BLAKE
That phone call changed everything.
Tony had seen Madison leave her apartment around 3:00am. She’d been caught on the CCTV footage of the building as she’d entered Ezra’s flat, thinking she was still there, Ezra, having not had the time to tell her best friend she was staying with me.
I realized then that Ezra must have trusted me more than she cared to admit, even if she did enjoy pushing my buttons. The only problem was I couldn’t blame her for being frightened of my reaction. Because when I discovered what Madison had been up to and put everything together what clicked into place was a shamefaced lie.
We’d returned to London thinking Madison was missing, but the truth was much more sinister.
EZRA
As I drove away from Blake, not feeling guilty in the slightest at leaving him in the cold dark night, I went over and over every conversation I’d had with Madison in my head, most recently relating to my stalker. And it all stacked up.
She knew about my fear of unlocked windows, of locked doors, the things that triggered my feelings of the past. She knew that when I felt threatened my automatic reaction was to run away. And I’d done just that. I’d played into her hands.
Whenever I’d needed a shoulder to cry on in the past she’d been there for me. But not this time. This time she’d accused me of being paranoid. What I wanted to know was why. What had I ever done to her to deserve that?
She was supposed to be on my side.
The bitch.
I parked the car up alongside the neat row of terraced houses. The one with the red door belonged to Nate.
I shot out of the car and headed towards the front door, not caring how early it was. It had just turned 6:00am.
I shouted his name until he answered, wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts.
‘You bastard!’ I screamed at him, lunging forwards smacking him straight in the mouth with a clenched fist. He fell back in shock, not from the force.
He was almost a foot taller than me and weighed at least fifteen stone, but I didn’t care.
‘It was you.’
‘What?’
‘She told you, didn’t she? She told you about Tyler and you-‘
I couldn’t finish my sentence because a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around me and tugged me backward.
‘Ezra,’ said Blake, his voice calm, unlike his movements which were hurried.
I was intent on lashing out at Nate, the man I’d never really liked, always thinking Madison could do better.
‘What have you done with her?’ I said as my fist found its way to an arm. Blakes.
‘Tell your woman to control her temper,’ said Nate, ‘I don’t know what she’s talking about, but my girlfriend is missing and I’ve just had to call-‘
Blake pulled me away from Nate just as my hand reached out to wipe his geeky glasses from his face and stepped in between us, placing a hand on Nate’s shoulder.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. A brotherhood of men intent on keeping me away from the conversation.
‘Get in the car,’ said Blake.
‘No. I want to hear this.’
‘Believe me, you don’t.’
I wasn’t backing down, not even when Blake gave me that warning look I’d seen before. I wasn’t afraid of him. Who did he think he was, telling me what to do?
‘Fine. Stay.’ he turned to Nate who looked visibly shaken. ‘I’ve spoken to the police. They’ve found Madison. She’s safe.’
‘Oh, thank god. Where is she?’
In the car, Blake ignored me. His silence was a relief. I felt stupid for jumping to conclusions but I had to know the truth, even if it did hurt. Even if the way I’d gone about discovering it had pissed Blake off.
He pulled the car up alongside Madison’s flat. The police were nowhere to be seen. In fact, the street was deserted, except for us: a non-couple who occasionally fucked one another and who seemed unable to do anything without upsetting each other.
I held his gaze as he looked at me to make sure he knew I didn’t regret my actions.
‘Your behavior today was unacceptable.’
‘I’m sorry?’
The audacity of the man to speak down to me. How dare he?
‘You stole my car.’
‘I’ve got a license.’
‘You’re not insured to drive this vehicle.’
I said nothing. He had a point.
‘You assaulted him.’
‘Nate deserved it.’
‘Can you listen to me without answering me back?’
‘Excuse me?’
I glanced at the door, but as I thought of pulling it open and running away from this closed-minded bully he switched on the central locking.
‘You need to hear this.’
‘No, I don’t.’
‘Well, you’re going to.’
The tension in the car was heavy. I felt as though I was being suffocated. But a small part of me wanted to hear what he had to say; his excuse for admonishing me like a bloody child.
‘You could have hit someone, killed them even, and you’d have been at fault.’
‘I’m a good driver. That wouldn’t happen.’
‘Listen to me,’ he said, his voice stern, but not angry. ‘You need to think things through before you go racing off like a speeding car and go attacking innocent people. You’re lucky he isn’t pressing charges.’
I ignored him. ‘Where is Madison?’
He breathed in deeply and said, ‘you’re not even listening to me now.’
‘I am.’
‘You’re ashamed so you won’t admit you’re wrong.’
Why was he always so right?
I shook my head to rid the knowledge that burnt in the back of my head, giving me a migraine. I didn’t have the strength to kick the door down and run from his piercing gaze so I turned my head away and looked down at my trainers. My jogging trousers layered with muddied scuff marks from the wall as I’d kicked out. The scene before my eyes very different once I’d calmed down. I attacked Nate as he was trying to get ready to search for his missing girlfriend.
I had a lot of making up to do. But I had no intention of apologizing to Blake.
‘I’m not going to say sorry.’
