I want to cry, but I manage to wait until I return to my room at the bed and breakfast. Why would she do such a thing? I can see why Tony would probably hate me for that, but I don’t care about him. He’s nothing but second best. He took what’s mine. My love for Grace is stronger than ever, and I hate how I finally have the chance to be around her, but she's married and has a kid. Having a child is okay, but damn…I can’t, no, I won’t, be the reason a child’s secure and safe family structure is ripped away. I punch the wall in frustration before I begin pouring myself generous helpings of whiskey to take away my pain.
I wake up the following morning with the most terrible headache. Why in the hell did I drink so much? Why can’t I ever feel numb the morning after a drinking binge? I sit up shakily and grab my phone. At least I had enough of my mind left to charge it before I passed out. I look through my texts and notice Maxine has sent me several messages. The last one tells me she’s on her way to New York to see me. Shit! She’s just going to complicate matters. I try calling her, but her phone goes directly to voicemail. She must be on the plane already. Damn it. How does she even know where I am in America? What am I thinking? She and her father somehow always know everything about me.
I know I need to tell Grace that Maxine is coming, but I don't know how to tell her or even what to tell her. How can I say my no-strings-attached-fuck-buddy is coming on her turf to interfere with my life? Yeah, that’ll go over really well with a woman who already can’t trust me. I want to see Grace, even if I have bad news. Seeing her will make everything better. I take a shower and relax in my room until I’m ready to call Grace. She sounds like she’s sleeping, but she agrees to go to an out-of-the-way diner for lunch.
When I walk into the diner, I, of course, sit in a booth that’s assigned to the peskiest waitress ever. Her constant stops at my table to badly flirt with me aren’t working in her favor. I’m so preoccupied with trying to avoid eye contact with my waitress that I don't even notice when Grace comes in. Damn, I had wanted to enjoy the view of her walking in.
I look up as Grace slides into the booth across from me, not even giving me the chance to stand up and greet her with a hug and kiss. I take in her beauty, and my eyes stop at the deep cut of her shirt. Oh my – Grace is no longer a little girl anymore! My cock tightens, and I involuntarily lick my lips as I stare at the perfectly rounded mounds in front of me. They are the perfect size to fit into my hands, and I bet her… Grace starts to laugh, bringing me back to reality. I give her a sly smile as my eyes meet hers. Yes, she knows what’s going on in my mind. Shit, that just arouses me even more.
“Nice to see you again, Scott.”
“What’s so funny, love?” I have to gain control of this situation.
“I’m just remembering when we planned to run away with each other. What if we had runaway together? Would we still be together?” Wow. That wasn’t the answer I expected. Kudos to her for knowing how to bring me crashing back to earth! I sip at my water before responding because I’m not sure how to respond. I decide tackling the issue head on is the best choice.
“Yeah, I believe we would still be together and have a lot of kids.” And having lots of mind-blowing sex in every position possible, I think to myself.
Grace and I are locked in a stare when the waitress comes to take our order. I place my order then smile as Grace orders bacon and eggs with hash. That’s my girl! I feel an odd sense of relief that some things about Grace haven’t changed – she still loves her breakfast at all times of the day.
“I see you’re still eating breakfast at random times of the day. I’m glad some things haven’t changed,” I tell her.
“Of course. I didn’t want anything else when I was at Ms. Allen’s so I’d fill up at breakfast time.” Ms. Allen wasn’t a very good cook, but for some reason, Grace loved her eggs. Hey, at least Ms. Allen had one redeeming quality.
Grace’s phone chimes, and I watch her face light up a little as she focuses on whatever is on her screen. She laughs, and I look at her, wondering what, or who, has her so happy.
“Oh, that was Tony checking on me,” she informs me like it’s the most ordinary thing in the world. I nod my head and look out the window. I can’t help but feel a little sullen that another man is interrupting my time with Grace, even if the other guy is her husband. I don’t need the reminder right now! I can tell Grace is about to say something, but thankfully our food arrives right then.
