Grunting, I slam down the glass in my hand and stand up before rubbing my hands over my face. “Fucking, Cale.” I reach for her arm and pull her up to her feet. “I swear he gossips just like a fucking chick.”
She quickly grabs for a beer and places it in front of one of her customers before rushing back over to me. “He called me this morning to see if I wanted to get off work early; said he needed some extra cash. He got on the subject of Aspen and it came out. He’s just as shocked as I am. Believe me.”
“Yeah. Well, you’re not the only ones. Don’t even ask me to explain it because I can’t. I wouldn’t even if I knew how so back off.” I lean against the register and watch as a few girls look at me from across the bar, smiling to each other. They’re both looking desperate; watching my every move as if their lives depend on it. I’m sure it won’t be long before they approach me and try to pull me into the back. I’ve had it happen more than once while working. It used to get me all worked up. Right now, I’m not even feeling it.
“Do you need to take a break?” Sarah stands next to me and eyes the two girls before nudging me. “I can handle the bar. I don’t need you.”
“Nah.” I push away from the register and start checking the bottles of liquor to see if any need to be replaced. I need anything to keep me busy. “Not this time.”
“Wow. Two surprises in one day,” she says teasingly while walking back over to clean the bar. “I don’t know how to take all this in.”
“Yeah, well I can be full of fucking surprises. Trust me.”
“Oh yeah. Well, here’s another one. Look who’s here.”
I turn behind me to see that Aspen and her friend have just walked in.
Fuck me. She is fucking beautiful.
Aspen’s eyes stay focused on me the whole time that her and Kayla make their way up to the bar. They both stop in front of Sarah and order a couple drinks. I see her trying hard not to look at me. I can tell it’s a tough struggle for her.
After the way we left things earlier, I’m not sure how the fuck to feel about her being here. I don’t get the way she was acting. I opened up to her and it feels as if she’s trying to keep me out.
Fuck that. I don’t need that right now.
Seconds later, Cale comes walking in and I focus my attention on him. Just the asshole I need to speak with.
The girls have taken their drinks and are heading over to one of the empty couches. Now would be a good time to give Cale a piece of my fucking mind.
I wait for him to step behind the bar before I get straight to the fucking point. “You have a big fucking mouth.”
He looks at me and then over to Sarah. “You can take off if you want. I’ve got it from here. I’m sure you don’t want to deal with this side of Slade.”
Sarah nods her head and grabs for her things. “Yeah, I’ll be more than happy to get the hell out of here.” She starts walking away, but then stops to look back at us. “I already closed out my tickets. You boys have fun now; just not too much without me.” She winks and takes off in a hurry, waving back at Aspen and Kayla.
“My bad, man. I didn’t think you’d get pissed about it. You’ve never been secretive about your sex life before. It just sort of came out. It’s a big deal. I still can’t believe it.”
“Yeah well, it’s a big deal for me too so let’s just drop it.”
“All right.” He looks over at Aspen and Kayla. “You do realize she’ll be leaving soon, right?”
“Yeah. So?”
“She probably won’t be coming back for a long ass time. There must be something special about her for you to let her get to you the way she has for this past week. Are you sure you’re willing to let her go?”
I take in a deep breath and release it. I look up to see Aspen laughing at something some moron is saying to her. I feel my stomach drop as I watch her having a good time with him. “Yeah. It’s not my place to have her stay. There’s nothing going on between us. She’ll be gone tomorrow and things will go back to normal.”
“Really,” Cale asks. “Is that why you’re breathing heavy right now and your fists are clenched at your sides?” He studies me from the side. He’s good as fuck at reading me. “You want to rip that guy’s head off right now; especially, now that he keeps getting closer to her as if he’s going to take her home. You’re about to freak the fuck out. Admit it.”
Fucking shit, he’s right.