‘I don’t expect you to, but I need to know that you understand how hurtful and dangerous your actions have been.’
‘I do.’
He looked doubtful.
‘Can we go now? I want to see Madison.’
‘You can’t.’
‘I can do what I fucking want. You have no right to tell me what to do.’
The moment I said it, I knew I’d pushed him too far.
‘I’m not going to put up with you speaking to me like that anymore. I deserve better.’
‘Well, maybe we should stop … whatever it is we’re doing.’
I didn’t know what we meant to each other. That was the problem. It was too easy to walk away. If only I could have got out the damned car.
‘I don’t want to be without you,’ he said.
‘I don’t know if I can be with you if you can’t accept me as I am.’
‘I do.’
‘No, you don’t. You want to change me.’
‘I have no intention of letting you go. You’ve no idea how much you mean to me.’
‘Clearly.’
I raised my hands in protest.
‘It’s my fault if I haven’t expressed myself clearly enough. The reason I’m trying to make you see how much you’re hurting us both is because I care. I don’t want you to think you can get away with pushing and pulling me at your will.’
Then don’t let me, I thought, wondering where it came from.
Didn’t a man who cared for you do everything possible to win you over?
Then another thought hit me, harder, full force in the chest. I knew I acted tough to defend myself from getting hurt. But if I was afraid of getting hurt, did that mean deep down I knew Blak
e cared? Was that why I’d tried to drive a wedge between us?
Being difficult was a distraction, to see how he dealt with it, with me. And he seemed to have passed the test because he was still here, still fighting for me. But I’d backed him into a corner and it was in my hands to pull him out.
‘I need to see Madison.’
‘Right.’
He stared at the steering wheel for what felt like forever, the silence eating away at us both until he said, finally, ‘let’s go then,’ and unlocked the car doors.
‘We haven’t got all day,’ I said, as he inched out of the driver’s seat, slowly.
And time was running out for Madison.
BLAKE
Ezra was right. The stalker had taken precedence over everything, including our relationship which hadn’t had the time to blossom. I wouldn’t usually let a woman get away with speaking to me the way she did. I’d excused her behavior too many times. I had to take responsibility for that. But, we didn’t have time to continue our conversation because as soon as we’d stepped out of the car two police cars came screeching down the road, stopping abruptly outside Madison’s flat.
Ezra ran towards the door just as Madison appeared in the entrance about to make a hasty exit.
‘What is this?’ said Madison, guilt stuck like a layer of foundation over her face.
I’d seen that look many times.
‘It was you,’ said Ezra.
‘Me?’ There it was. The eye lift, the slight shrug of the shoulders. She knew exactly what Ezra was talking about.
‘The letters, the phone calls. Everything. It was you. I loved you. I trusted you. How could you do this to me?’
I strolled towards Ezra and as she turned her head away, not wanting Madison to see the tears falling down her face, I held her against my solid frame as she crushed her head into my shirt and wept.
‘It’s okay. Everything’s going to be alright.’
I stood beside Ezra watching the two police officers escort Madison to one of their cars. Its lights flashing.
‘Why?’ said Ezra.
‘I don’t know,’ I said, but I would find out.
That woman had put Ezra through hell, and despite not even knowing if we were officially an item, I’d vowed to protect Ezra, and I never broke my promises.
In the car, Ezra turned to me and said, ‘I need to know what’s going to happen to us.’
‘Us?’
Her eyes widened in fear at my question.
‘Relationships are built on solid foundations, without trust you have nothing so I need complete honesty from you.’
She nodded her head once.
‘It’s important to me.’
‘Okay,’ her eyes left mine and steered towards the floor.
‘In turn, I promise to be loyal and to protect you, but you have to be willing to let me. I know when you feel threatened you act out. But I’m not the person you should be aiming for.’
‘Yes,’ she said, sighing.
‘So, Ezra DeSilva, high-spirited woman with a sharp tongue, will you agree to be my live-in girlfriend for the time being?’
She looked at me with resignation, as if she too had grown tired of fighting me. She lay down her swords and said, ‘yes.’
EZRA
We didn’t stay in the city for long. By the time we’d driven back to the cottage I was drained of all emotion. I was stuck in a limbo of grief for the friendship I’d had with Madison and hadn’t yet come to terms with its loss.
Rain clouds filled the sky, turning it a deep shade of grey. As we reached the turning for the cottage its ominous blackness had darkened my mood. I pouted when Blake offered to make something to eat. I wasn’t hungry. I was tired and overwhelmed with sadness. I wanted to curl up in bed and hide from the world, but he didn’t seem to want to let me.
He kept talking about the fact that moving down to the coast was a good idea, although not planned it allowed him to continue to work outbound cases and the commute to London wasn’t so bad, was it?
I didn’t want to concern myself with thoughts of work yet. I’d just lost my best friend after discovering she was responsible for leaving me threatening notes and breathing down the phone at me, frightening me half to death.
‘With my salary, we can live comfortably until you find something here.’
‘I love my job.’
‘There’ll be others.’