“Let me know if you need anything. Enjoy,” the waitress says a little too cheerily, obviously trying to impress me. I don’t even pay attention to her since my eyes can’t leave Grace’s.
“Scott, what were you just thinking about?” Shit! I close my eyes and take a deep breath while I consider how I should respond. Again, I come to the conclusion that honesty is the best way to go.
“I see that you’re happy with Tony. I’m happy that you’re happy. Really, I am. But, what if I said I wanted one night with you to show you how much I truly miss you and care about you?” Grace starts choking on her water before she excuses herself and runs to the bathroom. I didn’t mean to startle her like that, but I want her to know exactly where I stand and what’s on my mind. Okay, maybe I did want her to be shocked so I could gauge her reaction. I’m about to go check on her when she returns to our booth. I take a moment to appreciate the way her tight jeans accentuate her curves as she slides into her seat. God, I want this woman!
Grace raises her head a little as she responds, “Sorry about that. I thought you were with that Rivers girl?” I start to laugh. Is this really her response to me telling her I want to have sex with her? But, knowing Grace, she’s trying to protect herself, so I need to weigh each of my words carefully before I speak.
“No. She’s just a very good friend, I promise. She knows all about you and how I feel about you.” I smile and reach out to grab Grace’s hand.
“All about me? What is there to tell?” Grace’s eyes widen as she takes in what I say.
“There is so much to tell. You’re my first and only love. Every girl I’ve been with has looked a little like you, but none of them could compare to you. Not even close because nobody else has your innocence that I love the most.” I know I should feel a little badly about using other women to try and replace Grace, but I remind myself that those women knew they were just bed warmers before they consented to sex. I hope Grace understands this as well. Grace was, and still is, the only woman I love – the only woman I’ve ever truly wanted in my bed.
“Who was the girl you were yelling at when I called?”
I sigh and rub my head before responding, “She was just some girl I was sleeping with. I’m not with anyone, Grace.” So much for my resolve to be totally honest with Grace! I cowardly tell myself that now is just not the right moment to explain my complicated relationship with Maxine, but I’ll tell Grace about her soon – when the time is right.
“Scott, when you left me, I tried to commit suicide twice and I starved myself,” Grace blurts out, unexpectedly changing the subject. My heart begins pounding in my ears at the news. No, not my Grace…my Grace wouldn’t try to end her life for any reason. My stomach sinks as I realize the depth of the hurt I caused the most precious person in my life. I get up and slide in next to Grace. I need to feel her closer to me to make sure she’s really still here with me.
“Grace, why would you do that? Not for me Grace, no.” I shake my head, silently begging Grace to tell me this wasn’t true. I’d never forgive myself if Grace killed herself because of my selfishness and inconsideration. I close my eyes and feel the tears slide down my cheeks.
The waitress interrupts our special moment when she brings the check and takes our plates away. I pay the bill and grab Grace’s hand to lead her out of the booth and into my Range Rover. We desperately need to get everything out in the open once and for all, but we need to do this in private. As difficult as it’s going to be to hear, I need to know exactly what consequences my ill-conceiv
ed actions had on my precious girl.
“Get in, Grace.” No other words are spoken until we arrive at a park where we can sit in the car and talk privately.
“Grace, why would you try and kill yourself? How long ago was this?” She looks into my eyes briefly before turning to look out the window. I know she can see the pain, sadness, guilt, and desperation in my eyes; I can’t hide how I’m feeling.
“The first time was about five years ago. Tony found me on the ledge of a bridge, ready to jump off. The second time was a few years ago when I took too many sleeping pills. Once again, Tony found me and saved me.” Oh, my God… Tony called me a few years ago… I knew Grace must’ve been in bad shape for her husband to hunt me down and contact me, but I had no idea… Fuck. I have to stop being an asshole and be honest not only with Grace, but with myself as well. Deep down, I knew that Grace had to have been in really bad shape. I’d suspected that she must have been suicidal for Tony to have called me – I would’ve done everything I could to save her life, too. I’d felt Grace’s desperation in my soul, but I chose alcohol and women to help me avoid dealing with it.
