Instead, he was spending his Christmas Eve staring into the bottom of a lukewarm beer he’d been nursing for an hour. A position he’d been in far too often since the morning he’d come home from Ashley’s to find his jacket and Kaitlin’s note on his coffee table.
Even now, four days later, the memory of it made the bile rise in his throat. At first, he’d convinced himself he was relieved. He’d been about to make a big mistake and start talking about commitment. Hell, she’d probably just saved him the trouble of an awkward talk when he realized he’d been wrong. He’d tried to bury himself in the reno at his grandmother’s again and forget about her, but his heart just wasn’t in it.
So he’d turned to the bike shop, putting Honey’s house on hold until he could get his head on straight. He’d been useless there too, though. And, after screwing up the paint job on a custom Fat Boy Lo, his buddy and employee Reese had begged him to take a couple days off.
Now he was here. Again. On his second pint of cheap beer, wondering why something that used to seem like fun now felt hollow.
So yeah, maybe Kitty had been more than just a hookup. She was the girl next door. The girl he’d known since he was ten years old. But what really tore him apart more than anything was the fucking note.
He knocked back the dregs of his beer and set his glass back on the bar with a clack.
Eighteen years ago, before he and Rick moved into his grandmother’s house permanently, his mom had brought them over to Honey’s to visit. Not unusual. She’d drop them off for Honey to babysit them before going out on the town, or on a date with some guy, sometimes for days at a time. Hell, sometimes they’d have to stay there for weeks at a time if she got evicted from her apartment, or had a breakup with whatever guy was beating up on her at the time.
She’d come back to get them, head hanging low, a couple new bruises on her arms, maybe a chipped tooth or a black eye. But she’d always come back for them.
This time was different though.
This time, she wasn’t coming back.
The next morning they awoke to find Grandma Honey in the living room crying. She held a piece of paper in her hand that she crumpled up as soon as they walked in.
She wouldn’t tell them what was wrong or what it said, but a week later while Grandma was out getting groceries, Mike snuck into her room. In her nightstand under a stack of junk mail, he found the wadded up note and read it.
It was something he’d regretted seeing every day of his life.
Please take care of little Rick and Michael. I’m no good for them.
Strange how this whole thing with Kitty brought him full circle. He’d run out on her to help a friend so she wouldn’t stay in an abusive situation like the ones his mother always found herself in. And then walked back into the house to find a note.
A fucking note.
Right or wrong, it had torn open an ancient wound that had scabbed over but never truly healed. How could she walk away so easily? With no explanation. No chance to let him explain. Just empty words and a jacket that, for some reason, he had worn today, in spite of the heat.
“Michael Blade?” a woman’s voice murmured from behind him.
He whipped around in his stool, his pulse rocketing for a second until he saw who it was. He recognized the pretty blonde, but couldn’t put a name to the face.
“Hey. Good to see you, ummm…”
The girl laughed, “You don’t remember me? Tiffany. Tiffany Wallace.”
Now he recognized her. They’d dated for a short time – actually, dated was a bit generous; they screwed for like a week – right after he graduated high school. She had just moved into town and they’d hooked up at a club in town. He thought she had moved away awhile ago.
“Oh yeah,” he said, trying to muster a shred of enthusiasm. “How are you, Tiffany? Long time no see.”
“I’m great! Just in town through the New Year. You look, like, really good Mikey. Like…really good,” she said, eyeing him up and down, her gaze lingering on his biceps.
“Thanks, Tiff. You look great, too,” he said with as polite of a smile as he could manage given the fact that he wanted nothing more than for her to leave.
She paused for a moment, twirling a long lock of golden hair.
“Say, Mike,” her tone was laced with seduction, “I don’t have to meet up with the family until later tonight. You wanna maybe get out of here? Catch up a little.” She added a not so subtle wink that would’ve had the Mike of just a couple weeks ago cocked, locked and ready to fire.
