“Hey,” I greeted him.
“Hey, yourself. What are you doing here?” His brows pulled together as he picked up on my sour mood.
“Thinking.”
“Thinking, huh?” He chuckled. There was no fooling him.
“Yeah, well, I was contemplating some cheer routines, but I realized I’m not on the squad, so the whole exercise seemed pointless.”
Jackson chortled, lifting my spirits even more. “Did you come up with any good cheers before you realized the error of your ways?” He plopped down next to me, close enough for our arms and thighs to almost touch. My body sensed his nearness, and the air around us buzzed.
“Nah.” I swallowed as I peered up at him. “I didn’t make it that far.” His eyes met mine. The intensity of his gaze still took my breath away.
“Why are you here?” I choked out, needing something to distract me from the sparks I felt this close to him.
“Just shooting some hoops with the guys. Thought I saw you in the distance. Guess I was right.” He smiled, and my stomach got queasy staring at his lips.
“Oh.” I needed help. Jackson’s presence stripped me of my ability to form a coherent reply.
“What has you in such a bad mood?” His voice was barely audible.
“A bad paper.”
“You failed a paper?” He gasped at me.
I was not the type of person to fail anything…except getting him to see me as more than Sarah’s pesky friend. That I was failing in miserably.
“Pff, please.” I smirked. “Me, fail?”
“Well, I’m not sure what to think with that sad face.”
“Not a fail, a C.” Saying it out loud still sent a pang to my gut.
“Oh, Jane.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, forcing my senses into full alert. “A C isn’t the end of the world.” He squeezed me closer, and I felt a heat in the pit of my stomach.
“Maybe not for you, but for me, a C in English is a huge deal.” I choked. I wouldn’t cry, not about a paper. Jackson noticed the unshed tears in my eyes. All joking left his demeanor, and he became serious.
“Jane,” he murmured. I leaned in closer, but he must have leant in as well. I swallowed too loud, noticing our heads almost touching. “It’s going to be okay. This isn’t such a huge deal. You are incredibly smart. You’ll figure it out.” His voice became husky.
The buzz that was there earlier intensified, and I noticed something in the way he looked at me, tipping me off that he felt the same pull. The tension seemed to build, and I wondered what would happen.
Suddenly, the cord that wrapped us together snapped as a ball hit Jackson in the back. He jumped back, letting his arm that was resting around me drop.
“Hey, Wright, there you are! Where’ve you been, man? We’re all waiting for you.” One of his friends hollered.
“I’ll be there in a sec, okay?” he shouted back.
The guy disappeared the way he came.
“I better get back.” Jackson looked torn, but got up anyway. “We’re going over to Scott’s to play some PlayStation and get a pizza. You wanna come?” He glanced at me expectantly.
“I better head home and hit the books.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
“All right.” He extended his hand and waited for me to take it so he could help me up.
“I’m going to hang out here for a few more minutes before I head back home.” After that intense moment between us, I didn’t trust myself to get up and walk, not with Jackson pulling me up and watching me go. I would sit here for a minute and recover.
He gave me an uncertain smile before following after his friend.
I heard his friends jabbering and hollering at him, but I couldn’t make out what they said. My heart sank when I heard Jackson say, “No, man, she’s my baby sister’s friend. That’s all.”
Like a snap of the fingers, all the hope that had built up came crashing down, breaking upon the reef of my heart. I felt even worse than before I sat down on the riverbank.
JACKSON
One second. That’s all it would have taken. One more second, and my lips would have met hers. I was so ready to lean in the last half inch and taste her, when that idiot Scott hit me in the back with a basketball. Talk about worst timing ever. Or best timing ever.
I still didn’t know what to make of it. Was I happy he came at that time, or not?
My whole body longed to do what I had been fantasizing about ever since that failed date with Brian Anderson. And once again, my chance was interrupted. It seemed like it was not meant to happen.
On the one side, I should be glad. Jane was too young for me. I was almost eighteen. She was still fifteen. She was also Sarah’s best friend. If I screwed it up, I would never hear the end of it. And let’s not forget that crazy rule. I hated that rule.
But when I looked at Jane’s face, when I focused on those lips, I wanted to kick myself for not leaning in and telling all those reasons to go to hell. She seemed worth it.
“Hey, dude, you’re up.” Scott smacked me on the head and shoved a controller in my hands.
“Hey, man,” I growled, rubbing the back of my head.
“Keep your head in the game.” Scott grinned. “She was pretty hot. I understand.” He wagged his brows.
“Whatever.” I played it cool.
“It’s okay, no judgment here. I wouldn’t mind a piece of that, either.”
“Shut up!” Jane was off limits, especially for a player like Scott. He would never be good enough for her.
“She’s your sister’s friend. Should be easy for you to set something up for me.”
No way! He was the last guy I’d ever set a girl up with, and especially not Jane.
“Did you see those legs? Oh, man. And that tight body. I bet it looks even better not covered up like that. She is one hot babe.”
I didn’t bother to form a comeback. Instead, I smacked him on the back of the head. “Shut up. That girl is like my baby sister. So no, I won’t set her up with you. You’re not good enough for her. Stop talking about her like that.” Geez!
