by Arlene Lam
“I love her Jasper, I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone. Do you know I accused her of being unfaithful just before you arrived. Argued with her told her that I wanted nothing to do with her. Now can’t even tell her I’m sorry, that I’m an idiot.”
“Amelia knows you’re a fool.” Jasper tried to make his friend laugh and failed miserably. “You’ll get your chance to apologize and you’ll never doubt her again.” Clasping his shoulder Jasper was at a loss for words. All he could do was stand there.
Amelia had become such a fixture it all of their lives and at that moment it struck him just how afraid he himself was of losing her. She was kind and funny and comforting. She went out of her way to make you smile and always made time to listen. Amelia was wise beyond her years yet naïve, understatedly stunning and a simple joy. Jordan was beyond lucky.
Jordan’s heart lurched at the sound of his wife’s pain filled cry above and he never felt so wretched. One of the maids scurried upstairs arms full of fresh linens while another came down with a similar load yet it was stained with blood and Jordan couldn’t help it anymore. Burying his head in his hands he let himself cry.
Every cruel thing he had ever done to her was prevalent in his mind and there were so many. He’d been a scoundrel and a dog when it came to her and she never once held it against him. He didn’t deserve her love yet she gave it freely and if she made it through this he would spend the rest of his life making her happy.
Jordan’s muffled wails did not go unnoticed and Jasper decided to give his friend some privacy and doing so nearly knocked over Johanna Lusby as he blindly turned the corner into the foyer. “Nathan just left, how long has it been.” Jasper voiced confused.
“You know my estate’s not far off.” Alice cut him off. “Where is she?”
Jasper noticed Alice only now and they both were like Angels. “Upstairs Alice hurry.”
Alice pushed her chestnut hair behind her ear before looking at Nathan once more as he gave a nod of encouragement. She’d assisted in a several births before but mainly for the impoverished women that lived on the outskirts of her father’s land. She knew she could be of help but just wasn’t sure how much. But the three of them would just have to make due.
Johanna nearly tripped in her haste getting up the stairs. She’d seen all of the blood on the sheets one of the maids had been carting outside when they’d arrived and her heart had dropped. A weak cry led her to the door holding her friend and she burst through without introduction.
“No doctor?” Margaret asked happy to see the women but disappointed they were not just there for emotional support. “No but we’ve got Alice and myself I’ve done this before after all.” Johanna quipped hoping to inspire assurance.
Margaret gave her old friend a weak smile. “She’s developed a fever.” She whispered while dabbing at Amelia’s sweat filled brow. “And she’s bleeding so much.”
“I’ve brought my cousin’s medical kit, I thought in case she needs a stich after the child comes it would be of use though I’ll warn you I’ve only seen it done once.”
“Johanna?”
All three women snapped to attention as Amelia called out. “Yes love I’m here.” Rushing to her side Johanna took up her friend’s hand.
“I want Jordan!” Amelia gasped.
“I know Amelia I know.”
“Amelia Alice is here, remember you were just saying how you wanted to meet her.” Margaret said bringing Alice forward, her jest falling flat.
“I’d hoped under better circumstances.” Amelia said her lips cracked and dry.
Alice smiled at the woman’s attempt at a joke. “Do you think you can sit up?”
Amelia tried but slumped over at the effort all of her energy near drained, she was just so tired. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could stay awake.
“That’s alright, we’ll help you” Alice assured the woman as best she could. She looked so weedy. She’d never dealt with anyone so frail. “Jo, can you get behind her, help her sit straight.”
“Yes, of course.” As gently as possible Johanna shifted Amelia forward and she felt so lifeless sitting sideways on the bed she helped support Amelia in an upright position.
“We are all going to help you, alright Amelia, but I need to you focus now and be strong, I know it’s hard but it’s so important.” Alice instructed the younger woman and seeing she had her attention continued. “Margaret is going to sit on the other side of you and along with Johanna they will help you push and I’m going to sit here at the edge of the bed and support your legs.”
