Now, his concern seemed genuine and moving. Kate began to feel a new warmth toward Max and a little guilt over how she might have misjudged him.
‘I know Jack and he is a one-woman guy.’ He shook his head. ‘I saw Bina. I know what this has done to her and I told her that he was just talk. I mean, who would think Jack…’ Max stared at the picture displayed on the screen. Kate could feel him getting lost in it for a moment. ‘She is very pretty,’ Max said, and Kate took back any good judgment she thought Max had.
‘Well, I hope they’re very happy together,’ Kate said tartly. ‘I’m sure they share common goals and interests.’
‘Hey, he isn’t married!’ Max protested. ‘Even Jack isn’t that stupid.’
‘How do you know?’ Kate asked.
‘Read the e-mail,’ Max said and displayed the message from Jack.
What a place! The views are incredible, electronics are cheap, and the women are incredible and cheap. You gotta come! Money is king here and the dollar rules.
Kate didn’t bother to read any more of it. ‘He is disgusting,’ she said. She turned away and started to walk out of the apartment.
‘So you don’t think I should show this to Bina? Right?’
‘Right, Einstein,’ Kate said and ran down the stairs to her own place. As she walked in her door the phone began to ring. Kate grabbed it and saw Elliot’s number on the caller ID. ‘Shoot me in the head,’ she said into the receiver.
‘And a happy Memorial Day to you, too,’ Elliot said. ‘I didn’t catch you before you left school, but Brice and I are getting together with Bina on Saturday morning for the big renovation. Are you in?’
Kate hesitated for a moment, torn between the news from upstairs and her disapproval of the whole scheme. Wasn’t a makeover a kind of lie not much different from little Jennifer’s stories? It was a visual way of saying you were someone different. But Jack’s e-mail had shocked her. ‘I’m in,’ she said.
It was only after she hung up that she realized her commitment would mean canceling Michael. They spent every Friday night together, and each Saturday. After Steven’s unreliability, Kate appreciated the fact that Michael saw her every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday night. During the week they usually went to a movie and stayed at her house afterward. They alternated places on the weekends. Perhaps Michael was a little too routinized, because he always seemed upset when she had to change their schedule, and apologetic when he – though it was rare – had to do the same. Well, Kate would regret the pleasant, leisurely Saturday they would lose, but perhaps she could persuade him to work while she was off with her friends instead of on his usual Sunday night. She picked up the phone again and, a trifle uneasy, dialed Michael’s number.
19
Two days later, the Bitches accompanied by Brice and Elliot were walking down Fifth Avenue. They had all insisted on being a part of Bina’s makeover.
‘All I can say is it’s about time,’ Barbie said. ‘You’re starting to look like an orthodox Jew.’
‘It’s the hair,’ Brice agreed. ‘It looks like a bad wig.’
‘Brice!’ Elliot warned, before Kate could.
‘The truth hurts,’ Bev said, patting Bina’s arm and then her own tummy.
‘I think I need to, uh, go to the bathroom,’ Bina said. ‘I’m so nervous. Jack liked my hair.’
‘Not enough,’ Barbie said.
‘Don’t worry. They have a ladies’ room at Louis Lacari’s,’ Brice told her, and took her into a marble lobby. Kate shook her head. She had made it clear that she totally disapproved of this ridiculous idea but that hadn’t seemed to ever slow the rest of them down for a moment. She hated to admit it to herself, but that had shocked her. After all, the plan was crazy; she, not Barbie, Bev or Bunny, was Bina’s best friend; none of them knew Elliot or Brice; Elliot, her other best friend, knew she disapproved, yet the whole crew seemed to be disregarding her completely, except Brice, who now turned to her and said, ‘You know, while we’re here Pierre can cut your hair, too.’ She’d given up a day with Michael – would she have to live with his testiness because of this?
‘I don’t think so,’ Kate snapped. She loved her hair long. So had Steven and so did Michael. It was sexy, and easy to put up if she had to. Now, completely offended, she joined the party as they got onto the elevator to go up to the fourteenth-floor salon, overlooking St Patrick’s Cathedral.
‘Wow!’ Bina said as she stared out at the skyline. ‘It looks almost as good as Epcot.’ Kate rolled her eyes. Leave it to Bina – she’d compare the fake Disney version to the real and prefer the ersatz.
