What the hell? Lessons? Ice did a slow cold burn through her crystalizing into disbelief.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Dev? Don’t try to pretend that--”
“I’m not pretending anything. It is what it is. I told you from the start I wasn’t a forever guy.”
He wouldn’t meet her gaze and she swallowed past the lump lodged in her throat. “I don’t believe you. I was there. I felt it.”
“Cheri,” he said, his voice an appeal for understanding. “I’m sorry you got the wrong idea. I really care about you—”
“Care?” she said. Her voice rose an octave, but she didn’t give a shit. “People care about their cars or how their hair looks in pictures. Last night was a shitload more than that.”
He shook his head slowly and she began to shake. “I’m sorry. I thought you understood. That’s what we agreed. When we finished with the lessons, we were done.”
“But, but…” stuttered Cheri, still too stunned to believe what he was saying. “I thought—”
“What, Cheri?”
“I thought you loved me?” She trembled as she said the words, but she had to hear it, hear him deny it before she could believe it.
“Oh, Cheri,” said Dev miserably. “You do deserve to be loved, by a better man than me.”
“I don’t want another man. I want you.” Tears shimmered at the edge of her vision. How could she have been so stupid?
“It’s not going to happen,” he said, his voice devoid of emotion now.
The earth opened at Cheri’s feet and she fell headlong into darkness.
“I’ve never loved anyone else. I’ll never love anyone but you.” She thought she heard a choking noise, but then Dev cleared his throat.
“You will. Bug, you are a great girl, and you’ll find that great man.”
“Cheri,” she screamed. “My fucking name is Cheri. And you’re a pussy, Dev Lachlan. A lily-livered, chicken-ass, pussy. You’re denying how you feel about me because it scares you. But I felt it last night. I know in my heart that you love me.”
“You’re wrong,” he said quietly and evenly. There was such sadness in his voice that Cheri’s heart could break just from the sound of it. “I’m not made for that kind of love. You should know that. You know me better than almost anyone.”
Dev’s words hit with the relentless force of a brick to the head. Cheri’s knees buckled under her, and it was an effort to stand upright. She clutched the sheet, holding on for dear life.
“Look,” he continued, “it would be a terrible life for you anyway. There are too many temptations. The women, the partying. It’s tough enough to be in a relationship without that kind of strain. Plus, with the band’s finances, and personnel changes, I’ve got to devote all my attention to the band. I don’t have room for a relationship in my life.”
“That’s a cop out. I’d be with you every step of the way. I’m always with you, Dev.”
“I know. And it’s not fair to you. I’ll understand if you need to leave Sub-Zero and find another job.”
“Fair,” she exploded. He wasn’t just breaking it off with her, he was trying to cut her out of the band too? No. No. No. There was something wrong here. Dev didn’t go from zero to sixty then zero again. A suspicion flashed through her mind and she flipped on the light in the hallway.
Dev looked stoically down at her, looking like hammered shit, a tiny drop of blood gathering on his lip.
“What’s this?” she said touching her thumb to his mouth.
Dev winced. “Nothing.”
“Nothing? Who gave you that?” Then her eyes flew open. “Rory?”
Dev looked away and said nothing.
“My brother knows about us?”
“There is nothing to know.”
“Fuck you, Lachlan. You have one fight with my brother about this and you fold? That’s not the Dev Lachlan I know.”
His eyes seemed to soften but then his face went blank and he stepped back.
“Rory or no, what you need is more than I can give, Bug. I’m sorry. For everything.”
He turned his back and walked through the door. The quiet clicking of the lock shattered her world.
A high keening sound hit her ears and then she realized it was her own voice as she broke down, tears stinging her eyes and flooding down her cheeks.
Every dream she had fell away, her dream of Dev and her, traveling, and making beautiful boys that looked like their father, leaving her empty and adrift on a sea of emptiness. It was a sham, a lie, everything she believed, everything she wanted. Dev didn’t love her. If he did, he wouldn’t have left so easily.
