by Kitty Neale
‘He sounds like a nasty piece of work,’ Toby said.
‘Yes, he does, and when he came here I had no idea that he used to beat my mother. If I had found this stuff earlier I would never have invited him into my house!’
‘Maybe it’s just as well you did, otherwise you might never have known the truth about Johnnie.’
‘But I would have. Helen writes about him in all of her letters, and look, it’s all here, photos of Johnnie as a boy and even a copy of his birth certificate. I don’t know how my mum got hold of it, but perhaps Helen sent her a copy. There’s so much information here, and a mention of my dad’s mother, who passed away two years ago, and of him having a brother called Bill. That means I’ve an uncle. I wonder if he’s still living in London.’
‘He could be,’ Toby said as he flicked through some of the photos.
‘My dad always told me that his family were killed during the Blitz. He must have lied to me to cover up the fact that him and Mum ran away together. It must have been so hard for them, to have left their parents behind, and it must have broken my mother’s heart to leave Johnnie. Harry must have been a nasty piece of work.’
‘Well, if you think about Johnnie, it seems the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.’
‘Yes, I know.’
Toby took a letter from the top of the pile and began to read it. The date was from last year so the letters from Helen to Glenda had been sent for at least twenty years, and every time Polly’s mum received one she must have squirrelled it away up in the loft. Polly was right, it was all very interesting but Toby feared that if she began to search for any long-lost relatives, she would be opening up a can of worms.
‘You must have been up here for ages if you’ve read through that lot,’ said Toby. ‘Why don’t you pack this up for now and I’ll go and make a start on our dinner?’
‘OK, just give me ten more minutes. I want to find the Christmas decorations and then I’ll be down.’
It was some time away, but Toby was glad to hear Polly talk about Christmas. This would be her first since leaving hospital after her parents had been killed and he’d been worried that it would bring back painful memories for her.
He looked at her with adoration, admiring her strength and resilience, but noticed that she had gone very pale and her hands were shaking as she read one of the letters.
‘Polly, is everything all right?’
She looked up, but it was as though she was looking straight through him as she murmured, ‘Yes … I told you, I’ll be down shortly.’
Toby thought her mood had rapidly changed and she was a bit offhand, but he put it down to the thoughts of Christmas. He left her to it and a while later, when she came downstairs, she looked pale but resolute as she said, ‘Right, that’s it. No more digging up the past.’
‘Why? What did you find?’
‘Nothing I want to talk about.’
‘Is this to do with Christmas? I’ll understand if you don’t feel much like celebrating this year – you know, with all that’s happened.’
Polly ran over to hug him tightly. ‘You’re so thoughtful. I must admit I didn’t think I would either. It’s been such a year, enough to drive anyone crazy, and I’m lucky not to be in a loonie bin, but as you’ve brought me so much happiness I feel we should really push the boat out. Honestly, Toby, after I lost Mum and Dad, I didn’t think life could get any worse, but then there was the attack and Katy in jail and then all that nasty business with Johnnie.’
‘Yes, you’ve certainly been through the mill,’ Toby murmured as he held Polly to him.
‘I never thought I’d be happy again, but then you came to stay with me and though it happened rather quickly, I’m so glad that our friendship has blossomed into love.’
Yes, thought Toby, they had drawn so close in just a couple of months, and a week ago they had started to share a bed. He’d been so nervous the first night, fumbling and scared of hurting her, yet it had still been wonderful. He held Polly closer, saying, ‘I’m glad I make you happy.’
‘You do, and though I expect I’ll be sad at Christmas when I think of Mum, and especially my dad as he loved Christmas so much, I’m determined to put this year behind me.’
Toby kissed the top of her head. ‘I’m so proud of you. Most people would have been broken by what you’ve been through, but not you. You’ve dealt with it all far better than I could have. Do you know something, Polly?’
‘No, what?’ she asked, pulling back to look up into his eyes.
