When they reached the back of the property, Dawn was impressed to see windows the height of the cabin spread across most of the back wall. What a view there must be from inside, especially when the sun was setting of an evening.
On the opposite side of the back balcony was a covered area.
‘The loo’s over here. Let me show you,’ Joel said.
Archie was already venturing over to go and have a nosey.
Dawn was too busy admiring the view. Not too far away there was a New Forest pony nuzzling its way across the ground looking for something to munch on. What a beautiful way to live, so immersed in nature.
‘Come and look, Mum. It’s wicked.’
Dawn wondered what her son’s version of wicked was. If it involved a bucket, that would be enough to excite her son.
‘If it’s okay, I could do with using the toilet. I’m hoping there’s at least a lock.’
‘We’ll go inside and make a drink. Everything’s set up for our art lesson, Archie.’
‘Okay. See you in a minute, Mum.’
‘See you in a minute, Mum,’ Joel echoed.
It was weird to be referred to as Mum by Joel, but plenty of people did it when Dawn was with Archie. She was here as his mum. ‘See you in a bit,’ she said, glad to have a moment of privacy as she got to grips with having to pee outside in what looked like a makeshift shed.
It was pleasantly surprising when she was inside. It was more like a spa facility than the hole in the floor with a bucket situation she’d been imagining. She still wouldn’t fancy having to find her way out here in the middle of the night, but then that was never something she was going to have to worry about.
They’d gone in via the back, Joel having slid back the great panel of glass. Dawn stepped inside and admired the space. It was open-plan with a small kitchen in one corner with the rest of the living area divided into a lounge and dining area. As Joel had described it as rustic, it was far more Grand Designs than she’d expected.
‘Archie said you’d want a cup of tea. Is that right?’
Dawn nodded agreement while she admired the room. The furniture was sparse, but functional. There were large canvases on the wall and if she got the chance she’d ask who they were by.
‘Look at Joel’s cool stove. It’s connected to a gas cylinder outside.’
‘Ah, so is that what you meant by rustic?’
‘The place isn’t connected to mains water or gas. I do have an electricity supply, though, so it’s not without its perks. Right, let’s teach you how to draw a meerkat while your mum relaxes with her cup of tea.’
Joel had everything sorted on the table in a very methodical way and it was nice to sit and listen to someone else taking charge of her son. It struck her that Archie and Joel appeared to have a fair few similarities; not just their mutual love of animals, but they were similar in nature.
Joel talked through how to make drawing a meerkat easier by using numbers with added lines to easily get the early effects of what they wanted the picture to be. Dawn wished she’d brought her own drawing pad to have a go herself. Instead she took in the dimensions of the room. There was only one other room in the wood cabin behind the sofa and it must be where Joel slept.
‘Before we get the paints out, anyone want another drink?’
‘Can I go and use the toilet?’ Archie asked.
Dawn would have thought it was just so he was able to say he’d used the outdoor facilities, but judging by the amount of squash he’d already had, no doubt he was bursting.
For a moment, as Joel stood by the kettle waiting for it to boil, Dawn didn’t know what to do with herself.
‘Thank you for doing this. It’s very generous to spend your afternoon with him when you already amuse him enough on our trips to the zoo.’
‘He’s a good kid.’
‘He is.’ Most of the time Dawn felt the need to add an explanation as to why her son sometimes seemed different, but she guessed Joel already knew.
‘That loo is so cool,’ Archie said, coming back in. ‘Can I bring Norman to visit next time?’
‘Norman’s the tarantula, right?’ Joel asked.
Without meaning to, Dawn shuddered. The thought of taking Norman anywhere was not one she wanted to contemplate.
Thankfully, Joel seemed to pick up on that fear. ‘Norman can’t stay here, sadly. I can’t have pets here in case they run off into the forest and cause problems with the natural habitats of the other animals living here.’
Dawn wasn’t sure if it was true, but Archie would know all about disruption of wildlife, so if it was a white lie, it was a clever one as Archie would never argue over the balance of nature.