Cheri’s grief flowed out of her and into the pillow she buried her face in. She was stuck, frozen in pain, and unable to make it stop. This was the worst thing that ever happened to her because, in the end, she had lied to herself. She built a fantasy world around a prince charming that was more boy than man. It wasn’t Dev’s lies that hurt her. It was her own.
He was right about one thing, though. No way could she stay with the band. As much as it killed her, seeing Dev day in and day out with other women would be like a living hell.
A knock sounded on her door and, for a second, her heart fluttered with hope. She hated herself for having that thought, but she scrambled up and opened the door anyway.
Rory stood there, his face a mask of rage.
“Get dressed and go to the bus and pack your shit,” he said. “We’re leaving.”
Chapter 18
"Gina, I swear to god, if you didn't check the list of guests before I agreed to go on that talk show, there will be hell to pay."
He was on the phone to their publicist, fury curling in his gut. It was anger building all weekend, because, like everyone else after the tour, Gina took some time off and she only returned his call this morning.
Everyone else except Rory and Cheri. They’d been gone before the last show. He’d been sure he’d walk into the venue to find Rory there, still furious, but present. Instead, there had been their sub behind the kit, looking eager for his shot at a live show. That had been a blow, but when he’d found out Cheri had left too? He’d nearly had to walk out on the gig himself.
The rest of the guys had clearly been worried, but they must have been able to put two and two together when they saw Dev’s face because they didn’t ask. Thank god. Even now, two weeks later, he still couldn’t bear to talk about it. It was bad enough having to live with it all inside his head.
Gina clucked her tongue in apology, breaking into his misery. "I'm sorry, Dev. I did check. Darcy Andrews was a last minute fill-in for a cancellation. Apparently, when she heard you were going to be on the show, she dropped her plans to be there."
"Oh, for fuck’s sake," said Dev. He scrubbed his hands over his face. Darcy had clearly wanted to pick up where she thought they left off back at the tour party, but he was so not interested. She didn’t want to take no for an answer and it had been a total shit-show. "I can't get away from her, can I?"
"Not unless you want to make a very rich and powerful enemy," said Gina. "But let me work some magic and maybe I can get her to back off."
"How are you going to do that?"
"Magicians never reveal the tricks of their trade, Dev. Let Aunty Gina take care of this her way and you'll have plausible deniability."
"You're not going to do anything illegal, are you?"
"Please," snorted Gina. "I'm a master magician. The day I have to resort to breaking the law is the day I'm retiring from the biz."
"Okay, because I don't think I can afford bail for you if you get caught. I'm holding what money I have in reserve in case they arrest Rory for assaulting me."
Gina laughed. "You didn’t press charges."
"True. But only because if I did, we may never be able to play New York again."
Gina scoffed.
"No, I'm serious. Think of all those ticket sales we'd lose in Syracuse."
Gina laughed.
"Or Roches
ter, or Utica, for heaven's sake. It would shatter us." He had to try to make light of it, because if he didn’t, Gina and the band would realize exactly how dire the situation was. And until he’d had a chance to talk to Rory again, he couldn’t have that happen. He was the front man but Rory was the lynchpin. The heart and soul of the band. He wasn’t sure they’d be able to make it without him.
"I'm glad you haven't lost your sense of humor,” Gina said. “That was good, by the way, how you handled yourself in that talk show."
Dev pounced.
"So you did see it," he growled. "And you didn't call me."
"Well, of course, I saw it. I, um, got too busy after it to call you."
"Richard?"
"Oh hell, no, Dev. That was just a 'hey, we had a hell-of-a-tour boink’."
"Nice to know my publicist has such a firm grasp of the English language."
"Boink is a perfectly good word."
"Uh, huh. Consider yourself chastised."
"Chastened, my lord."
"That's what I like to hear. Talk later."
