by Lucy Monroe
She’d been engaged to Hyatt, but she’d never bound him to the bed. She’d been a sexual powder keg waiting for the right spark and Ethan had been more like an inferno. And that’s what bothered him. His response had been over the top. He enjoyed mind-blowing sex as much as the next man, but he always stayed in control and he couldn’t do his job while he was at the mercy of an overactive libido.
Sex was fine. Hell, sex was great…he’d had it with other women on the job. Sometimes for the job, but he had to turn the intensity down a notch with Beth. Or he wasn’t going to be able to keep her safe. And that was not an acceptable scenario.
Definitely no more handcuffs.
And on that note, he finally fell asleep.
Beth slid another surreptitious glance at Ethan. Doing a great job of ignoring her and the interested looks he received from the other female passengers and their flight attendant, he was working on an expert-level Sudoku puzzle. The man did nothing in moderation. Not his job. Not his sports activities. Not his brain teasers. Not sex. Nothing.
So, why had she felt he was holding something back this morning when he woke her up for a quickie before they went to the office for a couple of hours prior to catching their flight? Her orgasm had been spectacular, though she hadn’t cried afterward again. Thank goodness. His had seemed pretty darn good, too, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d stepped back from her.
The restraints had been nowhere in evidence when she woke up, not that she wanted to try that soul-shattering experiment again anytime soon, but he’d put them away. Why? And he’d barely talked while exciting her body to a fever pitch and then sending her over with him inside her.
He hadn’t been cold, or anything. He’d smiled at her and insisted on making her breakfast. But he hadn’t been warm either. Or maybe that wasn’t the right word. Affectionate. He hadn’t been affectionate and he’d neatly sidestepped any attempt she’d made in that direction.
He was so good, she hadn’t realized at first that he didn’t want her touching him outside of the bedroom. His subtle movements to avoid her had only registered as he’d taken her arm to lead her onto the plane and she realized it was the first time he’d touched her since they got out of bed that morning.
She’d stilled and almost pulled away in an instinctive shock, but he’d whispered for her ears only, “It starts now, Beth. I’m the possessive boyfriend, remember?”
And that’s when she’d realized. He hadn’t let her touch him at his apartment. He had avoided touching her in the office. He’d touched her on the plane, but that was because it was showtime. She didn’t know who he thought was going to see her on the flight, but apparently, he’d decided that now was the time to start acting in character. Which only underlined his earlier behavior in bold black.
She turned to look out the window, her thoughts in turmoil.
Because along with the realization that Ethan did not want her touch outside of the bedroom was the disturbing revelation that she wanted to touch him with affection. She wanted to be touched. He’d told her what they had was only sex, but she hadn’t let herself really think about what that meant. Now, she had no choice.
She’d thought it didn’t matter that his primary reason for going to bed with her was the case, but now she knew it did. Ethan would do whatever it took to succeed in bringing down Prescott, but that didn’t extend to pretending affection for her he did not feel. Because he didn’t think he had to.
After all, hadn’t she told him she didn’t want love and happily ever after, or even a good run at it? Apparently, he’d taken that to mean she wanted nothing more than the overwhelming pleasure she found with his body. And really, that’s almost basically what she’d told him, wasn’t it?
Welcome to the real world of sex without commitment, Beth. It hurt. She didn’t want to love him. Refused to consider even the possibility, but she hadn’t expected this no touching outside of the bedroom except for the case thing. She’d had no idea what to expect, if she were honest.
Alan had loved her and she’d loved him and that had extended to all their time together. Ethan had none of those feelings for her. At best, he cared for her like a friend, but he was not a touchy-feely person. That meant he wasn’t going to hug her shoulder, or brush her nape, or hold her hand—he wasn’t going to offer or accept any of the casual touches of affection she craved. Except for the sake of the case.
Why did that hurt so much? Why did facing a reality she had known existed before she ever flashed him with her panties make her feel wounded and vulnerable? She wasn’t vulnerable to him. She wouldn’t let herself be. And she had no business feeling wounded by actions that were in keeping with everything he’d said to her, everything she knew about him.
But she felt cheap and that was an ugly feeling. She couldn’t let herself feel used. It had been mutual. They had both derived pleasure out of the other’s body. But he was more prepared to deal with commitment-free sex than she was and she was just waking up to that fact. Was she dumb, or just a little blind when it came to her own limitations?
He didn’t need the trappings of a relationship to enjoy her body. And she was going to have to learn to deal with that reality because she didn’t think she had the strength to turn him down for sex. Not now that she knew what happened when they touched. Fantasies were not enough anymore.
They picked up a car at the airport and then checked into a hotel on the western edge of the metropolitan area, so their drive to the coast the following morning would not be hampered by city traffic. There was only one bed in the hotel room and while it wasn’t as big as Ethan’s monster bed, it was king sized, dominating the room and Beth’s thoughts with its presence.