She was beautiful. No doubt about it. Her hourglass figure and soft blonde hair were the things dreams were made of. She had long, tan legs that made the distance from her red, six-inch heels to the bottom of her short, black dress seem like miles. Maybe getting out of here and “catching up” would help him take his mind off of Kitty.
Kitty.
He thought back to their last night together, and shook his head slowly.
“I’m sorry, Tiffany. I’m not interested,” he finally said.
“Not interested?” she asked with a harsh laugh that made her look a lot less pretty than she’d been a moment before. “Since when is Michael Blade not interested in sex?”
“Since now, with you,” he replied, more annoyed with himself than her, for exactly the same reason. Since when wasn’t he interested in sex?
Since Kitty. How had his redheaded neighbor burrowed so deeply under his thick skin so fast? And how the hell was he going to get her out?
But Tiffany was unaware of his internal struggle and leaned in, one hand cocked on her hip.
“Um, excuse me?” Tiffany’s cheeks turned beet red. “You’re a real asshole, Blade--”
“Woah, woah!” a second, female voice chimed in, cutting her off before things got even uglier.
Mike looked up to see Kitty’s high school friend, Cheri, standing there holding both hands up like a ref in a boxing ring.
“No means no, okay, toots,” she muttered to Tiffany, and jabbed a finger toward the door. “Now hit the bricks.”
Tiffany looked like she was about to argue, but the fierce expression in Cheri’s laser green eyes made her think twice.
“Whatever,” she mumbled, and then tottered off on her too-high heels toward the exit.
“What are you doing here, Cheri?” Mike asked, suddenly feeling like he’d aged ten years in the past few days. He’d never been very close with Cheri and seeing her now only reminded him of Kitty.
“Last I checked, it was the only place with decent wings in town. Sit. I’ll buy you a beer,” she said with a gentle smile that seemed so out of character compared to her usual, brash self.
He dropped back down in his stool at the bar. Cheri took the seat next to him and ordered two pints from the bartender.
“I appreciate it,” Mike said, “but seriously, tell me why you’re here?”
“Fine,” Cheri sighed. “I was doing some last minute holiday shopping, saw your bike in the parking lot and thought I’d stick my nose where it didn’t belong. Look, Mike. Kaitlin and I are best friends. She told me everything.”
He would love to know what her version of “everything” was, but he wasn’t about to ask.
“I don’t know what she told you, but she decided not to stick around so--”
“She told me that part. That she left when you didn’t come back that night. She also told me you left to meet another woman without explanation. An ex, no less.”
When she said it, brows raised like that, it did sound bad. He clenched his pint glass in one hand and shook his head.
“Some shit went down and it wasn’t my place to tell her someone else’s business like that. I was going to tell her when I got back, once I cleared it with Ashley, but she was gone.”
With nothing but a kiss-off note and his old leather jacket left behind, he reminded himself, clinging to the last remnants of anger because it hurt less than what was behind it.
Cheri nodded, tapping out a staccato bea
t on the bar and nodding. “Yep, that’s pretty much how she told it, without the Ashley details of course. And to be honest, I thought she was right to leave. You don’t exactly have the reputation of being a stand up, one-woman guy.”
He wanted to argue but knew he couldn’t. She was right. And still…
“She could’ve waited. And she didn’t have to leave town, for god’s sake,” he muttered under his breath.
“As I was saying, I thought she was right to leave. Until I ran into Ashley today at the grocery store. She told me what happened, Mike. She told me Chad was hitting her and you went in and beat his ass. Even convinced her to go down and file a police report.” Cheri leaned in and took his arm in one hand, her penetrating gaze seeming to look into his very soul. “Why didn’t you call Kaitlin? Why didn’t you at least try to go after her and tell her what happened?”
Mike looked down at the fading, mottled bruises on his knuckles.
“Because she walked away like it meant nothing to her. She promised she would wait until I got home and then she left. I figured it would be better for both of us to get on with my life. Try to make sure it would eventually mean nothing to me, too.”
