The full moon and landscape lanterns provided soft lighting to the area, revealing the woman who was bound to him in ways he didn't understand. It was more than that they shared a child. It was more than sharing college memories. It was a soul-deep feeling that made him flinch and that he found difficult to ignore.
He didn't know what to say to her. He wasn't really sure what he wanted from her. But he knew what duty demanded and he'd give it his best shot.
He was about to step from the shadows, when Larissa turned her head to the right and brought the blossom of a hibiscus close to her face, inhaling deeply. What was she thinking?
"Can I join you?" he asked.
She turned toward him. He stepped from the shadows and waited for her permission to join her.
She shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest.
He sat next to her, leaving space between them. Though it was only a few inches, he knew the gap here was miles wide. His next words would have to build a bridge over it. But he wasn't ready. He was still angry that she'd never told him about Peter before now. He knew he needed to get past the anger and thought he'd been making some progress in that direction.
But sitting in his uncle's library and knowing those closest to him knew the mother of his child didn't think he was good enough to be a father—well, hell, it hurt. And he'd reacted the only way he'd ever learned—by lashing out and hurting back.
Hurting the one woman he wanted to protect. She looked fragile sitting here in the garden. But he knew she wasn't fragile. Larissa was a survivor. She rolled with the punches and kept plodding along with life.
She cleared her throat. "I'm sorry I ran out like that. I…"
Suddenly everything was clear and he knew, despite the anger and need for vengeance still pulsing through him, that marriage to Larissa wasn't just a right choice; it was a necessity.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I know you don't want to marry me."
"The thing is, I'm not sure I don't."
"What are you saying?"
"I wasn't prepared to have everyone know you thought so little of my fathering skills."
"Oh, Jake, I didn't."
"Of course, you did."
"Didn't you hear anything I said to you earlier?"
"About what?"
"My family. I never thought about you as a father, Jake. I thought about you as a man trapped by circumstance. And I was right, wasn't I?"
He cursed under his breath and stood, then paced away from her. He was a man trapped, but not so much by circumstance as by his past. By all the lousy decisions he'd made to get to this point. All the time when he'd put feeling good and having fun in front of responsibility.
It was time to get his act together in his personal life and he knew it.
He turned back to Larissa, who watched him with wide, wet eyes. He knew he'd hurt her. Somehow he hadn't expected her pain to cut him. But it did.
He strode back to her and took her hands in his. He sank down in front of her on one knee and looked up into those pretty blue eyes. Those eyes that usually showed her wit and intelligence, but tonight were guarded and vulnerable.
"Larissa Nielsen, will you marry me?"
Larissa wasn't sure what to say. Marrying Jake, well honestly, it was what she'd been secretly dreaming of since she'd first met him in college. But she'd also dreamed they'd have a huge wedding in Savannah so the old gossips wouldn't be able to talk. She'd wear an elaborate white gown similar to Princess Di's and she'd be the most beautiful woman on that day. It was a fantasy she'd devoted too much time thinking about. Despite Jake being down on bended knee, Larissa knew that responsibility was motivating Jake and not love or eternal devotion. And she knew that he was a good man. He'd already proved he could be a good father. And sometimes in life you had to take what was offered and kiss goodbye the secret dreams you'd harbored.
"Are you going to keep me hanging forever?" he asked, his voice low and husky. When she looked into those devastating dark brown eyes of his, she wondered if she'd ever be able to deny him anything.
She shook her head. He was doing his duty—darn it. She had to remember Jake was still angry with her for keeping Peter a secret for three years. Jake wasn't in love with her, and no matter what else happened, she had to protect her emotions from him. Because she knew from watching her mother's bitter experience that falling in love with an illusion was never a good thing.
"You don't have to do this," she said at last, forcing herself to look away from him. She looked instead out at the well-tended gardens. She and her mom had had a window box at the small duplex they'd lived in most of her life. One small box that they'd filled with annuals every year. And though Crofthaven wasn't Jake's childhood home, she knew this kind of garden—the kind that took a small army to maintain—was what he was used to.
Their lives were worlds apart and she wondered in her heart if they could ever make anything work between them. Even his original idea of them living together now seemed doomed. But marriage—marriage was sacred to her because she knew that when it wasn't right, too many people got hurt. Innocent little people that had no right being hurt by choices that adults made.
"Do what?" he asked, shifting closer to her on the ground. His arms circled her hips and tugged her closer to him. He didn't leave any space between them. She remembered what it was like to be in his arms and wanted to be there again. She'd never thought of herself as sex crazed until she met Jake. He made all her senses go on hyperalert.
He was so close and she remembered their earlier embraces. She still ached for him in this most basic way. She needed something from him that she wasn't sure she should take, because it would make her even more vulnerable.
"The down-on-one-knee proposal thing."
"It's for me as much as for you."
"Yeah, right. I heard you in the library, Jake. You don't want to marry me."
"Dammit, Rissa, you piss me off," he said, pinching her butt.
