“I’m guessing you paid Mitch a visit?” She nods her head. “Yeah. Figures he wouldn’t tell me.”
I tilt my head to Cale before reaching in my pocket for my keys. I toss them to him and he quickly catches them. “What’s this for, man?”
“Take my truck. Come back after work and I’ll have yours ready.” I give him an impatient look as he just stands there staring. “Any day now.”
Cale looks at Onyx while backing away with a smirk. “Take it easy on the guy.” He winks before turning away and jogging to my truck.
Onyx walks over and stops right in front of me. Her eyes search mine for a moment before she pulls them away. “I need to ask you something and I need you to be-”
“Yeah,” I answer, already knowing what her question is going to be. It’s the one thing she wanted the whole time we had been together. “I’m clean. For three years now.”
She looks back up and her eyes soften for a brief moment before she puts her guard back up. “How do I know you’re telling the truth? That kind of life isn’t easy to give up.”
I take a step closer and lean down close to her face. Our lips are so close to touching that it takes all my strength to not kiss her. “I may have been a piece of shit, but did I ever lie to you?”
Hurt flashes in her eyes before she quickly shakes it off. “I don’t know,” she whispers. “Do you even know?”
A pain aches in my chest, knowing what she means. I was so damn messed up most of the time that I don’t even remember a lot of shit that happened. “I would like to believe that I know.” I wrap my hands in the back of her hair liked I used to in the past. Her eyes close as I start to massage my fingers through it. “I’ve missed this.”
I press my body against hers, causing her to let out a small moan. “I can’t think when you touch me like this, Hemy. You should stop. Now,” she says breathless.
“I can’t think when I look at you. I never could.” I turn us around and back her into the garage and against Cale’s truck. I can tell how much my body against hers is breaking her willpower, and I can’t help but to use it to my advantage. I press my leg between her thighs and grind into her. “You feel good in my arms, baby. You see how good this feels?”
“Hemy. I didn’t come here for this.”
“Answer me,” I breathe. “We’ve always been honest with each other. Don’t change that now.”
She lets out a small breath and tangles her fingers in the back of my hair. “Yes,” she moans. “Physically it feels great. Emotionally, it terrifies me. I’m not letting you in, Hemy. I’ve learned my lesson.”
I run my hands down her back before cupping her ass in my hands and running my lips up her neck. “Oh, but I want in. Deep.” I suck her earlobe into my mouth before whispering, “You remember what it feels like to have me inside you? The way you moaned out my name and pulled my hair. That mix between pain and intense pleasure. It can be even better now.”
Her head tilts back as she falls into my touch. I can hear her breathing pick up as I squeeze her ass tighter. “Don’t make me think about sex. It brings back bad memories.” She grips onto the hood with one hand as I kiss her neck. “Questions. The fear of you being with other women. All those hands groping you. How am I supposed to get over that? Maybe I want a little fun of my own.”
My body stiffens from her words. As much as I hate it, she’s right; because of my fuck up she had to live in fear of me being touched by other women. The thought makes me sick now. I need to somehow make it up to her. “What do you need? I’ll fucking do anything for you.”
“Do you realize how many women I had to see touch you while you were passed out? Every time I close my eyes I picture someone’s hand down your pants. Their hands on my man. That image does a lot of damage. You’ll never get that until you have to deal with it yourself. I just can’t. I can’t be with you like that again, Hemy. Ever.”
Her grip tightens on my hair as I wrap mine in the back of hers and lean my forehead against hers. “I can arrange that,” I grumble. “I’d have to fight my hardest not to kill someone, but I get where you’re coming from. I would do it. I would watch it even though the thought kills me.”
She looks at me in shock and laughs in disbelief. “Are you joking?” I shake my head and her face becomes serious. “And what if I want a threesome? Would you do it? With another man?”
I brush her hair over her shoulder and kiss her neck, then her chin. “If it involves me touching you or tasting you . . . then yes. I will do anything you tell me to. Even that.”