‘Can we stay? Like a sleepover.’
It was a shock to hear her son volunteer for something that was so foreign. She’d not even managed to get him to an evening of Cub Scouts, and she was a long way from thinking he’d ever manage going camping or trying any of the activities without there being a problem. So this request was refreshing, but it wasn’t going to happen. ‘Why don’t we stick to painting for today before you start inviting yourself over?’
‘You should go out with my mum,’ Archie said to Joel. ‘Like on a date,’ he added in case either of them were unclear as to what he was suggesting.
Out of the mouth of babes sprung to Dawn’s mind, but no words sprung to her lips to get over the embarrassment of Archie attempting to set up a date for her.
‘Let’s get on with the painting, you cheeky sprat.’ Joel tussled Archie’s hair playfully and Dawn was glad at least one of them had managed to find their tongue to tell her son off for interfering, albeit in a light-hearted way. It was similar to what she might have said if she’d managed to structure a sentence.
‘I might go for a bit of a walk while you two carry on, if that’s okay?’ She needed to escape the temporary embarrassment and, if she wasn’t here, it was less likely Archie would come out with any further suggestions on how she should improve her love life.
‘Sure,’ Joel said, a definite blush to his cheeks that wasn’t there before. Maybe he wasn’t as old as she thought if her son had managed to embarrass him as well.
‘Don’t go too far, Mum, you’ll get lost.’
It was sweet how concerned Archie was for his mum. As she trekked along a dirt path it wasn’t long before the trees became thicker and there was a solid log on the ground that provided a perfect seat for contemplation. She would have brought her walking boots had she known how accessible the forest was from Joel’s house.
Dawn wondered where Archie had got the idea that she needed to date anyone. She’d been single and independent for so long, the need or want for a man in her life was long gone. She’d certainly not mentioned anything about relationships to Archie, but it was possible the recent arrival of Harry had highlighted his absence of a father. David, who up until now had acted as a father figure in Archie’s life, was now far too busy with his own son to have time for Archie as well. They’d barely seen David and Rebekah since they’d become parents. Archie must be aware of the contrast.
As for Joel, Dawn hadn’t even regarded him in that sense. She’d been too busy playing mum and being pregnant with a child that wasn’t hers. Now she was thinking about it, she realised he was handsome, although not her type if such a thing existed. She’d always thought he was older, possibly in his forties, but seeing him in his own home without the wife and children she’d imagined made her realise maybe his dreadlocks and tan were adding a few years to his looks.
Anyway, there was no point thinking about any of it like that. Joel was clearly as embarrassed as she was by Archie’s comment and she wasn’t exactly at a point in life when she wanted to be dating. There were far too many parts of her body that hadn’t recovered from delivering Harry into the world, her heart being one of them.
Having given an ample amount of time for them to have got further on with their project, Dawn headed back, feeling wearier than when she’d left. Life was aging
her and, as she was still young, she shouldn’t be feeling like that. She was more than just a mother; she’d just forgotten what some of those other parts were.
‘Guess which one is mine?’ Archie asked as soon as she joined them.
It was one of those questions that was tricky to answer. Archie had made a fantastic effort with his painting, but it was very obvious which the professional’s was. From the glint in Joel’s eyes she could tell he wouldn’t mind if she insulted his talent by selecting Archie’s. ‘Well, it’s really very hard to tell which is which. It could be either.’
‘It’s this one, Mum.’ Archie pointed to his efforts and they really were very good.
‘He’s done a great job. He’ll be better than me in no time.’
‘This is Elvis. Mum’s not very good at telling the difference between them.’
‘He’s got the shorter tail. I know that much at least.’
‘We’re going to draw Enid next time. If I get a bit better, some of them might be used in the display.’
