I smile. I really trust him to help me. I really trust him, period. "If I don't find anything by the end of the week, I'll give it a shot."
He leans down to press his lips to mine. He tastes good and this feels right. Even though it's wrong.
But I guess I have a dirtier mind than I thought, because I like that it's wrong.
It's making me hot all over, thinking about just how wrong it is.
When our kiss breaks, he leans down to whisper in my ear, "I want to fuck you right now."
Yes. Now. "I'm safe. I've never been with anyone. And I'm on the pill. If you're safe."
"I am." He runs his fingers through my hair. "Are you sure, Kay?"
I nod. "I trust you."
I trust him with anything.
Right now, I'm about to crumble. I need to surrender to Brendon. I need to let go of control.
I look up at him. "Get me out of my head. Please."
His hands go to my hips. In one swift motion, he pins me to the wall.
Then his mouth is on mine, claiming mine. I kiss him back, desperate to give myself to him, to be his for more than a few days.
He shifts his knee between my legs, rubbing me with the top of his quad. I rock my hips. The layers of denim make the friction rough. Already, I'm aching with pent up desire.
Brendon grabs onto my hips. Then he's guiding my pelvis over his leg faster and harder. The friction is intense. I have to close my eyes. I have to suck on his lips. I have to dig my nails into his shoulders.
He breaks our kiss to look into my eyes. "Come for me, angel."
Fuck, the edge to his voice.
Tension builds in my core. I'm almost there.
I let my eyelids press together. I let go of control of my muscles. My legs go slack, but he's got me.
He pulls my hips back and forth, grinding my pelvis against his. I can't believe we're still in our clothes. My sex is aching with desire.
Almost.
Almost.
There.
I scream his name as I come. I don't care that the neighbors will hear.
"Brendon." I scream it again and again and again. I collapse into his arms, catching my breath slowly.
He helps me back onto my feet. His stares at me with that look that demands I obey. "Strip for me, angel. I want you naked in front of me."
I want to be naked in front of him. More, I want to submit to him. I want Brendon leading me. I want him in control of my pleasure.
I pull my t-shirt over my head, then I unhook my bra. I take my time sliding it off my shoulders one strap at a time.
His pupils dilate as his expression fills with desire.
I want him so badly, my hands are shaking. I can barely unzip my jeans. But I do. I push them off my hips, shimmy them to my feet, then kick them away.
Brendon presses his palm against my panties. Then he's rubbing me through the fabric. "You always get this wet?"
I shake my head.
He rubs my clit with two fingers. "Only for me?"
I nod.
He rubs me harder. "Say it."
My sex clenches. This feels so good I can barely think much less talk. "Brendon… I… I only get this wet for you." My cheeks flush but I don't feel shy. I can't believe those words fell off my lips, but I don't feel shy.
He makes me feel dirty in the best possible way.
He rubs me with that same speed, that same pressure. I hold his gaze for as long as I can stand it. Then the pressure is too much and I have to close my eyes.
Almost.
There.
My sex pulses as I go over the edge again. Again, I groan his name.
When I've caught my breath, I look back into his eyes. "Fuck me. Please."
He pushes my panties off my hips. His eyes stay fixed on mine, but he says nothing.
"Please, Brendon. I want your cock inside me."
He pushes my panties to my knees. "Say it again, angel."
"I want your cock inside me." I push my panties to my ankles, then kick them to my feet.
He teases me with his fingers.
"Please." I spread my legs. "Please fuck me." My voice is needy and desperate, but that's exactly how I feel. I'm achy and empty and I need him inside me.
Now.
Brendon pulls his t-shirt over his head. He pushes his jeans and boxers to his knees.
The he's wrapping his hands around my hips. He lifts me and pins me to the wall.
I hold onto his shoulders for support. He's got me so thoroughly pinned I can barely move. But that only spurs me on.
Right now, I'm his.
And I really fucking like being his.
He shifts his hips so his cock brushes against my sex. I let out a deep sigh. It's divine but it's not enough.
He does it again. Again. Again.
I try to shift my hips to meet him, but he's got me pinned.
"Brendon, please. Please fuck me."
He presses his lips to mine as he teases me again and again. I have his tongue in my mouth but I don't have his cock inside me.
I need that.
He teases me again and again.
He teases me until I'm dizzy.
He pulls back. His eyes fix on mine as he fills me.
I feel every glorious inch. That's just him, just me, nothing in between us.
It's intense.
It hurts in a way that feels more good than anything.
He fills me with slow thrusts.
Then he gets harder.
Faster.
Fuck. That's a lot of pressure. But I still want more.
I want every inch of him.
"Harder," I groan. "Please."
His grip on my hips tightens. He fucks me harder. Harder. It hurts in the best possible way.
My eyelids press together. The world goes white, this blinding white, this beautiful mix of bliss and agony.
Fuck.
Brendon.
Fuck.