She pushes away from me and turns around. “Shit, Hemy. I was joking.” She grips the top of her hair and tilts her head back. “Why did you have to say that? You’re supposed to make it easy to not want you in that way. I’m not supposed to want to touch you, but I do. No man turns me on like you can and it drives me mad.”
I don’t want to hear about other men. I just want her anyway I can. “Stay with me tonight.” I know her answer will be no, but I try anyway. “You don’t have to let me in emotionally; not yet at least. Just let me take care of your needs.”
“Hemy,” she warns. “I have to work tonight, and that’s a horrible idea. Do you realize what kind of shit that will start?”
“Yes,” I admit. “Why do you think I asked?”
“Dammit, Hemy. I have to go.” She takes off walking down the driveway as fast as she can on her tall heels. “Bye.”
Without a second thought, I jog down the driveway, grab her by the waist, and turn her around to face me. “Not yet. There’s something I’ve been waiting four years to do.” I grip the back of her head and slam my lips against hers, running my tongue over the seam of her lips for access.
All of my breath leaves my body as she opens up and kisses me back, her arms snaking around my neck. It feels like the past four years disappearing between us and it feels like we are back in the past. My tongue desperately seeks hers, sucking it into my mouth as I back her up against a little blue car and cup her face in my hands.
Pressing my body against hers, I tug on her bottom lip before releasing it. Both of us stand here panting while looking into each other’s eyes. I can barely catch my breath.
Standing here, looking in her eyes, I realize the distance between us still remains and I have a lot of work to do in order to close the gap. But I’m willing and in it for the long haul.
“I never want to hear bye come out of your mouth again. I’ll be waiting for you. I’ve waited for four years. Don’t think I will give up now.”
I turn and walk away before she can say anything. I don’t want her to. I want her to think about the last thing said between us. It gives me more confidence that she will show up at my doorstep tonight.
I hear a car door slam behind me, but I refuse to turn around. I never want to have to see her driving away from me again.
Within a few seconds, she starts the car and I hear it pull away. I walk over and stand in front of Cale’s truck for a few minutes before walking inside and grabbing my phone.
I dial Nico’s number and wait for him to answer.
“Yo. What’s up, bro?”
I grind my jaw and take a deep breath. “I need you to do me a favor. Tonight.
Damn. I can’t believe I’m doing this . . .
I PULL MY HARLEY INTO the back of Walk Of Shame and kill the engine. I haven’t stopped thinking about my plans for tonight since Onyx drove away from my house. It’s had me on edge all damn day.
I’m here to ease my mind a bit. Not to get plastered, but to douse the anger that is building inside at the thought of another man touching Onyx. I want to protect her, but at the same time . . . I want her back. I want to take care of her needs and ease her mind.
It may hurt like a bitch, but I deserve it. I hurt her far worse than I can ever imagine. I was her weakness. I broke down her walls while keeping mine up. I was too broken to let her in. I had lost everyone that I loved in life and I was afraid of letting myself love anyone else. I was afraid
that if I lost one more person that it would push me over the edge. The day she walked out my door was the day I realized I had loved her all along. Made me realize I wasn’t as damaged as I thought.
This is her payback. I need to feel her hurt, drown in my own pain and suffering. I’ll do whatever it takes and you better believe I won’t back down.
I see Stone as soon as I walk through the door. He nods to me with a wink while grabbing some chicks head and grinding his cock against her face.
I nod back and go to find Cale at the bar. It’s a Tuesday night; it’s one of our slowest days.
“What’s up, man.”
Cale slides a glass in front of the girl across from him before cashing her out and slipping the change into his tip jar.
“Not shit.” He smiles, flashing his deep set of dimples. “Just enjoying this relaxing night. I sometimes forget how nice it can be to just bartend. No screaming girls in my damn ear. You know?”
“I hear ya.” I pull out my wad of cash and throw him a ten. “Give me a beer.”