‘If nowhere else, we can put them up in the meerkat feeding room so anyone covering will be able to identify them more easily. Well,’ Joel’s gaze caught Dawn’s and the awkwardness caused by Archie’s earlier comment was definitely still in the air, ‘the painting will take a while to dry. I’ll bring it to the zoo on Saturday or you can collect it next week if you want another lesson.’
‘Yes, please.’
‘Only if your mum says it’s okay. You might be busy.’
‘We’re free, but you need to let me reimburse you for your time or something.’ Dawn had no idea what the going rate was for an art lesson, but she didn’t expect Joel to give up his time so freely. She knew how hard it was to make any money out of the hobby they shared.
‘My pleasure, honest. It’s nice to have some company while painting for a change. The horses and deer don’t chat very much. Here, this is so Archie can practise at home.’
Joel passed Dawn a bag filled with thin canvases, a paint palette and some professional pencils. Her eyes bulged slightly at the gesture. ‘What do we owe you for all this?’
‘Nothing. Will you stop trying to offer me money and take it?’
It was a lovely and very unexpected gesture. It would keep Archie amused for hours in his attempts to improve on what he’d been taught. ‘Thank you, you’re being very kind.’
She figured it was one of those paying it forward gestures that was so popular these days. She hoped Joel would have some good karma as a result and hopefully she could do the same for someone else soon. Although with the whole baby thing maybe she already had.
‘See you Saturday,’ Joel said when they were all ready to leave.
‘Thanks again.’ Dawn wasn’t sure if she could say it enough times. Over the past few weeks Joel had filled a void in their life. And whether he knew it or not, the distraction he was providing was very welcome.
Once they were home, Dawn got dinner ready as Archie went through his bag of treats and carefully found a home for his new possessions.
Dawn was busy trying to get spaghetti pasta to mould into the saucepan when Archie bounded in. ‘You’ve got a bag of stuff as well. It’s says I’m not allowed to open it.’ He shoved it on the kitchen counter before rushing out again. Clearly his bounty was far more exciting than hers.
Once the pasta was settled to swirling in the pan, Dawn went to investigate. In clear black marker Joel had written. For your mum. Archie – Do Not Open.
It made Dawn smile knowing Joel knew Archie needed fairly direct, accurate instructions. It was a pink-and-white-striped paper bag that reminded her of sweet shops from her youth and it was taped shut.
It didn’t take her long to open it and inside there was something fairly obvious encased in bubble wrap. It was a piece of Joel’s artwork and she didn’t have to finish unwrapping it to know which it was. The Frog. In with it was a note: For Archie’s Birthday. I told him it’s been sold so hopefully it will be a nice surprise. And if you ever do want to, we should go on that date Archie suggested. You know my number ;)
The note was finished with an arty emoticon of a winking meerkat. How on earth was a girl ever going to be able to say no to that?
Chapter 17
At Jane’s suggestion, Dawn had arranged for them all to meet up. It was an odd medley of old college friends, new mums, a surrogate mum and the children. They opted for a chain branch over Maureen’s café, knowing it was closer and more convenient for those pushing a buggy.
Ideally, Dawn wouldn’t have brought Archie along, but as Jane was here and David was at work there was no one else she trusted to look after him. With any luck she might be able to make a quick exit. The purpose of this meeting was to introduce Caitlin to Rebekah in the hope they’d become first-time mummy friends and that it would give Rebekah someone to talk to. And if Jane wanted to catch up with Caitlin about the old days, well, Dawn didn’t need to be here for that. Especially with Archie about.
Jane was already there when they arrived and Dawn wondered if not telling Caitlin about her being here was such a good idea. She’d only mentioned the fact her sister-in-law needed a mummy mate and would she mind meeting up.
‘Is she really that different?’ Jane asked, her excitement impossible to mask.
‘I wouldn’t have recognised her if she hadn’t introduced herself. Honestly, she doesn’t look anything like she did in our college days.’