“Yeah?” she asked with a smirk. “How’s that working out for you so far?”
He thought about lying but then shrugged. Fuck it. What difference did it make now?
“She’s all I think about.”
“I remember the story about your mom, too, Mike. And I get why trusting might be hard for you, but have you ever thought of it from Kaitlin’s perspective? Sure, her dad didn’t walk out on them until she was grown, but he might as well have. He had a mistress for years. A whole other family, in fact. And her mother was alone and sad and bitter her whole life. All Kait ever wanted was someone she could trust.”
The words washed over him like a bucket of ice water, sending a chill through him. “And then the second she decided to try and trust me, I left in the middle of the night without explaining,” he finished for her.
Why hadn’t he seen it before? It made so much sense. He’d been so caught up in his own tangled feelings and so afraid of letting his guard down, he hadn’t realized what Kaitlin was risking on her end.
A tiny flame of hope flickered in his heart.
“So what do I do? Would she even talk to me now?”
“Here’s a tip. She’s actually going to her mom’s house tonight. She forgot some of her clothes there.”
He threw a twenty on the table to pay his tab and launched himself to his feet.
He’d dropped the ball once, but he wasn’t about to do it again.
“Thanks Cheri. I mean it. I owe you huge.”
She laughed and shook her head. “No you don’t. When I saw you in here drinking at one in the afternoon, all doom-and-gloom, I figured you were just as tore up as her. You telling off Bimbo Barbie was just the icing on the cake. You had a slam-dunk with that girl and you refused. Looks like bad boy Mike has changed after all.” She clipped him lightly on the shoulder. “Treat my friend right, and we’re even.”
He grabbed his jacket and strode from the bar, a man on a mission. If there was a way to win Kitty back, he was going to find it, or die trying. He had one stop to make, and then it was back to old neighborhood.
Back to Kitty, if she’d have him.
Chapter 10
Kaitlin sat at her mother’s house, wishing with all her might that her mom would walk in right at that moment and give her a hug.
She’d been sitting on the couch with a half-eaten, self-bought box of chocolates trying to convince herself it was time to leave. What was she staying for, anyway? She’d gotten the clothes she’d left behind, and had gone through her mother’s mail. Cheri had already agreed to keep stopping in every few days for the plants.
There was literally nothing left keeping her there now. Except the thought of spending Christmas all alone.
Except Mike.
She plucked another chocolate from the box and jammed it into her mouth.
Sure, maybe she’d fooled herself into believing she hadn’t wanted to see him again, but when she’d looked over to see the house locked up tight, no car or bike in the driveway, her heart had sank.
She chewed the candy in her mouth, but it tasted like sawdust.
Mike wasn't here now and he likely wasn't coming back.
So much for Honey's house and sentiment. Apparently Michael Blade couldn't stick in anywhere.
Kaitlin stood and grabbed her overnight bag full of forgotten clothes, peering around the house one last time. If she forgot anything else, she'd just have to live without it. She couldn’t come back until Honey’s house was sold for fear of seeing Mike roll up on his bike one day with another woman on the back.
The thought made her gut lurched and she swallowed the lump in her throat.
“Hasta la vista,” she muttered.
Then, she made her way to the door and swung it open, letting out a screech as she walked face first into a massive, hard body.
"Jesus!" she yelped, dropping the bag onto the tile floor and reaching for the nearest thing to break her fall. Turned out the nearest thing was Michael Blade’s strong arms, and her whole world spun.
"Sorry, I didn't meant to scare you," he murmured, tightening his grip on her shoulders and steadying her until she could stand on her own two feet.
Her heart was beating faster than a runaway freight train and her thoughts were moving just as fast.
"It's okay, I just--" She swallowed hard, trying to think of what to say that wouldn't make her seem like a sad sack mooning over him. "I had to come and pick up a few things. I'm really sorry I couldn't finish the job at Honey's. I saw the progress and it looks like Luis is doing a great job," she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she took a giant step back.
