"If there's anything we can do to help you, I hope you'll let us know," Leeanne replied. "We'd hate to see a young woman like yourself, a stranger in town, get herself into an embarrassing situation. How long did you say you'd be staying?"
She couldn't imagine being any more embarrassed than she was at this very moment. Leeanne and Mary Jo had made it quite clear she was an interloper, unwanted in their little corner of the world. "I'm not sure yet."
"You'll be wanting to speak to J.T., I assume," Mary Jo said, rising to her feet. She looked into Katherine's eyes. "I can't stop you, but I'd ask you to think about it first. Think about all of it. Leeanne has children who adore their father. And J.T. and I, we... well, we have a life that doesn't need any more trouble." Her eyes grew teary. "Oh, dear. I can't do this." Mary Jo grabbed her purse and practically ran out of the restaurant.
Leanne muttered a good-bye and hastily followed, leaving Katherine alone in the lobby, wondering why the heck she'd ever thought coming to Kentucky was a good idea.
* * *
After a sleepless night pondering her options, Monday morning Katherine awoke ready to move on with her quest to find her father. She didn't want to hurt anyone, but she still needed to know the truth. What to do with that truth was something she'd worry about later. After having breakfast in her room, she got dressed and walked down to Golden's just before noon. She wanted to look through the photos Justin's father had accumulated over the years. Hopefully, there would be a clue to her father's identity in there somewhere.
"Katherine," Justin said with a welcoming wave as she entered the bar. "I was hoping you'd come in before it got too busy." He set down a wet cloth on the counter top and stepped around the bar. "The office is in the back."
"Thanks, I really appreciate this."
"No problem."
Justin led her into a room that was stuffed full of filing cabinets and one paper-laden desk that stood in the corner. "Photos in the bottom two drawers of the cabinet," he said. "After you go through those, let me know. There are a couple of boxes in the basement as well."
"You do have a lot of pictures," she murmured.
"My father was a shutterbug."
She walked over to the filing cabinet and opened the bottom drawer. "I'm almost afraid to look.”
"For fear you won't find your mother -- or you will?"
She glanced back, seeing the twinkle in his shrewd eyes and smiled. "I'm that transparent?"
"Being a bartender, I'm good at reading people.”
"I wish I was better at it."
"Holler if you need anything."
"Thanks." As Justin left, she let out a sigh and then grabbed a stack of photos and set them on the desk. She took a seat and began to look through the pictures. It didn't take her long to realize the enormity of her task. The only face she would recognize would be her mother's but would she even be able to find her mother in the sea of strangers? Pushing that negative thought aside, she forced herself to study each photograph. If her mother had been at Golden's with her father, then this was her best chance at seeing the two of them together.
It took almost an hour to get through the first drawer and she was thinking about a break when the office door opened. She was surprised to see Zach, and she couldn't stop the little tumble that her stomach took every time he walked into her life. "What are you doing here?" she asked, trying not to look too closely at him, trying not to remember how good it had felt to be in his arms.
"I was in town. I stopped in to get some lunch. Justin told me you were back here. Any luck?"
"No," she said, shaking her head.
He pulled up a chair in front of the desk. "Want any help?"
"You don't have a million things to do at the barn?"
"I do, but you're looking a little discouraged."
She pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm on a fool's errand, right?"
"I guess you won't know until you're done. I've got a little time. Give me some pictures and tell me what I'm looking for."
"Why are you being so helpful?"
"Maybe I figure the sooner you get to the end of your search, the sooner you'll be heading back to L.A. and the sooner I'll get my father out of my life as well."
She stared into his eyes, but Zach had a really good poker face. "Fair enough," she said. She grabbed a pile from the next drawer and spread them across the desk, happy to have some help whatever his motivation. "Look for photos of J.T., Justin or Jimmy and tell me if there are any women in them that you don't recognize."
For a few moments they worked in silence. Then Zach picked up a photo, studying it more intently than the rest.
"Did you find something?" she asked."
"I'm not sure. This is Jeff Ridgeway. He works at J.T.'s farm. He's about the same age as J.T. and I don't recognize the woman with him." He handed her the photo. "Recognize her?"
The woman had straight blond hair down to her waist, and looked nothing like her mother. "It's not her," she said with a shake of her head and a sigh. "This isn't getting me anywhere.”
"You might be better off talking to people directly."
"I doubt that. I spoke to Leeanne Callaway and Mary Jo Baker yesterday. They were polite, but they made it clear I wasn't welcome here. Mary Jo wanted to know if I'd thought of all the people I might hurt, like Mrs. Callaway's children."
"Leeanne's children are grown and gone from the nest."
"They might still be hurt to find out their father had a love affair all those years ago."
"They might also be your siblings," Zach pointed out.
Siblings? She'd never considered siblings. And yet she'd longed for brothers and sisters. How wonderful it would be to find some now. But would they want to know her? They were probably happy as they were.
"I'm afraid they might be right, that this search of mine will only hurt people."
"It might. Dreams come with costs. Nothing is free. And what about you? What about your hurt?"
