‘I’ve brought you coffee,’ she explained, as a light query leapt to his eyes at the sight of her. ‘I didn’t think you would want to miss it while it’s still hot.’ The excuse seemed feeble and she wished she might have avoided him by going straight upstairs instead of following the first notion to come into her head. She put his cup down quickly by his side and made to turn away from his calculating glance, but he grasped her arm.
‘You’ve been looking pale all evening,’ he said grimly. ‘Has someone been getting at you?’
‘No,’ she replied over quickly, but although his eyes narrowed he didn’t pursue the matter—not immediately.
‘Come and sit by me.’ Catching her off balance, he gave her arm a slight tug, bringing her down beside him. ‘This is all getting a bit much, isn’t it?’
Because he sounded so surprisingly gentle and it seemed a long time since anyone had been gentle with her, Petra collapsed unresisting, like a highly strung, delicate flower at his feet, her cheek hidden in a kind of abject surrender against his knee.
‘Hi, what is this?’ His voice, as near startled as she had ever heard it, hardened perceptibly. ‘You’re sure no one’s upset you?’
If only she could tell him! As she rested blindly against him, seeking only a fleeting comfort, she came near to breaking point. The moment passed as she gained a precarious control and she shook her head as he asked again. Rashly she heard herself saying instead, ‘You’ve been ignoring me since Calgary.’
‘Yes.’ He offered no excuse, or explanation, and her head bent further.
‘Has it to do with me?’
‘You could say.’ The hand on her shoulder moved slowly.
Petra’s heart sank. Maybe Neil, too, had heard rumours? She felt the sting of sharp tears in her eyes. ‘I don’t mean to annoy you.’
‘Annoy me?’ He paused enigmatically, running his fingers gently over her soft hair, pressing her face to his thigh as she made to move away from him. She heard his slightly frustrated sigh. ‘You don’t annoy me, but you must know you affect me. I’m only human, Petronella, and you’re a very attractive girl. Sometimes I’m ready to admit I want you, but wanting and possessing are two different things.’
‘Have they to be?’ Quietly relaxing, as his caressing hand slowly eased the hard tension from her slender shoulders, she could think of nothing she wanted more than to belong to him.
He gave a taut laugh. ‘Speaking generally, I take it?’
‘No,’ she sighed, the darkness of the past hours giving way to a tremulous yearning. ‘Well, what’s the difference?’
‘Every difference, my dear child. I want my brains examined, for instance, for ever allowing the past few weeks to happen. I’m trying to wade my way sensibly through a vast muddle and won’t allow any more complications. Not yet!’
Unconsciously Petra trailed a slender white arm over his knees. ‘How could I become a complication?’
‘Easily.’ In no way did he spare her. ‘You’re young and very desirable and I’m not a particularly unselfish male.’
So, in some of the things she’d said, hadn’t Janey been right? All men were the same, even Neil Cameron! Her heart ached, but there was no desire within her to evade him as there had been with other men. She accepted Neil’s dominance with only a slight quiver of regret, a regret which might swiftly disappear before another, more consuming emotion.
‘I thought you were different,’ she sighed, because this seemed the more sensible thing to say.
He didn’t pretend to misunderstand. ‘Don’t rely on it, Petronella. There are those of us who are perhaps a shade better in some respects, a few degrees more refined. But given certain situations there might be little to choose among any of us.’
‘I don’t know how I would feel about you.’ Such a confession seemed to cost her a great deal, but it seemed she had to make it. ‘If I were to belong to you.’
She heard his breathing deepen a little without being really aware of it. ‘There’s only one way to answer that, Petronella, and words don’t come into it. There are, however, things we must discuss before we reach other stages. But not tonight.’
There was suddenly Janey’s light laughter mingling with Oliver’s as they swept from the living room, past the couple on the porch. Startled, Petra glanced up, watching them disappear. ‘Do you think they saw us?’ she whispered, conscious how she sat on the floor.
