by Nikki Wild
His knuckles crack and his hands land on my shoulders. “Seems convenient you’d lose your head at a time like this.”
“I swear to Christ, Mac, when I get it back I’ll take whatever punishment you got but thing is I don’t know what happened. I want to give you answers but I’ve got none. Hell, I can’t even remember my own address.”
His thick, ringed fingers squeeze my shoulders. I flinch.
“What do you remember?”
“Garrett, when I saw his face. I remember Mia… Or at least, I remember her fucking name. It’s on this ring…”
Mac groans. Some part of me remembers that sound… The sound someone heard right before a beatdown.
“I remember where I’ve been the last few days. I remember the accident. This girl, Lucy, she’s been taking care o’ me. She’s here with me. She can back up the story.”
“Lucy?” he spins me around to look at him. Almost comically, he asks, “Lucy Palermo? You did all this for Lucy fucking Palermo?”
“No… Her name is… Rivers. Lucy Rivers. She’s just the girl who found me the night I wrecked. Put my shoulder back in its fucking socket. She’s from down in Baddock National Park. Who the fuck is Lucy Palermo?”
“Kid…” I give him a blank look. “You don’t remember a Lucy Palermo in your life?” I shake my head. “Then you need a fucking hospital.”
“Mac, look, I don’t know why but I can’t go to a hospital. What if I get arrested?”
“You lose your goddamn balls in that accident? Get up. We’re taking you to get some help. Don’t you think for one second this is me letting you off the hook. Best believe one of the boys will be at your side twenty-four-seven watching what you’re up to. If I find out you’re lying to me, I’ll cut your motherfucking dick off. We’ll finish this conversation later. Got it?”
“Got it.”
We move through the clubhouse and bar where someone catches my elbow. “Landon,” she says. “Thought you were going for good.”
“…Mia.”
She looks at me with a smile.
“You back to apologize?” she says.
I did something to her too?
This woman looks nothing like Lucy. Mia is Italian, sexy, tough-looking with full lips, full hips and full tits. She’s got long curly black hair and fuck-me green eyes…. And they don’t do a goddamned thing for me. She moves in close, and all I want to do is run.
“You want Mami to cook you dinner tonight?” she whispers in my ear.
“Landon. Get out here. We’re taking you to the emergency room.”
I’m pulled away from Mia who I shrug an answer at.
“What the fuck?” she says with her hands presented and a face like a smacked ass. Her friends comfort her since I’m overwhelmed from being manhandled out of the place to apologize.
Garrett and Rev take me to the emergency unit and have me stashed me into the back of the MC’s cage like some stowaway. They have their music blasting loudly in the cab. I try yell over it through the black divider that separates me from them.
“Talk to me! The fuck is this?”
“I told you, brother, we can’t,” Garrett says.
I slap the cage hard. “I have questions!”
“Yeah, so do we, bro, but let’s save it a few days.”
“Who is Lucy?”
“Don’t give me that that shit, Landon.”
“Mac said I knew someone named Lucy Palermo.”
Rev turns the music up to an unbearable level then makes a sharp corner. I’m thrown at the side of the van as it hurtles onto the freeway. I give up for now and take a knee in the back beside a handlebar.
It isn’t long before a flashlight is shining directly in my eye against my will. The doctor checks my vitals and asks a few questions. Then a specialist comes in to quiz me on my memory. It’s tedious. I don’t need it. More and more, I’m willing to live with the amnesia if it means that I can keep from dealing with whatever club bullshit I managed to get myself into… You can’t hate someone who doesn’t remember what they did wrong. Best you can do is judge them on how they live their life from here on out. But I’m starting to think my life isn’t quite as ideal as I might want it to be. I made mistakes. I have to face the consequences.
“So, what’s the prognosis, Doc?” Garrett asks.
“It’s slightly abnormal post-trauma amnesia. It may take a few months until he’s really recouped but it shouldn’t be anything permanent. He’s recognized you both already and any facts about himself should come back in a few days. It’s just lucky he was wearing his helmet. Mr. Ellers, you really should’ve come to us right after the accident. Next time it happens, you might not be so lucky.”