Dev put his phone back in his pocket. He pulled his new tablet across the conference table in Sub-Zero's loft office. He came to the studio because he’d gotten tired of looking at his apartment four walls and somehow it was less lonely to be here at work. Quinn and Mac went hunting for a week in the woods, and Connor took off to spend time with his family.
For the first time in many years, Dev was totally alone.
He missed his best friend. And god, did he miss Cheri.
He was halfway to writing a whole album full of love songs, and he hadn't heard from Mac yet on what he wrote. They'd be fighting each other for slots if he didn’t get out of the studio soon and get a life.
His phone rang again. Richard’s name flashed on the screen.
"We heard from the forensic accountant. He says that he's still working on things to figure exactly how much we’re owed."
"Shit. Cheri had a rough report the first day."
But luckily Bill was in custody. He’d been apprehended in San Diego when he went to a hotel and got drunk in the bar and paid with his credit card.
Idiot.
Now it was just a matter of getting their money back.
"Yeah, he tried to spit all that back at me like he did something special, but I told him we knew all that. So I called his boss and laid down the law. I watched the show today. That was funny, BTW, what Darcy said about Bill's new career."
"Don't talk to me about Darcy. I don't want to hear about her."
"Fine, Dev. I won't talk about her. Let's talk about Rory and Cheri."
Bad to worse. Dev squeezed his eyes closed and groaned. "Look. They won't talk to me. Hell, I even went over there and they wouldn't even answer the door."
"When was that?"
“The other day.”
"You get no sympathy from me. Someone should have beat your ass a month ago when you were sniffing around her."
"Thanks, dad. Oh, wait. I seem to remember something about me being the boss. At least Saldano addresses me in the proper way. She says 'yes, my lord’." He paused and grew serious. “Seriously, though, thanks, Richard. You are doing a great job."
"Don't get sappy on me, kid. I wouldn't know how to take it."
Right. "Later, shithead."
Dev flipped the phone onto the table and then stared down at the tablet with his new half-finished song on it, that he couldn't get out of his head. It had a catchy tune but underlying haunting quality.
It reminded him of Cheri, but then everything reminded him of Cheri.
He couldn't walk into the band's office space without remembering how he always stole her coffee with a wink, and she let him. How she was always snapping photos, or worked on her computer. Of how she was damned beautiful and he was just too stupid to see it.
Eyes bright and wide when I helped you ride your bike,
How you covered for us with your innocent lies,
Who knew you'd turn out to be the woman for me?
Always following me and your big bro when you shouldn't,
Hid in my car when I said you couldn't,
Who knew you'd turn out to be the woman for me?
He sang the words while the tablet played back the tune. It wasn't a romantic ballad in the typical sense or like any rock song they usually played. It probably wouldn't make the album. But he had to get it out so he could move on to something else.
"Is that the kind of shit you write when I'm not around?"
Dev raised his head only to find Rory standing in the doorway.
He barely contained his shock, but inside, he was reeling.
Was this a business visit, where his best friend of more than a decade came to officially quit the band? Christ, he didn’t know if he could take it. But he kept his voice light as he replied, "Only the finest shit comes from my musical stylings."
The room went silent as they regarded each other. Dev took in Rory’s mussed hair and tired eyes and wondered if he’d been having trouble sleeping too.
When he couldn’t take it any longer, he finally asked, “So why are you here?"
Rory glanced to the floor and scuffed it with his boot, before firming his jaw and meeting Dev’s gaze with a challenge.
"I hear you need a drummer."
He couldn’t possibly be saying what Dev thought he was. For a second, he was at a loss for words.
"Unless you already got someone?" Rory asked slowly.
The relief coursing through Dev was so profound, he swallowed hard before replying. "Yeah, we got someone all right."
Rory nodded stoically, but his cheeks went pale. "What's he like?"
"Well, he's sort of an idiot."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. He won't let anyone explain anything. He also has a mean right hand." Dev rubbed his chin and shrugged. “I could’ve kicked his ass, but I decided to be nice that day.”
