by Amy Cross
I walk all the way around the cabin until I come back to the glass door, but Jon is still the same. He's slamming himself harder than ever against the glass, as if he thinks he can break through.
Turning, I make my way back to the front porch, and then I pause for a moment. I want to help, but he seems so angry and I'm worried that I might be doing something wrong. Still, there's a chance that he might already be better now, so I walk around the cabin again and take another look at the kitchen door.
He's gurgling now as he continues to hammer his body against the glass, which is now covered in red and yellow smears. There's so much anger in his eyes, it's almost as if he wants to hurt me.
But Jon would never hurt me.
I know that.
Since I can't work out what else to do, and all I want is for Jon to go back to normal, I start walking around the cabin over and over again. Each time I come back to the glass door, I hope that he'll be his old self, and each time I find that he's still crying out and trying to break through the glass. I can't leave him, so I just keep doing the same thing over and over, walking around the cabin and coming back to the door, in the hope that eventually he'll calm down. And each time, when I see his snarling, angry face again, I set off on another walk around the cabin, just in case – next time I come to the door – he's back to normal.
If I keep doing this, eventually it has to work.
Chapter Eighteen
Sometimes, when I go to sleep, my head is filled with very clear memories of the past, and images of things that happened a long time ago. It's not just images, either. I hear things, and I smell things. In fact, during these dreams, it's always the smells that are most vivid.
I dream scents and odors.
Tonight, for example, I see the old apartment I lived in with Jon. I don't remember much from those days, at least not in terms of what I saw or heard. But the scents are still so clear. The scent of the park, when Jon used to take me for long walks. Or the scent of my bed next to the dining room table, where I'd wait while he worked. Or the scent of the food he was preparing in the kitchen, and of the scraps he'd let me eat. I don't remember what any of those moments looked or sounded like, but the scents are so vivid, even now.
And we used to run together, especially after we started coming to the cabin. We'd run through the fields, and through the forest, and around the edge of the lake. I want to run with him again and feel the scents of the world rushing against my face. I want to -
Suddenly opening my eyes, I find that the sun has begun to rise. I didn't so much fall asleep as pass out thanks to a combination of exhaustion and hunger, but for a moment I remembered the scents from the days when Jon and I used to run. Now that I'm awake, however, I can hear him still slamming his fists against the glass door on the other side of the cabin, and he still sounds angry. I was hoping that I'd wake up and find that he'd gone back to normal, but as I get to my feet and start traipsing along the porch, I'm scared that he'll still be angry when I go and look at him.
As soon as I get back to the glass door, I'm shocked to see how much blood is now smeared all over the inside. Jon is still slamming his fists against the glass, and it looks as if he's managed to damage his hands, tearing some of the flesh away until the bone is visible beneath. A couple of his fingers are dangling now by threads, almost entirely mashed away. It's hard to see properly through so much blood, but I can just about make out the shape of him on the other side, and after a moment I lower my head a little and peer through a clearer patch of glass.
I feel a shudder pass through my chest as I see that some of the flesh looks to be peeling away from his face. After a moment, his eyes twitch and look toward me, and he immediately lets out another cry of anger as he throws himself against the glass with more force than ever.
I step back, filled with a growing sense of panic. Jon has always been so stable in the past, and I've often been able to understand what he's doing and why. Even when I didn't understand, I trusted him implicitly and I knew that if I just followed him, everything would be okay. My whole life, that rule has stood firm and kept me safe, but for the first time I'm starting to wonder whether Jon is still someone I can trust. He's my master and I've never doubted him before, but if he's lost his mind, maybe there's nothing I can do to help him.
Still, I can't just leave, so I decide to walk around the cabin again, hoping that when I get back to the glass door, he'll be back to normal. My legs are aching and I just want to settle down and sleep, but my belly is empty and the gnawing pains of hunger are starting to fill my mind. I'm thirsty, too, but I don't dare leave the cabin and go down to the lake, not until I'm certain that Jon is okay. He's always pulled through for me before, he even made the pain go away when I got my paw caught in a door and I had to go see the vet. He always looks after me.
I circle the cabin for a few more hours, but nothing changes and Jon still sounds angry.
Finally, too tired to walk, I drop down at the top of the steps and take slow, deep breaths. I need to eat soon, and my belly is starting to hurt. It's hard to know what to do, though, and after a moment I close my eyes, hoping that if I can go to sleep again, everything will be okay when I wake up.
I drift for a moment, before suddenly hearing the sound of a car's tires screeching along the dirt road.
Opening my eyes, I look across toward the dirt road just as a red car comes racing into view. I get to my feet and watch as the car screeches to a halt, and for a moment I'm filled with fear as I realize that someone else has arrived. A moment later, however, the car door opens and a woman steps out, and I feel an immediate rush of relief as I see that it's someone I recognize.
Julie!
Julie is finally here!
“Harry!” she shouts, clearly scared as she rushes toward the cabin. “Thank God you're here! Where's Jon?”
I run down the steps, overjoyed to see her, and she crouches down next to me and runs her hands along my flank.
“Hey, boy,” she stammers, “you're so thin. Are you guys okay? Where's Jon?”