Brice didn’t bother with the view. ‘Pierre, please,’ he told the woman at the desk. ‘Tell him it’s Brice and we have a cut with him and consultation with Louis.’ Bev, Barbie and Bunny looked at one another, obviously impressed. All those years of reading Allure magazine had familiarized them with Louis Lacari, the god of hair color. And Brice had just called him by his first name. ‘Now c’mon. I think we can do everything your head needs here,’ he instructed Bina as he clutched her hand and escorted her to the stylist chair.
‘Except get it examined,’ Kate muttered. She looked over to Elliot but he just shrugged. Barbie, Bunny and Bev were right behind them. Kate was delighted that Bina was getting so much help and attention. It was just what she needed at a time like this. But oddly, she also felt a bit of envy. She had never asked for help when her crises with Steven had taken place, not that the Bitches would have been much help.
‘Do you really think this whole thing is a good idea?’ Kate asked Elliot. ‘You know it won’t change things between her and Jack. And it’s just getting her hopes up for nothing. I can’t imagine that the narcissist prince will go out with Bina anyway.’
‘Oh, come on, Kate. She’s got nothing to lose,’ he said as he held the door for her. ‘And at least she’s off your couch. And anyway, according to my statistics, the plan can’t fail. Figures don’t lie.’
‘But liars figure,’ she said and gave him her darkest look. As she watched Bina being led off to her appointment, Kate thought of Jennifer and her lies. Wasn’t changing yourself nothing more than an elaborate lie? What was the difference between a nine-year-old’s self-aggrandizing stories and Bina’s upcoming makeover? The big difference was, in this case, her friends were encouraging her and reinforcing her feelings of inferiority. Kate shrugged. Yet a small doubt persisted. If she herself had been beautiful – truly drop-dead, gobstopping stunning – would Steven have left her? Would Michael be more attentive? She put the thoughts from her mind, though she certainly had plenty of time to think about whatever she wanted.
Bina spent four hours at the salon. While they were there, Barbie got a good cut, Bev had a facial, and Bunny got a massage – as a belated wedding present from Brice and Elliot. Kate merely had a manicure, and didn’t even care for the color she had selected.
But it was Bina who was transformed. Her hair moved. It had been lightened a bit around her face, and then streaks of ash blond made the dark brown of her natural color glow. Kate was stunned by the subtlety and artistry of it. And the cut, a chin-length, undercut masterpiece, made it seem as if Bina had a head of moving light, a kind of nimbus of hair. Even Kate had to admit the transformation was remarkable.
‘Holy haircut, Batman,’ was all Elliot said, as he looked up from the papers he was marking. Bina giggled and shook her head from side to side. The nimbus moved like a saintly glow in a chapel. The receptionist and two cashiers ‘Ooohed’ and ‘Aaahed’ as they were paid to do. Barbie, Bev and Bunny kept cooing like demented pigeons. For an insane moment, Kate wondered if she should get her own head shorn. Maybe a haircut, a few highlights and a makeup makeover would…Kate took a deep breath. Then she got a grip.
‘Okay,’ Brice said. ‘We did the drapes. Now on to the upholstery.’ He looked at Bina’s outfit, an old Gap blouse and a charity skirt. ‘First stop, Prada!’ Brice called and the entire group got into two taxis.
Before Bina eve
n had a chance to take note of the ambience or the price tags she was standing in front of a three-way mirror while a saleslady pinned up the hemline on a skirt that – in Kate’s opinion – was already far too short and far too tight. It draped to one side, exposing a thigh. ‘Do you really think this is me?’ Bina asked the admiring group.
‘We left you back in your closet,’ Bunny told her.
‘Oh,’ Brice said. ‘Doesn’t being in the closet seem a bit harsh?’
‘How would you know?’ Elliot asked.
Barbie backed away from Bina and gave her an approving once-over. Kate remembered squirming under those looks back in tenth grade. Barbie liked what she saw. ‘Isn’t it nice to wear something red? It’s the new beige, you know,’ she confided.
Kate didn’t have a clue as to what that meant, but she thought that Bina looked ridiculous. But that didn’t stop them from buying the skirt and moving on to Victoria’s Secret. Brice picked up a Wonderbra and then handed it to Bina. ‘Here you go, honey,’ he said. ‘Every girl needs a little support.’
‘Don’t forget this.’ Bunny handed her a lacy black thong.