Amelia gave a ragged nod listening carefully to all that was being said as the dark haired beauty pulled her vanity bench over to the edge of the bed and sat. Warm hands taking hold of each of her ankles. “Now I know you’re tired, but I want you to bare down now and push as hard as you can for as long as you can?”
“Alright.” Amelia managed to say as she tried and failed to push up on her arms and push down. “I can’t” She cried defeated, tired, and scared.
“You can.” Alice encouraged. “Remember Jo and Margaret are here to help you try once more only when the pain comes and is at its worse.”
Amelia nodded completely exhausted but still determined and when she felt the pain that never was too long absent whispered. “Now.” And with the women’s help screamed through her first push. Nothing she’d ever felt had ever been so painful. But as another pain hit she gritted her teeth and bore down again.
“That’s good, you’re doing fine.” Alice encouraged and she was. After being in labor for hours she was doing damn fine and her efforts were not in vain as the first signs of a head full of dark locks could be seen. “I know you can do it again I know it push now.” And she did and Alice was once again relieved she had the energy to do it and grateful that the child was coming so fast. Three more pushes and it might be over. “Again.” She instructed but was not in luck as her strength now seemed to wane. “We’re almost there I promise Amelia please, push hard.”
Amelia prayed to God for the strength she needed to proceed and he answered and with renewed vigor she managed another powerful push and with that push felt she’d been torn in two and screamed to the heavens for relief from the pain.
“One more Amelia just one more.” Alice encouraged and she was sure once more was all they needed.
She couldn’t, she was sure, but she had to. Amelia felt hot tears sting her cheek as she slumped against her friends. “Please help me.” She begged and as she said the words Margaret squeezed her hand in comfort. And one last time she managed to push down until all she could see and feel was blackness.
Margaret heard the tiny wail of the child and she never felt so relieved but relief soon turned to panic as Amelia’s still and lifeless form fell back against the pillows.
Alice was busy with the shears severing the cord that linked child to mother when she heard Johanna’s gasp. “Margaret take the baby.” Moving to the exhausted woman she was relieved to discover she’d only fainted. “Let’s get her cleaned and make her comfortable that’s all we can do for now, besides pray.”
“Take the child down to Jordan, he could use some good news.” Johanna said. “Alice and I will see to Amelia, introduce our little miracle to her father.”
Margaret looked down at the quiet and very tiny child and she wanted to cry. She was far too small but she was also far too beautiful as she yawned and those violet and blue eyes drifted shut. “Let me clean her up a little first.”
Grabbing a towel Margaret submerged it in the warm water wringing it out with her free hand she unbundled the little thing and gently wiped her clean in awe of her the whole time.
The cool cloth caused her to stir and soon her angry cries filled the room. Sadly she looked over at Amelia as Johanna and Alice made themselves busy changing her gown and removing the sheets with clean and dry ones. “You’re marvelous little one.” Placing a finger in the child’s hand Margaret laughed as she instinctively grabbed hold o
f it in her sleep. “Thank you Alice, and you too Johanna you both were amazing.”
“You were here the whole time, and we were only a few minutes I’d say you’re the amazing one and this beautiful woman here.” Alice said as they shifted Amelia so that they could pull the heavy comforter used off and get to the clean and dry mattress below.
“She is remarkable our Amelia.” Margaret said bundling the woman’s child up tightly. “Let’s take you to meet your daddy.”
With sure steps Margaret made her way down the spiral staircase. Nathan was the first face she saw and he looked so relieved she almost managed a smile. “Where is he?”
“In his study.” Nathan informed moving out of the way to let her pass.
Margaret could see him the moment she pulled open the door, he was leaning into his desk staring off blankly while Jasper prattled on. She knew he’d heard her because as soon as she stepped foot fully inside, his head snapped up.
He could feel his heart soar as Margaret stepped forward cradling a tiny blanket. From his position all he could make out was a mass full of dark curls.
