by JM Stewart
She drew a deep breath, drawing her courage around her, and crossed the bridge. The deck beneath her swayed as she moved around the side of the house. He’d texted her two days ago with the address, mentioning that the front of the house faced the lake. Reaching it her nerves once again scattered, yet desire curled in her stomach. The night he texted her the address he’d admitted he looked forward to seeing her. She’d gotten brave and told him the same.
As she finally came to a stop at the front door, her knees shook. She’d made a decision on the way over. This might be the only night they’d spend together, so she was going to take Hannah’s advice and go all in. If she ever wanted to move beyond her rape, she needed to do this. It would be the final step into taking herself back.
She lifted her hand to knock, but the door swung open before she got the chance, revealing Grayson in all his glory. He wore another pair of snug dark blue jeans topped with a light blue button-down shirt. It was tucked neatly at his waist, with the sleeves rolled up to reveal his thick forearms. He had one hand tucked casually in a pocket.
He smiled and hitched a shoulder. “It gets quiet around here at night. Heard you coming.”
Maddie nodded but hadn’t a clue what to say, and they stood for a beat, regarding each other. She’d had an entire week to mull over this night. Three years ago, she might have gone into that weekend with Grayson with a wounded heart, but one firmly seated on her sleeve. Three years might have passed, but it felt like two days. She was still lost in his intense, probing stare, and her heart was seated in his hands.
The odd part was, she felt safe with him. Oh, she was nervous for sure, and she still didn’t know if this was a good idea. But like no time had passed at all, one look at his soft, familiar gaze, and that sense of safety settled around her, warm and luscious and inviting. Did he know how much of her heart he held? How much this night could cost her?
Did he know how aroused she was? Her panties were already damp. God, even her nipples strained against the confines of her lacy bra.
Lace. She’d worn lace and satin for this date. She couldn’t stop remembering the softness of his mouth against her skin a week ago. Or the luxury of his arms around her. She could deny it all she wanted, but she knew damn well what she wanted from this night: him, naked beneath her.
As if he’d read her mind, Grayson shifted closer and hooked an arm around her waist, pulling her over the threshold and into his embrace. That hard body hit hers and his mouth settled over hers. He kissed her with the tender familiarity of a longtime lover, and her body melted into the connection, into his warmth and the suppleness of his lips.
When he finally released her she was breathless, every inch of her trembling.
He thumbed her bottom lip. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Maddie could only stare and hold on. Completely at a loss, she held up a bottle. “I brought wine.”
The corners of his mouth twitched, and his eyes gleamed with amusement. “I see that. That’s very thoughtful of you. Do you think it’s wise, though, given everything?”
She shook her head. “No. But nothing about this night is wise.”
He stepped away long enough to tug her inside, closed the door behind her, then pulled her close again. “I’m not going to jump on you, you know. This goes as slow or as fast as you want it to.”
That broke her out of her stupor, and her restlessness finally eased. She couldn’t resist a smile. To melt into the play between them came too easily with him. In the past, it had always been a form of foreplay. “You just did. Jump on me, I mean. I haven’t even gotten through the door.”
Heat flared in his eyes. “I can’t help it. I’m happy to see you.”
A shiver ran the length of her spine, and just that fast, she was melting to his whim. God help her heart in the morning. Right then, with that luscious body pressed to hers, she couldn’t drum up the will to push him back. Rather, she bowed into him.
“I can tell.”
Grayson had a distinct bulge in his jeans. His hands slid to her bottom, tugging her the slightest bit closer. Until every delicious ridge of his erection pressed against her stomach. He leaned down, his mouth hovering over hers. “Can you now?”
Every inch of her lit up like a roaring bonfire. Her breathing hitched. Her pulse hammered in her ears. Her limbs began to tremble as a heady dose of arousal and adrenaline fired through her, and her gaze zeroed in on his luscious mouth. “Mmm. Unless that’s a banana in your pocket.”
