by Ophelia Grey
I yanked at a stubborn knot, taking my anxiety out on my long hair as I impatiently worked the comb through the ends. By the time my hair was smooth, my scalp ached almost as much as my neck. I did feel better once I was clean and dressed in my new skinny Seven For All Mankind jeans and soft blue t-shirt. I quickly dabbed concealer on the bruises forming around my neck until I felt satisfied that I looked normal.
Not wanting to wake up Blake if he was still sleeping off the whiskey, I decided to head down to the kitchen for some brunch first. I padded down the hall in my cute Tory Burch ballet flats and followed the smell of coffee and bacon wafting from the kitchen. My stomach rumbled as I approached the platter of eggs and bacon laid out on the counter. I definitely needed coffee, but food was my first priority. I piled my plate with bacon, eggs, and toast and grabbed a fork, ready to dig in.
“Grace? You have a visitor, dear.” Jane’s soft, creaky old voice interrupted my first bite.
I quickly swallowed the mouthful, turning to the old woman in confusion. A visitor? She must be wrong. I met all the clients in the city and no one from my old life knew my new address.
“Who is it?” I asked her dubiously, as Jane approached with a concerned expression on her face.
“He says he is your boyfriend and that he travelled all night to see you. Should I send him away?”
“No, um, can you have him meet me in the parlor?”
I cursed under my breath as Jane turned and walked back out. Daniel had somehow found me. His timing was somehow both terrible and perfect. I was feeling vulnerable and alone, and the thought of having someone who knew me, whom I could talk to, was incredibly tempting. But I really needed to talk to Blake Harrison and work through the events of the night before. I wanted him to know I didn’t blame him, but also get some kind of reassurance that he would never attack me like that again. There was something I needed to tell him. Something I had never told anyone, but now wanted more than anything to tell him. He had opened up completely to me—both in his vulnerability and his dangerous instability—and I had to find out if I could do the same. Could I finally have no secrets? Could I be my whole, honest self to another person, bared emotionally to Blake as I had been physically to him over and over?
But first, I needed to deal with Daniel. I gave one last regretful glance to my abandoned breakfast, then walked down the hallway to where, sure enough, Daniel was waiting for me in the parlor. We had never had the chance to discuss his betrayal and he deserved at least one final conversation.
“Gracie!” Daniel jumped up from the chair, where he was sitting nervously twisting his hands, and rushed towards me. “It is so good to see you. I’ve missed you.”
“Daniel!” I stepped towards him in disbelief, unsure of how to react. I had to admit to myself that seeing his familiar face smiling at me was a comfort that I had missed more than I realized.
He took a step towards me and reached out his hand. “Come home, Gracie. We can work out any problems. The past is the past and I love you. Your family loves you. Come home.”
The tears came unbidden, streaming down my face as Daniel wrapped his arms around me. I wasn’t sure whether I was crying out of happiness or sadness, but the emotions roiling and welling up inside me demanded release. I sobbed against Daniel’s chest, filled with memories brought on by the scent of his cheap cologne. Daniel was simple, and he loved the simple version of me. That was the easier version to love. Blake Harrison was confusing and complicated, but he loved the complicated me.
Maybe Daniel could love that version as well. I had never really opened up and given him the chance to love the deep, conflicted, and tortured version of Grace Martin. I was harboring a dark secret I hadn’t told anyone—was afraid to tell anyone. Maybe this was the chance to find out if my relationship with Daniel could grow, if he could accept me for who I really was while being the simple, sweet boy of my past.
“I would like to go home now for a while,” I finally managed to squeak out as my sobs subsided. “I just need to get my things and let my employer know.” The thought of telling Blake Harrison that I was leaving, especially after what he had done last night, filled me with utter dread.
“There’s no need. It has all been worked out. They will ship your stuff home and you can just come with me now.” Daniel took my hand in his and started to move towards the door.
“Wait, what do you mean?” I asked, pulling back on his hand until he turned back to look at me.
“Your employer called last night and said he thought you needed to go back home. We worked out all the details.” Daniel tugged my hand again. “Come on, the car is waiting for us. We can talk on the way home.”
I followed him, my feet moving mechanically as my mind spun circles. Blake Harrison had called Daniel last night. How did he know how to contact Daniel? Why was he sending me home without even saying goodbye? New tears sprung to my eyes as I realized that my lover, my mentor, the man who had started to mean everything to me, was throwing me away without a second glance. I had been so foolish to think I meant anything to him.
I could barely focus on the first part of our trip. My mind replayed my last moments with Blake Harrison in an endless loop, trying to figure out how everything had gone so wrong. Daniel, meanwhile, prattled on about what I’d missed in Mercy River, at college, and with my parents. I tuned out most of it as my mind reeled from the sudden, unexpected change that tore me from my new life. I figured that nothing much happened at home anyway, and there would be plenty of time to catch up later.