“Grace…” My voice cracks as I say her name. She reaches up to wipe the tears from my cheeks, and I lean my face into her hand.
“You don’t have to cry, Scott. I’m fine. Hell, I’m even better now that you’re here with me.”
“No, Grace, you’re not fine. You tried to kill yourself because of me. I’m the cause of your darkness, your heartache; I’m the pain in here…” I point at her heart. I broke her heart because I’m a fuck-up. Because I couldn’t keep my fucking promises to her, she entered a world so dark and desperate that she almost killed herself! She should hate me, but instead she pulls me close to her and runs her fingers through my hair as tears fall from her saddened grey eyes to mix with my own painful tears.
“Cheer up, Scott. You have me now. Maybe we can do this again tomorrow but with no crying.” I know she’s trying to lighten the mood, and I love her even more for it. I wipe my face and try to give her the best smile I can muster.
“Yeah, sure. Let’s get you back to your car.” We drive silently back to the diner where Grace’s car is, and she gives me a kiss before letting me know she’ll text or call later.
My mind’s all over the place as I head back to the bed and breakfast. Grace’s admission rocked me to my core and is causing me to think about all the choices I’ve made in the past ten years. I truly meant every promise I made to Grace. Even back at Ms. Allen’s, I couldn’t imagine my life without Grace. As the years passed, I kept telling myself that Grace was waiting for me and would be so happy when I came back for her. I never considered what she was really going through, what my choices did to her. Yes, I could’ve told her about Mr. Rivers’ offer right away. Yes, I could’ve called her once I got settled in England. Yes, I could’ve sent her letters and presents on special occasions.
The reality, though, is that I didn’t. If I’m honest with myself, I think I wanted to live life for me for a change. Sure, I can blame my absentee dad or my drugged out mom or all the different foster parents who never cared enough to keep me, but the truth is I can only blame myself. I enjoyed not having to take care of anyone but myself. I enjoyed doing whatever, and whomever, I wanted when I wanted. I only answered to myself, and it seemed like the greatest and most freeing way to live. I never once stopped to consider the consequences or long term effects on myself and Grace. I’m human; I make mistakes, but my choices are deplorable.
I don’t want to be the Scott Peters I created anymore. I want to find the good parts of Scott Fordham again and include them in my life. I realize that I’m meant to be a combination of my past, present, and future. I have to be the man Grace needs me to be. I have to be a better person to everyone around me, including myself. I know it won’t be easy, and I know it won’t happen overnight, but I’m determined to work on myself. Like a soccer ball, I’ve been kicked and beaten, but I’ll reach my goal. I choose to silence my phone and not to drink that night so I can be clearheaded as I make plans on how I can become a better Scott Peters and win my Grace’s heart back.
Shit! I forgot to tell Grace about Maxine coming. I know Maxine will be here at any time, so I need to get ahold of Grace. When I look at my phone, I notice I have several missed messages. Shit. I leave Grace several voice messages to call me back as soon as possible.
“Grace, I need to speak to you right away. It’s important,” I say urgently the moment she calls me back.
“You’re going to have to talk now because I’m on my way back home, and I’m pretty sure Tony will still be there.”
“Well…” Great, now I’m trying to avoid telling her again!
“Well, what, Scott? Spit it out. I’m almost home.”
“Maxine is coming here,” I admit quietly.
“She’s what? What about me? You came to New York to spend time with me, not her!” I knew she’d be upset, but I’m taken aback by the intensity of her reaction.
“Grace, I did come here for you. You know that. She’s only coming because the press is reporting that I’m here frolicking with a beautiful red head.”
“I could’ve given you a heads up about the leak to the press last night if you would’ve responded to my texts. What were you doing that you were too busy to text me back?”