“Lucky? Ha.” I cough a laugh at her.
“Right. Well, listen, there’s no magic drug to cure this except Father Time. I’ve got a prescription for some pain meds for you and something to aid memory function. Follow the dosage instructions, keep away from situations that might cause further head trauma, like drinking, motorcycle accidents and fighting, and do the best you can to keep stress levels down. It can exacerbate memory problems.”
“Best keep your distance from Mia then, hey bro?” Garrett says with a hearty chuckle.
“Why?” I ask.
“G, not now,” Rev cuts in. “What’d the doc just fuckin’ say?”
“So, I’m free to go?”
“It’s up to you, Mr. Ellers. You’re welcome to stay in a shared room and we’ll check in on you periodically to see if your condition deteriorates. However, since it’s been days since the accident anyway, your cheapest option would be head home and get some rest then report back if you get any unusual headaches or you feel anything out of the ordinary. Your condition isn’t bad but you’re fragile. Be very cautious.”
“Landon doesn’t know cautious, ma’am, but we’ll keep him in line for you. He’s going back to the clubhouse and we’re not going to let him go anywhere…”
“I need to talk to Lucy before we go back,” I protest.
“Don’t worry about Lucy. Mac is taking care of that little problem.”
Twenty
I’m taking the fact that Landon’s not back as good news…For him, at least. I know Big Sal’s. It’s the Devils’ Dragons strip-joint they own and the MC’s clubhouse is hidden out back. I knew he’d find people he knew there. Maybe he’s forgotten about me too, at this point. I don’t let it worry me too much for now. My day’s gone exactly to plan. Despite missing Landon and wondering if he’s remembering anymore about me, I’ve kept myself distracted and hidden away. Plus my Chinese food was filthy and delicious.
The fortune from the cookie read:
A ship in harbor is safe, but that’s not why ships are built.
The sentiment strengthens me today. I am that ship that sailed far on its odyssey and returned home, still afloat…if only just.
A quiet knock on the door makes my heart jump. I ease out of bed and go to let Landon in. Every nerve ending in my body is on edge. Will he remember me? Will he be able to forgive me?
I swing the door open with an apprehensive smile, but it quickly turns to a scream as a grizzly-bear of a man reaches through and grabs me up, his hand clamping down over my mouth as the door closes behind him.
“Lucienne, my dear. It’s been a while. I’m going to let go, but you need to promise me you’re not going to scream again… Give me a little nod that you understand.”
I go limp against him, nodding ever so slightly.
He lets me go and I step back away from him, stumbling toward the bed in my t-shirt and panties.
“I think you have a little explaining to do, little girl.”
“Mac… I’m sorry…”
“Sorry?” he says viciously. “The both of you get amnesia or what? You fall off his bike at the same time?”
“No,” I say, unable to hide my trembling voice.
“We had a deal, me, you and Landon, Lucy. I help you take care of that fucked up father of yours, y
ou work for me or you leave town.”
“I didn’t ask you to bring Landon into it!” I shouted, tears starting to stream down my face. “You tore us apart.”
Mac sucks on a toothpick, grinning. “You should have stayed apart.”
“He came to me, Mac… I was just trying to help…”
The way the old man’s eyes move over my body makes my skin crawl the same way mom’s old friends used to when they’d come visit. I cross my arms to hide my body
“You’re a wily one, huh?” He gives a wide grin. “Just like your mama was.”
“Fuck you.” Keep pushing, Lucy, keep fighting.
“Right. I get it. It’s good to be on guard in a man’s world, baby girl. I won’t stop you. Just one thing I gotta ask though: You in love with him again?”
“Again?” I say, knowing how foolish this charade is but sticking to it nonetheless. “We’ve always been friends…Barely friends.”
“Barely friends, hm? Good. You know how to protect yourself in this world. Landon or your daddy taught you good. Because know that I don’t need Landon to have any distractions, not when the club’s at the crossroads that we are.”
