by Nikki Wild
“I asked you if you had something new to tell me, you fuckin’ bloke. You threaten to quit every week. Piss off!” he said, pushing his brother to the side and disappearing into his bus.
He’d never once met my eyes.
It was just as well. I wasn’t sure if I could handle what it would have done to me if he did.
It was best a little more time passed. We had an five and a half hour drive today. I’d leave him be for a bit, and then try to sneak in some interview time on the way there.
I needed to get this week over, get the story done, and get this man out of my sight and my thoughts as quickly as possible.
I knew what was good for me. And he wasn’t it.
My body seemed to have a completely different opinion about that, though. I boarded the bus and sat down. Liam had disappeared in the back, and I left him be, sitting in the front alone as the bus began to pull away from the curb. I shifted in my seat, crossing my legs tightly as ribbons of desire rippled through me. I tried to stop the quivering, but it was no use.
As much as I wanted to get far away from Liam, I knew I’d never get away unscathed.
Fourteen
LIAM
“I’ll meet you at the hospital, Callum,” I said into the phone, just as I heard a light knock at the door of the lounge in the back of my bus. Catherine stood there, holding up a pen and a pad of paper, looking bloody beautiful as ever. I nodded to her and gestured for her to come in, making room for her on the couch. “See you there at five.”
I hung up the phone and turned to stare into the prettiest green eyes I’d seen in a long time. To my relief, she was smiling. I’d been afraid to look at her when I walked up earlier, afraid of what I’d see there, figuring it would be some painful mixture of anger and disgust.
Ian had given me enough of that, I didn’t want it from Catherine.
Luckily, she seemed to be perfectly normal. If she wanted to pretend the kiss didn’t happen, I could do that. For a few minutes, at least.
“I was hoping we could spend some time together and talk,” she said.
“Now?”
“Unless you’re busy?” she asked. “I heard you say something about a hospital, so if this is a bad time.”
“No, this is a fine time. I was talking to the head of our charity, Callum McGregor.”
“What kind of charity?” she asked. My cock shifted in my pants as I watched her lips move. I wanted to taste them again. I was determined to do just that. To do so, I knew I’d have to play it cool.
“It’s a cancer research charity, named after our little brother. Ian and I started it together this year, in honor of Lennon. We raise money to donate to the leading doctors and scientists who are working to find a cure.”
“That’s amazing,” she replied. “So you’re going to a hospital?”
“Every time Ian and I are in town, we visit the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. They treated Lennon. The doctors there were incredible. We go back when we’re in town to visit with the kids there, give back a little.”
“That’s so nice of you two.”
“It’s good for us, actually. We spent a lot of time there during Lennon’s illness. I feel close to him when I’m there.”
“That must have been so hard for you,” she said softly.
“It was,” I said, the familiar wave of pain washing over my heart. The anguish of losing Lennon was the only pain I didn’t push away. I wanted to feel it. I was afraid if I didn’t feel it, his memory would fade. “He was only five when we lost him. It just wasn’t fuckin’ fair.”
“Cancer is never fair. Death isn’t fair,” her eyes clouded over.
“That’s bloody true,” I said. “You lost someone, too?”
“Yes,” she replied, her eyes filling with sadness. “My mother. She died of breast cancer when I was ten.”
“Ah, fuck. I’m sorry, luv,” I said. “Fucking cancer…”
“Yeah, I know…” she replied.
“Where’s your dad?” I asked.
“He died. After my mom died, he went downhill. He couldn’t handle it. His alcoholism caught up with him a few years later.”
“That’s too bad, luv, I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Thank you,” she said, her eyes filled with sadness. I wanted to pull her in my arms and comfort her, but she looked away.
“So, who runs your charity?” she asked.
“It’s a big job. I needed someone I trusted, and well…it’s a long story, but I owed Callum McGregor. Putting him in charge was an attempt at paying a debt that can never really be paid.”
“What do you mean?”
“Callum and I go way back. We were friends in grade school. The three of us were thick as thieves, Ian and Callum and I. Callum had a younger sister. Her name was Ally,” I said. The crack in my heart pulsed with pain as I said her name. I hardly ever talked about her anymore. “Ally and I started dating in high school.”
“Oh? And how did that work out?”
“It didn’t. It was a bloody tragedy. We were so in love, though,” I replied, the memories washing over me. Her bright blue eyes and red hair shined so brightly in my memory, sometimes I felt like I could still reach out and touch her. “We were inseparable. She was amazing, actually - beautiful, smart, funny. The only girl I’ve ever loved. But then, a few years later, Ian and I got our first record contract. The record company decided a girlfriend was bad for my image, so we weren’t allowed to be seen together in public anymore. Within weeks, we were being shipped off all over the world, and Ally was left behind. When I did see her, it wasn’t for very long and we were forced to be hidden away from public view. It was ridiculous, and I shouldn’t have stood for it. But I did. I was so bloody young, and fuckin’ stupid in the way that only youth can make you stupid. The record deal was everything to me, and I let my relationship with Ally slip away.”
“That’s so sad,” Catherine said.