“Can we stop to eat?” I finally asked, interrupting Daniel in the middle of his description of the huge football victory that had everyone in Mercy River all riled up.
“Yeah, sure thing.” Daniel smiled broadly and gave my hand a squeeze. “Driver, can we pull over at the next rest stop?”
We pulled off the highway to a rest area with a cluster of fast food restaurants. I followed Daniel into the grubby hamburger joint that seemed to ooze with the smell of grease. As we ordered our burgers and fries, I realized that I hadn’t really had anything but gourmet food in the months since I moved into the Harrison Estate. My lumpy fast food burger was somehow both repulsive and comforting.
We ate in heavy silence, the weight of all our unspoken words filling the air between us. I wanted to tell him the truth, but I knew this wasn’t the time or place. I needed to wait until we were back in Mercy River, where I could talk to him in privacy.
As we walked back to the car, Daniel draped his arm around my shoulder. “It’s so good to see you, Gracie,” he whispered sweetly. I didn’t respond, but leaned my head against his shoulder the same way I used to when we would watch movies in his dorm room.
I managed to sleep for most of the rest of our trip. Exhaustion overtook me quickly and I nodded off with my head on Daniel’s shoulder. I didn’t wake up until we pulled to a halt and Daniel gently shook me awake.
“Gracie, we’re home.”
The words sent a shiver through me. Was this still my home? I felt like I had two competing homes, but I didn’t belong in either of them. We were parked in front of my parents’ house, but they hadn’t come out to meet me. That wasn’t really their style, anyway. They would be waiting inside for me, sitting stoically on the couch with placid expressions on their faces like usual.
“Can we go to your dorm first?” I asked as we scooted out of the car. “I would like to talk to you privately.”
“Later, Gracie,” Daniel responded dismissively. “Your parents want to see us first.”
I nodded, feeling the horribly familiar sensation of submissiveness falling over me. I felt the new version of me—the strong, independent woman I’d become—shrink back and let the spell of Mercy River replace her with the obedient, religious girl I had once been.
Daniel led the way, holding tightly onto my hand. I felt the sticky sweat between our palms, despite the chilly November air. The house looked so much smaller than I remembered, with a shabby austerity that stood
in stark contrast to the faded opulence of the Harrison Estate.
“Hello, Grace,” my mother’s voice intoned blandly. She was sitting on the couch, her hands folded in the lap of her long cotton skirt as she regarded me with her rounded, emotionless face. I could have forgiven her apparent indifference if it was hiding any emotion, but I knew by now that her appearance was not an act. My mother cared about church, God, and the afterlife. Nothing much else mattered to her, even her own daughter. All that mattered was that I didn’t disgrace her.
“Welcome back.” My father at least stood up to greet me, but his body was tense. I had the feeling that Daniel had had to convince them to take me back despite my recent transgressions. I was grateful for that at least.
“It is good to see you both,” I responded quietly, looking down meekly and clasping my hands in front of me.
“Everything can return to how it was meant to be now,” Daniel said in a satisfied voice as he put his arm around my waist possessively. “Now that you are home, we can get everything back on track.”
“No, Daniel, there is something I have to tell you.” I took a deep breath and looked around at the three faces looking back at me. I had wanted to tell Daniel my secret first, in private, but maybe it was better to just get it out all at once. Maybe once they knew, my family would be more understanding of my struggle.
“What’s wrong, Gracie?” Daniel squeezed my hand gently and I looked up into his eyes, searching for something that would tell me he would understand.
“There is something I have to tell all of you.” I could feel my heart beating against my ribcage as I spoke, pounding the blood up to my face as I was about to reveal the deepest, darkest secret in my life and it made me feel like I was going to vomit.
“Do you remember when I worked at the church after school when I was younger, helping Pastor Rick with putting together programs and cleaning up after events? Well, something happened that I never told you, or anyone about. Pastor Rick, he started to tell me I was a pretty little girl and he would have me sit on his lap—and then he started to touch me.” I could feel my voice wavering as tears sprung to my eyes. I looked down, not wanting to see their faces until I had finished.
“This went on for about a year, with him touching me and telling me to keep it a secret between us and God. When I was twelve, I finally was able to convince you guys to let me stop working there and the abuse stopped. He never said anything about it, so neither did I. I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me.” My voice trailed off as I looked up into the three faces staring back at me with shocked expressions.
“Gracie…” Daniel put his hand under my chin and tilted my face up to his. He looked down at me with a gentle, loving expression that flooded me with relief. I had been so stupid to keep this secret from him all these years. “Honey, you’ve been through a lot recently. I know you must have experienced some horrible things out there. It is no wonder your head is all messed up. You’ll get better though, with our help.”
“What?” I yelled, pulling my chin back from his grip. “You don’t believe me?!” I turned to look at my parents with a pleading expression.