Bina looked down at the bra and dental floss in her hand. ‘I’m not wearing these.’ She lifted up the thong and held it two ways. ‘I…I don’t even know how to wear this,’ she admitted. ‘Besides,’ she added, ‘I’m not sleeping with him. My underwear isn’t relevant.’ She looked at Elliot; the only man in the store who seemed neither embarrassed nor interested. ‘The charts didn’t say I had to have sex with him, did they? Because I’m not doing that.’ Kate felt relief. They might all be crazy but at least Bina wasn’t self-destructive as well.
‘Honey, it’s not about having sex, it’s about feeling sexy,’ Brice said. ‘And if you feel sexy, you’ll look sexy to others. Right, Elliot?’
‘I plead the Fifth,’ Elliot responded.
‘Bina, you’re a Capricorn,’ said Bev, ‘and, trust me, they need all the help they can get when it comes to attracting men. See what it does for you.’ Bina disappeared into the dressing room and came out with her eyes bulging as much as her breasts were. She’d put her blouse on to step out of the dressing room but she hadn’t buttoned the top two buttons.
Barbie leaned forward and unbuttoned the third. ‘Now, that’s a nice rack,’ she said.
Bina stared at herself in the mirror. Then she turned to Kate. ‘I wish Jack could see me now,’ she said. Kate’s breast, unexposed, felt a stab of sympathy for her friend. Little cheerful Bina, a cupcake of a girl, now looked more like a pop tart and still thought of only Jack. She was doing all of this because of him, and Kate honestly couldn’t decide if it was an act of self-mutilation or love. Kate doubted that any of this would make a man like Billy Nolan want Bina. After all, she was still Bina-the-good-girl-from-Ocean-Avenue. At least, she decided, it gave Bina something else to concentrate on and who knew? Looking like a hot tamale, she might meet someone else. One thing that Kate did know was that while she could go on without Michael and even without marriage to anyone, Bina always had only one goal: marriage and children, preferably to and by Jack.
‘Hey. Turn around,’ Bev said. ‘Let’s see if there’s a panty line.’
‘How can there be?’ Bina asked. ‘There is hardly any panty.’ She turned as directed. ‘This is so uncomfortable,’ she said.
‘Beauty has to hurt,’ Bunny told her.
At Tootsie Plouhound Bina once again followed Barbie’s directives and bought her first pair of serious ‘fuck me’ sandals.
‘You need a low-cut top,’ Bev said, taking inventory of their progress to date. ‘I mean you’ve got ‘em, and you’ve lifted them, might as well show them. And you’ve always had a small waist so we should find something tight.’ She looked down at her own stomach. The Lycra she was wearing couldn’t be any tighter without crushing the fetus, Kate thought.
‘Yes, that would complete the outfit,’ Brice agreed.
‘Bina, wait a minute,’ Kate said. ‘How do you really feel about all of this so far?’
‘I feel like that thong could perform a colonoscopy,’ Bina answered. ‘I don’t know if it will make me think I’m sexy but I’ll be thinking about my crotch every moment I wear it.’
‘And so will every man you meet,’ said Brice.
‘But it seems so uncomfortable,’ Bina said.
Bev, overhearing them, laughed. ‘Try it when you’re pregnant.’
‘You’re kidding,’ Bina gasped, ‘you don’t – do you?’
‘Sure. Barbie and I call them crotch-eaters.’
‘If only my Bobbie would get the message,’ Barbie said.
‘More information than I require,’ Elliot said.
As the seven of them walked down the busy West Broadway sidewalk, Kate had to marvel at how seamlessly Elliot and Brice seemed to join in with her Brooklyn friends. She’d avoided this for years and never introduced Bina and the others to Rita, her friend from graduate school, or Maggie, a choreographer she’d met in her exercise class. Somehow she didn’t think a mix like that would work as smoothly and she suspected it was because Brice and Elliot were observing all this as they participated.
Kate felt distinctly uncomfortable. She had worked diligently for as long as she could remember to change her style, her look, her vocabulary…well, almost everything that she had believed didn’t reflect who she was or wanted to be. She thought she had succeeded in creating a unique persona. Hers, she felt was valid. Now watching Bina’s overnight instant transformation she wondered if it wasn’t valid as well, even if it had been overseen by others. After all, Kate had made all of the changes to herself based, in part, on what others – even if they were people in magazines or strangers she’d observed in Manhattan – had shown her.
As Elliot led the way to hail yet another pair of cabs, Barbie took stock. ‘Let’s see,’ she muttered. ‘Bra, thong, skirt, top, shoes, hair, nails.’ Barbie stopped and turned to Bina. ‘Okay, now the electrolysis!’ Bina froze in terror. ‘Just kidding, Binie,’ Barbie warbled. Then Brice grabbed Bina by the hand and pulled her into one of the waiting cabs.
