“So she’s twenty-two now and you don’t even know what she looks like grown up?”
He sighed, “No. I can only guess she looks like her mother; a beautiful young woman now.”
“That’s horrible Stu; you weren’t even given a chance.” Alex felt awful for him. He couldn’t understand how someone could treat any person they supposedly loved that way. Sure people get divorced all the time, but you can’t just decide you don’t love someone anymore because you were hurt by them. Can you?
“Marie had some of my facial features but she had Michelle’s big, deep, brown eyes and hair. I loved Michelle’s hair. It was long and wavy and hung down her back. I could put myself to sleep running my fingers through it. She was a beautiful woman; I fell in love the minute I laid eyes on her.” Stu looked quickly at Alex, “Now don’t get me wrong, I love Roz, she’s gorgeous and sexy as hell, but I will always love Michelle for giving me Marie, despite what she’s done to me.”
Alex watched as Stu played with the paper in his hands and he caught a glimpse of the front. He pointed to it and said, “Is that a picture?”
He held it up, “Yep. It’s the last family vacation we went on before I turned into an ass. It’s Michelle, Marie and I. I think that was the best family vacation we took before I screwed everything up.” Stu stood up and handed him the picture, “Here, take a look. I’m getting another drink. You want something?”
Alex shook his head, the two beers he had at dinner were enough. Once Stu walked away, he looked down at the picture and smiled when he saw Stu standing front and center in shorts and a flowered Bermuda shirt with the ocean behind him. On one side stood a young girl with short wavy brown hair. Her eyes were bright and wide as she smiled with her arms wrapped around her father’s waist. Alex gasped as he looked over Stu’s ex-wife and held the photo closer to his face, not believing what he was seeing. His chest heaved, the air trying to force its way into his lungs. It was her eyes, her flipped out strands of hair, the tiny wrinkles across the bridge of her nose when she smiled, and the curve of her hips. It was everything he’d already seen. It’s impossible, he thought. With Michelle and Stu standing together, Alex could see their features in Marie. But Marie was nine years older now. Just like her mother, her legs were lean and smooth, her slender neck, delicate under the touch of his lips as he remembered kissing it, tasting her skin with his tongue. Marie grew up looking just like her mother and Alex had tasted every part of her. He couldn’t believe what his eyes and his memories were telling him.
Marie was Clair, and Stu was her father.
Maybe I should say something? But what if I’m wrong? It would crush Clair and piss off Stu. Alex debated with himself, and in the end, he knew it would be better to find out more information before he said anything. The last he remembered Clair saying about her dad was she hated him for leaving their family and never coming back. It all matched what Stu said earlier but why didn’t she remember the letters, the gifts, and the endless phone calls? Unless Stu was right and her mother lied to her. Maybe Clair doesn’t even know the truth, Alex thought. It didn’t matter; Stu would see Clair at lunch tomorrow. He knew that if Stu really were her father, both of them would figure it out then.
Alex turned the photo over and his suspicions were further ignited when he read the smudged, cursive writing on the back: Michelle, Stewart, and Marie-Clair—Virginia Beach trip.
Shit! It’s her. I need a drink, he thought before Stu came back out on the balcony. He was thankful to see him carrying two beers in his hands, offering Alex one before sitting down in his chair. Alex immediately chugged half his drink.
Stu laughed, “Well, I’m glad I brought two, considering you didn’t want one in the first place.”
“I needed that more than I thought,” Alex said as he handed the picture back to Stu. “That’s a great picture. You had a beautiful wife. What did Roz think of the picture? She wasn’t jealous, was she? Considering the fact that you carry it around with you?”
“Umm… yeah that’s ex-wife, not wife. Let’s not get that confused. I actually haven’t shown this to Roz, but she’s seen all the pictures I have of Marie. This is the only picture I didn’t destroy of Michelle once the divorce was final. It’s the most recent picture I have of Marie; all the others were from when she was a toddler. I don’t usually look at it much, just around holidays and birthdays. I like to make it a point to never forget what I missed out on. I like to call it self-punishment.”