Leaving Archie to sit with Jane, she queued to get a drink for them and a massive muffin for Archie. She delivered it over to him before returning to wait for their drinks. Her son was different in so many ways, but he wasn’t so unusual that he couldn’t be entertained by food. Hopefully this would last him the course of their time there. As she paid for her goods, Caitlin entered with Buddy in his pram, shortly followed by Rebekah and Harry.
Rebekah, recognising Jane and Archie, headed for their table while Caitlin wandered towards Dawn.
‘Hi. How are you?’ Dawn asked. She’d guide Caitlin in the right direction in a minute.
‘I’m good, thank you. I have to say it’s weird seeing you without the baby. Must be nice having your hands free.’ Caitlin offered her some air kisses and it made Dawn feel oddly strange and vulnerable.
‘Double espresso.’ Caitlin put in her order over Dawn’s shoulder.
‘I hope you don’t mind. I brought someone extra I thought you’d like to see.’ Dawn might as well get the introductions out of the way.
‘I was hoping I’d get to meet him.’ Caitlin paid more attention to the patrons in the café, trying to pick out the boy she was looking for.
There was a cloud of fear within Dawn that rose with the sound of the espresso being made. Would it be that simple for her world to come undone? She’d meant Jane, not her son.
Archie looked up from his muffin, cake crumbs creating a moustache across his top lip. A picture of innocence she wanted to protect.
When Caitlin spotted him, she took a sharp intake of breath as if something dramatic were happening.
‘It’s Jane from college. I work with her at the school now. She wanted to see you after we ended up bumping into each other. I thought it would be okay if she came along and met you today as well.’ Dawn hoped that was what she was gasping about.
‘You never said anything.’
‘I thought it would be a nice surprise.’
‘Does Graham know?’
Hearing Caitlin’s brother’s name confirmed it wasn’t Jane she was gasping about. ‘Does he know what?’
‘That he’s a father.’
It was Dawn’s turn to gasp. ‘He’s not,’ she whispered, not wanting Archie to hear the assumption being thrown at her.
‘So who is? I mean, we were best friends. You would have told me.’
‘I’ve never told anyone,’ Dawn said. I’ve never trusted anyone enough to think they would keep a secret. She’d been guarding Archie and his father all her son’s life and she wasn’t about to share it in a café
with a bunch of strangers lurking around them. ‘Can we not talk about this, please? Ever.’
Dawn should have realised this was a bad idea. There was a reason she liked to keep the past in the distance. It was because she wanted to protect the people around her, even the ones who didn’t know they needed protecting.
‘I’m sorry,’ Caitlin said, as the barista briefly interrupted with her drink. ‘I should have realised it wasn’t something you’d want to talk about. It’s just for a moment there… well, he reminded me of Graham. I just put two and two together and came up with…’
‘Please can we stop?’ Dawn was aware of Rebekah and Jane looking their way.
‘Of course. I won’t mention it again.’
Dawn sighed with relief. If Caitlin hadn’t stopped probing she would have had to run. ‘Let me introduce you to everyone.’
Moving to the table she hoped that was the end of the matter. It really was none of Caitlin’s business. They might have been good friends once, but not now, and she’d not shared that secret with even her closest family members.
‘This is Rebekah and Harry.’ Rebekah was in the midst of burping Harry, the same tired expression fixed on her face. ‘Meet Caitlin and Buddy. And then there’s Jane who you already know, but haven’t seen for a decade.’
From that point Jane conducted the conversation, asking Caitlin about what she’d been up to since college, asking Rebekah and Caitlin questions that created a share-your-experience mentality in the conversation. Hopefully it would be enough to help gel some friendships. She just hoped Jane would remain loyal to her.
When Archie was through with the muffin and getting bored, Dawn made her excuses and let the three of them continue to catch up. This meet-up wasn’t for her benefit. It was to try and provide some kind of support network for Rebekah as she struggled with the early days of motherhood.
What Dawn needed to do was concentrate on her own role as a mum. And with that in mind there was only one person in this world that mattered. The one currently having second helpings of his cake by washing his face with his tongue.
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