He saw the love in hers and his heart swelled. ‘You really are an amazing woman and I’m lucky you’re mine.’
Chapter 35
A few days passed and, thinking about what Toby had said, Polly felt a bit of a fraud. She didn’t really believe she was amazing – if anything, she thought she was weak. Toby had no idea of the pain she carried inside, the big feeling of emptiness that followed her wherever she went and the fear that never left her.
She felt scared of everything, but most of all she was scared of being alone. She wondered if that was why she’d so readily fallen for Johnnie, out of that fear of loneliness. He’d been so keen to look after her and she had quickly accepted it, enjoying the feeling of safety and security he had given her. Was it the same with Toby? she wondered, but she quickly dismissed her doubts, reasoning that she had felt attracted to him a long time before it had blossomed into love.
The oven timer pinged and Polly took out the pie she had just baked in preparation for Katy and Jackie’s visit. She was so excited about seeing them both and had spent days getting everything ready. The house was spotless, the autumn garden was blooming with chrysanthemums, and the three-course lunch she had prepared was filling the house with delicious aromas.
Polly felt a wave of nausea again, something she’d been troubled with lately, and wondered if she should see the doctor. It was then that a sickening thought struck her and she quickly did a mental calculation. Her periods had never been regular and with all that had happened she hadn’t realised that she had missed not one but two and was about three weeks late for this one.
Her head began to swim and she hurriedly sat down. Oh, God, no, she was nearly three months pregnant, and that could only mean one thing: the baby was Johnnie’s.
Jackie pulled over into a lay-by and reached behind her for the flask of tea that Polly had kindly filled for them. It was a long drive back home from Kent and though she had enjoyed spending the day with Polly and Toby, she was tired and in need of a break.
‘You’ve been quiet, love. Are you OK?’ Jackie asked her daughter, who had been silently looking out of the window during the journey.
‘Yes, I’m fine, thanks, Mum. I’ve just been thinking about Polly and Toby.’
‘Yes, I have too and I can’t say I’m entirely happy about the situation. I think they’ve jumped into a relationship far too quickly and it will make things awkward if anything goes wrong,’ Jackie said as she poured two teas from the flask and added some milk from a little jar. ‘I can’t say I’m surprised, though. Toby has liked Polly since he first set eyes on her. I had no idea she felt that way about him, though, did you?’
Katy took the cup of tea her mum offered and slowly sipped the warm liquid, but her eyes were still vacantly looking out of the window.
‘I said, did you know Polly liked Toby in that way? Earth to Katy, hello …’
‘Er … sorry, Mum, I was miles away. I’m not really sure how she felt about him.’
‘The girl deserves a bit of happiness. I just hope it works out for them,’ said Jackie as she started the car again.
‘Mum, Polly told me something. It’s not good and I don’t know what effect it will have on her and Toby, but she’s pregnant.’
‘Really, so soon? Still, it’s lovely, but hold on –’ she paused, frowning ‘– what do you mean by saying it’s not good?’
‘The – the baby … it’s not Toby’s.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, who else’s
could it be?’
Katy watched in silence as the shocking truth suddenly dawned on Jackie.
‘Please, it can’t be,’ Jackie said. ‘Don’t tell me she’s carrying her brother’s child!’
It was eleven o’clock at night and the Battersea pubs were spilling out, but Johnnie and Liam hadn’t been as lucky with the ladies as they’d hoped. They lingered at the bar, joining the other after-hours drinkers until the landlord turfed them out just after midnight. ‘Oh, well, Johnnie boy, you can’t win ’em all,’ Liam said, almost incoherent with drink.
Johnnie looked at his friend, barely able to focus. He slurred a goodbye. ‘Yeah, well, I’ll see you.’
‘Yesh, and shoon,’ Liam called as he staggered off up the street towards where he lived in one of the housing association flats with his mother and two sisters.
