Last Resort

by Susan Lewis

  It took some time for Esther to come to the point of her visit, and when she finally did Penny wished to God she’d never allowed her in. It was like a nightmare with no end.

  ‘Of course,’ Esther was saying, ‘I have absolutely no right to ask for your word that you won’t try contacting David, but I must make you aware of what it will do to his chances of a lighter sentence if you do contact him. We’ve heard, through the other people who work for him and Christian, you understand,’ she said, flushing, ‘that Gabriella’s going to stand by him and that is what is really important to him right now. I’m sure you understand that. It ought to go down well with the judge that he has a loving and secure home to go back to when he comes out of prison and two boys who need him. So if you get in touch now and tell him you’re pregnant you could make things very difficult for him. I’m sure you understand that, dear.’

  Penny was reeling from the cruel bluntness of Esther’s words, but even worse was the heartbreaking realization that David had to be protected from her. Then she thought of the poor, unborn baby inside her . . .

  ‘And,’ Esther went on, as though reading her mind, ‘as you don’t really know whether or not the baby is David’s . . .’

  Rage suddenly gathered in Penny’s eyes. ‘Don’t go any further with that,’ she said through her teeth. ‘I’d like you to leave now, Esther, and I don’t want you ever to come back. But before you go you have my word that I won’t contact David and I would like yours that you will never tell him I was pregnant. I use the past tense because I have decided to have an abortion.’

  Esther’s face paled as she looked away. Her shame at having encouraged Penny to want this baby was so evident that Penny wanted to crush her with the full might of her anger.

  ‘If there’s ever anything I can do . . .’ Esther said lamely as they walked to the door. ‘We’re clearing out David’s apartment—’

  ‘What do you mean, you’re clearing his apartment?’ Penny cried, feeling the intrusion as though it were her own belongings that were about to be rifled by these abhorrent strangers.

  ‘Gabriella asked us to,’ Esther responded tonelessly. ‘So if there’s anything you might want before we send it all back to the United States . . .’

  ‘As a matter of fact, there is,’ Penny said stiffly. ‘I don’t have a proper photograph of David. Only one we had taken for a newspaper once. So if you find any . . .’

  ‘I shall look out for one,’ Esther assured her. ‘I know there are some albums there, so if you pop by our house tomorrow you can take your pick.’

  Like a fool, Penny went the next day. Esther had the photographs waiting for her. Wally was sitting in the corner, reading a newspaper. All but one of the photographs Esther was offering were of David on his wedding day. The single exception showed Gabriella standing beside him, tall and willowy and radiantly beautiful. She was wearing nothing but a sarong tied beneath the bronzed bulge of her pregnant belly.

  Wally didn’t look up once as, without a word, Penny put the photographs back on the table and walked out of the house. The following morning the doctor called to tell her the earliest time she could go into hospital. She almost laughed out loud. Of all the days in the year, Christmas Eve surely had to be the worst. But what difference did it make if it was Christmas Eve? She wasn’t going to have the baby, so the sooner she went through with the operation the better.

  ‘What time do I have to be there?’ she asked.

  ‘Around eight in the morning,’ he answered. ‘You should be able to leave by mid-afternoon. The gynaecologist would like to see you to check you over first. Can you make next Monday at four?’

  ‘Yes,’ she answered and without even saying goodbye she hung up the phone.

  As Esther opened the door and walked in, peeling off her long, black gloves and unbuttoning her mink, Wally glanced up from the TV. Then, leaning forward for his gin and tonic, he said, ‘Well? What happened?’

  ‘She wouldn’t let me in,’ Esther answered dismally as she scooped up a glittery ball that had fallen from the Christmas tree. ‘We’ve only two days of shopping left before Christmas, dear, and we don’t have anything for our friends yet,’ she reminded him.

  ‘We’ll go tomorrow,’ he grunted, returning to the events of the soap opera he was watching.

  Esther sat down on the edge of a chair and waited in silence until finally the credits rolled and Wally turned to look at her.

  ‘What did she say?’ he asked.

  Esther shook her head as she stared blindly down at the floor. ‘She wouldn’t let me in,’ she repeated, pulling her gloves through her fist.

  ‘Did you offer to drive her to the clinic?’

  Esther nodded. ‘She said the doctor’s taking her.’

  Wally’s bottom lip jutted forward as he sucked in his moustache. Then, eyeing Esther suspiciously, he said, ‘You haven’t told her anything you shouldn’t have, have you, old thing?’

  ‘No,’ Esther said dully.

  Wally’s eyes stayed on her for a while, but when she didn’t look up he turned back to the screen.

  A few minutes later Esther reached for her handbag and took out her cigarettes. As she lit one, tears began to spill from her eyes.

