by Nikki Wild
I walked outside to hail a cab and ran right into Max.
“Ready to go meet Ms. Matilda for lunch, ma’am?” he asked.
“Oh, Max! I forgot to tell you, I’m so sorry. I won’t need you today. I’m not going to lunch with my Mom after all. In fact, I won’t need you at all anymore. But thank you, you’ve been so helpful and kind.”
“Won’t need me at all? Why not, ma’am?,” he asked.
“I’m going back to Portland.”
“Oh?” he asked. “Mr. Dalton didn’t mention it to me.”
“He doesn’t really know yet,” I said. “I just decided this morning.”
He looked at me, squinting his eyes curiously.
“Oh, I see,” he nodded.
“Thank you, again, Max. I’ll just hail a taxi to the airport.”
“Oh, no, ma’am. Please let me take you.”
“That’s okay,” I refused.
“No, I insist. Mr. Dalton would be so upset if I let you go in a taxi.”
I sighed, looking into his kind eyes.
“Okay, then,” I relented, “thank you, Max.”
“It is absolutely my pleasure!” he said, opening the door. He took my bag and put it in the trunk and slid behind the wheel. The glass was already down and I was grateful for it. I didn’t want to be alone right now.
The car pulled away from the curb and Max looked at me in the mirror.
“What is Portland like?” he asked.
“Portland? You’ve never been?” I asked, thinking about it. “It’s—well, it’s kind of dreary, actually. It rains about nine months out of the year.”
“That sounds awful,” he said.
“I guess so. You get used to it.”
“When I first moved to New York,” he said, “I hated it. I couldn’t believe people lived in such a crowded place. I was particularly offended by the rats. They seemed so big and they were everywhere.”
“That’s how I felt the first time I visited,” I agreed.
“But you know what?” he asked. “Now, I don’t even notice them. I’m just like everyone else, just going about my business and ignoring them. I used to shudder in disgust every time I saw one. It’s amazing what you can get used to in time.”
I nodded, thinking about what he was saying. He was right. I’d gotten used to quite a lot in my life. I’d gotten used to not having a father. I’d gotten used to my absentee mother. I’d gotten used to the rain and dreary skies.
“I suppose one could get used to almost anything,” I said.
“It’s true,” Max nodded.
We were silent for a few minutes, before he spoke up again.
“Mr. Dalton will not be happy you are leaving,” he said.
“You don’t think so?” I asked. “I guess he’ll get used to that, too, won’t he?”
“Maybe,” he replied, “but maybe not.”
“I think he’ll be okay,” I said.
“He’s a strong man, sure,” he said, thoughtfully, “but still, there’s something different about him when he’s with you. He lights up in a way I’ve never seen. Like something in him comes alive that he usually keeps hidden away in the dark.”
I nodded, speechless, my eyes stinging with tears.
We didn’t talk the rest of the way. I had no idea how to respond anyway and I was thankful he didn’t press the issue. There was something very special about Max and I realized I was going to miss him.
He pulled up to the drop off point at the airport and came around to open the door.
I stood on the sidewalk with my bags and put my hand out to shake his. He looked at my outstretched hand and smiled, before pulling me in for a hug and kissing my cheek.
“In Somalia, that is how we say goodbye to our friends.”
I smiled up at him.
“Thank you again, Max,” I said. “Take care of yourself.”
“I hope to see you again very soon, ma’am,” he said.
I nodded, a huge empty pit growing in the bottom of my stomach as I walked away and into the airport, leaving New York City and everything and everyone in it, far, far behind.
Twenty-Nine
I sat at the gate, mindlessly scrolling through Facebook on my phone. My plane was half an hour late and we hadn’t even boarded yet. It had taken forever to get through security and they’d looked through my entire bag, pulling out all the fancy lingerie I’d bought and pouring it out on the floor.
I was so embarrassed and I’d wished I’d left it all behind.
It’s not like I was ever going to wear it again. My heart was already hurting just thinking about it. I was giving up everything. I was blowing the biggest opportunity I’d ever been given. And I was probably going to end up throwing away the most expensive lingerie I’d ever buy in my life after only wearing it once.
Was I an idiot?
Was I making a huge mistake letting fear and confusion send me fleeing to safety?
Sure, of course I was.
But that was the decision I’d made and I was determined to go through with it. I’d look really stupid if I turned back now. I had to make a decision and stick to it and this was the only one I was brave enough to make.
I stopped scrolling when I saw a status update from Harlan.
In usual Facebook style, it was something that he’d posted two days ago and just now popped up in my feed.
She can block me but she can’t hide. Nobody runs from me. I’m coming, Chloe.
I shuddered as I read through the comments. Thankfully, it was a group of our mutual friends calling him out on being incredibly creepy and stalker-ish. I could only hope one of them had gotten through to him. I’d barely given him a second thought since I’d blocked his number on my phone. I hadn’t thought to block him on Facebook. I’d been so preoccupied with Bear that Harlan was the last person on my mind.