I didn’t want to work anywhere else. I wasn’t even sure if living with Blake was such a good idea. It wasn’t like I had no other options, was it? Madison had been arrested. There was no need for me to worry anymore.
Of course, I realized, Tyler was out, but he hadn’t tried to find me yet. Maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe he’d learned from his mistakes.
‘This was never a permanent arrangement.’
‘Then why did you come back?’
Why did I get back into the car with him and return to the cottage?
‘I …’
‘Sleep on it. If you still feel the same way in the morning then I’ll drive you back to your apartment.’
I was too tired to argue. It seemed like a good suggestion at the time.
Later, inside the cottage, slumped on the sofa, cradling a glass of wine I asked him why he stood by me through everything, knowing I hadn’t treated him as well as I could have, and thinking he must have had an ulterior motive.
‘Because I believe in you,’ he said.
Slightly drunk on half a bottle of wine I’d downed in an hour I left the bedroom door open. A deliberate invitation he seemed to accept gladly.
He entered the room and removed his clothes with precise efficiency, the look of longing as he took in my naked flesh, lust fizzled in his eyes.
‘You really are a beautiful woman,’ he said, and I felt it.
My skin prickled as he began to knead away the tension in my neck. Massaging and stroking with thick fingers, soft against the supple skin of my hips as he made his way down my spine. Leaning forwards he lightly grazed my ear with his teeth. I could feel my emotions return, pin-prick hot on the surface of my skin as he began to caress me. A kiss here, a tender bite there. A soft wet tongue traveling down my back. His hands turning me over to lick my breasts. Teasing me, tasting me. He left me gasping for more as he arched his head and pulled me towards him, our lips meeting as he wound his tongue in and out of my mouth, testing how much I’d take before I pulled him towards me. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. Because he took my wrists in each of his hands, folding my arms up above my head so I couldn’t reach out and touch him or pull his hair as I’d wanted to.
I was crippled with lust. With greed. I wanted him. All of him.
He held me there, his grip firm, my wrists bound by the hard press of his upper body weight on large hands. His mouth found a nipple, erect and wet with his kiss. He licked it playfully, then bit down hard. Hard enough for me to cry out. Then he kissed it better. His mouth found my other nipple and did the same. This time the pain was expected. I found it erotic.
His toned chest grazed my sore nipples as he pressed two fingers inside me. But I was eager for him to hurry. I lifted my pussy up to meet his fingers, but he pressed his body against mine, forcing me to lower my arse down onto the bed.
‘Fuck me.’
‘Not yet,’ he said.
Those words made me want him more.
He pressed his fingers deeper inside me. I cried out with the physical urge for something bigger, something stronger.
‘Please?’ I said, wanting his cock. Needing to feel the thick hard thrusts of his manhood deep inside me.
He pulled his fingers away from me, wet, and brought his hand to his mouth, licking my juices from his fingers.
‘That’s disgusting.’
He smiled. Enjoying my naivety to such sexual exploits. Then he looked me in the eye and said, ‘I am going to fuck you.’
‘Mmm’
‘Patience,’ he said, taking a condom from the pocket of his trousers.
Before I had the chance to protest he took my hands and held them above my head as he’d done before. Stroking my pussy with his cock, he aimed it inside but pulled it away the moment he entered me, leaving me annoyed. The next time he pressed it into me he sensed I was about to lose control and pulled his throbbing manhood away quickly. The third time, before I had the chance to thrust forwards, forcing him inside me, he released one of my wrists, but I left my arm exactly where he’d put it, knowing he liked to take charge. The feeling of pleasing him made me quiver with nervous excitement.
‘Good girl.’
And with that, unable to bear it any longer I leafed one leg behind him and forced him forwards.
‘Wait’ he said, not unkindly.
‘Please?’ I said, begging.
‘If you behave I’ll do exactly what you want.’
I found his dominant tone sexy. It came naturally to him. There was no way I’d have accepted such possessiveness from him outside of the bedroom, but here it was safe.
Before I burst with impatience he blew in my eyes forcing them open to meet his steady gaze.
‘Now you’re going to come,’ he said, plunging himself inside me hard, thrusting deeply. As each wave of pleasure sent ripples of orgasmic bliss down my arms, goosebumps covered my trembling legs. I learned that each moan of pleasure produced harder thrusts, and I wanted it so bad it hurt.
‘Faster,’ I cried out.
On the brink of orgasm, he pulled out, leaving me dazed, confused and irritated.
‘If you want me to make you come you’re going to have to let me fuck your mouth.’
I would have agreed to anything. I just wanted him inside me.
‘Okay!’ I shouted exasperated.
He plunged his cock inside me and fucked me hard and fast until I came.
Before I had the chance to recuperate he stood up from the bed and pulled me up so that I was sat on the edge of it facing him.
‘I’m going to cum in your mouth,’ he said before plunging my head down with his strong hands. His cock was thick and salty, and I let him fuck me. I didn’t mind the feel of him inside my mouth, but his erect cock was thick and long so I tried to pull my head back to get a better angle, but his firm grip on my hair, spun tightly between his fingers didn’t allow me to.
The Man I Need (The Man I Need #1) Page 9