‘Give me half an hour in Make Up Forever and I’ll have you looking like a queen,’ Brice promised.
A look of horror came over Bina’s face. ‘Not that kind of queen, Bina,’ Brice assured her.
‘I’m not changing my makeup,’ Bina protested as the cab pulled out into the traffic.
‘You have to wear makeup if you want to change makeup,’ Bunny said sharply. She reached into her purse and pulled out a lipstick tube. ‘Just try a little of this.’
‘Oh, leave her alone!’ Kate begged. She wondered what all the criticism and change was doing to Bina’s self-esteem. But Bina took the tube and applied it. It was awful – it made her look like Mrs Horowitz at a funeral.
‘I don’t think red is her color,’ Kate objected, and then realized she had now added to the critique.
‘I agree with you there,’ Brice said from the front seat beside the driver. He handed Bina a tissue. ‘I see you more in a sizzling salmon.’ He appraised her face as best he could through the small aperture in the plastic shield that kept the passengers safe from the driver. ‘We’ll have to stop at Make Up Forever on the way home.’
By the time the afternoon was over, Bina had charged more on her credit cards in one day than she had in all of the last three months. Kate was exhausted but happy to see that Bina finally seemed to be enjoying herself, even if it was over silly things and a hare-brained scheme. It was the first day Bina had paid more attention to herself than Jack since he left. Elliot helped Bev waddle up the steps of Kate’s building.
‘A fashion show!’ demanded Brice once inside. Barbie, Bunny and Bev joined the demand, and so did Kate, a little reluctantly. All of them in her living room felt not just crowded but claustrophobic. It was a clash of cultures and sexual orientation in the tiny space that was, in a way, sacred to her, but only Kate seemed disoriented. Bev had her feet up, her hands over her belly, Barbie sat primly in
the rocker. Bunny stood in front of the fireplace glancing every so often at her honeymoon tan in the mirror that hung over the mantel, and Brice was busy going through the bags, while Elliot just sat back on the sofa smiling to himself.
Bina took the shopping bags into Kate’s bedroom and, a few minutes later, returned completely transformed. There was a moment of silence. Kate was shocked. In a single afternoon Bina had changed literally from head to toe and Kate could barely recognize the hot little number turning around and around in front of them. She thought of Billy Nolan and the look he had given her out on the terrace. Would a man who had approved of her style and looks want a woman arrayed the way Bina was?
‘Wow! You look great!’ Bev said, breaking the silence.
Then Elliot gave an excellent wolf whistle (Kate wondered what, if anything, he had used that for) and Barbie, Brice and Bunny began to applaud. Kate joined in.
‘Okay, so now all we have to do is bring you over to Billy and serve you up on a platter,’ Elliot said.
‘How?’ Bina asked, as if playing the trussed fowl on a plate came naturally.
‘We go to his place of business,’ Elliot said. ‘A bar in Williamsburg…’
‘Is that where he works?’ Kate interrupted. Elliot ignored her and laid out the time, the rendezvous spots, the assault on the watering hole, and all the rest as if he were the Iron Duke planning an invasion.
‘Now, not that you can’t do it, but let me come over and do a touch-up to your hair and makeup before Saturday,’ Brice said. ‘And I’ll have a surprise for you.’
‘I’ll hafta be surprised later,’ Bev said. ‘I need to get home for my Johnnie. And I can’t walk another block. Hey, Barbie, I know Libras have an overdeveloped sense of ownership, but maybe you want to share a cab back to Brooklyn?’ she asked.
‘Sure, Bev,’ Barbie said, ignoring the comment. ‘Bunny, are you in?’
‘If you’re sure, then all right, Barbie,’ Bunny said hesitantly, apparently taking the fact that Barbie was a Libra to heart. No one but Bunny had ever paid any attention to Bev and her astrological nonsense. Kate looked at Bunny, and wondered if she had put the weight back on during her honeymoon. Kate thought the idea of a honeymoon in days when most couples live together before marriage was ridiculous and sometimes not healthy. Travel often put a lot of stress on people, and time completely alone for days and days when a couple wasn’t used to it created pressures that caused ‘Honeymoon Remorse’, a sort of minor depression that descended after the excitement and hoopla over the wedding had ended and the focus changed abruptly.
Uptown Girl Page 16