“You ready for the interview tomorrow?” Ethan asked from behind her after engaging the safety double lock on the door.
She shrugged. “I’m not worried about that part.”
“Not at all?”
“Why should I be? I’m perfect for the job and I just have to remember that.” Funny how her preoccupation with her pseudorelationship with Ethan made everything else sort of pale in significance on her internal anxiety meter. She didn’t feel even sort of nervous about tomorrow.
“Not worried about playing the role of a woman with an overly possessive boyfriend anymore?”
She turned to face him, hugging herself so she wouldn’t reach out to touch him. They were alone now, no longer on the stage of their pretend life together. “No. I think we’ve got the act down.”
He snorted at that. “We haven’t even started.”
“I’d say that after last night, we’d more than started.”
“That wasn’t part of the act.”
“Whatever you say.” She wasn’t going to argue with him over it.
Maybe he didn’t see it that way. Maybe for him, it was enough that he genuinely wanted her, so he didn’t see the timing and the fact their relationship was bound to the case as actually being part of the act for the case. Whatever his reasoning, she wasn’t about to get into a drawn-out discussion about it.
He tipped her face up with a fist under her chin, his green gaze penetrating hers. “Something bothering you, Sunshine?”
She moved away from his touch and headed for her suitcase. “Nothing you need to worry about.”
“If it’s going to affect your effectiveness on assignment, I do.”
She shook her clothes out and hung them up, mentally noting she needed to spot iron the jacket she planned to wear to the interview tomorrow. “I’m good to go with the assignment.”
“You tired?”
“Maybe a little.”
“It would probably be best if we forgo sex tonight and you get some uninterrupted rest.”
She paused in unpacking her case and then went back to what she’d been doing. “Whatever you think is best. You’re the agent in charge.”
He was silent for several seconds, but she just finished unpacking and then slid the small case in the bottom of the closet before turning t
o face him again.
He was watching her, an odd expression on his sculpted features. His eyes snapped to her face and he frowned. “I could use a run. I hate the enforced inactivity of being on a plane.”
“You weren’t exactly inactive. You did several sets of isometrics in your seat.”
“It’s not the same thing.”
“No, I don’t suppose it is.” Was he asking for her permission? No. Not in character…for either the pretend or real Ethan.
“Besides, if I’m going to leave you alone, I need to work off some of this extra energy.”
“That makes sense.” Not that she really thought it would be all that difficult for him.
“You want to come?”
She shook her head. “I’m not a runner. I like my tae kwon do, but that’s about it. I’ll probably go to the exercise room and use their mats for a workout, or ride a stationary bike for a while.”
“I’d prefer you not go by yourself.”
“Why?”
“It’s not in character for me to let you work out alone.”
“I don’t think we need to be fully in character right now.”
“The sooner we start, the more natural the role will be for you to play.”
“You aren’t going to have any problem with the role. You said so.”
“I’m not the only one playing a role here.”
“My biggest responsibility is to react.” He’d said that, too.
“To an extent, that’s true, but you’ve also got to get in the mind-set of a woman who is used to asking her boyfriend about everything. We’ve been together two years…that would have affected your behavior some.”
“Okay…here I am asking: Do you mind if I work out in the exercise room while you go running?”
He made a sound of frustration. “I already said I’d prefer you not.”
“This is where I assert some of my dormant independence and say tough.”
He laughed. “Fine. If you’re sure you don’t want to go running with me instead.”
“You’re kidding, right? Even if I was used to jogging, I wouldn’t run with you. You’d leave me in the dust and the whole running together point would be defunct by the end of the first block.”
“I’d match my stride to yours.”
“And walk?”
He frowned, but didn’t say anything before grabbing his jogging shorts and T-shirt from his carryall. He took them into the bathroom to change and that surprised her, but she wasn’t going to say anything about it. When he came out, she tried not to look, but it was a lost cause.
The man had an incredible body. His long, muscular legs were exposed by his shorts and his tank top stretched snugly over his chest, making her mouth water.
“If you don’t stop looking at me like that, I’m going to choose a different form of exercise.”
“And that would be a bad thing?”
“I want you rested and relaxed at the interview tomorrow, not hungover from a surfeit of explosive sex.”
She’d never had so much sex she got a hangover from it, but she’d heard of that happening. “Are you saying that if we start, you don’t think we’ll be able to stop?”
“It’s a distinct possibility. You have a lot of years of fantasizing to make up for.”
The words pierced her mind, but it took a second for her to accept their meaning. “You think I’m sex-starved?” she demanded, her voice going up an octave.
His eyes widened. “That’s not what I said.”
“You may as well have. Apparently, I’ve gone too long without real sex and therefore would make too many physical demands on you, so much so that I would not be in any shape to interview tomorrow morning.”
“Settle down, little Beth, I—”
“Don’t call me that! I’m not little. I’m not a child. And I’m not sex-starved,” she finished from between gritted teeth.