He grinned this time, an outright, full-on, ear-to-ear smile. Her breath halted completely. Grayson had a blinding smile that transformed his face. Normally cool and in control, he was downright beautiful when he grinned. Filled with irrepressible amusement, his eyes laughed at her, but in a way that had the corners of her mouth twitching.
This time, he scraped his teeth over her earlobe, reminiscent of that night in her apartment a week ago. “Oh, I assure you, baby, I’m much more pleasurable than a banana.”
The sexy rumble of his voice in her ear had her breath whooshing from her lungs. Before she could think to contain them, the words left her mouth on a hoarse, needy whisper. “I want you.”
It occurred to her that panic ought to be overwhelming her by now, that those memories from long ago ought to be flooding her mind. But as she stared up at him they never came. She wasn’t afraid of him. With him, and only him, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was safe. And for this one night, she wanted to get lost in that, lost in every inch of him. She wanted to know the soft heat of his bare skin against hers. To feel the erratic huff of his breath in her ear as he pressed her into the mattress and pushed inside of her. To know the luxury of getting to fall asleep in his arms after making love until they couldn’t walk anymore.
And the bliss of waking up beside him in the morning.
Some part of her brain insisted she call it fucking. Making love was what you did with someone you cared deeply for, and this would be one night only.
Except she couldn’t deny it. She was in love with him. Maybe this would be the only night she’d allow herself, in lieu of that weekend three years ago. She couldn’t risk losing him again. If it ended again, the way it had three years ago, it would crush her.
For this one night, though, she’d let herself get lost in him. She could deal with the regret and heartbreak tomorrow.
He caught her lower lip between his teeth, tugging gently. “Me too.”
Just as suddenly as he grabbed her, he set her away from him, leaving her to stand on wobbly stilts for legs, and took her free hand. With his fingers threaded through hers, he turned and moved farther into the house, pulling her behind him.
“There’s time for that later. Come on.” Moving beyond the front door they emerged into the main floor, which was essentially one room. He stopped dead center then turned to her, taking the wine bottle from her hands. “Let me put this on ice, then I’ll give you the tour.”
He turned and headed off to her right, into the kitchen, and she followed his trek with her eyes. A large shelf, lined with books set between a couple of intricately carved bookends, separated the kitchen from the small dining room. The kitchen itself was U-shaped, and larger than her own. Dinner, she assumed, lined the top of the gas stove and the white countertops.
He’d set the table with a simplistic beauty. A wooden table with wicker chairs. Two place settings neatly opposite each other. The floral bouquet in the center gave the otherwise warm interior a splash of color.
Grayson retrieved an ice bucket from a low cabinet, and Maddie turned her head, taking in the living room. The rest of the house had the same simple décor. White walls accented by a light-colored wood. The polished wood-beam ceiling gave the place a cabin-in-the woods feel.
Even the wicker furniture, in oak frames topped with white cushions, added to the overall homey atmosphere. Opposite the couch, two glass walls allowed a spectacular view of the deck and the water beyond. Out in the distance, the sun had begun to set, streaking t
he clouds with blues and pinks, all reflecting on the surface of the water.
Her mind filled with thoughts of their chats. Was this where he sat? She could easily picture him, seated on the couch, his laptop beside him, thick cock in his hand. How many orgasms had he given himself in this room while chatting with her?
The thought had heat prickling along her skin. Yet the whole place gave her a sense of peace.
She called out over her shoulder to him. “It suits you.”
“Mmm. It’s home.”
The sudden sound of his voice right behind her startled her, and she spun toward him. He met her gaze with a smile. He seemed relaxed, once again standing with one hand tucked into the pocket of his jeans. Here she was practically coming out of her skin, and he was cool and in control. The distinct bulge in his jeans, however, provided evidence to the contrary.