She stared at him indecisively. "You sound like you're coming on to my side."
"I know what it's like to feel out of place, unwelcome. Maybe I wouldn't choose the path you've taken, because I have a father I'd like to get rid of, but that's my story. You have every right to search for your father. And you shouldn't listen to me or those ladies or anyone else. If you give up now, I think you'll be sorry for the rest of your life." Zach stood up. "I have to get back to work."
"Thanks," she said.
He gave her a smile. "I know a little about impossible dreams and wondering if you're crazy for thinking for a minute you can make that dream happen. Don't quit, Kat."
"I won't," she promised.
She drew in a deep breath as Zach left the office, feeling a lot better than she had a few minutes earlier. She wasn't going to give up yet. She'd spent her entire life wanting to know who her father was, and she was going to do her best to finally get an answer to that question. She picked up the next photo and scanned the crowd.
A few minutes later Justin appeared in the doorway with a Diet Coke. He set it down on the desk. "Thought you might be thirsty. Have you found anything?"
"Not yet." She paused. "There's something I haven't told you. I'm not just looking for my mother's past, I'm looking for my father. A few months ago I found a letter that led me to believe my father and mother might have lived here in Paradise. He might still live here. And he might not know he has a daughter."
Justin's expression didn't waver. He looked helpful, curious, but not wary. She hated to change all that, but she had to tell him the rest. "My mother addressed the letter to someone with the first initial J. Along with the letter, I also found lots of cocktail napkins and matchbooks from this bar. She must have come here a lot to see someone."
Justin stiffened. "My name starts with J, and I'm old enough to be your father."
"Yes, but you said you didn't know an Evelyn Jones, and I believe you."
He nodded. "I didn't lie about that." He paused, scratching th
e corner of his jaw. "I've been married for twenty-nine years, and my wife, Karen, and I have always been faithful to each other."
"Then it couldn't be you," she said with a heavy heart. She wouldn't have minded having Justin for a father. He was kind and compassionate and didn't seem to play games. There was no reason to believe he was playing one now. "I'll just have to keep looking. I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed. I like you. And some of my other choices aren't so great."
"Do you mind if I give you a little bartender advice?"
"Give away.”
"Sometimes when you shake an apple tree, you get more than apples. I hope you're prepared for whatever else drops down on your head. Because you are a living, breathing symbol of someone's sexual life, maybe a sign of infidelity or betrayal. Some people will do anything to guard that part of themselves."
"I understand, but I need to know who my father is. Whether I ever see him or talk to him or spend time with him is almost beside the point. I just have to know who he is."
"Do you have to know? A lot of folks go around looking into other people's eyes searching for their own reflection, so they know what to think about themselves."
"I'm not doing that," she said slowly. But wasn't she in a way? "Okay, that might be partially true, but do you know what it's like to grow up without any blood relatives?"
"I don't. But I do know that you are who you are no matter who your father was or is. You're your own person."
"I'll try to remember that."
"Now, just don't go running to my wife with your story about your father's name starting with the initial J. She'll having me sleeping on the couch in two minutes flat."
Justin appeared to be teasing, but was he really? Were his words of advice just a way of changing the subject, refocusing her attention?
"I'm kidding," Justin said hastily. "Karen knows I've been faithful. It was a joke."
"Sure." She sighed as he left, wondering why it was becoming so difficult to tell the good guys from the bad guys.
Chapter Fourteen
Zach spent the rest of Monday and all day Tuesday focusing on work and trying not to think about Katherine. Despite his best intention, she crept into his mind just about every other minute. He wondered if she'd found any more clues in the search for her father, and he was a little surprised he hadn't seen her or heard from her in the past day and a half. He should be relieved, but instead he felt... restless. It had been a long time since he'd felt so connected to a woman, and he wasn't happy about it.
He looked up as Sam entered the room. He looked tired, his sweaty hair clinging to his forehead, the lines on his face more grooved and defined. Even his skin color seemed a bit off.
"You look like shit," Zach said.
"Hell of a day." Sam rolled down the sleeves of his shirt. "I could use a beer. Make that a pitcher. And next time you decide to leave me with the Evenson brothers, think again."
"I have never before seen two people who think they know everything and actually know nothing."
"Yeah, well, if their horse wasn't so beautiful, I'd tell you to get rid of 'em."
"Did they drive back to Louisville?"
"I sure as hell hope so. Did you hear from Colin today?"
"Yeah, Rogue is settling in. As much as I hate to admit it, you were right about getting him to the track early. He needs to be a part of that scene, although he ran like an elephant on Sunday.”
"He'll be fine. The proof will be in the pudding, son, or in the roses." Sam got to his feet, "I'm tired, but I think I'll go get myself a Golden's burger, see if I can rescue any pretty blondes who get accidentally splashed with bourbon," he added with a grin. "Want to come with me?"
"No, thanks, I'm not hungry."
"Worrying about Rogue or worrying about that blonde?"
"Both," he admitted.
"Why are you fighting her so hard?"
"I'm better on my own -- like you."
A frown crossed Sam's face. "You shouldn't try to be like me."
