by Angie Hayes
That night I decided to go with Candy just to get my mind off of the bullshit, and hopefully to have a little fun. We were standing in line for pizza when Candy saw a guy that she’d grew up with making his way toward us.
“Girl I know him.”
“Who?” I asked as I scoped the crowd.
“The dude walking this way with the orange shirt and blue jeans. His name is Omar.”
“Oh, the cutie with that fine ass guy walking next to him?” That was the first time that I’d laid eyes on Troy. Since I had been with Rodney, I’d never paid any attention to any other dudes, regardless of how much they flirted with me. I never gave them the time of day. However, considering the fact that I was tired of Rodney’s constant bullshit, and Troy’s swag was on a thousand, he had my un-divided attention.
“What’s up shorty?” Omar said as he approached us. He reached in and gave Candy a hug.
“Hey boo, long time no see. I see you’re looking good.” Candy replied as she flirted. That bitch could smell money on a nigga from a mile away, and once she did, she went into action mode.
“Shit you looking tight yourself. What you been up to?”
“Just living.” Candy smiled.
Candy and Omar continued to flirt, totally ignoring Troy and I in the process. I pretended to not pay Troy’s ass any attention while I waited in line, even though I felt his eyes sizing me up.
“Oh, my fault for being rude, this is my girl Alicia.” Candy grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to her.
“A’ight, what’s up Alicia? This is my boy Troy.” Omar said getting Troy’s attention.
“Hey y’all.” I smirked, and turned my attention back to the line in front of me.
“Well hello Ms. Alicia, how are you doing?” Troy asked with a huge smile on his face. I could tell that he was flirting, and although I got flirted with constantly, it was something about the way he did it. I knew I was pissed at Rodney, but Troy had me curious so decided to play along for a while.
“I’m fine, how about yourself?” It was then that I finally turned to face him. Instantly I noticed just how fine Troy was up-close. He had baby smooth skin, with a beautiful smile and bright white teeth. His hair was cut low, with a clean lineup and I found myself stuck in a trance as I stood there.
“I can definitely see that your fine. What are you about to order?” He inquired.
“A slice of New York style pizza and a Pepsi.”
“I’m getting the same. How about you let a nigga skip you in line and I’ll just get both ours.” Seeing no problem with letting him treat me, I allowed Troy to cut, and purchase both our meals. Once I got my pizza and drink, I thanked him and proceeded to walk away.
“Damn Ms. Alicia, you just gone take food from a brother and bounce like that.” Although he laughed, I sensed some seriousness in his tone.
“Well thank you. What more do you want, for me to sky write: Thank you Troy for this oh so delicious pizza?” I giggled.
“I see you got a sense of humor to go with all that sexiness. I like that. How about you give me your number and we can tell jokes to one another frequently?” Now I may have been flirting back with him, but I’ve never given my number to another guy before. I never felt the need to, but again Troy had me interested and I was at the end of the rope with Rodney and his fucking foolishness. I knew our relationship was over, even before I actually walked away. We weren’t even fucking anymore. Basically, we were roommates, only speaking to one another when we argued. I thought Troy was what I needed to get my mind off of Rodney, at least until I figured out what I was going to do about he and I.
Thinking back I don’t know what the hell I was thinking…
Chapter Four
Cassandra
It amazes me that after nine years of marriage, Troy still thinks that I’m just as dumb and naïve as these little heffas in the streets that he fucks with. Hell, many believe that I am, especially my family. To stay married to a man that I know not only cheats on me, but has also had outside kids by different women is stupid, even to me. I often ask myself why I’m still here. I love Troy, don’t get me wrong. He’s my husband, he takes care of all of the bills, and he’s a good father to our two kids. Being eight years younger than me, I wonder why Troy sticks around. Maybe it’s because I don’t ask for much. I’m simple, and not materialistic. I don’t go out to clubs at all, and truthfully all I need is a Lifetime movie and I’m good. My main concentration is being a good mother to my kids. My children are my life, and I’m dedicated to making them happy. Besides, I knew what I was getting myself into when I decided to marry Troy, I just never that it would be this much. My husband is the epitome of disrespect when it comes to our marriage.
You want to know how I found out about his other kids. Let’s see, the first child was revealed in the form of a paternity test that came through the mail. Yeah, the bastard had the nerve to the have the papers come to our house, as if he thought I wouldn’t check the mailbox. I came to the conclusion that it was more than likely his coward ass way of telling me, without exactly telling me. Now the second one I didn’t know about until the little girls mother showed up at my fucking door, with Troy’s twin starring me in the face. I remember my heart dropped when I saw her, because I couldn’t deny that she was his. I didn’t let her see that, because as always I put on a show for the young hoe, and acted as if I didn’t give a damn, even though it was killing me inside. The shock on her face showed when I told her to take it up with him, and slammed my door. After he promised to never let it happen again, I received yet another child support order in the mail. When that happened, I put in my mind that I was done caring. Troy had beaten me down so much that my heart was numb. Of course he tried to pull the “That ain’t my baby.” card with each of them, but this muthafucka had strong genes, so even a blind person could see that all three of them were his.