“It is. I wish that was all there was to the story, but it only gets worse. I was a fuckin’ cad, and I should have been more graceful about the break up, but instead I just let things fade away without ever really talking to her about it. She was left behind, and she started drinking. A lot. One rainy night, she was on her way home from a tavern, and she wrapped her car around a pole. She died instantly.”
Catherine gasped and her eyes filled with sympathy.
“I’m so sorry, Liam,” she whispered, laying her hand on mine. The warmth felt good, despite all the pain that thinking about Ally brought back.
“Thanks, luv. I feel totally to blame, but there’s nothing I can do to bring her back.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Liam,” she said, her eyes staring practically straight into my soul. I looked away. I couldn’t look at that, the pity that I saw there was the last thing I wanted her to feel for me. I shouldn’t have told her so much, but there was something about her that made me open up, despite everything.
“So,” I said, trying to change the subject. “I gave Callum McGregor the job of running our charity. He and Ally were very close. She was his only sibling. He needed a job and I wanted to do something, anything at all, that I could to help his life out.”
“That’s very good of you,” she said.
“Ah, well there you go,” I said.
“What?”
“You remarked earlier that I couldn’t be all bad. Now you see there’s a little light in my evil, darkened soul after all.” I winked at her and she silently smiled back. The electricity between us sparked and I felt something I hadn’t felt in quite a while.
I wasn’t even able to come up with a name for it, but it felt really fuckin’ good for a change.
“Can I come to the hospital with you guys?” she asked. “I think it’d be good for the story to show a different side of you.”
“No way, luv,” I replied. “No press allowed. It’s the one thing Ian and I agree on. Our time at the hospital has nothing to do with the tour or our careers. So, you’ll have
to find something else to do while we’re there. The hotel is right next door to the hospital.”
“Oh, okay,” she nodded. Silence fell over us, the bus swaying from side to side as it traveled down the highway, the wheels humming a familiar song, while her hand laying on top of mine completely unfamiliar.
It felt good.
It felt peaceful.
My cock twitched in my pants, ever present and undeniable. I turned my hand around and laced her fingers in mine, squeezing lightly. She squeezed back, and we sat there next to each other, staring out the window and watching the rest of the world fly by.
Fifteen
CATHERINE
Ian and Liam headed over to the hospital as soon as they got off the bus. I stood in front of the bus, watching them walk away, strolling side by side quietly, as if the fighting earlier hadn’t happened at all. The rest of us disappeared into the hotel to check in. I dropped my bags in my room, changed clothes and took a stroll to stretch my legs.
We’d been on the bus for hours, just stopping briefly a few times along the way. Liam and I had spent the better part of it together talking quietly, and I’d stepped off the bus with a completely different view of him.
After all he’d told me, he now seemed even more human than ever.
I’d reached out and touched his hand when he told me about Ally, my heart breaking for him. Somehow, he’d managed to keep this story out of the countless articles about him. I’d done extensive research, and I hadn’t read one word about Ally. The pain that flashed in his eyes when he recounted the story was hard to look at. When he interlaced his fingers with mine, I let him. I had a feeling he didn’t exactly reach out to many people like that.
The sun was shining brightly and I inhaled deeply as I strolled along the gardens of the hotel, thinking about everything he’d told me.
I’d pondered how to approach this story. How to best portray the human side of someone who most people only knew as a one-dimensional figure. There was obviously a lot more to Liam than met the eye.
The bright Philadelphia sun burned my skin as I walked around the hotel and onto a trail that led to a large park. The skirt of the airy yellow sundress I’d changed into back in my room fluttered around my legs. The edge of the park lined one side of the hospital and I took in my surroundings as I approached. It was filled with kids from the hospital. Some being pushed in wheelchairs by parents or nurses, some wearing hats over their obviously bare heads, some being helped along as they walked slowly down the paved paths that wound around the park and around a large pond.
I strolled around the pond slowly, Liam’s words echoing in my head. I wanted to show everyone how human he was, but I wasn’t sure how to do that without revealing some of the personal things he’d shared. Surely he knew I’d want to use that information. But somehow, it felt like a betrayal.
I rounded a corner and stopped in my tracks. A few yards ahead, Liam was sitting on a bench, a book in his lap and a very young boy sitting next to him, hanging on his every word. Liam read aloud, his face animated and full of happiness. He looked completely relaxed and at ease. The deep lines that were a usual fixture on his forehead had disappeared, and his eyes shone brightly with joy as he looked down warmly at the boy as he turned a page, the two of them oblivious to anything but each other.
I took out my phone and snapped a quick picture of the two of them. I’d send it to Liam later as a gift. Quickly, I turned around and headed the opposite way down the path. The last thing I wanted to do was break up a moment like that. I slipped my phone back in my purse and turned my face up to the sun. The fresh air filled my lungs, refreshing me. If felt good to feel the heat on my skin, to stretch out and be alone with my thoughts. I continued my stroll back to my room, my steps slowing as images of Liam filled my head.
The more I learned about him, the more I wanted. I felt like I’d only begun to scratch the surface. The question was, how deep was I willing to go?
If I was honest, I’d tell you my boundaries were pretty flexible right now.