‘I should think it very likely,’ Neil drawled, his eyes flickering over the alluring picture she made against his knee.
‘What will they think?’ Covered in confusion, she made to draw away, but he held her still.
‘Don’t worry your head about them any more,’ he said cryptically. ‘As far as they’re concerned I’m hoping our worries will soon be over.
‘You’re sure?’
‘I could be a mind-reader,’ he teased.
Her eyes were heavy as she tried to study the face above her. ‘How?’
‘Come on.’ Gently he released her, ignoring her query as he pulled her firmly to her feet. ‘You’re tired. I think, bed.’
‘Can’t I stay here with you?’ She didn’t know quite how dazed she looked, what her face unconsciously betrayed.
‘No!’ he was emphatic. ‘Come on, I’ll even take you upstairs.’
Quietly submissive, she obeyed, as if without a will of her own, but as she got to her feet she swayed and he caught her, lifting her to him.
‘I’ll carry you.’
‘Yes.’ Suddenly she was so tired she couldn’t fight any more. She was glad to rely on him. Closing her weighted lids, she simply put her arms around his neck and nestled closer against his broad shoulder. She didn’t see Mrs. Cameron coming into the wide hall, nor did she realise that Neil did but gave no indication.
‘Neil ...’ At her bedroom door Petra pulled herself together wearily, ‘I haven’t seen Mrs. Edwards. The coffee things!’
‘Leave them to me.’
The door was thrust open and he carried her over the threshold like something very precious.
‘Neil...?’
‘Leave it for now,’ he warned, and dropped a sudden urgent kiss on her warm, half parted mouth before quietly closing the door behind him.
Petra learnt that Oliver and Janey were engaged next morning at breakfast. ‘If you hadn’t been in such a hurry to get to bed last night we would have told you then,’ Janey smiled archly.
Trying to be generous, Petra offered her congratulations and asked if the wedding was to be soon.
‘About two months,’ Janey giggled, restored to humour. ‘That will give me time to get my trousseau together. You might even agree to being my maid of honour. A little Scottish cousin should be quite a novelty!’
Petra refrained from saying that she was probably no more Scottish than Janey now, and she privately wondered how Janey could bear to wait two whole months. Wistfully she considered how she might have felt if she had been engaged to Neil.
Neil, when she spoke to him about it, said very little. ‘Janey wants to get married in Toronto. I suppose it’s to be expected as she’s spent most of her life there. Oliver’s parents are divorced, but his mother remarried and lives there too, so it appears to suit everyone.’
Petra, who had thought Janey would want to be married from the ranch, said abstractedly, ‘And it’s not for two months!’
‘You don’t sound approving.’
She flushed at the dryness of his tones, her momentary confusion prompting an unguarded reply. ‘It must seem a lifetime if one’s in love.’
‘But you’re not in love, are you, Petronella?’ he challenged callously. ‘You can’t talk with any authority.’
She said nothing, lowering her revealing eyes from his unnerving scrutiny.
‘You could have been in love, of course.’ His voice was suddenly grim. ‘A girl like you couldn’t be without some experience.’
Painfully, Petra’s gaze clashed with his. So his thoughts ran along much the same lines as hi
s stepmother’s! Her face whitened visibly. ‘Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but it could be fair to ensure that it’s correct.’
‘Yes,’ he agreed moodily, staring at her, as if he might devour her with his eyes, ‘there are several things I’ve to set right about you, Petronella. All in good time. This you need more than me.’
Bewildered, Petra stared at him, trying to make sense of his enigmatical statements. ‘Don’t you believe a girl of my age capable of knowing her own mind?’
‘Most of the time,’ he conceded briefly. ‘But there are some decisions that need absolute adult concentration.’
‘You still think of me as a child?’
‘If we must go over all that again, yes! In some ways you couldn’t be otherwise.’
‘But not completely?’
‘No,’ his eyes wandered with reluctant grimness to her trembling mouth, ‘not by a long way, but I must leave you some form of self-protection.’