Maddie bit the inside of her cheek to stop a quiet groan from leaving her mouth. He’d set her off balance, inviting her here, kissing her the way he had. She ached to press herself into his arms, to push her hips against his for the overwhelming need to feel his cock against her. She knew damn well the gloriousness of him thrusting into her. He filled her to perfection, rubbing all the right places, like he’d been tailor-made for her.
She swallowed past a desert-dry throat and forced herself to focus on his eyes. “I remember you had a condo downtown. When did you move?”
Melancholy flitted across his face, and he averted his gaze.
“A couple of years ago. Not long after we broke up. Got tired of apartment living.” He slipped his hand into hers. “Come on. I’ll show you upstairs.”
He led her to the right, around a corner and up an L-shaped staircase, then down a small hallway. He stopped at the first door on the right. As she stepped up to take a peek, he pressed against her back. “The spare bedroom.”
This room’s wood-paneled walls lent the space more of that cabin-in-the-woods feel. The bed looked like it hadn’t been touched. “Do you get many visitors?”
“No. Not really. You’d be the first, actually.” His warm breath beside her ear startled her, but his lips moving against her skin and the husky tone of his voice gained her body’s full attention. “If you stay tonight, though, you won’t be sleeping in here.”
A hot little shiver rocketed down her spine. Her clit pulsed to life as her mind filled with images of him, of them. His body pinning her to the mattress. His hips thrusting into her…The thought sent a riotous mass of emotion swirling through her. Anxiety mixed with a heady dose of arousal. Would the panic come this time too? Or had things changed between them enough that she could simply get lost in him?
Grayson tugged on her hand again, leaving her off balance as he led her down the hallway. He pointed out his home office and a half bathroom, then moved through the doorway of another bedroom and stopped inside. This one was larger than the first. A huge bed took up nearly the entire room, covered in a thick quilt in varying shades of brown. Another bookcase behind the bed served as the headboard and a nightstand. More books lined the shelves. The alarm clock’s placement hinted that he slept on the left, and her mind filled with visions of her there with him, curled against his back.
His arms came around her waist, drawing her back against him. His nose and lips skimmed the side of her neck, leaving goose bumps in their wake. “I’d rather you sleep in here.”
That he hadn’t actually asked her to stay wasn’t lost on her, but his hint was obvious. His husky voice sent shivers down her spine and her mind wandered, filling with images of him, of them, on that huge bed—his hot body beneath hers, her hands braced on his chest as she straddled him.
A soft, shaky exhalation left her mouth. “Is that your way of asking me to stay?”
“Mmm. I’m sorry. You’re distracting. You look incredible. You smell incredible. I’m having trouble focusing.” He let out a quiet groan, and his torture of her skin ceased. Instead, he rested his smooth-shaven cheek against hers. “I’ve missed you. A lot. Stay with me tonight.”
His words to her a week ago filled her head. “There are ways to pleasure someone, to be intimate with someone, without sex, and I aim to show you every single one.”
She’d missed him, too, and God, how she ached to learn everything he wanted to show her. If this happened, though, it would be on her terms. “I have rules.”
He turned his head, pressing a kiss to her neck. “Does that mean you’ll stay?”
Did it?
Whatever pretense of a wall she’d had against him deserted her, and she sagged back into him. She didn’t have it in her to fight him anymore. “Yes.”
He growled low in his throat, a sound of relief and needs too long denied. His arms tightened around her. “God, you have no idea how happy you’ve made me. I think I must be the luckiest man on the planet right now. I promise you won’t regret it. Your rules. I have a few of my own. You go first.”
She drew a deep breath. “This is only for one night. No more, no less.”
“On this, I’ll concede. For now. I don’t want to argue with you. I just want to enjoy the time I have with you. What else?”
“I can’t make you any promises, Gray.”
“I’m not asking for any. Only that you give me a chance.”
She wasn’t sure she could do that, either. “What are your rules?”
“Mine are simpler. No sex.”
This made her laugh. She darted a glance over her shoulder. “You take me up here, distract me with your wandering hands and soft kisses and tell me you want me to sleep in here, with you, but no sex?”