Real subtle. She was rambling like a lunatic and had all but jumped to get away from his touch.
If she was going to play it cool, she was going to have to scale down her reactions to him. Already, her hands were shaking and the familiar scent of his skin was making her teary-eyed.
Strange that they'd been together for such a short time as more than friends, but he felt like a part of her. She missed him.
And now here he was. Just a touch away.
"Luis is doing a great job. I've been staying at my apartment, but I came by yesterday and was really impressed. Thanks for setting it up."
She cleared her throat and forced a smile, trying not to look into his beautiful eyes for fear of getting lost all over again.
"Least I could do." But the forced smile was already breaking, and unless she wanted to humiliate herself by sobbing into his t-shirt, she needed to get away, pronto. "I was just on my way out, so unless there was something you needed?"
He leveled her with his dark gaze and took a step forward. "Actually, there was something I needed. Can I come in for a minute?"
Unable to find her voice to respond, she just nodded and waved him in.
She could do this. She had to do this. He hadn't done anything wrong, after all. She'd misread the signals and fooled herself into thinking that she could change that leopard's spots. She couldn't fault him for being a leopard.
"I wanted to tell you a little story, if you're willing to listen," he said, crossing the room and lowering himself onto a chair before gesturing her to join him.
"Yeah, okay."
Here it came. The pity-filled apology where he told her how much he liked her, and how it wasn't her, it was him. Maybe it would be exactly the thing to set this all right, though. Maybe it would make her mad enough to put him where he belonged.
In the past.
So she sat, and folded her trembling hands in her lap.
His face was solemn, his eyes sincere as he began. "You know my mom left when we were ten."
"Yes, of course. It wasn't a secret."
"Did you know that that she never told us she was leaving? She told us we were going to Honey's for a visit, like always,
and then she never came back. For the first week, we waited. I remember thinking I hoped she didn't come back this time, because life with Honey was so much more stable. So much better. But you know what? You don't realize how much a kid needs him mom until she's not there and how much it affects you when she doesn't come back."
Kaitlin's heart gave a squeeze and it took everything she had not to lean forward and smooth the crease in his brow. They'd talked a little about this in the past, but it was definitely a subject he preferred not to discuss. No matter how hurt she was, she hated to see him so much pain.
"It fucked me up, good. I think I lost it a little. Wondering what I'd done to make her go. Why me and Rick weren't enough to make her stay. What was more important or better than us that deserved her undivided attention?"
He let out a bitter laugh and the gaze that had been locked on hers went out of focus as he got lost in memories only he could see.
"I remember thinking it was just easier to not care. Not about anyone or anything. So I acted like a jerk. Threw up walls between myself and the rest of the world. Even Honey, who, god bless her heart, didn't deserve it. But that whole time, I was lost. See, I was protecting myself against hurt but those same walls were insulating me from every really loving anyone."
He leaned forward in his seat, his eyes going clear now as he reached for her hand.
"Like the way I used to tease you when we were kids, and even more after the night you kissed me on your graduation night. It was the only way I could keep you at arm's length, because if I let you get closer, I knew I was a goner."
She heard the words, but couldn't quite comprehend them. So what was he telling her? That he'd finally let his guard down for her and she'd blown it by walking away when he’d begged her to wait?
Her stomach cramped and she shook her head. Had she lost him before she’d even known she had him? "I didn't know. I didn't realize."
"That's why I'm telling you now. I was so angry when you left that night with nothing but that damned note. I was cursing myself up and down for letting you in only to get burned so badly. It took a talk with a friend to make me realize that you had fears and doubts yourself. You had trust issues too. And I had walked out of the house to meet Ashley without even considering how what I was doing would reinforce those. I'm so sorry for that. And I want to tell you what happened now."
Hard Sell: A Bad-Boy, Rock Star Romance Page 57