That was around the time that my self-esteem really went to hell. Am I’m beautiful, no, but I don’t believe that I’m ugly either. I’m what you would call a plain Jane kind of girl. That’s why people thought it was so it was odd when Troy and I got together. It wasn’t to me because even though Troy was younger than me, we clicked, because he had an old soul. That was then, but now I feel like I’m just an old maid to him. It doesn’t make it any better than every time I encounter one of his side chicks, seeing them makes me sick to my stomach. They are always much younger than me, more stylish and even slimmer. Add that to the fact that not only did Troy cheat with these bitches, but he always slid up in them raw and ended up with babies by them hoes.
Each and every time a baby popped up, I ran out and got tested. I have two precious kids to worry about and don’t have time to be getting sick because my husband can’t keep his dick in his pants. Plus I didn’t know any of those bitches from Adam, and didn’t know if my husband was the only one they were fucking. So now you can see why I was tired a long time ago. When it comes to not caring about things, my feelings aren’t the only things that Troy could give a damn about. When it comes to his other kids, he never interacts with them. Not only that, but the bastard barely pay the child support that he’s ordered to pay by the courts, even though it’s only pennies. Then when they lock his ass up, it’s me who has to dip into our savings just to bond his ass out.
I know it sounds like I’m angry because he doesn’t deal with his other children, but I’m not. To be honest, I don’t encourage him to be in their lives, so I really don’t care. My only concern is my babies, and that he’s in their lives. Yeah, I know that’s selfish and some would say I’m contributing to the problem but I don’t give a fuck. Those bitches knew they were lying up with a married man, so what did they think would happen? Did they believe that having his baby would make him leave his family? Bitch please…they were just names added to the list of Troy’s “projects”. That’s how I look at it. I know Troy would never leave me, because I make the life he has comfortable, and even though I’m tired of his bullshit, I still love him.
Chapter Five
Troy
Alicia’s ass got a slick muthafuckin mouth. That’s why I have to knock her on her ass from time to time, just to remind her who the boss is. She’s the youngest chick that I’ve ever dealt with, so I wasn’t use to the slick shit. When I first met her it was supposed to be a fuck thing with no strings attached. I was going to use her until I got tired of her ass, and then bounce. Shit just didn’t turn out the way I planned it. In the beginning, I actually wanted to see what lil mama was all about, you know, see where her head was at. That night we actually had a good time. The conversation was on point; she was funny, and sexier than a muthafucka. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t try to fuck her, but oddly enough, she turned a brother down. I liked a challenge, because these hoes that I usually deal with make it too easy for a nigga. I figured since she was young and had a good head on her shoulders that I’d keep fucking with her for a while. In no way, shape or form did I see me developing feelings, and falling in love with her ass.
Yeah, I said it; a nigga is in love with Alicia. She just sets a new vibe for me. I’ve dealt with a lot of bitches in the past, in fact I still have some of them on my team, but Alicia is the wife away from home. She’s independent, has her own crib, car, and holds down a job. Baby girl has all of this, and still makes time to go to college, where she studies to be a nurse. Normally these younger bitches be out here on every scene, fucking niggas left and right just for the almighty dollar. All these hoes are looking for is a meal ticket. That’s why I never fuck with them like that. I always ventured to the older bitches that already got that bullshit out of their systems. Instead of popping it on the dance floor, all they want to do was cater to a nigga. Alicia isn’t like these loose ass hoes, and that’s one of the things that I love most. I’m training her ass to be exactly what I want her to be. When we’re fucking, I tell her exactly how I want the pussy. When she’s sucking my dick, she knows that she better cup those teeth under her lips, because I can’t stand for my shit to get scraped. I have a key to her crib, and can come and go as I please, so I know for a fact that there ain’t another nigga coming around. She already knows how to cook, so I always have a home cooked meal when I’m around. Honestly Alicia is nothing like I expected, and I love that shit.
That’s the reason why I did something that I’ve never done with any other woman before. I lied from jump. I never told her about me being married. I don’t know why, especially when I usually make sure to let these other hoes know during the first quarter. That’s how real players do it. Be upfront so they ass can accept you right away, allowing you to do whatever the fuck you want. Then if they decide to trip, just remind them that they already knew what kind of man you were. I swear it gets them every time. I didn’t go that route with Alicia. The more we started kicking it, the more I was feeling her. It wasn’t just about the pussy; I actually had fun with her. She was five years younger than me, and it wasn’t noticeable, because we liked a lot of the same things. Every once in a while we would go to the club for a little bit, or hang out at a late movie. Mostly I preferred to be at her crib, either laying up, eating, fucking or sleeping.
Right now I’m ignoring the shit out of her ass. She came to me talking about she’s pregnant again, and I don’t have time for that. No, we don’t use rubbers, but she knows that I don’t’ want any more kids, so she had two choices: either get yo’ ass on some type of birth control, or get rid of it. It’s as simple as that. I know I sound like a cold hearted ass nigga, but this is how I operate. If these hoes want to be on my team, they better play my game.