“Come say hello to your daughter.” Margaret closed the gap between them and placed the light child in her father’s waiting arms.
Jordan was awestruck, at the sleeping angel in his hands. She was so small and so incredibly perfect. He could not resist kissing her furrowed forehead and in doing so prompted his daughter to open lazy lids revealing a pair of eyes that were an exact reflection of his own before quickly succumbing to sleep once more. “She’s perfect, just like her mother.” The thought of his wife only broadened his glee. “Let me take you back to her I know she misses you.”
“No.” Margaret began. “She is asleep.”
“You’ve tuckered her out my little Princess.” Jordan cooed barely believing his eyes. She was so stunning. “I knew you were a girl.” He told her and she pursed her lips together forming a perfect red circled yawn.
She was fairer than Amelia but had a complexion that was kissed by bronze she resembled him greatly he thought but overall she had the look of her mother which pleased him beyond compare. “I was so worried, I could hear her screaming Margaret, I thought—” he trailed off, needing to check his emotions. “I thought I might lose her, or both of them. You can’t imagine my relief...”
Margaret shook her head violently as she held up her hand to silence him, She didn’t want to hear anymore. “Jordan Amelia’s not well, she’s very sick. We need a doctor a real doctor, not Alice, not Johanna or myself. We don’t know what we’re doing.” Margaret wiped the tears from her eyes angrily. And as Jasper engulfed her in her arms she finally was able to let them fall freely. “She’s is very weak.” Margaret sobbed.
Jordan felt that same fear only moments ago gone come flooding back. “But if we tried to wake her she’d respond?”
“No.” Margaret said releasing her husband. “Jordan we don’t know when she’ll wake up.” Margaret held off saying if and moved on to the next important subject. “We need to find a wet nurse, your daughter is going to want to eat.”
“Margaret, see to it please.” Giving his daughter one last loving look he handed her over to his cousin. He suddenly felt numb all over. He didn’t want to leave his daughter so soon but he needed to see his wife.
Kissing her forehead Jordan walked away as she let out a small cry “Jasper can you and Nathan try and find a physician? Spare no expense.” He felt abnormally calm although he was torn inside.
“You don’t need to ask.” Nathan said stepping into the room. “Give her my love Jordan.” Jasper said sadly while joining Nathan. They’d already scoured the city and countryside for the last few hours. He was at a loss as to where else to search but he was more determined than ever to find someone somewhere. In silence he followed Nathan’s lead.
Jordan’s feet were heavy as he trudged up the stairs. His heart pounded loudly in his ears, he was in a daze and he didn’t even seem to remember entering his wife’s quarters but here he was and there she was lying deathly still and looking strangely pale.
Alice gave him a sorrowful glance before speaking. “She hasn’t stirred, but that could change we might just be all worked up over nothing, having a baby is hard work after all it would make any woman tired.” She offered up the lie and hoped it helped. “Come Jo, let’s give him some time.” Placing a hand on his cheek in comfort Alice smiled warmly. “Try not to stay too long even if she does wake up, you need your rest as well you’ve a new daughter after all.” Alice waited for Johanna to release him from her strong embrace, and upon doing so they both left him.
Jordan knelt down beside Amelia’s sleeping form and held her cool clammy hand. “Princess.” He began kissing her palm. “My sweet Princess, you have to wake up.” He hadn’t expected her to respond but still the silence was sobering. “You’re my world you know?” He told her smoothing back a damp curl. “I love you so much.” Her silence was deafening and for the second time that night Jordan allowed himself to cry.
CHAPTER THIRTY
There was an eerie silence that filled the old mansion and it was only interrupted by the scurrying of working feet. Jordan barely left Amelia’s side, after Nathan and Jasper had actually secured a physician.