An overhead voice announced my plane was boarding and I sighed with relief. Sitting at the airport waiting felt like being in limbo. It was torturous and took all my strength not to just give in and run back to Bear’s arms. Because the truth was, I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know if this was the right thing to do or if leaving was something I would regret for the rest of my life.
All I knew for certain was that Bear Dalton shook me to my very core and I had no idea how to handle that.
It was simple, actually.
I stood up and got in line, thankful that I was finally going to be out of here in a few minutes. I looked out the window at the huge jet that would carry me back home and had a flash of memory of my flight here.
I smiled when I remembered the note Bear had sent me telling me take off my panties. It had all seemed like such innocent fun and games back then. I had no idea what was in store for me back then. My heart soared as I thought about how it had all felt. I’d been so nervous and yet so excited, like a little kid going to Disneyland.
The unknown had excited me. The thought of getting to know Bear had excited me.
His brazenness had excited me.
And now, here I was—afraid of it. Filled with fear because I didn’t know how far he could go, how far I could go — how far I wanted it to go.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen, I thought.
I thought about that girl back then and I admired her courage. She seemed fearless to me. Where had that girl gone? What happened to saying yes?
Had she really been so frightened that she’d lost her backbone completely?
I waited in line, a sense of shame washing over me.
I should have been stronger, I thought. I should have given it more time. I should have bucked up and believed in myself.
Instead, I was here in this line, one slow-as-molasses step closer to failure as the line moved forward. I fought back the tears as disappointment filled my heart.
Finally, I handed my boarding pass to the attendant. She looked at it and handed it back to me with a smile.
“Enjoy your flight,” she said. I resisted the urge to scoff a
t her and took a deep breath, walking away.
I’d taken three steps when I heard someone call my name.
Thirty
I turned to see Bear running towards me.
“Fuck!” I muttered, shaking my head.
“Chloe!” he yelled. “Stop! Please!”
He rushed towards me, ignoring the attendant and closing the distance between us. He looked disheveled, his deep blue eyes filled with sadness and confusion.
He looks like I feel, I thought.
“Chloe, what are you doing?” he asked, staring down at me.
“I’m going home, Bear. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just couldn’t.”
“Why are you doing this? This is your home now.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head, my heart breaking. “It’s not.”
“Chloe,” he pleaded. “Let’s talk. Just give me five minutes.”
I sighed and nodded.
“Okay, but I can’t miss my flight,” I said, moving away from the entrance and walking with him over to the window. The jet loomed, waiting to take me home.
“Chloe, I was a complete and utter asshole last night, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have had so much to drink and I should have been gentler with you. It’s all my fault. I got carried away celebrating.”
“It’s not that,” I said, even though it was a little bit. But people were watching us and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about him taking my ass in public.
“What is it, then?” he asked.
“It’s everything else, Bear. I don’t know how to do that job you want me to do. I’m clueless. And I just don’t understand what’s happening. Between us. With us. None of this makes sense.”
“Don’t you see?” he said, his voice gentle and soft. “This thing between us makes perfect sense.”
“How is that?” I asked. “Look, Bear, I’m not whatever you think I am. You can find someone else to fulfill those needs. You’d be better off with a woman like Zoe. Someone who fits your lifestyle.”
“Zoe?” he scoffed. “She’s a fragile fucking butterfly that I hate being around.”
“Well, whomever…” I said, my voice trailing off.
“Chloe, listen to me. Look at me!” he said. My eyes darted up, hypnotized by his piercing glare. “I thought I made myself clear the other day, but maybe not. I have never in my life met a woman like you. You’re special, don’t you see? I’ve tried being with other people, I’ve tried to make it work with other women, trust me. But it’s never been right. Not like this. Not till you, Chloe.”
“Bear, I don’t—,” I began.
“—let me finish, babe, please? When I met you that first time, I knew. I knew because something opened up in me, something about you ripped me wide open and crawled inside of me and never let go. It was like I’d been waiting for you my whole life. And then, when I saw you again, when we made love that first time —,”
“—that was not making love!” I protested.
“To me it was! To me, it was the beginning of everything that ever mattered. It was the confirmation that I was right all along. When I felt you around me, when I felt the perfection of our bodies fitting together like they were made from the same cloth, I knew, deep down, that you were the one.”
“The one for what, though, Bear? What do you want with me? What is all of this even about?” I cried.
“That’s a good question,” he whispered, reaching into his coat and pulling out two small white boxes with shiny red ribbons. “I want to show you what my intentions are, Chloe. These are for you.”
“What are they?” I asked. “The last time you gave me a present like this…”
“It’s nothing like that. One is dependent on the other,” he said, holding out one of the boxes to me. “Open this one first.”
I sighed, shaking my head.
“Bear,” I said. “I need to go.”
“Just open them! Please! If you decide to leave afterwards, I’ll kindly see you to the door of the plane myself.”
