by Nikki Wild
“I imagine this makes you look at me a little differently?” he asked.
“I—well, I don’t know. I don’t think so. I just don’t understand why you’d be interested in a girl like me—now or then.”
“You underestimate yourself, you know that, Chloe?” he said, the lights from the city now flashing on his face. “You’re a beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful woman. Any man would be lucky to spend time with you. Even me.”
I nodded and tried to smile.
I tried to believe him.
I wanted to believe him.
But it all seemed so far-fetched. There wasn’t anything all that special about me. To think he saw something in me that I didn’t see myself made me question everything.
Who was I?
Have you ever wished you could see yourself as others see you?
I sighed, sinking back into the seat as Bear kept driving, his Jeep immersing us deeper and deeper into the city as he drove me home. Our reflection flashed in the glass windows of the buildings and I saw us—a seemingly normal couple doing a seemingly normal act of driving down a street—and yet, I felt like I was watching a movie, as if none of this was really happening to me.
Believing that I’d catch the attention of a man like Bear, have an opportunity to live in a city like this, to experience the things I’d experienced in the last few weeks, did not come easy or natural. It was far from ordinary, far from normal.
And yet, although I’d been plopped into this life out of nowhere, Bear seemed to act like it was the most natural thing in the world. And now I knew why. He’d been thinking about me for years. He’d played out the scenarios we’d been acting out in his head for years.
But this wasn’t a movie.
This was real life.
My life.
And most of all, I needed it to make sense.
I wasn’t sure how to make that happen. Maybe I’d have to keep asking questions until something clicked. Maybe I’d get there with the passing of time.
In the meantime, I’d just have to keep pinching myself to remind myself how real it all was.
Bear pulled up in front of my building and turned off the engine. He turned to me, a smile on his face as he pulled me in for a kiss. His lips were warm and soft and so inviting. My body stirred, a deep yearning that never seemed to be extinguished.
“Aren’t you coming up?” I asked, between kisses.
“Nope, not tonight,” he replied, leaning down and kissing my neck. I shivered, a light moan escaping from my lips. “I have an early meeting in the morning, remember?”
“Right,” I replied. “I’ll be in early tomorrow, too.”
“No, take the day off,” he said, shaking his head. “Recuperate. There’s plenty of time to get the project done.”
He kissed me again, harder this time, my entire body tingling with excitement. I opened my mouth, kissing him deeper, suddenly hating the fact that we were about to be separated. I was growing quite fond of his hand in mine and the thought of going up to my apartment alone wasn’t appealing at all.
He kissed me back, hard, the passion growing between us. I moaned, reaching up and touching his cheek, relishing the feel of the stubble he’d grown the last few days under my palm.
We both jumped apart when my phone started ringing.
I yelped, digging through my purse as I searched for it. I found it at the bottom.
“Fuck!” I yelled when I saw Harlan’s ugly face on the screen. Punching the top button, I turned it off, looking back at Bear apologetically. “Sorry about that interruption.”
“That was your ex calling?” he asked, his eyes flashing with irritation.
“I guess so,” I shrugged.
“Does he call often?” he asked.
“What? I don’t know…maybe, I guess. I never answer because he’s the last person I want to talk to.”
“Then why is he calling?” he demanded.
“I—I don’t know,” I stuttered, taken aback at his tone of voice. He’d changed so quickly. “It doesn’t matter,” I shrugged. “He’s a loser.”
“You should tell him to stop calling,” he said, flashing me a tight smile.
“That would mean I’d have to talk to him,” I said, reaching over and kissing his cheek. I opened the door and grabbed my bag from between my legs and turned back to him. “I had an amazing time. Please tell me we can go back there soon?”
“You bet,” he said, his smile widening and his eyes relaxing. I hated seeing him all uptight over Harlan, but he was a man and a very alpha one at that.
“Good!” I smiled back. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight, Beauty,” he called, before I closed the door.
I walked into the building hating Harlan for ruining my moment. As soon as I got in the elevator, I pulled out my phone and blocked his number.
Twenty
“So, tell me everything!” Marie’s voice boomed into my ear as soon as I picked up the phone. I’d texted her before I’d left to go to Bear’s cabin letting her know I’d be out of touch for a few days.
“It was like visiting the North pole but without Santa,” I said, as I poured myself a cup of coffee. I’d only been awake a few moments before she was blowing up my phone. “It was very snowy and cold and beautiful.”
“That sounds lovely, what else?”
“We went there in a helicopter!” I said. “I had to repel out of it, Marie! His cabin is perched high up on a cliff and there’s nowhere up there for it to land.”
“Are you sure you aren’t dating Jack Bauer?” she asked.
“No,” I laughed. “It was terrifying, actually. The rest of the trip was absolutely lovely, though.”
“Did you fuck him again?” she asked.
“That’s basically all we did,” I replied. “Inside. Outside. On a trail overlooking the Hudson Valley in the snow.”
“That’s amazing,” she said. “He must be amazing in bed.”
“He’s, well—like I told you before, he’s a little rough.”