‘What if I don’t need it, want it?’
He considered her touching bravado derisively. ‘Like most females you have your own means of ensnaring a man, but let me tell you, my little witch, it doesn’t entirely work with me. Not yet, anyhow.’
‘Because you won’t let it—you despise the lot of us!’ She was wound up, tense with the force of unfamiliar, devastating feelings which had nothing to do with the calm warmth of the morning. ‘You ...’
‘Be quiet!’ He was suddenly curt and, as she made to speak again, he hauled her impatiently to him, bending his dark head as he ruthlessly crushed her lips beneath his. He did it as if he couldn’t help himself and didn’t much care if he hurt her or not. Eventually, just as everything began to whirl, he released her. ‘I’d like to go on doing just that until you couldn’t think any more, Petronella. Until a lot of the nonsense you’ve gathered about me is relegated to where it belongs—the scrapheap! You jump to too many unflattering conclusions, all of which need sorting out.’
Dazed, she stepped away from him, seeking the saneness of a little distance. Her heart was beating so loudly she was sure he must hear it if she stayed close, and there was a need to control a driving impulse to confess how much she loved him, despite everything. But staring up into his hard, good-looking face, she found she could say nothing.
‘Janey,’ Neil continued absently, his eyes on Petra’s flushed cheeks, ‘is going to stay with Oliver and his father for a few days, then she’s going with Fay back to Toronto. You might run along and help to get her organised. She’s the most scatterbrained girl on God’s earth and I wouldn’t want anything to happen to change her mind, not at this stage.’
The kitchen seemed oddly empty after he had gone and Petra began automatically to pack the dishwasher. She could have told Neil, if he had waited, that she had listened to Janey’s plans for over an hour at breakfast and that Janey appeared to have competently covered the following weeks, and that not even Oliver might be allowed to interfere with them now. Janey could organise as well as anybody when she had her own interests at heart.
To Petra’s surprise Janey wanted to take David with her on her visit to her future father-in-law’s ranch, and Neil advised her to let him go.
‘Another three weeks and he will be away to school. A short break beforehand could be a help for both of you. How long is it since you’ve been away from each other for any length of time?’
‘Not since—not since Father died ...’
‘Then I would say you need this. David won’t feel the break half as much if he has this small one first.’
Petra wasn’t sure why she should feel so apprehensive, especially when she had grown quite used to the idea of David being away at school. Perhaps, as Neil pointed out, a short separation, not so far away, might benefit them both. If she first made certain he would be well cared for?
‘What’s Oliver’s ranch like?’ She looked at Neil with such obvious uncertainty that no one could mistake her silent plea for reassurance.
Realising this, and without any hesitation, which might have furthered her doubts, he replied, ‘Big and very, very nice. Much more of a show place than this. He’ll enjoy himself, you can take my word for it. Janey’s responsible, she’s twenty-six, and she’s going to love showing him around.’
‘Yes...’ Petra knew Janey and David had grown friendly and that Janey was good with the boy. It was just that she felt so anxious about him. It was terribly important that no harm befell him. ‘Is Mrs. Cameron going too?’ The thought had only just occurred to her.
‘No, she’ll stay here and accompany Janey to Toronto next week, as I’ve already told you. Joe Hurd, Oliver’s father, and Fay don’t hit it off, although he likes Janey.’ Suddenly deciding no useful purpose could be served by standing in David’s way, not when he was so keen to go, Petra capitulated. ‘I’m sorry if I haven’t seemed too keen,’ she tried to explain. ‘I have to look after him, you see. I find myself getting more and more anxious that something might happen.’
‘You can’t take over the role of a parent, Petronella, not completely. I shouldn’t advise you to keep on trying. You’ll only wear yourself out and that would be of no help to anyone. I’d revert to the status of sister, if I were you, and let your future husband take most of the responsibility.’
‘But I haven’t got one.’
‘No,’ he smiled condescendingly, ‘you haven’t, at that, but you could have.’