Rory’s lips twitched into a half-smile. "You asshole. What if I don't want to come back anyways?"
"We'll burn you in effigy and give you a nice funeral. Then we'd drag you out of your house and stuff you into a tour bus to relive all three weeks of it."
"You're a sadist."
"Yep. And apparently, a masochist to spend another three weeks on a bus with you. The things I do for my art."
"Now I know why rock stars get their own private jets."
"I’m beginning to see the appeal."
"Can we get a jet?"
"No."
"That's what you said about getting a puppy."
"I told you that you need to learn more responsibility before we get a puppy. I'm not going to feed and walk the thing."
"Well, at least I still have one job," said Rory.
"One?"
"Cheri fired me as Knight-in-Shining-Armor.” He shrugged sheepishly. “Told me that wasn't a brother's privilege. Called me a hothead asshole for interfering and told me if I ever did it again, she’d post pictures of me with that bowl haircut my mother gave me in first grade."
Dev grinned at the image, but the thought of Cheri brought on a rush of pain right on its heels. Knight in shining armor, huh. His mind flashed to Cobb hanging around Cheri and he couldn’t help but ask.
"Does anyone else have that job?"
"Seriously, Dev?" Rory's voice was full of disbelief. He shook his head. "She's been crying her eyes out since we left the tour. I can't even get her out of the house."
Dev lowered his head, knowing he was responsible for Cheri's distress. He never wanted to hurt her and the thought she was suffering as much as he’d been sent a stab to his heart.
"I'm sorry," said Rory. "I was wrong for the things I said."
"Rory--"
"Let me finish. Yeah, you should have told me about you and her."
"I know it."
"Dev, shut up. This is hard enough to say. You should have told me, straight up, man-to-man instead of me finding out like I did. Not that I wouldn't have kicked your ass because you
deserved that. But you have to understand one thing. I've had to protect her since she was little. My old man--my old man was a drunk, a mean one, and when he got into a mood, he'd take it out on anyone."
Dev nodded. They didn’t talk about it, but he had seen the bruises on Rory enough times.
"If he went after her, I put myself in the way, so he'd hit me instead. When she was little she didn't understand, but when she became a teenager, she began to understand more. And she hated him as much as I did. You remember my eighteenth birthday?"
"Yeah, we had a great night."
"But I got home real late, and my old man was waiting for me. Apparently, my mom made me this cake, and I got a raft of shit because I disrespected her for not being there for it the one time she decides to give a shit. Cheri started yelling at him, telling him he was just a drunk, and that she was embarrassed to have him as a father and such. He went after her, I got in the middle, he got a good uppercut in to my jaw, and I blacked out. When I came to, he had Cheri over his knee, her pants pulled down and he was hitting her with his belt like she was three years old.
"Mom was whining at him to stop. But that's all she did. Cheri was screaming and thrashing. I stumbled to my feet and grabbed his arm as it came down again. Cheri twisted off his lap. I helped her up and she pulled up her pants, and we ran out of that front door and never looked back."
Dev swallowed hard. The thought of someone hurting Cheri made him want to spit nails, but he hadn’t been there. Rory had.
"We stayed that night at Connor's house, in that old tree house he had, remember that?"
"Yeah."
"The next day we went to school because we could eat there, and our teachers saw the marks. They called the police, and we went down the rabbit hole, the court system, child protective services, the works."
"You never told me why you dropped out of school."
"I had to get a job so I could keep Cheri with me. They weren't keen on it, an eighteen year old raising a thirteen year old. But since I was her only family, and my mom defended our dad, they gave it a shot. And I got the job, finished up with my GED, and things went from there."
"And your dad went to jail."
"Yeah, he’d embezzled some money and then had one too many DUI’s but it wasn’t for long enough. And he never served a day for what he did to us."
Hard Sell: A Bad-Boy, Rock Star Romance Page 32