"Why not? You're single. Married to your job. Happy enough, right?"
"You're not me. I come from a big family. I have six sisters and four brothers. Being the oldest, I grew up taking care of kids. There were always too many people in my house, and I longed to be on my own. But you're different, Zach. You've been looking for a pack to run with, and I think it's about time you start thinking of creating your own family."
"I thought that once before, remember?"
Sam shook his head. "Crystal wasn't for you. Never thought she was."
His jaw dropped. "Well, do you think you might have told me? Like before the wedding?"
"Would you have listened?"
"What about you?" Zach asked, purposefully not answering the question. "Wasn't there any girl you loved enough to marry?"
"There were lots of girls," Sam said with a twinkle in his eye. "Still are. Let me give you a little advice, Zach. If you get a chance at love, you should take it. Don't waste time. Don't think it will still be around when you're ready, cuz it won't. And don't get any foolish notion in your head that you actually get to choose the one you love. Doesn't work that way."
"That may be, but I can choose whether or not to do something about it."
"And are you going to do something about it?”
"I'm trying not to."
"Well, you keep trying. Me, I'm going to find myself a nice burger, a nice beer, and a nice lady -- in that order. Good night."
As Sam left, Zach glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost eight, and he might as well go home, although heading back to his quiet house didn't seem as inviting as it usually did. He organized the papers on his desk, then got up and headed to the door. As he opened it, Katherine stumbled into his arms.
He caught her by the waist to steady her. "Easy," he said, his fingers tightening on her waist.
"Hi, Zach," she said breathlessly. "I was just about to knock."
His gaze narrowed at the smudges of dirt on her face, the windblown tangled strands of her hair. "What have you been up to? Digging up someone's grave?"
"More like an old, out of control garden," she said. "I told you Mrs. Stanton said I could work on her garden."
"Right. But I thought you were focused on finding your father."
Her smile dimmed. "I was taking a break. I didn't find anything in the photos at Golden's yesterday, and I needed to think about what to do next. I figured I might as well weed at the same time." She paused. "Are you on your way out?"
"Yep." He really needed to let go of her, but his fingers refused to loosen.
"Going home?" she queried.
"Maybe," he said vaguely. The last thing he wanted to do right now was go home alone, but inviting her over was an even worse idea. Still, he wasn't quite ready to say good-bye and send her on her way.
She gave him a quizzical look. "Care to be more specific."
"Come with me," he said, dropping his hands from her waist and heading toward the door.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"You'll see." He led her through the barn and across one of the paddocks to a smaller building. He opened the door. It was dark inside, and he could have flipped on a light, but it would have spoiled the effect. Instead he grabbed her hand. "Follow me."
"It's awfully dark in here," she complained.
He stopped in front of a ladder propped against a wall of hay bales. "After you."
"You want me to climb up this ladder?" she asked warily.
"Yes, I do," he said with smile. "It will be worth it, trust me.”
Katherine hesitated. "All right, but I'm not a big fan of ladders."
"I'll be right behind you," he promised.
When Katherine reached the top rung, she climbed out on to a wide ledge of hay. A stream of moonlight came through a skylight in the roof, light that had been undetectable down below because the high walls of hay on three out of four sides had isolated the moonbeams into one dazzling circle of light.
; "Wow, that's pretty," she murmured.
Zach moved next to her. "Lie back. It's the best way to see it."
Katherine did as she was told, pillowing her head with one hand. He stretched out beside her. For a few quiet moments they simply gazed through the glass at the glittering parade of stars in the night sky.
"This is amazing. Like our own private planetarium," she said.
"I found this place on my first day at the ranch," he said. "In the daytime it's nothing special, but at night this view made me think anything was possible.”
Katherine turned her head to look at him. "Anything is possible, Zach."
He smiled. "I'm not surprised you think so, but growing up the way I did, it was hard to see past the day-to-day nightmare of living with my father. Coming here changed me. Harry Stanton gave me a life on this ranch, not just a job."
"And you love this place."
He glanced at her. "It's home. It may not be mine, but I belong here."
"I've never felt like I belonged anywhere," she said, thinking about Zach's words. "After my mom died, I felt like a guest in my stepfather's home. I was afraid if I did something wrong, he'd send me away, and then I wouldn't have anything that had any connection to my mother. So I toed the line."
"And you're still toeing it."
She nodded. "Until I came here. This trip was the most spontaneous and impulsive thing I've ever done. And being here in Kentucky has changed my perspective. When I was working in the garden today, I was thinking how much I didn't want to go back to my condo or my job in a skyscraper. I want land and a garden of my own. I want to have roots."
"So do it," he said.
"It's not that easy to change your life."
"Nothing good is ever easy.”
"True." As she glanced back up at the starry sky, her breath caught. "Look, Zach, a shooting star. Make a wish, quick.”
"Wishing never works for me," he said cynically.
"There's always the chance that it will," she said, although she had to admit that wishing hadn't done much for her either.
"Maybe," he said, rolling on to his side, not looking at the sky anymore but at her. "What about you? Did you make a wish?"
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