“Hey, easy. I was just saying.”
“Well, don’t! O-K-A-Y?”
After a long glare, he picked up his controller and we continued our game. After a few minutes of gaming, the heated moment between us was forgotten, for Scott at least. My mind was still reeling. I couldn’t believe he thought it was okay to talk about Jane like that. She wasn’t his.
Come to think of it, she wasn’t mine, either. And that was all my fault, because I hadn’t done a darn thing about it.
Present Day
Everybody Hurts -R.E.M.
JANE
“Emma,” I called out. “Nana and Pops are here.” I heard her slam her bedroom door and bound down the stairs at full speed.
“Nana, Pops!” She rounded the corner and launched herself into Dad’s arms, catching him off guard.
After a tight cuddle, Emma turned to my mom and gave her a hug before bombarding her with a one-way broadcast of her week. Bless my mom, she oohed and aahed at the right time and kept up with her chatter.
My dad stood off to the side, soaking up the fun and happiness of Emma and my mom.
“Are you excited for your sleepover tonight and trip to the zoo tomorrow?” I bumped him with my shoulder. “You know, when I was a kid, you hardly ever had time to do this kind of stuff with me,” I teased.
I loved how he and Mom made time to have a weekly date with her. It saved me in the beginning, and grew into a wonderful tradition that we all clung to.
“Honey.” Dad slung his arms around my shoulders. “When you were a kid, I worked Mondays through Saturdays. It’s different as a granddad. And this kid needs me. She’s missed out on enough already.”
I slumped as his words registered. I hated that Emma had to miss out on so much because David wasn’t here. Dad did great filling in, but it wasn’t the same.
“Hey.“ Dad forced my chin up. “
I know you’re still hurting, honey.” His penetrating gaze felt like it was reading my inner thoughts. “I see it in your eyes. Don’t look away from me, Jane.”
He held my face softly in his hands and directed me to look at him. “I know you, sweetheart, and I see your pain. I see it right here.” He rested his finger on my temple. I couldn’t deny it.
“I know you miss him, but the pain I see now is different. You’re lonely.” His words forced my eyelids to close. The sharp truth hurt. “I want you to go out tonight and enjoy yourself. Do you hear me?”
He gave me a gentle shake, forcing me to return his intense stare. All I saw was concern and love. I nodded, because I didn’t trust my voice.
“So none of this.” He wiped away a stray tear.
Emma came running toward me, forcing me to pull myself together.
“Have fun tonight, Em.” I picked up my baby and hugged her, even though she was getting too big for this.
“We will, Mommy.” Emma hugged me back with enough force to console my hurting heart, before hopping out of my arms and running off to my mom.
“Enjoy your night with Sarah,” Mom called out, unaware of my intense conversation with Dad as she left with Emma’s hand tucked securely in hers. She was in grandma heaven.
“I’m serious, Jane.” My dad’s focus was on me again. “It’s been long enough now. What happened almost broke you, but it’s been long enough.”
“Daddy…”
“I know. Normally, I’d leave this type of stuff up to your mom. This is her field of expertise. But promise me to think about what I said, and have some fun tonight, okay?”
“Okay.”
“All right, my work here is done. Love you, Janey.” He gave me another one of his warm hugs, along with a kiss on my forehead.
“Love you, too, Dad,” I choked out, my voice almost back to normal.
And with that he left, and I found myself alone as I closed the door behind him.
I had a couple of hours before I had to meet up with Sarah for a girls’ night out. Plenty of time for a quick run before getting ready. I scooped up my long brown hair into a ponytail, threw my running gear on, and headed out. It had been far too long, and my muscles needed a good workout.
I headed out on the dirt road next to our street and found an even pace. I soon lost myself in the pounding of my feet against the gravel and the beat of the music blasting from my headphones. I loved the burning in my legs and the acceleration of my heartbeat. After about a mile, my body stopped protesting. My legs became lighter, pushing me harder.
Without knowing it, my subconscious brought me here. I stopped, taking a deep breath, feeling that acquainted pull to David. I pushed the gate open and walked the familiar path. As I found the right headstone, I sank into the soft grass, telling myself that a few minutes wouldn’t make me late. I needed the comfort I felt being with him.
JACKSON
After the long week I’d had, I needed to blow off some steam. If I were still in Boston, I would have hit the gym for an hour of weight training or some laps in the pool. Sadly, we didn’t have a gym in Bellebrook. Old school would have to cut it.
As I ran past the familiar streets of my old town, I noticed the little changes over the last decade. The older houses had been updated. A new lick of paint here and there. Overall, the feel of the place had stayed the same.
Bellebrook was the type of town where everyone knew everyone. As a kid, it used to bug me. Now I found it comforting, familiar. I guess I always was a small town kind of guy. Who knew?
I tried to focus on the scenery instead of my jumbling thoughts. I’d done nothing but think. Thinking about all I lost kept me awake at night. Now I found myself thinking of Jane. I kept seeing her everywhere I went. Remembering the memories we’d made as kids.
I came to a stop as I saw the object of my obsession running in the distance. I should have turned and run the other way, but the draw to her pushed my feet forward.