Chapter Six
Alicia
I had my third abortion today, and my stomach is cramping something terrible. My cousin Keisha had to end up taking me to the clinic, because that asshole Troy has been ignoring me since I broke the news. I know his routine all too well. Every time I tell him that I’m pregnant, he up and disappears. Then as soon as I get rid of the baby, his ass come back like nothing ever happened. I’m so tired of being fucking tired. Since I met Troy all I’ve been getting is lie after lie, and yet I still stay.
When Troy and I first went out, I let him know that I’d just gotten out of a long term relationship, and wasn’t looking for anything serious. He said he was cool with that, because he had just broke up with his little girl’s mother, and just wanted to kick it as well. Muthafucka straight lied! I didn’t find out until an entire year into the relationship, that he wasn’t only still with his daughters mother, but they lived together and were married. Keisha just so happened to see them one day out like a big fucking happy family, and called to fill me in. I asked her where they were so that I could bust his ass, and by luck it was only ten minutes from where I was. In no time I jumped in my car and hauled ass, trying to get there before they left.
When I pulled up, I called Keisha and we met in the parking lot. Low and behold, there was Troy sitting beside his daughter who was in a stroller, his son was on his lap, and a bitch so old I thought it was his momma was sitting across from them! You know I wanted to march my ass over there and act a fucking fool, but Keisha stopped me and told me that I would be the one looking stupid in the end. She explained that I should stay focused so that I could confront his lying ass later. That’s exactly what I did, waited patiently for him to come over that night.
“So what did you do today?” I asked him as soon as he walked into my apartment.
“Shit, the usual, took care of some business.”
“Really? It must have been some family business, considering that I saw you out earlier today at California Pizza having a good old time.” I paused. “By the way, do you and your baby momma, girlfriend, or whoever she is always have family day?” By the look on his face he knew he was busted. I could tell he was trying his best to think of a lie, but I was ready for whatever bullshit he was going to throw my way.
“Damn, what the fuck you following a nigga now?!”
“Naw, but considering the fact that yo’ ass be on the scene with me and people out here in these streets know that you my nigga, it’s normal for somebody to spot you with another bitch and report it back to me!” I was heated.
“I’m waiting Troy, what’s the deal with this shit?” I demanded standing in front of him.
“Since you wanna know so bad and can’t just leave it how it is, yeah, I was out with my kid’s mother today.” He answered nonchalantly.
“Umm yeah, I saw that. What I want to know is, is that the norm for parents who are co-parenting or are y’all still together?” I asked.
My heart was beating so damn loud inside my chest that I swore Troy could hear it. I was scared to hear his answer, but I stood my ground. Troy was silent for a while, before he took a deep breath.
“Alright bae, it’s like this. Truth of the matter is me and my kids mother not only live together, we’re married.” He said to me with his head down.
I sat there for a second, because I just knew that I didn’t hear his ass correctly.
“What did you just say?” I asked him.
“I said I’m married. I’ve been married for nine years.”
It was then that I felt like the wind had just been knocked out of me. I had been with this muthafucka for damn near three years, and all along he was married! How could that be, when the bastard never wore a wedding ring? It took me a few minutes but slowly everything began to seem so clear to me. We never went to his house. He’d always told me that it was because he had to move back with his mom after he and his baby mother broke up, and that he didn’t have privacy there.
I didn’t think anything of it, because I actually felt more comfortable at my own apartment. Troy never wanted to come to any of my family gatherings, and he made excuse after excuse when I wanted to go to concerts and shit where a lot of people would be. Other than going to late movies, he always wanted to be secluded at my place. I never questioned him getting up to leave in the middle of the night, because he would say that he had to take his mom to work ear
ly the next morning. When all the truths came crashing down, I felt like a fucking fool.
“So you mean to tell me that all this time you’ve been laying up with me, telling me that you love me, that you had a fucking wife at home all this time?!” I yelled angry as hell. “You’ve been fucking me raw for Christ sake!” I said in disbelief.
“Bae I’m sorry. I was going to tell you, but then I fell in love with you and couldn’t take the chance of you leaving me!” he said sounding desperate.
That was the first time that I’d ever seen him so helpless. I don’t know why I didn’t kick his ass out right then and there for being a fucking liar. I should have told his ass to kick rocks, give me my key and lose my damn number, but I didn’t. If I would have then maybe I would be happy right now, instead of miserable.
“Look, I know you don’t want to hear this shit right now, but I think it’s time you let tired ass Troy go boo. I mean look at how many times you’ve had to put yourself through this shit, and for what? So he can still go home to be with his wife and kids, while you lay up on a table and have your baby sucked out of you, all because he doesn’t want you to have his child?” Keisha told me as I laying down.
Even though it was hard for me to hear what Keisha was saying, it was true.
“I hear you Keisha, believe me I do. You just don’t know how bad I want to walk away. It’s just that I love him so much! It seems like no matter how much he hurts me; my love for him over powers that. I’ve never loved anyone this hard, not even Rodney. I just don’t know what to do.” I said as I started to cry uncontrollably.