She swatted his hand away. "I know I do. So why are you asking me to marry you."
He wriggled his eyebrows at her. "You also turn me on."
"Is this a joke to you?" she asked.
He cursed under his breath and then hugged her tightly. "I can't explain it, but there's something about you I've never been able to forget."
Her heart melted a little at his words. He let go of her hands and cupped her face, bringing her face toward his. He brushed his lips over hers, softly, gently … seductively. Making her yearn for deeper contact between them. But she knew what he was doing, what he was trying to say with this kiss. And she returned it. Took control of the embrace, kissing him deeply.
Jake stayed at her feet and it was a heady feeling to dominate him. He was totally at her mercy. His head tipped up to hers; his body was under hers. Her emotions swirled out of control. She wanted more from him than this. She wanted—no, needed—something that he wasn't offering.
Something more than duty. She broke the kiss, taking deep breaths to try to remember that despite the garden and the moonlight, this wasn't a love story.
She wasn't the heroine in some happily-ever-after tale. Reality was that Jake hadn't wanted to marry her. It was only the pressure of the media and his family that had sent him out after her.
And despite his sweet words, she knew it was too soon for Jake to feel anything but anger toward her.
"What's going through that head of yours, Rissa?"
"Nothing you'd want to hear."
"I know I've screwed up one thing after another, but marry me and let me make this right."
"If we got married it'd be more business than romance, wouldn't it?"
"It would be what we made it. There's no one else in our relationship but us and Peter."
"I'm scared, Jake."
"Of what?"
"Of making the wrong decision and ruining Peter's life."
"I told you earlier that those shoulders of yours are too small to carry everything. Share that burden with me,
Rissa, I'm not going to let you down again."
Promise? She wanted to ask but didn't. Normally she wasn't this needy. Normally she wasn't this timid. Normally she made her decisions and lived with the consequences. But it was time to stop clinging to girlhood fantasies and start living in the real world. A world that included more than her and Peter.
"Okay, Jake. I'll marry you."
* * *
Jake figured it probably wasn't the best acceptance in history, but he knew it was good enough for him. He stood, pulled Larissa to her feet and took her in his arms.
But her fingers over his lips stopped him. "No, Jake."
"Why not?"
"I want this marriage to work for Peter's sake."
"I've never heard that sex screwed up a marriage."
"I think it would screw up ours. I can't think straight when you kiss me."
"Good," he said, lowering his head again. But she turned away from him and his lips barely brushed her hair.
"Dammit, woman."
"You're not listening to me."
"You're not saying anything I want to hear."
"I'm sorry, but I think keeping things platonic between us is for the best."
"Woman, who are you kidding?"
"Maybe myself. But it's important to me."
"Hell," he said, letting her go. She took a step away from him, but it didn't change the way his blood was racing. He was still aroused and could tell from her shallow breathing and flushed skin she was too. If he pushed her, he could convince her she was wrong. He knew it. And he suspected she knew it.
Why then was she saying no?
"I'm not letting this go. Honestly, I don't think we can live together without sleeping together."
"You may be right. But I'd like us to try it."
"I don't understand."
"It's because we have to get married," she said softly.
He waited, sensing there was more she had to say. Here was the Larissa he'd known in college. The quiet and contemplative woman who'd spent hours discussing world politics but had never said a word about her upbringing. Would he ever understand this woman?
Finally she bit her bottom lip and looked up at him. "I don't want to start thinking there's more between us than obligation."
He knew she was being serious. He wanted to respond to that, to take this discussion even deeper, but instead, all he could think about was her lips. The bottom one she kept nibbling on as she thought about what she was going to say next. He wanted to suckle on it, to tease away her solemn mood with a lighter one. A safer one. Because he didn't like where this conversation was going.
"More? Like what?" he asked at last.
She crossed her arms over her chest and tipped her head to the side, watching him with those wide expressive eyes of hers. "Like love."
Oh, no, not love. If the topic didn't change soon, he'd have to say to hell with it and force matters back into the physical realm, where he was more confident. "Just love?"
"The in-sickness-and-in-health, until-death-do-us-part stuff. I don't want to buy into this fantasy that I've had in my head for so long a time."
"What fantasy?" Did he have a starring role in this image in her head or was he a walk-on replacement? He suspected the latter.
"Oh, Jake. Don't make me tell you this."
He held his hands up. Far be it for him to force anything from her. "I'm not making you tell me anything."
"I know. Let's go inside and tell Peter we're getting married." She started walking out of the garden. Jake wasn't really ready to rejoin his family. Even though he'd convinced Larissa to marry him, he knew his dad still wouldn't be pleased.
"I'm not sure how much he understands," Jake said, letting her change the subject.
"He's pretty smart for his age. But you're right, I don't think he realizes we aren't married."
She kept walking and he had no choice but to follow her. Dammit, when had he become a coward? He took her elbow and led her up the path to the house. "He took to me being his dad really well."
"I'm sure the two shopping carts of toys you bought him didn't hurt."
