lost a few things in the process, she was up for that. This… a baby… is one of those things.”
Theo pulled hard at his hair trying to keep the tears from forming. He didn’t want to break right now.
“But here’s the kicker,” Thames continued. “She isn’t the only one sacrificing.”
Theo let those words ripple over him, and they felt true. Didn’t fix shit, but they felt real. He turned to stare at Thames.
“You are losing something you always longed for too. Right beside her, you’re losing the chance to be a dad. To do right by a young, like our parents tried to do with us.”
The ache in his chest flared hot, and his tears spilled over his lids. Thames was right. He’d never hold a baby he’d put in his mate’s belly, never love it with his entire heart.
“But tell m
e something,” his brother bear murmured. “Would you leave your mate just because she couldn’t give you something you’ve always wanted?”
“No,” he blurted. “Never. She’s mine.”
Thames’s eyes swam with sadness, but his mouth turned up in a small triumphant smile. “And you are hers, brother. She said so herself. Declared it in front of our clan.”
For the first time since leaving Doc’s office, the tiniest glimmer of something good fluttered around his heart. A hummingbird, not stopping to land, but it was there.
Theo frowned. “She left. She walked away and didn’t want me with her.”
“Give her time. Let her come to you. She will. I believe it.”
Theo grasped at his brother’s certainty, holding on for dear life. Closing his eyes, he pictured the way Mirena’s were when she stared up at him from their bed. Full of love. He let that memory be his lifeline. He’d hold on to it until she returned. Until she told him with her own mouth that she couldn’t forgive him for what happened to her.
“What if…” His throat clogged with emotion. “What if she doesn’t, Thames? What if she doesn’t come back to me?”
His brother gripped his shoulder tightly with one big hand. “Then we’ll get through it together, Theo. Like we always have.”
“Together,” Theo whispered, tears still coursing down his cheeks.
“It’s our way.”
Giving Theo’s shoulder another squeeze, Thames stood and maneuvered the broken door open. He was inside the cabin for several minutes and when returned, he wore a pair of jeans and carried a second pair for Theo, along with the guitar.
He handed them over and Theo jerked the pants over his legs before taking the guitar from his brother.
“Finish your song,” Thames urged. “The Mother Bear is wrong. Your female is coming back.”
He gave Theo a pointed nod, and then started back toward the lodge.
“Thames,” he called after him.
His brother twisted to face him.
“She does like music, you know.”
A ghost of a smile touched Thames’s lips. “I knew it. I’m telling you, the Mother Bear is wrong.”
Theo nodded, wanting to believe it with his whole heart. Needing to. But until he knew for sure, he was going to do what Thames said.
Hope. And play.
***
Mirena heard the music before she reached the trail, and recognized the melody right away. It was her song. The one she’d heard Theo practice so often. The one that made her heart flutter with its emotional tune. The song that sounded like a love story.
She sniffed the last of her tears back and pushed through the thick needled branches of the trees that lined the trail. Theo could be seen even though she was still very far away.
He sat on the step of the porch, hunched over his guitar, strumming slowly.
Her heart ran the gamut of emotions. She was angry at their circumstances, but just seeing him there, waiting for her, made her chest swell with love. He was in pain, she was too. But they had each other, and it was enough to give her faith.
How was that possible? To be so devastated yet filled with hope for the future.
She hurried down the path, anxious to be near Theo again. To touch him. Tell him she was staying. That the darkness wasn’t coming for her anymore.
As she walked, she could make out the words to his song. He sang them loudly, not worrying if anyone heard or not.
“Sleep. Rest. In the rain, do your best. But always know, I’ll be your shelter. I’ll be your rock, answer when you knock. You never have to worry about me, I’ll be yours. And you… you’ll be mine.”
Mirena’s steps slowed. She didn’t want him to stop. She wanted to hear more. The words from his roughed voice calmed the storm inside her. She closed her eyes to absorb them as he sang on.
“Sleep. Rest. Your hard times are over. The storm is past. And always know, I’ll be your shelter. I’ll be your wall, standing tall. You never have to worry ‘bout me. I’ll be yours, because you… you are mine.”
Theo’s voice trailed off but he continued strumming, his fingers moving easily over the strings. He wasn’t tripping over the chords at all, and she knew he’d been practicing for a while, using the music to calm his bear like before.
She inched closer until she could sit next to him on the step.
His breath hitched but he never stopped playing his song. She would wait. As long as she needed to for him to be ready.
After a few more bars, he started singing again, repeating the same sweet words from before. Mirena rested her head on his shoulder and felt him practically vibrate at the connection.
When he finished the song this time, he let the chords die at the end of his fingers, and they were left in silence. There was only his harsh breathing, and her hiccups from crying so hard, and the night frogs that croaked a new song in the dark.