I jump over the bar, walk up beside her and nod at the douche in front of her. He looks a bit nervous all of a sudden. Yeah, well he should be. “What’s up?” I step in between them, pull her to me by the back of her neck and press my lips against hers, immediately wrapping my hands in the back of her hair.
I kiss her hard; spreading her lips open with my tongue before picking her up and wrapping her legs around my waist. From the corner of my eye, I see the asshole has gotten the hint and has stepped away.
Smart move, mother fucker.
She moans softly before pulling her lips away from mine and running her tongue over them. She seems a bit shaken up by my bold move. “Umm . . . wow,” she breathes. “I mean. What are you doing?”
“Kissing you. Isn’t it pretty fucking obvious?” I pull her face close to mine before running my lips up her neck and stopping at her ear. “You like my lips kissing yours, sucking them and owning them. Just remember that.”
I set her down and walk away. I’m heated.
Cale watches me as I make my way past the bar and outside. I need a fucking cigarette right now. The thought of that guy even trying to take her home has my blood boiling. I need to relax before I break something. I’m not used to this kind of jealousy.
Inhaling the cigarette in record time, I make my way back inside and try my best to focus on anything but . . . her. I never once thought a woman could be such a fucking distraction. All I can do is think about taking her in the back and fucking her; making her scream my fucking name. It’s like my body can’t get enough of her. I just have to touch her and taste her. She’s in for it tonight. As soon as I get her ass home, she’s mine.
It’s been three hours since Aspen and Cale have gotten here and it’s almost time for me to get the fuck out of here. I don’t care what Cale says, she is leaving with me. She doesn’t need to hang out here all night while he works. Her friend Kayla left about an hour ago; said she had to leave for work. So, Aspen has been going back and forth between hanging out at the bar with me and Cale and talking to some girls she met while getting a drink earlier.
By the way she keeps looking at me, I can tell she’s just as ready to get out of here as I am.
“You taking off soon?” Cale’s voice causes me to look up from wiping down the bar.
“Yeah.” I toss the towel in the bucket and walk over to the register to see what tabs I need to close out still. “As soon as I close out these two tabs.”
I look up just in time to see Aspen waving the girls off that she’s been hanging out with. She laughs at something one of the girls says and then starts making her way over to us.
Just as she’s about to walk up in front of me, some guy calls her name, stopping her in her tracks.
“Aspen.” The guy has light brown hair, styled in the front and is wearing a black button down shirt with dark jeans. He’s about two inches shorter than me and almost as thick in build, but is clean cut.
There is something about the look on her face that I don’t like. She seems surprised and not happy at all.
She turns around slowly and rubs her hands down the side of her skirt. “Jay. What are you doing here?”
Jay as she called him, walks over to her and wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her body against his.
Without thinking, I take a step forward, about to kill this asshole for putting his hand all over her, but Cale stops me.
“Get the fuck off me, Cale.” I push his hand away, but he just pushes my chest harder. “Back the fuck up. That asshole is all over her.”
Cale takes a long, de
ep breath and then exhales. “Yeah well, that asshole is her boyfriend.”
What the fuck . . .
THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING RIGHT now . . .
Jay leans in and presses his lips against mine while lifting me in the air. Without thinking, I press my hands to his chest and push away from the kiss. This is so unlike me, but he doesn’t even take notice. “Damn, baby,” he moans, while looking down at my breasts and setting me back down to my feet. “You’re looking sexy today. It kind of makes me regret this last week.”
Kind of? Asshole!
I hear something break from behind the bar before I hear Cale calling out Slade’s name. When I look behind me, Slade is leaning over the register, gripping the counter, all of his veins popping out as his muscles flex. He looks like he’s about to kill someone. I cringe at the thought of Slade being pissed off at me. I have no idea how I’m going to explain this all to him. It’s not what it looks like; not exactly.
Jay looks over at the bar and shakes his head before slipping his hands up my skirt and cupping my ass. I instantly grab his hands and yank them away. I don’t like the idea of him touching me sexually in public. When it comes from him it makes me feel dirty; always has.