“Fine,” I said, my shaking hands taking the box from him. I pulled the end of the ribbon, untying the bow and letting it fall to the floor at my feet. Slowly, I opened the box and gasped when I saw the glittering diamond ring shining up at me.
“Bear!” I cried, my hand flying to my pounding heart. “Bear, this is too much—,” I said, shaking my head.
He held the other box out to me, his eyes shining with love.
“Now open this one.”
I opened the box quickly and pulled out a black velvet, diamond-studded choker.
“Chloe,” he said, taking my hand, “I love you. I love you like the moon loves the stars. I’d be lost in this world without you by my side. I know this is confusing, I know it’s all new and scary, but I promise you I’ll take care of you for the rest of your life, I’ll take you places you’ve never imagined. Yes, I have my issues, but I think our issues fit together perfectly. We’re like opposite sides of the same coin, can’t you see that? Being with you is like poetry, baby. We fit. Everything about us fits. Like the words strung together in a poem, as if they were made for each other. You’re my poem, Chloe. You were meant for me, don’t you see that? Opportunities like this, connections like ours, they only happen once in a lifetime, babe. We can’t pass this up, we owe it to ourselves to give in to this love, to this life together. We’d be fools not to try.”
I gasped, my head spinning, my heart racing as his eyes searched mine.
“But I need more from you, Chloe,” he reached up, caressing my face. “You have to accept both sides of me, just as I have to accept both sides of you. I need you to be mine. I want you to wear my ring, but I want you to wear this, too,” he said, brushing his fingers against the choker in my hand. “Do you understand, Chloe? I need you to be mine, in every way, forever and ever.”
He sank to his knees, the ring between his fingers as he held it up to me.
“I love you. Please be my wife, Beauty,” he pleaded.
I stared down at him, lost in his deep ocean eyes, lost in his enchanting words, lost in the simple fact that he’d told me he loved me.
My heart swelled with joy, with love, great waves of pleasure spilling out of my swollen heart. I couldn’t think, all I could do was feel.
Maybe none of this made sense, but whatever it was, it was definitely love.
“Yes,” I nodded slowly, tears falling down my face as he slipped the ring on my finger. He stood up, kissing me gently and then pulling away. He took the choker from my hands and placed it on my neck, fastening the buckle in the back, his fingers brushing against my skin and sending shivers down my spine.
“Look at you,” he whispered, staring at me with eyes full of pride and love. “Who are you?”
A slow smile spread across my face, the velvet clinging tightly around my neck, the ring heavy on my hand, as my heart swelled with pride and pure happiness.
“I’m yours, Bear. I’m yours,” I whispered through my tears.
His kiss was a thousand kisses, his love a thousand loves, and as we walked out of the airport arm in arm, I knew that our life together would be a thousand poems, worth a thousand heavens, in a thousand star-filled universes.
Thirty-One
Max drove us back to my apartment. We couldn’t keep our hands or lips off of one another the entire drive and by the time we made it into the elevator, we were ready to rip each other’s clothes off.
“I can’t believe we’re going to get married!” I said, laughing between kisses. “My mother is going to have a heart attack!”
“You let me deal with Matilda,” he said, his tongue sliding along the skin of my neck. I shuddered against him, my body on fire with desire for him.
“Good luck with that,” I muttered, my lips finding his again. He kissed me deeply, his tongue tangling with mine, searching for the magic we’d found together. The craziness of the entire situation was not lost on me, but at the moment, I didn’t give a damn.
Everything Bear
had said in the airport was true. Somehow, we fit together like two pieces of a puzzle and that was what I wanted to embrace.
I made a silent vow to reject the fear and doubts that had plagued me. I had plenty of help with the design job, I had plenty of time to do it and I was smart. As for the fear surrounding my relationship with Bear, well—I had Bear. That’s all that mattered.
I made another vow to stay close to him, to communicate when I was feeling weird, to ask him questions if I needed to.
He loved me.
I’d never been so happy in my entire life.
Bear Dalton loved me and wanted to make me his wife. This beautiful, complex, masculine masterpiece of a human being wanted me by his side for the rest of his life.
I snaked my hands around his neck, pulling him closer while I kissed him, relishing the feel of his body against mine. The elevator dinged and we tumbled out into the hallway like a couple of horny teenagers.
He pushed me up against the wall of the hallway, his mouth searching mine, his hands running over my breasts as he pushed a thigh between my legs. I moaned against him, melting into the heat of his touch.
“Let’s go inside,” I said, pulling my mouth away and reaching down to grab a handful of his throbbing hardness. “I can’t wait any longer!”
We turned together, our fingers laced together, the ring heavy and shiny on my finger.
We’d taken five steps when I saw him.
Standing at my doorway at the end of the hall, his face full of jealous anger and rage.
“Harlan!” I screamed in shock, my heart pounding so hard in my chest I thought it would burst. I felt Bear tense beside me.
“What are you doing here, Harlan?”
“Hello, Chloe,” Harlan said, his voice seething. “I’ve come to take you back.”