How could she argue with this without betraying to Neil that he was the only one she wanted, so consequently that particular comment was a waste of time! She tried to smile back at him lightly, but failed.
‘In the meantime,’ Neil suggested smoothly, ‘how about letting me step in? I’ll go with them this afternoon and see for myself how David’s likely to settle. If he doesn’t take to it I promise to bring him home.’
How nice it would be if they could call the ranch home always! Petra taunted herself inwardly over such an impossible wish. ‘I wouldn’t want you to make such a journey because of me,’ she protested. ‘I know how busy you are. Jake said ...’
‘Never mind about Jake,’ Neil retorted firmly. ‘Joe Hurd has been buying a stock bull from a cousin at an extremely good price, but isn’t sure now that he has a bargain. He wants my advice. I shall probably stay and return in the morning.’
They all went down to the sheds to see them off. Even Mrs. Cameron came and, as she rarely strayed more than five yards from the ranch house, this seemed further evidence that she was extremely pleased about Janey’s engagement. After David had said his farewells, Neil instructed Jake to get him settled in the helicopter, then, in full view of everyone, kissed Petra goodbye.
‘Just in case some predatory male is looking,’ he teased, eyeing her pink face with satisfaction before turning on his heels.
Numbly she stared after his tall figure. He hadn’t waited for any reply and she thought she knew why. He wanted Oliver to believe she was no longer hankering after him. Bleakly she tried to raise a smile in response to David’s enthusiastic waving, the hurt in her heart not subsiding. Not even David appeared to have any real regrets about leaving her!
After they had gone Mrs. Cameron walked back to the house with her, but unfortunately her happier mood seemed to have faded, for she scarcely spoke to Petra at all. Petra found herself glancing towards the woman anxiously, wondering how she might explain Neil’s kiss. She must tell Mrs. Cameron it was nothing to worry about. That he had merely been attempting to ensure Janey’s happiness in a roundabout fashion. Then, deciding it would be almost impossible to put into words, Petra said nothing. After all, time would prove the emptiness of Neil’s gesture better than anything she might say now.
It was quiet without Neil and David. Feeling suddenly weary as well as heart sore, Petra could scarcely find the energy to change for dinner. Irrationally, when there was no one specially to see her, she put on her new flowered dress and made up carefully. At least it might prove to Fay that Petra didn’t just dress to please her stepson!
To say dinner was a strain would have been putting it mildly, the atmosphere being so thick with undercurrents Petra felt she could have cut it with a knife. But it wasn’t until after coffee that Mrs. Cameron attacked, to begin with only with words.
‘How much longer,’ she asked, staring at Petra coldly, ‘are you going to stay here?’
Decidedly shaken by such alien tones, Petra stared at her. ‘I thought we’d discussed all—that?’
‘That’s no answer!’ Fay retorted icily.
Petra decided nervously it would be better not to provoke Mrs. Cameron further, if she could help it. She had a taut look about her, almost as if she wanted to strike, and not just verbally. ‘I’m not sure I can give you one,’ she said carefully. ‘Hadn’t you better ask Neil?’
‘Why should I?’ Fay’s voice rose spitefully. ‘I saw today, quite clearly with my own eyes, exactly why he lets you stay here!’
So that was it. She had been right all along. Mrs. Cameron had been incensed by seeing her in Neil’s close embrace. Well, maybe she wasn’t altogether to be blamed, but still Petra couldn’t bring herself to say she would be gone at the first opportunity. Because Mrs. Cameron somehow set her teeth on edge with her half-hidden innuendoes, she heard herself say flatly, ‘It wasn’t what you think.’
‘There’s some simple explanation?’
Petra tried to ignore the heavy sarcasm on Mrs. Cameron’s tongue. Better to remain calm. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, ‘I don’t think ...’
‘You’re sorry!’ Mrs. Cameron’s rage mounted. ‘If only that were true!’
A Man Called Cameron Page 19