I get lost in the sensations of my body—his hard shoulders against my soft fingertips, his cock claiming my cunt, his wet lips on my skin, the sounds of his groans in my ear, the heaviness of his body against mine.
Then I'm there.
Again, I scream his name as I come. My entire world goes white. I lose track of everything but the pleasure spreading through my body.
Then he's groaning and grunting and he's there. I can feel his cock pulsing inside me. I can feel him spilling every drop as he pumps into me.
He doesn't release me until we're done.
He presses his lips to mine. "I could watch you come all day, angel."
My cheeks flush. "I think I can arrange that." I kiss him again. "I… I should clean up."
He nods and gets back into his jeans.
I grab my clothes and move into the bathroom.
My entire body is relaxed.
Free.
Maybe this, us together, is wrong, but I don't care anymore.
It feels right.
And not just for a few days.
It feels like it could be right for a long, long time.
Chapter 10
That night, the three of us eat dinner together. Em goes off to her room to catch up on work for her internship. Brendon stays downstairs and watches The Hunger Games with me.
The next day, I shift my focus to school. I pick up my books. I get to work on my summer assignments. Emma is at her internship. Brendon is at work. And now that I'm jobless, I have a very long day to fill.
Again, we eat dinner together. Again, I spend the night on the couch with Brendon. Then in his bed.
It's like that all week.
He works all weekend. Which means I have my usual girl time with Emma. But it's not right. Something is off. The secrecy is weighing on me.
I try to keep my mind off it as we hit the beach to scope out cute boys (for her, of course). As we shop for school clothes. As we head to the school library together, to force ourselves to finish our summer assignments.
Bu
t it's there, weighing on my mind.
The next week feels long and slow. Even as I start working at the tattoo shop. I like the atmosphere there. And I like the way the clients tease me about convincing me to get my first tattoo.
But it's a lonely job. Most of the time, I'm sitting at the front desk by myself, waiting.
I get lost in the pattern of the week. On Brendon's days off, he fills my heart and my body. He takes care of me, physically, mentally, emotionally. I crave his commands more and more. I crave them to the point I get cranky and achy my days without him.
To the point I'm snapping at Emma.
Two days before school, I go to the library to finish this last summer assignment. It's for my ethics class and all I can think about is how much I want to fuck my best friend's brother.
How much I'm lying to Emma.
I can't take it anymore.
I pull out my phone and I text him.
Kaylee: I want to tell Emma tonight.
All afternoon, the text sits there unanswered. When I'm done with my summer assignment, my back is sore, my brain is tried, and my phone is without a response.
All the way back to their place, my text sits there unanswered.
Emma is home on the couch, watching some indie film I've never heard of. She shoots me a smile. "Brendon's bringing takeout. He'll be here in twenty minutes."
Twenty minutes.
I have to tell her in twenty minutes.
Did he text her that?
Why didn't he text me back?
My stomach churns. I'm not sure which scares me more, Brendon not thinking this is forever, or Emma getting upset that it is.
She's my best friend. She loves me. She loves her brother. She won't love the idea of us together, but she loves the two of us enough to get over that.
If there is a two of us to get over.
"I should shower." I force a smile.
It must be believable, because Em smiles back. She holds her nose, exaggerating her you stink gesture. "I was just about to say that."
"Brat."
"You love it."
"I take the fifth." I climb the stairs. My head is in the clouds. I keep turning over all the possible worst-case scenarios. Emma is my best friend. Brendon is her only family. I can't take anything coming between any of us.
Instinct is the only thing that leads me into Emma's shower. It's what gets me to strip out of my clothes, wash up, change into jeans and a t-shirt from Emma's room.
Downstairs, the door opens. Brendon's strong footsteps move into the room.
Fuck.
He's here.
Which means I have to do this now.
Or maybe it means he's about to end it.
Or both.
I check my phone one last time—still no reply. Okay. I take a deep breath.
I can do this.
Maybe.
In theory.
I smooth my t-shirt and head down the stairs.
Brendon is setting up takeout and plates on the dining table. The table where he made me come. God, the house looks so different through my new eyes.
I lock eyes with him, but I can't figure out what he's thinking.
"How was the internship?" he asks Emma.
"Busy."
I slide into a seat and start filling my plate with half kung pao and half chow mein. Ah, greasy Chinese food. This looks perfect.
Emma sits next to me and fills her plate with all noodles.
She's smiling. Happy. She loves having me here.
She won’t love the idea of us together, but she loves the two of us enough to get over that.
If it's even something to love.
Staring into his eyes doesn't give me any clues. He's hard to read.
But even if he is done with this, I don't want our… well, whatever we should call it, I don't want to hide it from Emma.
I take a deep breath. I exhale slowly.
I open my mouth.
The words don't come out.
Okay, first a few bites of food. I try the chow mein. It's greasy and spicy and it's even better when mixed with the chicken. This is good comfort food and right now I need the comfort.
Emma and Brendon are talking about something. They're teasing about where she's going to live. They're looking at me for a response.
I have to say something.