The aging man had come and done his examination and with a cold careless demeanor explained that Amelia’s biggest threat was the infection that now coursed through her body and that there were no guarantees. He cautioned that they keep her comfortable as the fever left her either incoherent or in a deathlike slumber. After that requested his payment and was on his miserable way. That had been three days ago.
Turning restlessly in bed Jordan was mindful of the form of his sleeping sister who’d snuck into his room last night awakened by a nightmare. He tried to send her back but at her worried look didn’t have the heart. She was a child after all, and they often expected her to act older than her young years.
Thinking about his sister of course led to thoughts of his daughter. Right now she was being fed, finding a nurse for her had actually been easy.
Bridgette was wonderful, and if Jordan was not attending his angel, or if Margaret and Georgia could bare to let her go. She’d be with Bridgette who hummed sweetly as she rocked his daughter or simply carried her about. He longed to see his wife in that position. That would be a beautiful sight.
Kissing Georgia’s cheek, Jordan promised himself he would make time to spend with her today. With all that was happening, she’d been ignored, and Georgia being Georgia, didn’t complain.
In his trousers and muddled white shirt Jordan slipped from bed mindful not wake his sister and tiptoed from the room. Running a hand over his rough budding beard, Jordan stepped into the hall and opened the door that was his wife’s private room.
She was still sleeping, and as he placed his hand on her arm and kissed her forehead found that thankfully she was not longer so damn hot. She turned in her sleep and mumbled something that he couldn’t make out before becoming silent again and Jordan could help but feel the same burning disappointment. “I’ll be back, sweetheart.” And he would, as he was never gone for long.
The nursery was bright and light flooded in from every window and when Jordan walked in he was just a little surprised to find Margaret peering down at his child singing softly as she rocked back and forth in the chair. “I’d say she getting bigger overnight thank God.” Margaret said hearing Jordan enter. “She’s so pretty, she and Georgia will have suitors wearing a hole in your porch in no time.” Margaret gave her cousin a look. “Of course it might be a little hard for her without a name; maybe we can give her some glass slippers like Cinderella.”
“I can’t, not without her mother.”
“You can.” Margaret pressed. “She will understand.”
“I don’t even know what Amelia would want, she just knew we were having a boy.” Jordan chuckled a little bitterly. “She wanted to name a boy Colby.”
Margaret wrinkled her nose up. “That’s a name for a b
oy, we’ve a beautiful girl.”
“It could be for both a girl and boy if we wanted it to be.” Jordan stated. “Something else.” Margaret replied as she lifted the now fussy child onto her shoulder and patted her back. “She doesn’t seem to like it.”
“I don’t know.”
“Anna, Bonnie, Cynthia, Della, Elizabeth, Francine.” Margaret prattled of names blindly. “Georgette, Harriett.”
“I don’t need you to go down the alphabet.” Jordan informed her reaching for his daughter a smile played on his lips remembering something his wife said. “Jordana.” He said with finality. “That fits you just fine.”
Margaret eyed him skeptically, trying to figure out if he was serious. “That’s nothing but your own name rearranged to sound feminine.” She scoffed not hating it but convinced they could do better.
“She wanted a name now she has one doesn’t she Jordana,” his words must have been funny because the flash of smile appeared on his daughter’s lips. “I love you Miss. Jordana Colby Bradford.” Jordan declared before handing her over to Margaret. “I’m going to take care of your mother I’ll be back.” Jordan cooed.
Margaret didn’t like the name one bit but it wasn’t her place to say so. Welcoming the tiny girl into her arms once more Margaret began humming a familiar tune again.
Enthralled and saddened as the child looked up at her as if she were the only woman in the world. This was a gaze that should be reserved for her mother. “Give her my love tell her we miss her and her daughter is longing be held by her.”
Nodding Jordan left and quietly made it to Amelia’s side once more where he sat down beside her and as was becoming his custom took her hand in his and began to pray. He had never been a religious man but he did believe in God and the fact that he still was giving him a chance with his wife was all he needed to renew his faith.