“Not too rough, I hope?”
“Rough enough that I have a safe word.”
“Oh,” she replied, “that’s interesting.”
“He’s interesting,” I said. “There’s many layers to this guy.”
“Well, be careful,” she said. “Don’t let him go too far.”
“It’s not like that,” I said. “He’d never hurt me.”
“Well, don’t be so sure. He sounds like he like’s extreme sports, repelling out of fucking helicopters and shit!”
“You may have a point,” I said, laughing. “He definitely has a penchant for adventures.”
“And perversions, apparently,” she teased. “How’s your butt?”
“My butt?” I asked.
“Last time we talked you had a Princess Barbie plug stuck up your butt, remember?”
“Oh, right. Yes, I’m pleased to report my butt is healthy and happy.”
I smiled, sipping my coffee, grateful for my friend. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have anyone to talk to about all of this.
“What are you doing today?” she asked.
“Having dinner with Matilda tonight,” I said.
“How is she taking your new relationship?” she asked.
“She doesn’t know,” I said. “So keep your mouth shut, you hear me? No Facebook posts or anything!”
“Oh, a secret fling with your Mom’s boss, I love it! It’s so titillating!”
“It is not!” I asked. “It’s just—oh fuck, I don’t know what it is. It’s exciting. And very new. No need to tell Matilda anything, as far as I’m concerned.”
“Well, be careful, you know how psychic she is with you,” she warned. Marie had seen Mom’s psychic connection with me in person several times.
“I know, I know,” I replied. “I have my guard up. I’ll be fine.”
“Famous last words,” she teased.
“Shut up!” I yelled. “Look, I gott
a go. I just woke up and I need breakfast.”
“Alright, alright,” she said. “Call me later—oh wait!”
“What?”
“I forgot why I called!” she said. “Harlan is going nuts looking for you, girl. He’s called all your friends now and I guess he called your Mom’s old office and they told him she moved, at least that’s what he told my friend Jessica. He’s been talking about you non-stop to anyone who will listen, insisting he’s going to get you back, that he’s finally gotten his shit together.”
“Oh, please!” I said, rolling my eyes. “What is his problem? We’ve been broken up for six months, why can’t he just let it go?”
“I guess you’re just that good,” Marie teased. “And apparently Harlan isn’t the only one who thinks so. Maybe you should just tell him you’ve got a new boyfriend?”
“No, way. It’s none of his business and the last thing I want to do is talk to that asshole.”
“Okay, it’s your business. I just wanted to let you know he’s been snooping around.”
“Thanks,” I said. “My plan is to ignore him until he goes away.”
“Got it,” she said. “Okay, then. That’s all. Toot-a-loo!”
The phone went dead and I shook my head as I laid it on the kitchen counter.
Harlan could drop dead for all I cared. I had no intention of ever talking to him again and the fact that I never had to see him again made me happy.
New York was starting to feel really good.
Max dropped me off at the Italian restaurant near Mom’s building before she arrived. After getting us a table and ordering a bottle of wine, I watched the people stream by outside, the snow lightly falling around them as they hustled through the streets. Everyone was bundled up with scarves and hats and thick coats, doing their best to protect themselves from the frigid temperatures.
Oregon winters were cold, but outside of maybe one or two days of snow, Portland didn’t get much snow. Lots of rain, sure, we were used to that. But cold like this? Even the worst of our winters couldn’t touch this.
When Mom walked in, she was shivering.
“I’d kill for a nice Oregon mist right now,” she said as she slid into the booth across from me.
“This cold goes right through your bones!” I exclaimed, pouring her a glass of wine.
“I can’t believe people leave their homes in this mess,” she said, laughing.
“I know, right? The entire city of Portland shuts down with half an inch of snow. Can you imagine how they’d react to this much and for this long?”
“Seriously, it’s been snowing since we arrived. I hope you’ve been bundling up.”
“I have,” I replied. “You know what a wimp I can be about the cold.”
“Well, if you need to go shopping for warmer clothes, just let me know and I’ll give you my credit card.”
“I’m good,” I said, feeling a flash of guilt for not telling her about Bear. She was being so nice. “I have some savings and I brought a bunch of warm things with me, too.”
“Is that a new dress?” she asked, eyeing the red frock I’d bought the other day.
“It is, do you like it?” I asked, neglecting to mention that I’d bought it with Bear’s credit card.
“I do,” she said. “It’s very East Coast.”
“Thanks,” I replied, smiling at her.
“It’s good to see you, Chloe,” she said. “Sorry I’ve been so busy. I knew things would be crazy at first.”
“It’s okay, I’ve been busy too.”
“So, what have you been up to?”
Ugh, I thought, the dreaded inquisition.
I’d been preparing for this. At least now I had an actual job to report, outside of all the ‘dick-tation’ I’d been taking from Bear.
“Well, I saw my office and met my assistant,” I said, lifting my chin proudly.
“Excellent!” she said, “I haven’t had a chance to talk to Bear in a few days. He went upstate to his cabin. Tell me about the job.”