Alex couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He was a good man, who made one bad mistake, and now he had to think about what he did, every day, for the rest of his life. He would bet anything that if it weren’t for Roz, Stu would lead a completely different, and probably depressed life. “Why haven’t you shown Roz? What, you think she’ll be mad about it?”
“You know she can’t have kids and that was one of the big reasons it took her so long to agree to go out with me. I didn’t want to rub my happy family picture in her face. A lot of guys ran when they found out she couldn’t get pregnant; they wanted someone they could start a family with. Lucky for me, I didn’t want a family. I already had one that I wasn’t looking to replace; and it took me a long time to get her to understand that. Now, I feel bad for not showing her. It feels like I purposely lied to her, and I guess that’s true, but that was never my intention. So, for now, I just opt not to let her see this one.”
“Well, I can understand that,” Alex said.
A few moments passed without either one of them saying a word. Alex’s brain was in overdrive as he tried to process everything he’d found out about Stu and his past. Stu sighed heavily and tipped his head back, finishing off his beer.
“Well,” he said, “I think I’ll go call Roz and turn in for the night. I want to get on the road early tomorrow. I’m ready to go home and see my girl, and I know you are.” Stu stood up and gave Alex a wink. “Thanks for listening,” he said, patting him on the shoulder, “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Of course, anytime. I’m going to finish this,” he said, holding up his beer bottle, “and do the same. Goodnight.” Alex watched Stu walk through the door and pull it shut behind him. A second later, the bedroom door banged shut and Alex released a heavy breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. Finally, he was alone. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. What the hell am I going to do? He breathed, as he leaned back against his chair, resting his head on the back and closing his eyes. Alex definitely wasn’t going to say anything over the phone when he called her tonight. Hopefully, the lunch tomorrow would prevent him from having to bring it up and they’d find out on their own. But still, there was that tiny shred of doubt that he could be wrong, and if he was, he didn’t want to be the one to get everyone’s hopes up.
Just when he managed to calm himself, his phone vibrated in his pocket, causing him to jump and spill his beer across his lap. He leapt to his feet, swearing, as he tried to brush the drink off his pants. Flipping his phone open, he didn’t notice the caller ID before he spoke in an agitated tone.
“Hello?”
“Hey… Sorry, did I call at a bad time?”
Alex froze, as if she already knew what he was thinking. He felt like he had been caught, but knew that was impossible. His voice softened when he spoke, “Hey, baby. Sorry. No, I’m fine. I just spilled my drink when the phone rang. Is everything okay? I wasn’t expecting you to call until later.”
Clair laughed, “I thought I was supposed to be the clumsy one? I got off early. We were slow and Theresa said she didn’t mind if I took off. Plus, I was about to fall on my face. I’ve been so tired lately; I just can’t shake this cold. I’ve been feeling horrible lately.”
“You think you need to go to the doctor, get checked out?”
“Not if I can help it, I hate going to the doctor. Whoever said getting shots at age five wouldn’t traumatize you for life was mistaken. Plus, I can’t afford it, so the over-the-counter drugs will just have to do.”
Alex huffed, “How about, you don’t worry about the cost. If you’re not better in a few days, I’m taking you myself.”
“We’ll see. I’m sure it’s pointless to argue with you anyway. After tonight, are you finished with Pittsburgh? Or do you have to go back?”
He paused; he wasn’t ready to have this conversation with her, especially over the phone. “Yes, not sure when though.” He wasn’t technically lying, but he wasn’t being completely truthful either.
“Oh. Well, I hope your stay isn’t as long the next time. I might have to hide in your luggage if it is.”
“I can certainly arrange that,” he laughed. Hearing her say that made him feel a little better. Maybe she would come with him after all. They would have to talk about it to know for sure. She yawned and Alex could tell she was tired.
