by Nikki Wild
To my surprise, Catherine followed me and sat down beside me.
“Hey,” she whispered. “How’s the hand?”
“It’s fine” I shrugged.
“Will it interfere with your playing?”
“No, I missed my fingers. I should be fine if I keep it covered.”
“That’s good,” she added.
“Yeah, I guess…” I had no idea what to say to her. I knew what I wanted to say to her. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to tell her that I really wasn’t such a fuckin’ bullheaded prick. I wanted to ask her to fuckin’ help me escape this hellish existence. But all those words were pointless. She’d still be looking at me with pity in her eyes. She’d still look at me like a fuckin’ puppy dog she felt sorry for. I didn’t want that. I wanted her to look at me like I was a fuckin’ man. The way she had yesterday, and the day before that. Before I’d fucked everything up beyond belief.
“Can we talk? Somewhere more private?” she asked. I knew I’d confused her. I knew I’d hurt her. But I’d pulled away to save her from getting her heart broken. And yet, here she was looking at me like there was still some kind of hope for something between us.
“Maybe later,” I said, standing up and walking back to the bedroom of the plane. I couldn’t bear looking at her. I couldn’t handle seeing what I’d done to her reflected in her eyes. I already knew what a selfish prick I was, I didn’t need to look in the mirror.
“I’ll hold you to that,” she said to my back.
I closed the door without meeting her eyes.
Thirty-One
CATHERINE
A deep sigh escaped my lips as I watched Liam close the door, shutting himself off from everyone once again. I had no idea what he was going through, but it was heavy. It hurt to see the way everyone shunned him, but I didn’t blame them. Hell, I’d only been hanging around a few days, and it was too much to take. I couldn’t imagine what they went through if he was like this all the time.
I looked around at the others, and they were all lost in their own thoughts. Rocket was staring at his phone, Rhys and Slade were in a corner looking out the window. Ian and Rhone were snuggled up together and talking quietly. None of them had said much to me at all, and I felt like a huge outsider today. They were probably all wondering if I was going to write about last night’s antics in my story.
Hell, I was wondering the same thing.
At this point, I was so confused, I had no idea what to write. But our flight today was almost two hours, so I figured now was just as good a time as any to start. I pulled out my laptop, hoping the words would come.
I checked my email before I got started, and saw there was a message from my assistant, Lydia.
“Catherine, I’ve begun verifying the information you sent me about The Lennon Foundation’s charity contributions. I’ve called three of the recipients on the list, and the amounts aren’t matching up. According to them, The Lennon Foundation has only donated $500 to each of them, not the millions listed. It’s a large discrepancy, so I thought I’d give you a heads-up right away. I will check the rest and get back to you.”
“Let me know right away,” I replied, staring out at the clouds we’d ascended above.
That is so weird, I thought, there must be some mistake. I contemplated if I should tell Liam or Ian right away, but since the tension was so thick in the air you could cut in with a knife, I decided to keep my mouth shut until I knew more. Callum probably just sent me the wrong information.
I opened a blank word document and stared at the blinking cursor. Where should I start? What words could ever be accurate enough to describe Liam? I started typing, hoping something would work.
“Liam Mercury is abrasive, arrogant, and stubborn…”…No, that’s not right.
“Charismatic, confident and cocky, Liam Mercury has all the characteristics of your typical rock star…” No, that’s awful, too.
“His cock is even bigger than you’d imagine. When it slides into you, his skillful strokes will make you think you’ve died and gone to heaven…” I swallowed hard, my hands trembling as I remembered the feel of Liam on top of me, moving inside of me, his magical cock putting me under its spell.
I slammed the laptop closed. Maybe later I’d be more inspired.
Although the thought of his cock was very inspiring, I was writing for Rolling Stone, not the Penthouse Forums.
I looked out the window again, and let my thoughts drift away, my mind and body both remembering how it’d felt to have Liam’s hands on me. I wasn’t sure what happened to make him pull away. I wasn’t sure if it would ever happen again.
But I was sure I would never forget it.
***
The show in San Francisco went off without a hitch. No violent outbursts. No changed lyrics. No surprising kisses after the show, either. Just a lot of people left loving them even more and wanting them to go on all night long.
Just as well, I thought, as I watched Liam leave the stage and head towards his dressing room.
Rhone and I walked together back to the dressing rooms.
“How’s the story going?” she asked.
“It’s not,” I replied, with a sigh. “Things kind of went awry, if you hadn’t noticed.”
“Liam is a hard nut to crack,” she replied. “You got closer than most women do.”
“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.”
“Yeah, I understand. It’s a compliment, though. I can tell he cares about you, Catherine. Maybe that’s the problem. He doesn’t usually let people under his skin.”
“I was beginning to think he did, but his behavior the last twenty-four hours begs to differ.”
“Hang in there. Maybe he’ll come around. He’s a moody bastard, just like his brother.”
“How do you live like this?” I asked.
“You get to used to it,” she replied, with a smile. “It’s not so bad. After awhile, the fights don’t faze you. They fight all the time, but they make up just as quickly. They’ve been like this all their lives. And I guess the other bandmates have gotten used to it over the years, too. Although, I’ve never seen Liam hit anyone, so that was a surprise last night.”