Johnnie drunkenly thought that he wasn’t sorry to see the back of him. He felt Liam held him back when it came to chatting up girls. Liam didn’t dress as smartly as he did, and his conversation could be uncouth at times, which didn’t do much to impress the ladies. In future, he decided, he was better off alone when it came to pulling a bird, especially the type he was looking for. He wanted them a bit older than him, which meant more experienced and able to take his mind off Polly.
As Johnnie reeled along and approached his flat he saw a young couple standing at the bus stop on the other side of the road. In the light of a streetlamp he recognised Sandra, a young woman he knew who did a bit of modelling and lived over Wandsworth way. It looked like she was crying, and as Johnnie knew the last bus would have gone he called out, ‘Are you all right, love?’
Sandra was wearing a short fur jacket with a miniskirt and bright-green tights. Holding a tissue to her nose she called back, ‘Yeah, I’m fine, thanks, Johnnie.’
The young bloke she was with began to cross the road towards Johnnie, his chest puffed out aggressively as he demanded, ‘What’s it got to do with you?’
Johnnie was a bit taken aback. After all, he’d only asked Sandra if she was all right, and he replied irritably, ‘I ain’t in the mood for this, mate. Just piss off and see to your bird.’
Yet the man kept coming towards him and Johnnie could see a menacing expression on his face as he spat, ‘Who do ya think you’re talking to?’
That was enough to fuel Johnnie’s drunken irritation. ‘So you want some, do you?’ he growled as he faced him head on and, before the man could answer, Johnnie swung a punch that caught the man square on the jaw.
When he didn’t go down Johnnie lashed out again, punching the man over and over as all his pent-up anger was unleashed. A black mist seemed to descend over Johnnie’s eyes and he became lost in it, hardly aware of what he was doing. When the young man fell to the pavement, Johnnie flicked his hands in the air, shaking off the blood. He looked down at the unconscious man lying broken on the cracked, dirty pavement and felt a sense of satisfaction. It had felt good to hit him, to feel the man’s bones crack under the force of his fist, to vent all his anger and frustration.
Sandra came screeching across the street. ‘What have you done?’ she screamed as she knelt down beside her boyfriend.
But Johnnie felt no remorse. ‘He asked for it.’
‘You bastard,’ Sandra cried, and she jumped back to her feet and charged at Johnnie with her arms stretched out in front of her, going for his eyes with her long nails.
Johnnie swung another punch, this time hitting Sandra on the side of the head, knocking her to the ground. Stumbling slightly, she got back up again, looking dazed and confused. Johnnie wasn’t going to wait for her to come at him again so he hit her hard on the nose, sending her reeling backwards as blood exploded from her face. This time she didn’t get back up and Johnnie grinned as he stood over her. She was writhing on the floor, holding her face and quietly moaning. She looked up at him with terror in her eyes and removed her bloodied hands to speak. ‘You animal! How could you do this to us, Johnnie?’ she groaned.
Johnnie didn’t care that the woman was scared and hurt. He had enjoyed the short-lived moment of punching her, and in a blind fit of anger he lifted his foot and brought it down on Sandra’s face, rendering her unconscious alongside her boyfriend. It was as though all the anguish he had felt over Polly was pouring out of him in rage, leading to an almost uncontrollable desire to lash out.
He momentarily scanned the scene of carnage before him, breathing heavily, then made his way back to his flat to nurse his bruised knuckles before he could think too hard about what he’d just done.
In Kent, Polly pulled the bedclothes up to her chin and rolled over, her back towards Toby. She was unable to sleep and her thoughts drifted. It had been a long but lovely day and she’d been sad to see Jackie and Katy drive off back to Croydon. When they realised that Toby was more than a lodger now, they didn’t seem surprised, though Jackie did look a little disapproving.
Thankfully it didn’t spoil their visit, and she had managed to get Katy alone when the two of them had gone for a walk around the village, leaving Jackie and Toby to wash up the dinner dishes. It gave Polly the opportunity she had wanted to confide in her friend about the baby.