“Your song is beautiful,” she whispered.
Theo turned his head to stare down at her.
“It was supposed to be a lullaby. I wrote it when I decided on my plan to keep you.” His voice was rough and soft. “Wanted to sing it for our baby. The tiny little miracle that was going to keep you here, with me.”
Mirena’s eyes filled with new tears. Her bear was so sweet. Down deep where most people couldn’t see. He would have made the perfect daddy.
“I’m here,” she whispered.
He was silent, his breath sawing in and out of his chest, making his shoulders heave.
“You left. Earlier, you walked away. You will again.” His jaw ticked, betraying his barely contained emotion. He was trying to be strong. Always strong.
She pushed her love at him through their bond, desperate to ease him.
“I only left to go kill Nastia.”
Theo jerked his head around, eyes wide. “Did you?”
“Well, no. But I wanted to. Instead, I thought about you. And I cried. And I screamed. And I realized something amazing, Theo.”
“What’s that?” he asked carefully.
“There was no darkness pulling me. Even at this worst time, there was no draw to turn dark. No draw to dark magic at all.” Even with tears rimming her already puffy eyes, the fact that she was safe from transitioning brought an impossible smile to her lips.
Theo’s blue gaze searched her face, trying to make sense of her words. “What do you mean, Rena?”
She turned her face to press a kiss to his bare shoulder. His muscle jumped in reaction and his chest began that satisfied rumble he did sometimes.
“I’m safe,” she breathed. “You are my Anchor.”
“I’m…”
“You have anchored me, Theo. I’m not going anywhere, ever again.”
“Wait… me? I’m your Anchor?”
She looked into his eyes swirling blue to brown with his animal. “Yes, bear. You.”
“Are you sure? Really sure? I’m the one you connect with enough to hold you to light?”
“Of course it’s you,” she murmured. “I love you, Theo. I’ve never loved any one like this before. As long as you want me, I’m here.”
His breath churned as he stared at her, open-mouthed. His eyes burned with emotion, and she had a moment of hesitation. Maybe he wouldn’t want her if she didn’t come in a family package like he’d planned for. Maybe it wasn’t right for her to even expect him to. He’d missed out on so much already.
“Forever,” he rumbled. “I want you with me forever. Can we do that?”
“Yes.”
Mirena let out a relieved sigh. She wanted the same thing. She wanted to be his forever. Through the hard times and the good ones. Through the laughter, the milkshakes, the jokes, and through the tears, the heartbreak, the reality. She would do her damnedest to make him happy, but the truth was, there would be times like this, when happiness was a tiny blip in an otherwise horrible day.
She’d still be his on those days.
“Rena…” Theo whispered. “Are you
sure? If you tell me you’re sure, I’m going to take you inside and give you my mark so you can never leave me again. I’ll claim you with my claw so you know I’m always yours. But I want you sure, mate. I need you to be sure about me. I can’t… I won’t watch you walk away again.”
She regretted doing it earlier, even though she’d had her reason. But if she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have come to realize she was already anchored.
“I’m sure.” She said it with her eyes too, and with their bond, so he’d feel it. “I’m sure about this, Theo.”
He stared at her for several breaths, and then seemed to make a decision. His face went sexy hard, all his residual pain and uncertainty replaced with determination. He looked at her like he owned her, like she was part of what formed him now, and it was the single hottest thing she’d ever seen. The look of dominance took her breath away.
Theo set his guitar aside and stood, reaching for her hand and yanking her up to him. His eyes stayed glued to her face as he lifted her easily into his arms, and climbed the steps with her. He kicked the—broken?—door aside and walked inside with her.
“What happened to the door?”
“I busted it,” he clipped out.
Mirena frowned. She’d hurt him. Never intended to, but she did. The mere thought had tears forming in her eyes again.
“Don’t,” he ground out. “Forget it. You’re here now. We’re both hurting, but we’re going to heal. Right now, we’re going to heal. You’ll see.”
He stalked through to their bedroom, lowering her carefully to the floor, and making quick work of the buttons of her dress since she’d ripped several off at the cave. He brushed the sleeves down her shoulders, exposing her bra and the scar that represented so much more now.
Theo dragged his palm over her jaw, down the line of her neck and sternum, until he reached the dark pink web of flesh on her abdomen. His touch hurt, but not physically. It hurt inside where her longing heart was.
“Do you regret it?” His voice was so quiet it could have been lost in a fierce wind. “Do you regret taking my place since the sacrifice was so great?”
Mirena frowned. Did she? If she could go back, knowing the outcome, would she do anything different? It would mean Theo getting hurt. It would mean him dying since he carried no magic to counteract the darkness Nastia used. It would mean he wouldn’t be here now, but in return she’d have her womb intact. She’d have the possibility of a family.