His eyes glinted at her, playful yet intense. “Mmm. As in intercourse. Do you remember what I said the last time we were together?”
She turned back around, peering at the room. She couldn’t forget. “Yes.”
“Tonight is all about you.”
“Why?”
“Because I want you to learn to trust me.” His voice lowered, gaining a somber edge. “And because I couldn’t handle it if you woke up tomorrow looking at me the way you did the last time we made love. The panic on your face about ripped my chest open. I’m not using you. Not in the slightest. I just couldn’t help myself. I can never seem to help myself with you. You’re an addiction, and it’s been so damn long since I held you. When I kissed you, you kissed me back, and I lost my mind.”
Regret tightened in her stomach. “I’m sorry. I said some cruel things to you that night.”
“Mmm. I probably deserved them, which is why I’ve decided on this particular rule. But I also need you to know that here, between us, you’re safe. That’s very important to me.”
He was serious. He really did care. Tears welled in her eyes, a lump formed in her throat. For sure leaving him tomorrow would hurt, because those words went straight to her heart. “I’m always safe with you. It’s why I don’t trust this.”
Grayson pressed his cheek to hers, his voice a low hum in her ear. “But do you trust me?”
“Yes.” Another whispered admission she probably shouldn’t have told him. It gave him too much of her. Two weeks ago, she hadn’t been sure if she could. Now, she couldn’t deny the truth. When his arms closed around her, something in her responded. His embrace was so…right. Letting this happen would no doubt get her heart broken at some point, but she couldn’t deny feeling safe with him.
“Good. I want you to let go. For tonight, baby, I’m asking you to trust me and to let go.” He didn’t give her time to respond, but released her and took her hand again. “Come on. Dinner’s done. You like seafood, right?”
* * *
Grayson sidled up behind Maddie, pressing against her back as he reached around her to set the last couple of dishes into the sink in front of her. They’d finished dinner and dessert ten minutes ago. Maddie had insisted on helping him clean up—what amounted to their wineglasses, the plates they’d used, and the pots and pans he’d cooked the scallops and pasta in.
To have her here was killing him
. It took everything he had to control the urge to wrap himself around her and kiss her again. He wanted her body against his, her supple skin sliding against his. He wanted her as close as he could get her for as long as she’d allow.
And there she stood, in his kitchen doing his dishes. It was a damn domestic scene. She looked right there, like she belonged, and the sight of her filled his head with visions of the future. He ached to have her here on a more permanent basis, and if all went according to plan, this would be the first night of many.
Which meant he needed to cool his jets. Except she was scrubbing at that pot like her life depended on its being spotless, and watching her drove him mad. She looked incredible tonight. Her long tresses flowed down her back in soft, thick waves. Her emerald sweater floated over her curves, setting off the fiery color of her hair.
Her jeans tormented him. The skintight denim hugged her every blessed curve, and the harder she scrubbed at the frying pan, the more her ass wiggled.
Unable to contain the urge to be close to her, he set his hands on the counter on either side of her and peered around her shoulder at the sink. “You really don’t have to do those. It’s not many. I can do them later.”
It didn’t help matters that her earlier quiet, husky words echoed in his head. “I want you.” If she didn’t move, he was going to shift her hair out of the way and bend his head to her neck. He ached to say to hell with his plans, take her upstairs and sink into her. It likely made him seem as if he’d invited her here just to seduce her, but damn. He could think of little else.
She shook her head, her hair swishing in his face, filling his nostrils with the clean, feminine scent of her shampoo, her body shaking and shimmying as she scrubbed. “I don’t mind. Dinner was superb. The least I can do is help you clean up.”
“I’m trying to behave myself, baby. But if you keep wiggling that ass while you scrub I’m going to come in my jeans.” That was a little too honest. He’d done a lot of that lately; been a little too honest with her. Now his body tensed, tied in tight, painfully aroused knots as he waited for her to say something. Anything.