I lean closer and lick the side of her neck, but my tongue feels dry.
“Jon?” she shouts, getting to her feet and stepping past me. She hurries up the steps and onto the porch, and then she stops as if she's suddenly heard the grunts and crashing sounds from inside the cabin.
I watch the back of her head, waiting to see what she'll do. I like Julie, she's smart like Jon and I trust her. She'll make everything better again.
After a moment, she takes a step back as Jon continues to hit the door. Finally, she turns to me with tears in her eyes.
“That's not...” She pauses. “Harry, tell me that's not Jon. Please, I thought you guys would...”
She turns back to look at the cabin's front door, and a few seconds later there's a loud bump on the other side, as if Jon has made his way back over and is now trying to get out to her.
“Please no,” she says, her voice trembling as she makes her way along the porch and round to the other side.
I make my way up the steps, not wanting to follow and look through the glass door this time.
I wait, scared in case -
Suddenly Julie lets out a brief, shocked cry, and I hear her running back this way. She stops as soon as she sees me, and tears are streaming down her face.
“Tell me that's not him!” she sobs. “Please, Harry, that can't be Jon in there...”
As if to answer her, there's another loud roar from inside the cabin, and a series of bumps as if he's still trying to break out through the glass door.
“It's not Jon,” Julie whimpers, stepping away from the cabin until she's standing next to me at the top of the steps. “It can't be. I got here as fast as I could, but I was so sure that Jon would be okay. He's always okay, he always knows how to look after himself. This can't happen to Jon. It's happened to so many other people, but not Jon.”
I look up at her, hoping that she'll know how to put everything right. Maybe if she goes inside, s
he can make Jon go back to normal. She's always made him happy before.
Inside the cabin, Jon is once more throwing himself against the door, desperately trying to break out. At the same time, he's letting out a low, guttural snarl that never seems to end. And just as it seems that he has to give up, he starts hitting the wood even harder, and I let out a whimper as I take a few more steps back.
“Oh God,” Julie sobs, sitting on the edge of the porch and staring at the wooden door as it continues to shudder. Tears are streaming down her face. “Please, not Jon...”
***
“I can't leave him like this,” Julie says eventually, after we've listened to Jon's fury for a little longer. Her voice is trembling more than ever. “I can't... I can't just drive away. I can't.”
She pauses again, before getting to her feet. Her heart is pounding as she steps over to the table by the door and picks up the rifle, which has been resting there ever since Jon used it on the creature that attacked Richard. She opens it and takes a look at one of the inner parts, and then she snaps it shut again.
“One shot,” she whispers. “I can't let him suffer like this. I saw so many people at the hospital, I saw what happens to these things.”
She turns to me, and more tears are streaming down her face.
“They just get worse, Harry,” she continues. “I've seen them, they just rot and fall apart. It's not really Jon in there, not anymore. You understand that, right?”
She takes a deep breath.
“This is the only merciful thing I can do for him now.”
She hesitates for a moment, before a shudder seems to pass through her body.
“I can't do it,” she stammers, turning and heading back down the steps. “I'm getting out of here. Come on, Harry, you can come too. I've got food. Not a lot, but enough, and then we'll get to the rendezvous point and everything'll be okay.”
I watch as she opens the trunk of her car. I can't believe that she's actually going to leave without helping Jon, and when I look back at the cabin, I realize he's screaming louder than ever.
“Harry?” Julie calls out to me. “Do you want this?”
I turn to her again, and I see that she's holding out a handful of canned meat. My stomach is so empty, it hurts, but no matter how much I want that meat, I can't bring myself to walk away from the cabin. Even though I'm drooling at the prospect of food, I turn back to the cabin and watch the door, still hoping that Jon will suddenly come out and that everything will be okay again.
“He's gone, Harry,” Julie continues, with a hint of desperation in her voice. “That's not him anymore, it's just something in his body. We started to analyze the sickness at the hospital, but then everything went to hell. There's one thing I'm sure of, though, and that's... When they come back, it's not really them. It's just their bodies.”
She keeps talking, but I focus on the door. I still believe that Jon will come out eventually.
“I have to get going,” Julie says, and I hear her getting back into her car. “I'm sorry, Harry, but there's nothing else we can do for him. Harry, come get in the car.”
I stare at her for a moment, before turning back to the cabin.
“Get in the car!” she shouts, her voice filled with desperation. “You dumb dog, get in the bloody car!”
I don't look at her. I keep my eyes fixed on the door, and a moment later I hear Julie starting her car's engine. The vehicle's rumbling sound continues for a few minutes, before stopping again, and then I hear her climbing back out.
I wait, but finally I turn to her.
“I can't leave him like this,” she whispers, wiping tears from her eyes. She still has the rifle in her hands as she steps toward me. “You know I love him, don't you?” she continues, reaching down and ruffling the fur on the back of my neck. Her hand is shaking. “You know I do. I've loved him for so long, and I love him so much, and that's why I can't just leave. I have to put him out of his misery. Either there's a glimmer of his soul left in there and he wants the agony to end, or there's nothing left and this is just the final indignity. Whatever... I saw enough at the hospital for me to know that this is what I have to do now. I have to do it because I love him.”