“I wasn’t with Maxine, if that’s what you’re trying to insinuate. She’s just a friend. I fell asleep because I haven’t gotten much rest thinking about you, dreaming about what I want to do with you…”
“Don’t try and flatter me, Scott Peters! And don’t try to change the subject. ‘Friends’ don’t fly half-way around the world because of a story in some gossip magazines. There’s obviously so much more between the two of you that you aren’t telling me. You know what? No. Forget it. I’m done with this. Whatever, or whoever, you do is your business. I’m home now, and I’m going in to relax with my husband who is always here for me, even when he’s tired. Besides, at least I know I’m the only woman in his life!” Grace hangs up the phone without saying goodbye.
Well, that went well, I think sarcastically. I head downstairs to have breakfast, and when I return to my room, Maxine’s waiting for me. Geesh, this woman doesn’t waste any time. I ignore her as I pour myself an early morning shot of whiskey.
“Scott, aren’t you even going say hello? I came all the way here to see you because I missed you.” Maxine’s pout has no effect on me whatsoever.
“You came all the way here to check up on me, Maxine. You’re dying to know what’s going on with Grace and knew I’d never give you details over the phone.” I down my whiskey and pour myself another glass.
“I don’t understand why, after all these years, you felt the urgent need to come see Grace. Is she sick or something? Dying? You know she’s a married woman, so I hope you didn’t come here expecting to get her into your bed…”
“What is your fucking problem, Maxine?” I walk over to her and get my face as close to hers as possible so she won’t misunderstand a single word I say. “I love Grace. She’s the one and only woman I’ll ever love. I’ll do whatever she asks me; I’ll be whomever she wants me to be. From this moment on, I’m living my life for Grace, and mark my words, she will be mine again.”
Maxine smiles and licks my lips. What the fuck? I pull back. “Maxine, stop it! Did you hear anything I just said?”
“I love when you get all frazzled when we talk about your love. How about we do something to relieve some of your tension? You know I’m here to help.” I can’t help but stare at her with my mouth hanging open. Is she for real? What kind of crazy woman have I allowed into my life?
Maxine flashes me the smile that I noticed the first time I met her. She used to run into my room to hang out and talk when I was staying with her parents. We talked about anything and everything, and eventually I opened up and told her all about Grace. I thought we were developing a brother-sister type relationship, and I really e
njoyed hanging out with her. Then she started to flirt with me to get my attention, and I realized she had a crush on me. I always tried to ignore it and stick to sibling boundaries. She pulled out all the stops one night when we went to a club, and I could no longer resist her. Hey, I was still a man who loved sex. We went back to my flat that I’d just bought and had the best sex I could imagine. She wasn’t Grace, but she was an amazing substitute.
Maxine was great to have around. She accompanied me to events and cheered me on, and off, the field. The more time we spent together, though, I could tell that Maxine’s feelings were deepening toward me, but I chose to ignore it. I should’ve ended things with Maxine when she started having issues with my Grace tattoo and made me wear a shirt while having sex so she wouldn’t have to see it. When Maxine told me she loved me, I had to stop seeing her. Our relationship wasn’t built on love, and I knew it never would be. She and I were just supposed to be friends with benefits. I made it clear from the beginning that my heart belonged to Grace and only Grace. Maxine always came back to me even though she knew I’d never change my mind about our status or about Grace.
I’m brought out of my reverie by a pressure on my cock. I open my eyes to realize that I’m on my back with Maxine on top of me, stroking me.
“Well, thank you for coming back. I thought I was going to have to have sex with a dead man.” Maxine stands up to take off her shirt, and I remove my shirt to remind her where my heart belongs.
She makes a face and bites her lip, not wanting to say anything to push me away. I pull her onto the bed and fuck her just how she likes it. She enjoys it when I have rough sex with her. I really just want to be done with her, but Maxine can come in handy sometimes. After we finish, I don't even lie there to hold her. I sit on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands.
The Risk: Scott's Story (Runaway Love Series Book 2) Page 3