“I only came here to help him get his memory back… I owed that to him.”
“Oh, Palermo. You know damn well that’s not why you’re back here. You’ve been fucking him. I’m ain’t no damn spring chicken. You have to back off now unless you want the police digging up a little patch of dirt outside town. Landon’s not coming back to you. He’s engaged to a pretty little thing named Mia. Probably came down to tell you the good fucking news when he dropped his damn hog. Give him a few days and I’m sure he’ll be thinking straight,” Mac says, his lips curling even more viciously.
Something about the way he was sneering let me know I wasn’t getting the whole story.
“He’s going to want to see me before I leave… You know that,” I protest. I’ve lost Landon once and I’m damn sure not leaving without a goodbye.
“That’s why you’re coming with me,” Mac replies, turning and giving a little whistle toward the door. It opened slowly, and a pair of leather clad men I’d never met stepped through. “Help Miss Palermo gather her things, we’re going back to the clubhouse.”
Twenty-One
My insides go all numb and mushy as I’m escorted into Big Sal’s. Where do I turn? I’m so tired— Tired to run away, tired to stay here, tired to fight my feelings for Landon, tired to tell him the truth, tired to keep up with the lie…Tired through every cell of myself.
Satisfied that I won’t be causing any trouble, Mac smiles at me and says me to make myself at home.
I mope towards the bar to order a beer, figuring it’s something tangible to focus on and do for now.
Luckily, the barmaid offers some amusement for me. I see her from afar: Jessa Minkoff-Weiss, the captain of my old high school’s volleyball team. I certainly know her, but there’s no way in hell she ever paid me more than a passing glance. I swayed more towards extracurriculars like smoking cigarettes at the reservoir with friends, ditching school, and painting in dark, locked rooms to avoid the wrath of Daryl.
“What can I get you?” Jessa asks with a peppy smile. I’d never figure she’d end up running with a crowd like this. For now, she’s behind the bar, but I know how these kind of places operate. It won’t be long before she’s hooked on something and out working the pole just like all the others.
“Corona, extra lime please.”
“Jessa!” a man yells from behind me. “She’s on Landon’s tab.”
I turn my head on a swivel looking for any sight of Landon, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Before I can ask about him, my train of thought is derailed.
“You the new girl?” Jessa says.
“Huh?”
“Oh! I thought you might be a new dancer. I know a few quit last week.”
“No… Not me. I’m just here to see Landon.”
“Well that’s a shame… You’ve got the body for it, and the boys just love a pretty young face. If you’re ever looking to make some money you really need to talk to old Mac.”
“I appreciate it, but I’m good…” I reply uneasy.
“I haven’t seen you around here but you look familiar… You from Jethrow?” Just as suspected, she doesn’t recognize me.
“I live down south in Baddock. Not sure if you’ve heard of it.”
“Of course I have! My ex-boyfriend went on fishing trips down there. It looks beautiful. How the hell do you live there though? Doesn’t it get boring?”
I nod and take a sip of the beer. “I could say the same for this place.”
“This place? Girl, you gotta be kidding me. The drama don’t stop here in this small town. Give it a few months, you’ll see what I mean.”
Though I already know exactly what she’s talking about. I avoid any further talk of my remaining here. “I won’t be sticking around long enough to find out.”
“Oh, shit. Sorry honey. I just figured since you’re not here to dance that maybe you’re here to stay…”
The sad reality of Big Sal’s and the pull of the club remained. Even back when Landon started up with the club they had a handful of women hanging around the club. They cooked, they cleaned, they fucked… If you wanted to end up a biker’s old lady, a little stay at the club was the best way to do it.
I wanted to tell her exactly how I felt about that, but I knew what kind of scene that might bring about. Was Mia one of the club whores? I don’t think I could handle the thought of Landon taking one of those girls on the back of his bike…
“It’s too bad… I don’t get to hang out with many girls our age here. Most my friends are moms, on the pipe, or crazy, y’know? Or all of the above.”