Lying in bed now, with Toby lightly snoring behind her, Polly thought about Katy’s advice. She’d said that as the baby would be born white, she’d never be able to pass it off as Toby’s, and would have to tell him the truth. She knew Katy was right, but dreaded telling Toby that she was going to have her brother’s child. Would he still want to be with her? No, of course he wouldn’t. She would lose him and the thought of that was more than she could bear. There was another fear too, one that was tormenting her; the fear that the baby would be born with something wrong with it because she and its father shared the same blood.
‘Hey, darling, what’s up, can’t you sleep?’ Toby quietly asked.
Polly realised her fidgeting must have woken him. ‘No, sorry to have disturbed you. I’m OK, though, so go back to sleep.’
Toby put his arm over her and she flinched. She quickly jumped out of bed in a panic that he might feel a bump where the baby was growing in her belly.
Toby switched on the bedside light and sat up. ‘What’s up, love? I can tell something’s bothering you.’
Polly desperately wanted to tell him but couldn’t find the words so just stood, her eyes lowered.
‘Come on, spit it out, there’s obviously something on your mind,’ he coaxed.
She sat on the edge of the bed, telling herself to just do it, to come straight out with it. Yet she couldn’t just blurt out that she was pregnant or Toby would automatically assume he was the father. She took in a deep breath, unable to look at him as she said, ‘You’re right, there is something on my mind and it’s a really difficult thing to tell you but … but I’m having Johnnie’s baby. I’m three months pregnant which means it’s impossible for this baby to be yours.’
There was silence as Toby digested what Polly had told him, but then she felt the bed move and heard Toby getting dressed. She turned to see him pulling a jumper over his head; he already had his trousers on. ‘What are you doing?’ she asked in desperation. This was not the reaction she had wanted, but the one she had feared.
‘I can’t handle this, Polly.’
‘So what are you doing? Are you leaving me?’
‘Polly, this is too much to take in. Johnnie’s your half-brother, you’re carrying his child, and I can’t help it, but the thought of that repulses me. I’ve got to get out of here. I need a bit of fresh air.’
Polly was stunned, hated what he said, and as Toby left the bedroom she shouted after him, ‘So, the thought of what happened with my brother repulses you, does it? Huh, it didn’t bloody repulse you when you was having sex with me, did it!’
When the front door slammed shut, Polly curled up on the bed and cried. From Toby’s reaction she doubted he’d stay with her now, and the fear of being alone raised its ugly head. She sobbed into her pillow, praying that Toby would come back home a
nd tell her that everything would be all right.
Chapter 36
Sandra was vaguely aware of blue lights flashing and the sound of sirens blaring but couldn’t work out what was going on. She felt cold and her head was throbbing. Two men were lifting her from the pavement and then she realised she was being stretchered into the back of an ambulance.
She groaned and a voice said, ‘Don’t worry, love. We’re taking you to casualty.’
‘Dan– Is Daniel OK?’ she murmured to the ambulance man, recalling how the last time she had seen him he was lying flat out on the ground and she didn’t know if he had been breathing or not.
‘Don’t worry, Miss. Your boyfriend is fine. He’s sat up over there and talking to the police.’
The ambulance man’s face was looking over her so appeared to be upside down but Sandra focused on him. ‘It was Johnnie Jenkins. He did this to me and Dan. You have to tell the police.’
‘Don’t worry, they know and he’s already been arrested. Someone in those flats saw you being attacked from their window and called the police.’
Safe in the knowledge that Dan was all right and Johnnie was no longer a threat, Sandra closed her eyes as a wave of dizziness and nausea washed over her. She didn’t know Johnnie well. They had met a few times through mutual friends but she hadn’t realised he had such a violent temper on him. She’d heard his father used to have a reputation for being handy with his fists, and now realised that Johnnie must take after him.