As I got close enough to see her better, I stopped in my tracks. Jane was kneeling, silent tears poured down her face. Her pain hit me like a punch in the gut.
I felt torn as I stood there. I wanted to comfort her, be there for her. But I felt like an intruder, spying on her. I returned to the road the same way I came, hoping she didn’t spot me.
But I felt like a heartless idiot. How could I leave her like that? I should wait for her, make sure she was okay.
Jane got up and ran away a few minutes later, passing me by without a second glance. I took off after her. It didn’t take long to catch up to her. My hand reached out and touched hers. She was so focused, she didn’t even notice me there until my hand met hers.
The shriek that escaped her slim frame threw me off guard.
“Wow, who knew such a tiny woman could produce such a sharp howl?” I spun Jane to face me. I guess she hadn’t heard me approach with her headphones on.
“Oh my gosh, you scared the living daylights out of me. What are you doing here?” Her voice came out shaky as she ripped off her headphones.
“Just out for a run, and noticed you. Clearly, you didn’t see me.”
“No kidding. You do know that grabbing unsuspecting women in the streets is not looked upon kindly in Bellebrook, right?” She attempted a smile, but the sadness was still there, written on her face.
“I’m sorry I scared you. I saw you earlier. Thought I’d catch up with you.” No point lying to her. We’d always been upfront with each other. Except about my feelings. I’d kept those to myself.
“Earlier?” Her eyes misted over, and she caught her lip between her teeth. The action momentarily distracted me. Those lips used to taunt me as a teenager. I swallowed and focused on why I was here, instead of fantasizing about how badly I wanted to take that job over from her.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to intrude. I couldn’t just leave you alone.”
“You always had a knack for knowing when I needed a friend.” Her voice cracked.
Yeah, she always thought I was there as a friend. How I wished so many times I would have crossed that line and made us more than friends.
“Are you okay?” Her pain was killing me.
“I’m fine.” Jane squirmed. She teased her lip again, and I reached for her.
When my hand grasped hers, she let out a startled gasp and gazed at me with a questioning look. One that took me back to those days so long ago when we were kids. All those times she looked up at me like that. Trying to figure me out. My other hand reached out and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. Her cheeks pinked at the simple touch. How could this woman have such a grasp on me? How could I be longing for her, when she was obviously still grieving her dead husband? Why did we always have our timing this screwed up?
“Thanks for being here for me.” She leaned in closer. Before I could second guess myself, I leaned in the last of the distance and wrapped my arms around her.
“I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere.” Holding her like this reminded me of all that was ripped away from me. I guess we were both hurting, but in Jane’s case, she’d lost out in a different way than I did. I might not understand her loss, but I knew all about pain.
Fifteen Years Earlier
My Father’s Eyes - Eric Clapton
JANE
I trudged up the front porch steps and dropped into the swing Dad installed years ago for my mom. That man sure loved her and knew how to show it.
I rocked myself back and forth, trying to ignore the sting I still felt from the words I’d overheard Jackson speak. Mom always warned me to not eavesdrop, because I might end up hearing something I wished I hadn’t. No kidding.
At least now I could put this silly crush to rest. Yeah, fat chance of that working. Maybe I could stop breathing, too.
Lost in thought, I almost didn’t hear a car pull up in the drive. My dad smiled as he got out of his truck. I was feeling too low to return the gesture.
“Hey, Janey. How was your day?” He dropped down in th
e swing next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
Remembering Jackson’s arms wrapped around me moments ago and his dismissive words caused my eyes to fill, and I melted into Dad’s side. He lifted my chin to take a better look at my face.
“What’s the matter, baby girl?” His voice softened and took on that deep timbre reserved for the serious conversations we didn’t have as often as our daily chats.
“Oh, Daddy,” I wailed as I let the full impact of my feelings take hold of me. I wrapped my arms around his strong frame.
“It can’t be that bad.”
He rubbed circles on my back and kissed the side of my head. The disappointment over my bad grade hit me smack in my center, but Jackson’s rejection hurt deeper.
“Do you want to tell your old dad what’s got you so upset? I’m worried here, kid.” He squeezed me close.
“It’s nothing, really,” I lied, because I wasn’t sure I could keep it in once I opened up.
“It ain’t nothing, if it’s got you falling apart like this.”
I considered telling him the full story. He was easy to talk to, but I didn’t want to admit to liking a boy, especially Jackson. He would probably listen carefully, and after I told him everything, gently tell me how wrong it was to like a guy almost three years older than me. And then he’d gently remind me of how I needed to stay focused on school, and how boys were the worst distraction. I wasn’t in the mood for that.
“Is it a guy?” He guessed the cause anyway.
“What?” I couldn’t believe my dad could be so quick to figure it out, but I wasn’t ready to spill my sad tale.
“Honey, at your age, not many things can upset a girl that bad. Usually, a boy is number one on that list.”
“What did he do?” His voice took on a more serious tone, probably wondering if he needed to go set a boy straight.
“Nothing like that. The guy I like doesn’t even know I exist.”
The Songs of You and Me Page 4