“Jessa!” someone squeals.
“Speaking of crazy,” she says quietly before a tall, curvy brunette sways her ass towards the bar and leans over to give Jessa a hug.
“Honey, how are you?” Jessa says.
“How do you think?” The brunette turns her head toward the boys in the corner.
“Is it true? He doesn’t remember anything?”
My ears perk up. They’re talking about Landon. I try to stay quiet but Jessa is having no part of it.
“Hey Mia, this girl is here to see Landon too,” she says, waving at me. I try to step back from the bar but she stops me before I can make my getaway.
“Girl! Wait up. C’mere and lemme introduce you to Mia really quick.”
Mia? She’s Mia? I stutter, wanting to avoid meeting her. I don’t need this pain but I feel obliged to greet her out of politeness. She gives me a bitchy, cautious look but still offers me a half-hearted hug.
I hug her back and purse my lips to keep myself from crying. I’m hugging the woman that stole Landon’s heart from me.
“Mac told me everything… You’re the girl that scraped Landon off the side of the road?”
“Y—Yes…”
As she lets me go, I turn heel and I don’t look back. Mia calls after me, but I’m not sure I can stand to say another word. This is why Mac brought me here. He wanted me to see it in person. He wanted me to know Landon moved on. I’m lost, confused in this labyrinth I built around myself. Some girls step up onto the platformed poles beside me. I start hyperventilating, feeling a panic attack coming on.
Not here Lucy, not here.
I bolt for the front door. I don’t want to see this. I don’t want to see any of this ever again.
Twenty-Two
Lucy. Poor Lucy. I watched the whole thing from the corner without saying a word. I’m a fucking prick but I couldn’t exactly stand up and get in between this. I don’t need to make a scene here, that’s the last thing I want. But seeing her running out the door damn near killed me. There’s indents in my palm from squeezing my fists so tight.
I catch Mac’s eye in the corner and pace towards him. He’s sitting alone in a booth watching one of the girls give him a private show. Using his power to manipulate them into think
ing he’ll bring them a better life. It’s filthy, wrong.
“‘Excuse us for a second, darlin’,” I say to the girl before slamming my hand down hard on the table in front of him. “So…Who is she?”
“She? She’s Hayley. You know Hayley,” he replies with a grin, giving the girl on his lap a little slap on the ass as she stands up to walk away.
“You know who I’m talking about, Mac.”
“Quit the dramatics, kid. Sit the fuck down.”
“Who. Is. Lucy?”
“Look, she’s someone you don’t needa be messing with anymore, end o’ story. That shit’s in the fuckin’ past. She might as well be a ghost to you.”
“What’re you talking about?”
“Lucy, she’s a poison. She’s been lying to you. She knows the second you remember who she fucking is you’d be running for the damn hills. You told me yourself you never wanted to see her again and my suggestion is that you don’t unless you want this to turn ugly. You love Mia, remember?”
I know he’s fucking lying to me. I can see right through this bastard. “Some of the guys here know I went looking for Lucy when I dropped my bike. If I didn’t want to see her again, why the hell did I go looking for her Mac?”
“I don’t fucking know why you left, and I sure as shit don’t know why you did that to your cut… But look, Landon, it’s the past. You’re back, and you know what you need to do.”
“And what exactly do I need to do?”
”You’re taken. You’re engaged which means you gotta learn to respect your old lady,” Mac says.
“You’re the last to lecture me on respecting ladies you motherfucker so don’t give me that shit. I know I’ve never laid a finger on Mia. I remember that fucking much. So tell me why the hell am I marrying someone I don’t give a damn about?” I ask indignantly.
“You know what, boy, I don’t like your tone.” Mac stands up to meet me.
“And I don’t like your dodging my fuckin’ question.” Mac’s fists close but I ain’t scared of him right now. “Go on. Hit me, old man. I fuckin’ dare you. As long as you tell me the truth, you can hit me as hard as you want. I might not know who the fuck she is but I know how I feel about Lucy… And I know I don’t feel shit for Mia.”