“He’s put me in charge of designing the interior of his new hotel.”
She froze, her glass raised midway to her lips. She stared at me across the top of the glass, her eyes wide.
“You’re kidding!” she said, shaking her head. “That’s a three million dollar job. I just saw the budgets for next year yesterday.”
“I know, he told me.”
“But Chloe—that’s absurd. You have no experience with something like that. You don’t have a clue what you’re doing. Surely, you told him that.”
I stared open mouthed across the table at her. I mean, yeah, I had thought the same things, but she didn’t have to be so fucking harsh about it. Tiny twinges of anger surged through me and I fought to take a breath. The last thing I wanted to do was make a scene in this tiny restaurant.
“Sure I did,” I said, flippantly. “But apparently he believes I can do it.”
“I’ll talk to him,” she said, with a wave.
“No!” I yelled, my voice bursting through the room. A hot blush crept up my neck and I took another deep breath. “There’s nothing to talk about,” I said, lowering my voice. “I can handle this, Mom. It’s not really any of your business anyway.”
“None of my business?” she asked. “I beg to differ, Chloe.”
“You know what I mean!” I said. “I can take care of this. I can do this job. I don’t need you meddling in this opportunity before I even get started.”
“Why haven’t you gotten started?” she asked.
“What?”
“What have you been doing the last few days?” she asked. “You said you saw your office and met your assistant, but that takes about five minutes. I haven’t heard from you in days.”
“I’ve been studying,” I said, nodding firmly. I had that response ready ahead of time. “I went to the library and checked out some books on interior design just to get some ideas.” Another lie, but I did plan on doing that right away.
“Well,” she said, taking another sip of wine. “I suppose it’s worth a shot. But that’s a huge budget, so don’t fuck it up, Chloe.”
The anger that was trickling through me earlier had now broken free and was raging through my veins. She didn’t believe in me. It was clear as day. And that fact hurt, but I was used to it. I guess I just wasn’t used to it on this scale.
Yeah, three million dollars was a lot and this was a huge job, but I had plenty of time to plan and learn what I needed to know. The building wasn’t even finished yet. It wouldn’t be finished for another year. And if Mom knew the budget for it, then she knew that, too.
But still. It was me we were talking about.
I couldn’t help but notice the stark difference between what Bear believed I could do and what she believed I could do.
A slow, fake smile spread across her face and she reached over, putting her hand on mine.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” she said. “I didn’t mean to come off so harsh.”
“It’s fine,” I said, pulling my hand away, just as the waiter came up.
We ordered quickly—fettucine for me and manicotti for her—and she launched into a big long recap of the board of directors meeting she’d attended. I only half-listened and she kept topping off her wine glass until the story began to repeat itself. I shook my head, suppressing a laugh. Neither of us could handle our liquor, I guess.
I tried to shake off my anger at her through the rest of dinner. We ate in silence, the soft Italian opera flowing through the speakers and the low din of voices filling in for conversation.
It was after the tiramisu that she brought up the job again. At this point, I was done with her. I couldn’t wait to get home to my warm bed and snuggle up with a movie and the chocolate bar that was waiting for me on my kitchen counter.
“So what is he paying you?” she asked.
I blinked slowly, trying to choose my words carefully. Bear and I hadn’t talked salary at all, really.
“I’m
not sure yet,” I said, recalling Bear’s words exactly. “He said I would have a handsome salary and full benefits.”
“He used those words?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “What is this, the fifties?”
“Well, if you’re the CFO then maybe you should know already,” I said, trying to get in a little jab. She’d certainly gotten in enough of her own.
“I looked, actually. And there was no record of a job for you or a salary,” she said, her voice steely.
“Oh,” I shrugged. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Well, I’m sure if Bear told you he was going to take care of you then he will.”
“Right,” I said, unsure how to respond. Bear was certainly taking care of me, but not in the way that she meant.
I’d never been more grateful to see the check brought to the table. I grabbed it quickly and threw my credit card in the folder.
“My treat,” I said, trying to force a smile. “Since I’m employed now and all.”
“How nice,” she said, nodding. “Thank you.”
“My pleasure, Mom,” I said, already eyeing the door before I’d even put my coat back on.
Max was still waiting for me, much to my pleasure. It was even colder now and the warmth of the backseat of the limo was like heaven to my shivering body. I’d said the quickest goodbye to Mom ever. She only had half a block to walk home and I was happy to have the isolation of the car now.
It was never easy with her. I knew this and yet every time I forgot, letting myself getting disappointed and hurt with some crazy unfounded expectation that things would be different. I should know better by now.
I sank back into the heated seats gratefully as I watched the city outside the windows. Everyone was so damned busy. Going somewhere fast.
I could sit in the back of this limo and watch them all for hours, I thought.
We were almost to my building when Max took a right on a street he normally took a left on.
I pushed the button and watched as the window between us rolled down.
“Max, I think you’re going the wrong way?” I asked.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, I thought you knew.”
“Knew what?” I asked.