If I was honest, I’d tell you that in the last few hours, I’d found it increasingly hard to stay objective and professional. His kiss from last night had stayed with me all day. Talking to him alone, away from the energy of everyone else - Ian, fans, managers, and all the other people in his orbit - had given me a glimpse of the real Liam.
And so far, I liked what I saw.
Sixteen
LIAM
Callum McGregor and Ian sat across from me in the hospital cafeteria. Being in this hospital was always comforting. Ian and Lennon and I had spent many hours in this cafeteria, and we sat at Lennon’s favorite table by the window that overlooked a pond filled with ducks. The sound of Lennon’s laughter came rushing back to me, and I smiled. I missed that kid fiercely. He was always happy, always curious, always asking questions about everything around him. He’d never once complained about all the painful treatments he had to go through. He’d never even asked why.
I had, though. I’d cursed God and the Queen and everyone else I could think of. Our family was torn apart after Lennon’s death, but during his illness, we’d banded together for him. It wasn’t till after he was gone that everything went to shit.
“How’s the charity going?” Ian asked Callum. Callum was a sad sack of shit, but I loved him. His life was a mess, but so far, he’d done a good job of running the charity. We raised millions of dollars at fundraisers held all over the world and gave a huge portion of our earnings to the charity. Callum was in charge of identifying the leading cancer studies on the most cutting edge treatments that we could help fund and making sure that money got to them. Ian and I had insisted on funding not only the most well-known scientists, but also funding the smaller, more obscure ones that were doing more experimental work. Our goal was to help find a cure for cancer. We didn’t care where that cure came from.
“It’s doing great, Ian,” Callum said. Callum was a skinny, nervous chap, his hands always flying around as he talked, his eyes darting back and forth between the two of us.
“Have you heard any promising news from any of our funding recipients?” I asked.
“They don’t keep me in the loop too much,” he said.
“Keep you in the loop? Just go visit them. We are giving them millions of fuckin’ dollars, for fuck’s sake.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t like to bother them.”
“I hardly think a phone call or a quick visit would be a bother, Callum,” I replied.
“Of course, of course. I do keep in touch with them, don’t get me wrong.”
“Right. Did you get those fiscal reports to the accountant?” Ian asked. “He called me the other day and said he hadn’t received them yet.”
“We were having some computer problems in the office this week. I’ll get them over to him as soon as I can.”
“Okay, great. Well, is there anything you need from us?” I asked. Being in the same room with Callum was never pleasant. He had Ally’s eyes and it was unnerving to look at him. He was a stark reminder of a past that I tried hard to forget.
“No, I don’t think so. The money is flowing smoothly, everything is going great, and maybe someday someone will find a cure.”
“We’re bankin’ on it, mate,” Ian said, patting Callum on the back. “Thanks for keeping the ship afloat, brother.”
“My pleasure,” Callum said. “It’s good to see the two of you.”
“You too, Callum,” I said, standing up to leave, and shaking his hand. “Is that a new watch?”
“Oh,” Callum said, pushing his shirt down over what looked to be a very expensive rolex. “Yeah, a present from my Mom.”
“Oh, and how is your Mom, Callum?”
“She’s doing great, thanks,” he replied.
“Wonderful, give her my love,” I said.
“We’ll see you at the show tonight, right? You get your tickets?” Ian asked.
“Sure did, Matt sent them over.”
“Great, s
ee you there,” I said, as Ian and I turned to walk away.
“Well, at least Matt did something right,” Ian muttered.
“He’s the worst manager ever,” I replied. “Even worse than the last two.”
“Yep,” Ian said, his voice laced with irritation. “We’re digging out of the bottom of the barrel, it seems.”
“Yeah, that’s my fault, right?” I asked. Ian’s disappointment in me was always evident, always right on the surface.
“Pretty much, Liam,” he said. “I guess most people who sign on to be a tour manager don’t fancy getting death threats.”
“Right,” I said, falling silent as we walked back to the hotel. The bright sunshine blinded us as soon as we walked outside. We put our sunglasses on and put our heads down, hoping to avoid being recognized by anyone during the short walk to the hotel. We usually had Big D with us, but Ian and I insisted on visiting the hospital completely alone. Big D was a big, scary guy, and the kids at the hospital had enough fear in their lives.
“How’s everything going with Catherine?” Ian asked.
“I don’t know. I’m sure I’m probably screwing that up, too.”
“Yeah, you probably are.”
I laughed, in spite of myself.
“You’re such a wanker, Ian.”
“Just make sure you keep your pants on, at least. The last thing we need is another article about your sexual prowess.”
“Oh, come on, mate! It’d be a smash hit!”
“Right. Well, if you want to be sure we ever have another smash hit, then you’d better be on your best behavior with her. She could make us or break us.”
“I hardly think one little story could hold such power, Ian.”
“It’s not the story we’re worried about, Liam. It’s your fucking reputation. As a professional. Interest is waning, ticket sales are down, and nobody wants to work with us. Get your shit together, or we’ll be shovelin’ shit instead of swingin’ that ax, mate. If I have to get a real fuckin’ job because of your shenanigans, I’ll shove my boot up your ass!”