“I have no idea why he did that,” I replied. “Did he tell Ian?”
“You don’t know?” she asked.
“No…”
“He did it because he was jealous. He saw Rocket touch you, he was drunk, and he freaked out.”
“Oh, god. Because of me? I feel awful,” I replied, my stomach sinking.
“Don’t. Rocket can take it. Liam’s hand got the worst of it anyway. And you should take it as a compliment. I’ve seen Rocket and Liam pass women around like a joint. Liam never gets jealous. His reaction last night means he really likes you.”
“Lovely,” I replied, my voice laced with sarcasm. “Next he’ll be pulling my hair.”
I blushed as I said that, remember he already had.
***
Back at the hotel, the party was a little more subdued than the night before. Liam was nowhere in sight, however. I wandered through the suite looking for him, and then decided to go to his room. I couldn’t take the silence anymore.
When he opened the door, he was fresh out of the shower. His hair was wet, and he wore nothing but boxers. I suppressed a groan and smiled.
“Hey, can we talk?” I asked. He nodded and gestured for me to come inside.
I sat down on his bed, and looked up at him.
Fuck, I wish he wasn’t naked. My heart beat wildly as he towered over me.
“Not coming to the party tonight?” I asked.
“Nah. I figure I did enough damage last night.”
“How’s your hand?”
“Fine,” he said, holding up his bandaged hand. My eyes trailed along his forearm and up to his bicep, watching as the muscles flexed under his smooth skin. Long, wet locks of hair dripped small beads of water onto his toned shoulders, and I bit my lip, trying to push away the image of licking
them off.
“How it going?” he asked, sitting next to me. Waves of heat washed over me and I crossed my legs.
“Going?” I asked.
“The story? I’m surprised you’re still here. Haven’t you seen enough?” he asked.
“Ian, what’s going on?” I asked, wanting desperately to cut through the bullshit. “Did I do something to piss you off?”
“You? What could you have done?”
“Well, then I don’t understand. Everything was going so well. We were having so much fun.” God, I hated the way I sounded. Even more, I hated games and the silent treatment, and this was the only way I could see to get through that.
“Is that what it was?” he asked, his eyes narrowing.
“What?”
“It was just fun?”
“I - well - yeah, it was fun. Wasn’t it?”
“Sure, luv, it was fun,” he replied, looking away. I couldn’t read him. I wanted to. I wished I could get in his head and listen to everything he wasn’t saying.
“It was more than fun,” I whispered. He wouldn’t look at me now. “I don’t know what it was, Liam. And I don’t know what happened, but I thought maybe we were headed somewhere. Maybe that sounds crazy,” I said, standing up in front of him, my voice shaking. I desperately wanted him to look at me, I needed to see his eyes, his reaction to my words. “I know who you are. I see what your life is like. I didn’t have any illusion, Liam. But I let you in, and I thought, maybe just maybe there was a tiny sliver of a chance that it could go somewhere.”
His eyes flashed up to mine and then looked away again.
“You think you hurt me, but you didn’t,” I said, willing my voice to steady. “You think you can pretend what happened between us doesn’t mean anything to you. But I know better. Maybe you don’t know how to handle it, or maybe you just don’t believe in it. Maybe I’m crazy, and it wouldn’t work at all. But we’ll never know if we don’t try.”
“Why would you want to be with a man like me, luv? You see what an arrogant prick I am. You deserve better,” he said, his eyes crashing into mine, churning with all the confusion and pain I’d expected to see, for once not masked by his blanket of bravado.
“Because I’ve seen something else, Liam. Yeah, you’re full of yourself. Yeah, you think you have the greatest cock on Earth. But you’re more than that. You put all your needs to the side, just to keep the show going. You’re taking care of all the people around you, making sure families are fed, and that people have jobs, even though you desperately need to take a long vacation. You endure the toll it takes on you, physically and mentally, and then blame yourself when you collapse under all the pressure. You’ve given up having a family, or ever getting close to anyone, because you’re constantly moving. You’re not a bad guy, Liam.”
“You think you have me all figured out, don’t you, luv?”
“No,” I whispered. “Not entirely. But I think I’m beginning to.”
“Most people don’t take the time to look,” he said, his blue eyes softening, thoughtful, as he stood up from the bed, his tall frame towering over me again. “Most people only see what they want to see.”
“I’m not most people,” I whispered, staring up at him.
“No, luv, you aren’t,” he said. He reached up and his warm hand caressed my cheek. “And thank the Queen for that.” I smiled, melting into his touch.
“You’re right about everything. I don't know what any of this means, but maybe we can figure it out together?”
“That sounds like a good plan,” I replied, my heart soaring.
“Can you ever forgive me for being such an ass?” he asked.
“You’re already forgiven,” I replied.
“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful, Catherine,” he whispered, as he ran his thumb over my quivering lip. “I’m a fuckin’ idiot, but I promise I’ll try really bloody hard not to be again.”
“Deal,” I whispered, his kiss silencing me. It was so gentle, so slow, so soft, that it almost hurt, his strong arms pulling me in close.