“Well, I know you’re exhausted and I’m about to fall out,” she said, “so I’ll let you go. I don’t have to work this weekend, so I’m looking forward to spending every second of my time with you… unless you have other things to do?”
“I’d like that… Would you stay the weekend with me?”
“I’d love too,” she said without hesitation.
“Great, but hey… I’ve been wondering… when is your birthday? I can’t be a very good boyfriend if I don’t know this.”
Clair laughed, “Well, you picked a great day to ask… today’s my birthday.”
“Oh, shit,” he said to himself, but Clair heard him.
“Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal. I’ve gone thirteen years without anyone really remembering, I’m surprised I managed to remember it myself. When my father left, I had to remind my mother every year what day it was. After a while, I just gave up. Really, Alex, don’t feel bad about it.”
But it was a big deal, more than she knew. Because that meant Alex was right. She was Stu’s daughter. All he needed now was to have Stu lay his eyes on her and that would be his final confirmation. “How about we celebrate when I get back? Dinner? Somewhere nice.”
“You don’t have to do that, but yes, that would be great. Spending time with you is all I really want; well, that and a nice, long, hot shower. That would work too.”
Alex grinned to himself, “How about we just skip dinner and go straight for the shower?”
“I have no objections to that. None at all.” Clair yawned, “Too bad you couldn’t come home today. Snuggling would have been really nice tonight.”
“I would have liked that too. There will be plenty of time for that this weekend. But for now, why don’t you go get some rest? And I’ll see you tomorrow. Stu said something about meeting you and Roz for a late lunch when we get in town. You’re coming, right?”
“Of course, I can’t wait.”
“Me either. Okay. Go get some sleep and take some medicine. I’ll see you soon.”
“Yes sir, doctor!” she teased. “Be careful driving… I love you.”
Her words caught him off guard. He knew she loved him, but hearing it from her mouth, unattached to any anger or sexual experience she’d been feeling, like when she last said it, were unlike any words he’d heard before. “I love you too, baby… and Clair?”
“Yeah?”
“Happy birthday.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Clair
Clair woke with a jolt. The sun shone bright in her room as she lay there, trying to think back to what her schedule was today. She’d worked so much the last few weeks, she forgot she had the weekend off. Looking at the clock, she rubbed her eyes, realizing she’d slept longer than she intended. Her body must have needed the rest since she’d been so exhausted lately.
Grabbing her crackers from the kitchen, Clair nibbled on them, fighting off the nausea that seemed to plague her at any given time. She sat on the couch and pulled her legs underneath her. Finding her father had been bothering her all week. She was ready to confront him; ready to find out why he abandoned her. Clair needed answers, and the only one who knew where he could be was her mother.
She flipped open her cell phone and dialed the number that had been burned into her memory for so many years. She hoped that it was the right number, and that her mother hadn’t moved since the last conversation they had six months ago, which lasted less than five minutes. As soon as her mother started asking questions about where she was and pretending to play the caring parent role, Clair had hung up on her.
She dialed the number and listened, each ring making Clair more nervous. Not because she was about to talk to her mother, but because she hoped she were closer to finding something out about her father. Just as she was about to hang up, a woman’s voice she didn’t recognize answered.
“I’m sorry, I have the wrong number,” Clair said, disappointed. “I was looking for Michelle.” What would she do now? How would she track down the information she needed?
“Marie? Marie, baby is that you?” the woman asked urgently.
Clair felt relieved and sick at the same time; relieved that her mother hadn’t moved, and sick that she was acting like Clair was her long-lost daughter. “I’m not a baby anymore, and you know I haven’t gone by ‘Marie’ since Dad left. Don’t call me that.”
“Yes, yes, whatever you want. I’m just so glad to hear from you after all this time. Are you okay? Is everything all right? Where are you?”