“Jay. I thought you weren’t coming until tomorrow. Why are you here today?” My heart races at the idea of leaving so quickly. I don’t know why, but I don’t feel ready; not one bit. “Why today?”
Jay flashes me his perfectly charming smile and grabs my chin, causing me to look into his brown eyes. They seem so dull compared to Slade’s. “I’m here to hang out with a few of my boys. They’re going out for a few drinks here soon. Figured I would come a day early and have a little fun of my own here in Chicago. Now that I see how incredibly sexy you look, I think I’ll swing by later tonight, pick you up and bring you home.”
“I . . . you should’ve at least told me. Called or sent a text. Something. What if I had plans?” I can’t help my eyes from landing back on Slade. They can’t seem to focus on anything but.
Jay laughs, bringing my attention back to him. It’s not just a laugh, it’s one of those laughs he does when he’s making fun of me. I’ve grown to hate it. He can be such a prick at times. “What is the fun in that? You know I’m a surprise kind of guy and you have plans? I doubt it. Don’t be stupid, Aspen. You know you never have plans that doesn’t include me and that’s the way it will stay.” He leans in and gives me a quick kiss before backing away. “I gotta go. The guys will be meeting up soon. It’s a good thing I remembered where you said Cale worked at. I love surprising you. I’ll text you in a bit for the address. Be ready when I get there.”
He backs away while laughing as if he still can’t get over the idea that I may have plans. It makes me want to scream. I hate when he makes me feel this way. Once he gets to the door, he turns around and heads outside without another word. Good thing for him. I don’t even know what to say or think right now.
I look down at the ground and take a few deep breaths, in an attempt to calm my racing nerves. I can’t even look up right now. I know how bad this must look to Slade and I’m not sure he’ll even give me the chance to explain. It’s why I got so nervous earlier when he was spilling his guts out to me. I just don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t have pushed for him to open up to me. It’s a bit hypocritical when I can’t even return the favor. I shouldn’t have let it get this far.
I stand here, not making an attempt to move until I see Slade’s shoes come into view. I hold my breath waiting for what’s to come next as I look up at him.
His expression is hard and cold; eyes so intense that it steals my breath away. “Outside. Now.” His voice seethes anger and could cuts like a knife.
I watch as he walks away and yanks the door open before stepping outside. I feel as if I can’t move. Why do I feel so fucking guilty? Slade is the one that pushed me to this point and he just wanted me for sex; nothing more. He used me. I play tug of war with the confusion in my mind, but . . . then why? Why do I feel like total shit right now?
I gather myself and start heading for the door. Cale tries stopping me, but I hold my arm out to show him that I’m doing this. I need a chance to explain myself. I can’t stand the thought of leaving with Slade hating me. It’s just too much and would eat at me forever.
When I step outside, I look around but don’t see Slade anywhere. I catch a movement in my peripheral vision and he steps around from the back of the building with a cigarette in his mouth. He’s pacing back and forth, not even bothering to look up at me. I can see him shaking as he pulls the cigarette from his mouth and blows the smoke through his lips quickly. He’s really worked up over this and it somewhat surprises me.
He stares off into the distance for a few minutes, before finally walking toward his truck and nods for me to follow.
I take small steps while going over a speech, trying to think of the best way to explain Jay. It’s not an easy thing for me to talk about. Once I get next to his truck, he backs me up against it and places his hands on either sides of me so his hands are pressed against his truck door.
He leans in close to my face; so close I can feel the warmth of his breath kissing my lips. “You have a fucking boyfriend?” His jaw steels as he looks me in the eyes. They hold nothing but pure rage. “This whole fucking time you’ve had a boyfriend and you couldn’t have fucking said something.” He slams his hands against the truck before punching it. “I opened up to you. I let you in and told you things I haven’t talked about in years. I don’t like cheaters. It’s one thing that I hate. I know what I do isn’t much better, but at least I’m always honest first. Fuck, Aspen!”