We fell back on the bed, and within moments, my dress was pushed away and I was naked beneath him as he pulled off his boxers. He pulled himself back on top of me, his body sliding along mine deliciously, his lips finding mine again, our bodies seeking the closeness once more. He slid into me smoothly, his hips rocking against me slowly, sensually, my limbs trembling with desire as I savored every sweet inch of his hardness. His arms wrapped around me, his body clinging to mine as he thrust into me with wild abandon, our souls melting into each other, searching for the bliss together and finding the electric connection that I knew I’d never be able to walk away from.
My name escaped from his lips as he came, as I pulsed around him, my body quivering with love and lust and desire and happiness all at the same time.
The three words I longed to say lingered on my tongue, but I kept them silent. We needed to take this slowly, no matter how fast my heart was trying to race to the finish line.
Thirty-Two
LIAM
Wrapped around Catherine. That’s how I wanted to wake up every day of my life, I decided, as I opened my eyes. She was still asleep and her beauty took my breath away. I trailed a finger over the soft curve of her breast and she stirred. I rubbed my thumb over her pink nipple and smiled as it came to life under my touch. Her skin was smooth and warm as I slid my hand along her waist and over her hip and then between her legs, sinking my fingers into her warmth. She moaned, lifting her hips, welcoming me, opening her legs and turning over towards me.
Her eyes fluttered open and she flashed me a sleepy smile.
“Mmmm…good morning…” she moaned, as I gently pressed my thumb against her clit. I moved between her legs, pulling her thighs apart and tasting her. I groaned as she wiggled her hips, pressing into me, opening for me. My fingers slid in and out of her, her pleasure flowing over my hands as I sucked on her clit. She came quickly, easily, deliciously, pulsing against me.
I pulled myself up and she wrapped her thighs around me, pulling me in. I sank my cock inside of her, her tightness almost too much to bear. We moved together silently, the early morning light falling across her face as I watched her. She was so fuckin’ beautiful and she was even more beautiful with my cock buried inside of her. I wanted to dig in and never leave. I wanted to spend hours and days and months doing nothing but feeling her quiver around me, losing myself in her moans, her sweet pussy, her warmth.
But we’d slept in, way too long, and we didn’t have much time. I came quickly, and we rushed to get dressed and then Catherine ran to her room to pack.
“Wait,” I said, grabbing her hand before she walked out the door. I kissed her again, hard, purposeful. “Thank you.”
“For what?” she asked.
“For being so bloody cool. For forgiving me. And well, yeah, for the amazing sex, too, luv.” I winked.
“I should be thanking you,” she said, reaching down and fondling my still naked, still hard, cock. “For this.”
“All yours, luv,” I whispered, kissing her again. She squeezed lightly, and then turned and walked out the door. I watched her leave in amazement.
For once in my life, it appeared I hadn’t completely fucked up something after all.
This was a first.
I sighed and jumped in the shower, my head racing with possibilities. I had to go slow, take it one day at a time, in order to not freak either one of us out. I cared about Catherine, that much was true. I couldn’t pretend any longer that I wasn’t having feelings for her. I just didn’t really know what to do about them. I was shocked she was willing to give me a second chance, after all she’d seen so far. But listening to her words last night, seeing the way she looked at me, with understanding, without judgement…I’d never received that kind of kindness from anyone, and it had touched something deep inside of me, something that I wasn’t even sure was there anymore.
Today, we were getting back on the buses and heading to Los Ange
les. Most people hated LA, but it was one of the places in America that I actually liked. I had a house way up in the hills, and I was looking forward to spending my night there. Knowing I’d get to spend it there with Catherine was even better.
The tension between me and the rest of the band seemed to have lightened today. We all said friendly hellos and while Rocket was still ignoring me, I was happy to see that the swelling in his eye had gone down considerably. I contemplated apologizing, but it was probably best I just leave him alone. We’d talk later.
We all walked on to our waiting buses, and I was once again alone with Catherine.
We retired to the back of the bus and made love the entire ride to Los Angeles. Yes, the entire six hours. We came up for air a few times, hydrating ourselves, eating and napping a little, but now that I had her back in my arms, I was having a very hard time untangling myself from her.
***
“This is amazing,” Catherine said, as I opened the front door. Everything was just as I’d left it. High up in the Hollywood Hills, perched on a cliff that overlooked the city, all glass, sleek and sophisticated - this house was the thing I loved the most in America. You’d never find anything like this in London, where I spent most of my time hiding from the dreary rain in my penthouse, when I wasn’t on tour, which was rare.
“I bought this house five years ago on a whim. Ian discouraged me, telling me it was ‘impractical’ but I did it anyway,” I explained. The best thing about it was the seclusion. A huge gate and a long winding driveway up a steep hill provided me with the utmost privacy.
And the best view in town.
“You have too see the lights,” I said, leading Catherine through the house and into the backyard. She was in awe, and I loved it. I was proud of this place. We stepped out onto the patio, and she gasped at the view. The sun was setting in the horizon, pink and purple streaks shooting through the sky, with the lights of Hollywood sparkling in the distance.