Cale reaches below him in the fridge and slams a beer down in front of me. “You look like you need one. Things didn’t go well with your girl?”
I give him a hard look and grind my jaw, trying to keep my cool. “Depends on what the hell you consider good.” I tilt back my beer and look up at him. “Let’s just say I arranged a little fun for her tonight and it has me a little on edge.” I run my hand through my hair and tilt my head back. “I deserve it though. I have no right to be mad.”
“Ouch. You just have to think of it this way. At least she wants you there for her fun. She could want to do whatever that is without you. It’s a step, my man.”
I nod my head while slamming back more of my beer. I sit here in silence for a moment and try my best to think of the positive shit this could lead to. “I suppose your ass is right. If it’s one step closer to making her mine again then I’ll do it and show her how far I’m willing to go for her this time.”
Cale jumps up to sit on the bar and slaps my shoulder. “Right on. You know no woman can resist the Hemy charm.”
I tilt my head up and give him a dirty look. “She left me, asshole. It obviously doesn’t work on her.”
“Yeah. And that’s why you have to show her the new Hemy charm. Has any other woman been able to resist you?”
I shake my head while finishing off my beer.
“Exactly!” He jumps down from the bar and fetches me another beer. “She’ll come around. Now drink that and get the hell out of here. I have shit to do.”
He backs away with a smile while giving me the middle finger with both hands before turning around and helping another customer.
I’m going to please my woman and make her mine again. I don’t care how . . .
I’VE BEEN OFF WORK FOR the last hour, trying to get my head straight. I spent the whole night lost in thoughts of Hemy, and trying to decide what I should do. He hurt me. He hurt me numerous times and the visions I have of him playing in my head are like a poison. They’re draining me bit me bit, making it hard to even function.
We weren’t supposed to meet up like this. I was supposed to have more time to prepare. I was hoping he wouldn’t recognize me at first and that I would have more time to feel him out, to see if he has changed. I have something to tell him. This is something that will change his life forever, but I need to know that he is clean, and the only way to do so is to spend time with him.
I have no idea how I’m going to be able to hang out with him without wanting him. That’s why I have to be careful. I have to do whatever I can to keep him at a distance, and to keep my heart safe. The kiss that he surprised me with still has my heart beating wild and my legs trembling. It was all too familiar and reminded me of what I’ve been missing.
“You can do this,” I whisper while looking into the mirror. “You’ll just go there and feel him out.” I grip the sink and close my eyes.
I need to do this. The only problem is, I have no idea what he has planned. Hemy is wild. If he thinks I want a threesome with him and another man, he’ll find a way to make it happen. He has a way of getting anything that he wants. He’s better at this than I am. That’s why I have to push back and not give him the alone time he needs to win me back. If he wants me physically, the only way I’ll be safe is by making him share me. Once he gets me alone, he wins.
I open my eyes and take a deep breath as the bathroom door pushes open to Ash peeking in. Her dark curls fall over her shoulders when she smiles. “Hey,” she whispers.
I force a smile and choke back my emotions. I know I’m doing the right thing. “Hey, sweetie,” I reply. “You do good on tips tonight,” I ask as a distraction.
She pushes the door open and leans against the frame. “I did great on tips.” She looks me over and frowns. I guess the distraction didn’t work. “What’s been up with you tonight? You’ve been acting strange. Is everything alright?”
Not really. Not yet. “I’m good,” I lie. “I’m just feeling a little off tonight.” I push away from the sink and turn to walk toward the door. “There’s an old friend of mine that I haven’t seen in a while. It’s just bringing back a lot of old memories.”
She smiles in understanding and nods her head. “Memories are the last thing I want to think about. Hopefully yours are a lot better than mine.”
I run my hands over my dress to dry my sweaty hands. If only she knew. “Some are good.” I smile. “I’m heading out for a while. I’ll be back.”
She takes a step back, allowing me to walk through the door. “Onyx.” I stop and turn around. “Will I get to meet this old friend?”