"Hey, the kid had never been to Toys "R" Us, Rissa. I think that constitutes neglect," he said. Jake had never been to one, either. He and Peter had enjoyed their afternoon in the store immensely.
She pulled away from him and stopped. "Peter's not neglected."
"Hey, I was kidding. You've done a great job with our son. I'm proud to call him my boy."
"Sorry about that. Must be the single mom in me."
"Well, you're not a single parent anymore."
"No, I'm not. That's going to take some adjusting for all of us. And for all his easygoing nature, you wouldn't believe how stubborn he can be about things."
"Sure I would. He's your son."
"I'm not stubborn."
"What would you call it?"
"Determined," she said with a faint smile.
They'd reached the house, but she didn't enter. She stood there with her hands twisted together and waited.
He pulled her close for a quick hug and then opened the door to the house. Even though he'd never had any trouble sweet-talking women, suddenly he couldn't find the right words to use with Larissa. He was out of his element here and he didn't like it.
He led her back into the library. His folks were sitting on the floor with Peter, helping him put together a puzzle. Standing with Larissa at his side and watching his parents and son together, Jake felt like everything in his world had finally come together.
* * *
Seven
« ^ »
Larissa was glad to leave Crofthaven behind. She'd put Peter in the new car seat in Jake's big Suburban while he went to have a few last words with his father and Wes. It was odd to see Jake and Wes at Crofthaven, but they fit in there in a way she'd never imagined.
Nicola had recommended a Vegas wedding and would contact a few of the bridal magazines to come and photograph her for their spreads. Jake had taken over when they'd reentered the living room and she'd been happy to take a back seat to him. This whole marriage thing still felt very surreal.
She knew she was never going to sleep tonight. Too much had happened and she needed time to herself to figure it out. She'd never imagined that having a child with a man could make things so complicated. There were some papers she had to sign before they were married. The family lawyer, Jake's cousin Marcus, had recommended she get her lawyer to read them. Unlike the Danforths, she didn't have a lawyer. But she had a friend from college who'd become one.
According to Marcus, the papers were straightforward—your run-of-the-mill prenuptial agreement without too many complications. She understood why Jake had wanted a paternity test after reading it. Jake had more money and assets that she'd ever imagined.
She rubbed the bridge of her nose. She felt she was getting a migraine. She took Mr. Bear from her purse and tucked him into the car seat with Peter.
Though the hour was late, Peter was still awake. Meeting his family hadn't intimidated him at all. He was practically buzzing with excitement. She sat next to him in the back seat of the car.
"Did you know my daddy has two brothers and two sisters?" he asked her.
She pushed his hair back from his eyes. "Yes, I did."
"But one of my aunts is missing."
Victoria. Jake had told her a little bit about it earlier. They'd found a body in the attic at Crofthaven and the family refused to believe the remains might be Vicky's. But so far no proof had been offered. "I'd heard that as well."
"My grandmother—she said I could call her Granny—told me all about them."
"I'm glad. Do you like having all this family?"
"I guess. I'm tired, Mama."
"I know, sweetie. Why don't you close your eyes?" she suggested. He leaned against the side of his car seat. She had the idea it was going to take him a long time to settle down.
"Are they always going to be our family?" he asked.
She won
dered at that. But she knew Jake well enough to know that he wasn't going to let Peter out of his life now that he'd found him. "They'll always be your family, kiddo."
"What about you?" he asked. He reached for her hand and she gave it to him. He tucked it between his face and the car seat, leaning on her hand.
Though the angle was awkward, she didn't pull her hand back. She loved these moments when he just needed to be touching her. "What about me?"
"Aren't they your family?" he asked. Family. It was the one thing that had always eluded her. She'd created her own little safe unit with Peter, but anything larger scared her. "I guess so. When your daddy and I get married, they will be my family, too."
"What's married?" Peter asked as Jake opened the door and climbed behind the wheel.
"I'll explain more in the morning."
"Okay, Mama."
* * *
"You want to climb up front with me?" Jake asked.
"Sure," she said. She leaned over and kissed Peter whose eyes were finally beginning to droop. She got out of the car and moved to the front seat.
As she closed the passenger door, she heard Peter's sleepy voice. "Thanks, Daddy."
"What for?"
"For my family."
Larissa felt a pain deep in her heart. Of all the gifts that Jake had given Peter, he wasn't impressed with the money he'd spent at the toy store. He'd been impressed by the one thing she'd never been able to give him. And it hurt to realize that she'd been depriving him of it all along because of her own fears.
"You're welcome, buddy," Jake said, his voice low and husky. He reached into the back seat and ruffled Peter's hair.
They started the car and drove back toward Savannah in silence. Larissa's thoughts troubled her. She'd never thought of herself as selfish, never realized that she'd put her needs in front of her son's. She never acknowledged that the fear she'd always secretly harbored had driven her to isolate herself from others.
"I know this is kind of rushed, but I promise we'll have a nice wedding."
SIN CITY WEDDING Page 6