Chapter 13
“I didn’t say you were, but after last night…you’ve got to admit the sex between us can get out of hand pretty damn easily.”
“I didn’t notice it getting out of hand, but then I wasn’t inside your brain, so maybe I just didn’t see our time together the same way you did.” He had seen that amazing experience as the result of a woman who had gone too long without sex?
Humiliated color scorched her cheeks. Because in one sense, he was right. She’s spent so long fantasizing about him that when he’d touched her, when he’d let her touch him…she’d lost touch with reality and found a whole new one. Only, she’d thought he had, too, at least to an extent.
“All I’m saying is that tonight would be a bad time for a sexual marathon,” he said with exaggerated patience.
She deliberately widened her eyes. “Did I offer to engage in one?”
He sighed, sounding exasperated. “No.”
She hugged herself tighter, fighting to hold in the embarrassment and anger that he could see her in that light. “Go running.”
“I don’t think we are done talking.”
“I get your message loud and clear. Don’t worry. Beyond that, this conversation has no further productive value.”
He looked like he might argue, but he didn’t. He turned on his heel and left the hotel room with quick precision.
She stared at the closed door for a long time, trying to grapple with this newly recognized element to having sex with Ethan. He denied thinking she was sex-starved, but what else would he call it? She’d thought that the intensity at least had been mutual, but he made it sound like he’d been reacting to her neediness. That was just so mortifying.
She was not needy. She was horny for him. There was a difference, but apparently he didn’t see it that way. She felt hollow inside, sick with embarrassment that he’d seen her acting out her fantasies with him in that light. She’d been so moved that he hadn’t made fun of her desires, that he’d catered to them, but now that all felt tainted.
It was bad enough knowing she didn’t have anywhere near the experience of his usual bedmates, but to discover he saw her as some sort of closet nymphomaniac was the absolute pits. How could she sleep in that bed with him knowing he thought that way about her? If she accidentally touched him in the night, he’d assume it was some kind of come-on.
The door slammed open and Ethan stormed back into the room, his expression stormy. She gasped, but didn’t get a chance to say a word before his hands gripped her shoulders and his mouth slammed down on hers.
She started to shove him away, but he wrapped her up close and kissed her until they were both breathing hard.
He lifted his head, his green eyes fixed to hers. “I do not think you are sex-starved. Last night was intense. Too intense for the safety of our mission and that came from both of us. You turn me on, baby. In ways no other woman has in a long time. I can’t afford to be sidetracked right now and neither can you.”
“So, no more sex?”
“No more mind-blowing, soul-destroying sex. We’ve got to keep it light.”
“Light. Right. Got it.” But no sex sounded easier than keeping it light. She didn’t know how to turn off her emotions, but she supposed he was an expert at it.
He shook his head and groaned. “You don’t know what you do to me when you look at me like that, do you?”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re trying to figure me out. That should make me want to turn and run, instead it turns me on.”
“I’m not trying to see into your soul, just figure out this light sex thing. I’m not sure I know how to do it.”
“We’ll figure it out, but no more bondage.”
“You didn’t like it?”
“I liked it too much.”
“Oh.”
“Remember, we want light.”
“Okay.”
“Now, I’ve definitely got to go run.”
“Because we can’t have sex tonight.”
“Right.”
“Not even light sex?” Oh, man…did that make her
sound needy and desperate?
Ethan frowned and stepped back. “I don’t think I can keep it light right now. Sitting beside you on the plane for hours…being with you now, it’s driving me crazy.”
“I thought you didn’t even notice me. You certainly had enough other female attention.”
“I didn’t notice.”
“But you’re saying you noticed me?”
“How could I not notice you? Your scent excites everything male and sexual inside me and having you close enough to touch is a major temptation.”
“So, you’re saying you’re the sex-starved one?”
He barked out a laugh. “Maybe. It’s been a while, that’s for sure.”
“How long?” she asked, helpless to hold the question back.
“Too long. Almost a year.”
“That’s unusual for you, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“But you’ve dated.”
“Contrary to what you obviously believe about me, I don’t do the nasty with every woman I take out.”
“But a year…”
“Almost a year,” he corrected.
“Almost. It’s still a long time for you.”
“I said it was.”
“I’m just confirming I’m not the only person in this room with a lot of sexual energy to burn.”
“Which is why I need to go for a run.”
“Have fun.”
He frowned at her, like a reprimand, but she just grinned back and shooed him out the door.
She felt tons better now that she knew he didn’t see her as a desperate female, starving for sex. Or if he did, they were in the same boat. She was not going to let it bother her that he might have tipped in her direction because he’d been too long without a lover. The sex last night had not disappointed him. It had been too much for his peace of mind on a case. He’d as good as said so.
For some reason she could not fathom, that made her feel proud. Like she’d succeeded at something his other lovers hadn’t. They would part ways after the case ended, but he wouldn’t forget her. And that was only fair, because she’d never forget him.