I take a deep breath and slowly exhale. I feel like bursting out in tears right now, but I won’t let it happen. I won’t. “It’s not exactly what you think, Slade. You know nothing about what I’ve been through over the years with that man. You have no right to accuse me of being a shitty person without even listening to what I have to say.”
“What? What do you have to say? That you just needed to get away for a bit and clear your fucking head and then I came along and you decided to just let me fuck you knowing that your boyfriend would never find out. Did you think you could just go back to living your happy fucking life with him? Is that it?”
I feel the anger building up inside as he looks at me accusingly. I didn’t want this. I didn’t ask for this. I will not be judged without him even having proper cause.
I push his chest to try to give us some distance, but he doesn’t move. “Fuck you, Slade. Fuck you!” I push him again, but decide to give up. He isn’t budging. “It was him that didn’t want me. You want to know why I’m here. I’ll tell you why. It’s because he decided he needed to fuck other women for a while. He needed a little space before he could give me his full attention. He expected me to be the good little girlfriend while he was back home fucking who knows what. I was supposed to be here just clearing my head and trying to deal with what I had to do to keep him mine. Then, you fucking came along and I caved into you. I broke my own rules for you. I said I wasn’t going to stoop to his level because I loved him too much, but you just had to come along and make me want you; Mr. Irresistible.”
I give him another shove and this time he lets me push him away enough for me to escape him. I can’t look him in the eye right now. I feel too low; the only thing that makes me this way. “We’ve been together for five years. I was afraid of losing him. I was prepared to do anything I could to prove to him that my love for him was strong enough to handle anything. It killed me to know that I wasn’t enough for him; that he needed other women to satisfy him.”
Clenching his jaw, he punches the truck and leans against it. “So you were just going to let him go around fucking everyone and then come back to you like nothing ever happened?”
“Yeah, well. If you must know, I knew how he was to begin with and I let myself fall for him anyways. He was the kind of guy always out to find the next best fuck; staying out late at night and not coming home
sometimes. All the lies. The fucking lies.” I stop to wipe a tear off as it falls down my cheek.
I hate letting people see me breakdown. I hate showing what Jay does to me. “All I wanted was for a chance to make that change. I thought if I did this . . . that . . . that he would finally just be mine; that he would love me with everything in him just as I have loved him all along. I thought that I could be enough for once.”
It’s silent for a few seconds before once again, I am pushed up against his truck with his body blocking me in. He wraps his hands in the back of my hair and pulls my face close to his so our lips are almost touching. “If he doesn’t see that you’re enough, then he isn’t fucking worth it. He’s fucking blind. You deserve better.” He pauses and his eyes lock with mine. “Tell me you’re not going back with him.”
“Yes,” I whisper. “I have to.”
He presses his body against mine and his arms flex as his grip on my hair tightens. “No you don’t. Fuck him. He doesn’t deserve you. You deserve someone better than him . . . better than the both of us, but I’m fucking stingy.”
He runs his hands through my hair and brushes his lips against mine. “Stay here, Aspen.” His breath softly caresses my lips as his breathing picks up. “Don’t leave with him. Let me give you a reason to stay.”
I sigh against his lips, fighting myself. “It’s not that easy. I can’t just throw five years away. We have a lot of history. We live together. He was my first. I can’t just walk away.”
“How do you feel about me,” he growls.
“It was fun, Slade,” I manage to whisper.
Pushing me harder against his truck, he leans into my ear. “That wasn’t the fucking question. Fuck!”
Feeling trapped, I slap him across the face. I don’t know why. I’m just so fucking scared to answer this question; scared of knowing the answer. He always finds a way to push me.
“You like that? Did it fucking feel good?” He presses his erection against me, causing me to moan against his lips. “Harder, dammit.”
Walk Of Shame Page 13