“Cut the BS, Mom. We both know that you don’t give a shit about me. You haven’t since I was thirteen, don’t start acting like it now.” Clair didn’t expect to get fired up so quickly but her mother’s tone and false concern were pissing her off.
“You know I love you, Marie-Clair. Stop acting like a child and watch your language, please.”
“Are you kidding me? You haven’t acted like my mother in a really long time, so you don’t get to tell me what to do. You lost those privileges a long time ago, Mom.”
“Well, what do you want then? Did you just call to tell me how much you hate me and how I screwed your life up? I’m well aware of the mistakes I’ve made; but please, feel free to remind me. Now go ahead, hang up and call me again in another six months.”
Clair was stunned. It was the first time her mom ever admitted to screwing up anything. Something was up; she wanted something because this was not how her mother operated. “Why the sudden change of heart, Mom? Why do you care about me all of sudden? Shouldn’t you be less worried about me and more worried about what dear Stepfather is doing? You know, drinking, parties, exotic trips; the kind of things you’re used to.”
Her mom sighed and paused before she said, “No. He’s not here. He hasn’t been for a few months now; he left not long after we last talked. It’s just me now.”
She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her mom never lasted five minutes without having a man around. Sure, she stayed depressed a few months after her dad left, but once she got the alcohol flowing through her veins, she was always with someone new… always.
“Why? Did you leave him or did he leave you? No, on second thought, don’t tell me.” Clair didn’t want to know what was happening in her mother’s life; she honestly didn’t care. She had her own agenda now. “I called for a reason. Tell me about my father. Where is he?”
Heavy breathing was all Clair could hear. “Mom? Mom? Are you there? You better not have hung…”
“I’m here,” she said in a small voice.
“Look. You can either tell me or I’ll track him down myself. I have a lot of questions to ask him.”
“I just… Maybe you should come home and we can sit down and talk.”
“What!?” Clair half screamed. “The hell I will. When have we ever sat down and talked about anything? From what I remember, you loved to run my life over the phone, or have you forgotten? Oh wait, you were probably too drunk to remember…”
“That’s enough, Marie! I don’t need your reminders and I’m still your mother.”
Clair laughed smugly, “Just tell me what I want to know because I’m not stepping one foot inside West Vi
rginia!”
“Oh, might as well,” Clair’s mom said with a sigh. “You’ll never speak to me again after this anyway.”
“What do you mean? What are you not telling me? He’s dead, isn’t he? He died and you didn’t even tell me!” She could feel her eyes welling up with tears. No matter how much she hated her dad, the thought of him actually being dead broke her heart.
“Calm down, Marie, he’s not dead. At least, the last I heard he wasn’t.”
Clair sniffed, trying to keep her voice from shaking when she spoke again. “Well, where is he? You have to tell me.”
“I don’t know. All I know is he started a construction company after he moved out of state, but I don’t even know what state he moved to. I’m sorry. When he left me… us… I was so heartbroken. I ignored every phone call, every letter he sent, I sent them back unopened. Except the money and the gifts, I did keep those. I was selfish.”
Her eyes brimmed with tears as she realized what her mother was telling her. “You mean he wrote me, tried to talk to me, and you ignored him? You made me think he didn’t care this whole time because—why?”
“Because he hurt me, and I held on to it for far too long, trying to pretend I didn’t care. I kept the money he sent. I’m sure you know what I spent it on. I’m not proud of all the drinking I did.”
Clair stood and paced the length of the couch. “You mean he actually thought about me? On my birthdays, at Christmas… and you did what with my gifts?”
“I gave them away,” she said, sounding ashamed. “I didn’t want you to have anything from him, that’s how much I hated your father. I let what he did to me affect your life. Even when I moved past what he did, I couldn’t tell you that I lied. But when you turned eighteen, everything stopped. You were an adult, and by then, I think he figured you probably didn’t want to have anything to do with him.”
Taking Chances Page 20