I swallow and nod my head. “Someday.”
I turn and walk to the door as fast as I can.
I hope I’m strong enough to do this . . .
NICO ARRIVED ABOUT AN HOUR ago. Of course he is always down to do whatever I ask. It’s been that way since the day I met him. It’s nice having someone you can rely on.
“You want another beer, man?”
I tilt my head to look at Nico. He’s standing by the fridge, dressed up in a black button down and dark jeans with his light hair styled back. He can hold his own when it comes to physical attributes. Getting girls is never a problem for him. I have no doubt that he won’t please Onyx. The thought kills me, but I won’t let it win and bring me down. I will smolder it on contact. She needs this. I need to give it to her, so maybe we can move on from the past. People like to say not to get even, but it’s the only way to lay things to rest.
“Nah. I’m good.”
My heart jumps to my throat when I see a car pull up in front of the house. I knew she would show. The question was when. It’s already past three a.m. Not that it matters. She’s here and that’s what counts. It just gives me the confirmation that a part of her still wants me. Whether it’s just physical, emotional, or both, I will find out soon enough. Time. Just a little more time.
A light knock sounds at the door, causing Nico to set his beer down and lift his eyebrows. “She’s here, man.”
“Yeah,” I whisper to myself. “Let her in. Just remember what I said. Don’t push the limits,” I say firmly.
I walk to the bathroom and close the door behind me. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought. I’m already fighting the urge to crush Nico for touching her. I never was one for sharing. That’s what makes it even harder knowing that she felt like she had to. Being sober makes it easy to feel what she must have, and brings it all forth to the light. I hate myself for always keeping her in the dark.
I take a deep breath and slowly exhale as I hear their voices in the distance. I can’t make out what they’re saying, but I can hear the tone in Nico’s voice. He’s getting himself ready and easing her in for what’s to come.
“Fuck.” I hit the sink before leaning into it and resting my head against the mirror. “Don’t be a pussy. This is for her. She deserves this,” I tell myself. I need to get this over with, and fast. No putting it off.
It’s time to get straight to the meaning of this visit and show her I’m willing to fight for her this time. No pussying out.
Pushing the door open, I walk through the hall to meet them in the living room. Onyx instantly spots me and freezes in her tracks. She looks stunning in her little black dress and heels. It’s enough to take my breath away. The ink on her skin only adds to it, giving her a sexier edge now, which is my kind of woman; although, my kind has always only been her, and always will be.
She clears her throat and looks between Nico and me. She looks slightly nervous, but quickly shakes it off. “Well, I’m here, Hemy.” She runs her fingers across the wall while making her way over to the couch, seductively. She looks over her shoulder at me. “Are you sure you can handle this?” The girl I knew four years ago is forever gone. I need to keep reminding myself. We are on a different game level now.
I swallow back my anger and focus all my energy on pleasing her. I just need to remember that she needs this to move on from the world of hurt I bestowed on her. She needs me to feel what she felt. “I can handle a lot of shit. Pleasing you is one.” I nod my head toward Nico. “This is Nico. He’s yours to do with as you please.”
“Nico.” She smiles while leaning against the back of the couch. “I like that name. Come here, big guy.”
Nico looks at me in hesitation before I motion for him to go. The faster, the better, cause after this is done, she’s staying with me. I don’t care what it takes. She’ll sleep in my bed and wake up in my bed.
Already knowing the plan, Nico walks over to stand in front of Onyx. He wraps one arm around her waist while fisting her hair and kissing her neck.
Onyx lets out a little moan as her eyes connect with mine. I hold her stare and bite my bottom lip as I nod my head for her to go on. I’m not surprised that she’s a tad hesitant.
Grabbing onto the top of Nico’s shirt, Onyx pulls him into her, causing them both to fall over onto the couch. His lips instantly seek hers as he buries himself between her legs and squeezes her bare thigh.
Walk Of Shame Page 21