I have to say this.
I down half my glass of water.
I look at Kaylee. "I… I slept with your brother."
Her eyes go wide. "What… you're…" she looks to him. "She's fucking with me, right?"
His expression gets serious. "Em—"
"Seriously?" She pushes up from her seat. "Is this your idea of looking out for Kaylee?"
"It's not him. I wanted to… Em. I…" Well, I can't exactly tell her that I begged him. I'm certainly not going to spill any more details. "I wanted to. I didn't realize it, but I've wanted to be with Brendon for a long time."
She shakes her head. "I can't fucking believe this. I… I need some air." She storms to the door. It slams shut behind her.
My hands are shaking.
Brendon looks at me. "You should go talk to her."
I nod. I should. I meet his gaze. "You're not… tell me you're not mad I told her."
"I could have suggested better timing." He motions to the door. "Go. You're the only person she listens to."
"Are we… are we good?"
"We will be."
"Okay… Good… I… I meant it. I have wanted to be with you for a long time."
"I know, angel. But right now, Em needs you more than I do. Go talk to her."
"I will." I grab my purse and I run after Em.
It takes me half an hour, but I find Emma. She's at our old hideout spot, an empty concrete cylinder just south of Muscle Beach.
It's a nice day. The sun is setting behind us. The air smells like salt.
I slide into the concrete cylinder with her. The crashing waves echo against the walls.
She looks at me with a hesitant smile. "This is familiar."
"Yeah." We always hid here when we wanted to be alone to whisper secrets. "Some things never change."
"Some things change dramatically in a very short time frame."
"True." I offer her my hand. "This is weird, huh?"
"Yeah."
"I should have asked for your blessing first. I… I wasn't planning on sleeping with Brendon, but he…"
"Don't go on." The bounciness returns to her voice. "Or… maybe do. No details, but did you enjoy it?"
"Yes." Hell yes.
She sticks her tongue out in disgust. "Not in my bed?"
I shake my head.
"Where in the house?"
"Um…" My cheeks turn red.
"Kaylee, you pervert. Tell me right now!" She holds up her hands, threatening to tickle me. "Tell me or suffer."
"I can take it."
"Ew… don't tell me he's… he's not into spankings or something."
I shrug, playing coy.
"Ew." She shakes her head, laughing through her disgust. Then she's moving towards me, tickling me mercilessly.
I have to fight my desire to thrash. We are surrounded by concrete.
She pulls her hands back and makes a truce motion. "Where did you have sex!"
"The couch."
Emma scrunches her nose. "You did not!"
I nod.
"Is that all?"
"The table."
"Where we just ate dinner?" She swats me playfully. "You really graduated from never having sex to kinky freak."
I laugh. "You have no idea."
"And I'd like to keep things that way." She shakes her head, teasing. "God, I can't believe it… you and Brendon." She leans back into the cylinder, relaxing. "But you know… I think it could be good."
The tension in my shoulders eases. "You do?"
"Yeah… you two are a good match. He's serious and bad and you're playful and good. I mean, you both work too hard and d
on't laugh enough. But not when you're around each other. Around each other, you're happy. You smile. And he smiles too."
"He does." I rest my head on Emma's shoulder. She's right. Brendon and I are good fit.
"You love him, don't you?"
"I think I do."
"For how long?"
"A long time."
She nods. "Do you think he loves you too?"
"I hope so."
"It's pretty fucked up, him being so much older than you."
I nod.
"But I still think it's good." She slides her arm around my waist. "As long as you promise to move in with me when I get my own place."
"I promise." I offer her my pinkie.
She pinkie swears with me. "You have any other crazy shit to tell me?"
"He wants to tattoo me."
"You, with a tattoo? I'll believe that when I see it."
I nod. Me too.
"Is that all?"
"Well…"
She raises a brow. "No more holding out on me, Kaylee!"
"He wants to get a pinup of me, a librarian pinup."
She cocks a brow. "Okay…"
"And he wants it to be naked."
She sticks her tongue out. "And you're okay with this?"
"He's an artist with a vision." I swat her playfully. "Who am I to deny him?"
"No way am I thinking about you naked every time I hug my brother."
"No one is making you think about it."
"Freak."
"Thank you."
"I still love you."
"I'll always love you, boo."
Chapter 11
After Emma and I walk back to the house, she makes an excuse about needing to have ice cream, right now.
She hugs me goodbye. "Don't take anything but I love you too for an answer." She blows me a kiss as she walks away.
I steel my nerves. Everything has been moving at light speed the last few days. But I'm starting to like trusting my gut instead of weighing everything carefully.
Sometimes, you have to jump in.
Sometimes, you have to put yourself first.
That's what I'm doing now.
I go to open the door, but it's locked.
Okay… that doesn't mean anything.
I knock.
It feels like it takes ages for footsteps to make their way to the door.
Finally, Brendon pulls the door open.
He gives me a slow once-over. "You okay?"
Begging for Bad Boys Page 28