She pauses, before stepping past me and making her way along the porch.
I let out a faint whimper, and she turns to me.
“It'll be quick,” she says. “I promise, Harry. He won't suffer.”
I don't know what she's talking about, but I turn back to the front door as I hear Jon still desperately trying to break through. A moment later, I realize that Julie is out of sight now, having made her way around the side of the cabin. I take a few cautious steps forward and look at the front door for a moment longer, before heading along the porch and looking along to see that Julie is at the glass door.
She pauses for a moment, before reaching out and sliding the door open.
And then she raises the rifle.
“I'm sorry,” she sobs, as I hear the sound of Jon scrambling toward her inside the front room. He's snarling louder than ever. “I love you so much. I'm sorry. I love you. I -”
Before she can finish, she fires the gun. A blast rings out and she takes a step back, and there's a heavy thud from inside the cabin.
Finally everything falls still and quiet.
I stare along the porch, watching Julie, waiting for Jon to step out through the door. After a moment, however, I realize that I can't hear him at all.
“Oh God,” Julie whimpers, dropping to her knees and letting the rifle fall from her hands, as she continues to stare through the door. “Please forgive me. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't leave him like that, I just couldn't...”
She puts her hands over her face and starts weeping uncontrollably. I've never seen her like this before, but usually when she's upset Jon makes her feel better. This time, however, there's no sign of him.
I make my way cautiously along the porch until I reach the open glass door. Looking inside, I see that Jon is slumped just a few feet away, with most of his head having been blasted clean away. There's not much blood, since his body seems to have become very dry over the past few days, but I can see some bones poking out through the stump at the top of his neck, and there are more pieces of bone and meat sprayed across the floor.
“I'm so sorry,” Julie sobs, and her whole body is shuddering now as she continues to weep.
I watch Jon's body for a moment, as I slowly start to realize that he's not coming back. I can't smell him at all now. With the glass door having finally been opened, it's clear that the interior of the cabin reeks of death, and the scent is coming almost exclusively from Jon. The part of him that gave him his unique scent is gone, which means that he's gone.
I pause for a moment longer. I want to go through the door and sit with Jon, to maybe check if there's anything I can do to bring him back, but the stench of death is too strong and I can't bring myself to take a step forward. Instead, I walk over to Julie and sit next to her. I curl into a tight ball, hoping that maybe if I close my eyes for a while I might wake up and find that Jon is back.
Deep down, however, I know that he's gone forever.
Finally Julie gets to her feet. Her legs are shaking and she grabs hold of the railing as she stumbles back along the porch. When she reaches the far end, she hesitates for a moment before leaning over the side and vomiting. Then, she makes her way around to the front of the cabin, disappearing from view. A moment later, I hear her sobbing again, wailing this time as if she's in actual, physical pain.
And then she falls silent.
For the next few minutes, I simply rest on the porch and stare through the door, watching Jon's lifeless body in case there's any chance he might stand up.
Eventually, however, I hear Julie coming back this way, and I turn to see her carrying a metal can along the porch.
“I have to do this,” she tells me, sniffing back more tears. “One of the things we learned at the hospital, before everything fell apart, was t
hat fire...”
Her voice trails off, and then she turns and shakes the can, spraying the inside of the cabin with the same foul-smelling liquid that Jon used on the dead bodies earlier. Some of the liquid lands on Jon, and I get to my feet as I realize that Julie suddenly seems more determined, as if she has a plan.
A moment later, I hear a scratching sound, and I look up to see that Julie is holding a small piece of wood that's burning at one end. She hesitates, watching as the flame burns, and then she tosses it through the doorway, causing the interior of the cabin to immediately start burning.
“Come on,” she says, picking me up and carrying me along the porch, away from the flames. “He's gone, buddy.”
I pull back, trying to slip free.
“He's gone!” she says firmly, keeping hold and trying to drag me along. “Harry -”
Turning suddenly, I look over her shoulder, only to see flames roaring out from the door and already sending thick plumes of smoke into the sky.
“Please don't hate me, Harry,” Julie says, sounding a little breathless. “If you'd seen what people become when they get this sickness, you'd know that I did the only thing I could. That wasn't Jon, not anymore. I couldn't leave his body stumbling about like that. It would've been obscene.”
She carries me all the way to her car and then sets me down, keeping hold of my collar while holding some more meat toward my mouth.
“You need to eat,” she continues. “Harry, food! Dinner! I'm sorry I shouted at you just now, but seriously, you need food.”
I turn away, looking back toward the cabin as the flames spread all the way through to the front door.
“Harry -”
Pulling away, I slip free and run away from her car, but I stop when I get to the bottom of the steps. Staring up at the door, I can see smoke escaping from the interior of the cabin, and I realize that there's no way Jon is going to get out of there. I step forward, but a wall of heat pushes me back and finally I settle on the grass, placing my chin between my front legs and watching as the cabin continues to burn. Even if there's no chance of Jon ever coming back, I've spent my entire life with him and I don't know what to do next.