“Jesus will help you find your way again,” my mother said in a matter-of-fact tone that held no hint of sympathy.
“It is the devil that causes you to make such evil accusations, Grace. We can all pray for you and keep you away from the horrid place that put such ideas in your head. We’ll pray for you to find the goodness of God once again.” My father nodded and looked to Daniel, having made his decision that the conversation was finished.
Anger danced with despair in my heart as I saw the three faces looking at me with disdainful pity. Pity. Scornful pity, not for the abuse I had suffered, but for what they believed was the evil that would cause me to manufacture such a story. I wanted to scream and rage at them, call out all their hypocrisies and self-righteousness and let them know just how low they were. But I didn’t. I silently turned on my heels and walked right back out the front door to where Blake Harrison’s driver was still parked.
“Take me home, please,” I told him, climbing back into the back seat.
“Yes ma’am,” he replied, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips.
Chapter 12.
Even though I had just spent most of the day sleeping in the car on the way to Mercy River, I felt exhausted as we pulled back onto the highway. I realized that the driver had not slept the entire time either and was probably exhausted as well.
“We can stop for the night if you’re tired,” I said, trying unsuccessfully to stifle my own yawn.
He laughed. “No ma’am. I was in the military. I can go for up to three days without sleep. I should be able to get us back no problem.”
I sat back and looked out the darkening window, contemplating the rollercoaster of emotions and decisions that I had just experienced. All those years I had guarded my secret, afraid that no one would believe me. It turned out that I had been right. Would it have made any difference if I had told my parents the truth when I was eleven instead of waiting until now?
I shook my head, realizing that my heart already knew the answer. My parents would always trust the church and Pastor Rick over their own daughter. They could not comprehend a man of God being capable of such evil. The most painful part was finding out that Daniel was just like them. I had always held some hope in my heart that Daniel was different than the other folks in Mercy River. I thought he could be capable of seeing into my soul and loving me for all my faults. I could have forgiven his other failings, but not this. No, there was only one man who could understand my pain and could love me for all of me. I needed to get back to him.
Somewhere along the way, I fell asleep curled up on the long leather seat. The driver must have covered me with his coat when we stopped for gas, because I woke up with the first rays of the morning sun, curled up under his thick wool coat. I yawned, stretching out my sore limbs and looked out the window as the first rays of light bathed the scenery. The houses we passed were large and fancy, and the lawns were perfectly manicured. I realized we were almost there.
“How close?” I called up to the driver, who still appeared remarkably alert for having driven through the night.
“Only about twenty more minutes,” he replied. “I thought about stopping for breakfast but figured you would rather make it back as soon as possible.”
“Thanks.” I wanted to ask how he could read me so easily, but instead I looked out the window, watching as we drew closer and closer to the Harrison Estate.
It didn’t take long for us to reach the private road and drive down the familiar driveway that lead to Blake Harrison’s secluded mansion. I stepped out onto the familiar turf, allowing the fresh, chilly morning air to run over me, making me awake and alert for the conversation to come.
I thanked the driver hastily, but my guilt got the best of me and I quickly ran back to give him a big, warm hug before rushing to the door. I was freezing, but more importantly, I needed to find Blake Harrison and bear my heart to him.
Not stopping to say hello to any of the staff, I rushed up the stairs and down the hall towards Blake Harrison’s office. I knocked loudly three times, but there was no response. Gingerly, I tried the doorknob. It didn’t budge. I took off down the halls again and followed the long stairwell up to the next floor. I saw the gleam of light under the door leading to his suite.
“Blake?” I called out, rapping my knuckles against the solid wood door. “Are you in there? It’s Grace. I need to talk to you.”
There was a long silence, and I started to worry that he planned to ignore me until I went away. Just as I was about to knock again, the door opened and Blake Harrison stood there shirtless, with only a pair of jeans to cover him.
I found myself staring at his golden, sculpted chest, his perfect abs that were hairless except for a tiny trail leading down from his belly button into the fly of his fitted jeans. The man was really a perfect, masculine Adonis and it was incredibly dif
ficult to concentrate on what I wanted to say when he was standing in front of me without a shirt.
“Hi,” I finally managed to squeak out. “You look good.”
I saw a small smirk play at his mouth before the serious mask of concern replaced it. “What are you doing here, Grace?” he asked, his voice low and smooth. “You are supposed to be home in Mercy River with your boyfriend Daniel.”
“No!” I stamped my foot childishly. I was tired of being told what to do. “Mercy River is not my home, and Daniel is not my boyfriend. Blake, I don’t need to be protected or coddled. I belong here with you.”
Blake pursed his lips and then started to say something, but I interrupted him, the words tumbling faster and faster from my lips.
“I love you Blake. I know you have your demons, I know you will have to deal with them and so will I, for as long as I’m with you. And I want to, because I love you and want to help you. I believe that you will love me despite my demons as well. Daniel couldn’t.”