  ‘There, there, old thing,’ Wally said gruffly, his fingers tightening around the gin and tonic. ‘Pull yourself together now. I told you before, blubbing’s not going to get us anywhere.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Esther sniffed, dabbing her cheeks with her handkerchief. ‘It’s just that she told me Christian used contraceptives and I don’t understand why he would have done that if he can’t have children. I’m so dreadfully confused about it, dear.’

  Wally sighed impatiently. ‘He used them, Esther, because he didn’t want her to know that he couldn’t have children, not when he was trying to get her to give up everything for him. You know as well as I do that it was one of the reasons his marriage broke up. And besides, young people these days have got to think about this Aids thing, what?’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ Esther said, nodding. ‘It’s just so awful, knowing what a dilemma she’s in . . .’

  ‘You just think about the dilemma we’ll be in if we don’t get that money,’ Wally reminded her coldly.

  ‘But the baby is David’s,’ Esther protested, fresh tears starting down her cheeks. ‘She’d never have an abortion if she knew that. She loves him, Wally, and he loves her too. And think how wonderful it would be for us to have a baby to spoil . . .’

  ‘You get that idea out of your head right now, Esther Delaney,’ he barked angrily. ‘That baby is nothing to do with you, nothing at all. Billy’s dead and no one, not David nor Christian, nor that baby over there, can take his place. So you just pull yourself together now and stop all this nonsense. Do you hear me?’

  ‘Yes,’ Esther sobbed. ‘Yes, I hear you, dear. But—’

  ‘No buts, Esther,’ he said, cutting across her. ‘We have to look out for ourselves now, and with David going to prison we need the money Gabriella is offering us to make sure that baby doesn’t come along. I know it’s hard . . .’

  ‘But what if David were ever to find out?’ Esther wailed. ‘He’d never forgive us, Wally, and I just can’t bear to think—’

  ‘He’s not going to find out!’ Wally seethed. ‘Now, you just go and make yourself a cup of tea and settle down.’

  They didn’t discuss it again until much later that night when Wally took the call from Gabriella Villers asking for the latest on Penny. By the time he rang off Esther was pacing the bedroom, shaking so hard she could barely get her cigarette in her mouth.

  ‘Now, come on, Esther,’ Wally sighed, pulling her stiffly into his arms. ‘She’s doing this for David’s own good. If it ever gets out that Penny Moon is pregnant, then you know as well as I do that it could ruin his chances of a lighter sentence. And you don’t want that now, do you, old thing?’

  ‘No,’ she said hoarsely. ‘No, I don’t want that.’

  ‘That’s the ticket,’ h
e said, stroking her hair. ‘You just think about how much sooner he’ll be coming back if we do what we can to help him. And tomorrow, you go off and treat yourself to something nice in one of those jewellers’ down on the Croisette, mm?’

  ‘Mmm.’ Esther nodded. ‘Do you think I should get something for Penny?’

  ‘That would be nice,’ he said, smiling. ‘She’ll probably need something to cheer her up a bit over Christmas.’

  Esther’s car was laden with shopping when she pulled up in front of their house early the following evening. On her way back from her spending spree she had driven over to Penny’s villa, but once again Penny had refused to let her in. However, their brief conversation on the entryphone had told Esther what she had gone there to find out.

  Smiling shakily as Jacqueline came to help her unload the car, she picked up the neatly wrapped gift she had bought for Penny and, leaving Jacqueline to continue without her, walked into the house.

  Seeing how haggard she looked, Wally took her by the shoulders and led her to the sofa. Then, not wanting her to see the triumph gleaming in his eyes, he turned her face into his shoulder.

  ‘Did you pop over to Penny’s?’ he asked, already knowing the answer.

  Esther’s body was limp. ‘Yes,’ she said weakly. Then, after a pause, ‘It’s done.’

  Wally nodded. Then, deciding that the call to Gabriella to tell her where she should deposit the half million dollars she had promised for this could wait, he snuggled Esther deeper into his arms, saying, ‘It’s all right, old thing. It’s going to be all right. Gabriella will stand by him now. His sentence won’t be a long one and, you never know, maybe he won’t have to go to prison at all.’

  Penny was lying fully clothed on her bed, staring at nothing. Her face was bloodless and drawn; her heart, for the moment, was mercifully numb. It was raining outside and from somewhere, way in the distance, came the melodious chant of Christmas carols, or maybe it was just her imagination.

  Coming back from the clinic she had seen so many children, so many expectant mothers, all flushed with the excitement of the season. Dimly she recollected Ruth putting out a hand to cover hers, but she couldn’t remember whether she had responded or not. Dear Ruth. It had been so kind of her to come to the clinic to drive Penny home. Her secret would be safe with Ruth, she was sure of that. Ruth wouldn’t tell Sylvia even though she was planning to visit Sylvia over Christmas and Sylvia would be sure to want to know about Penny.

  Penny’s eyes closed, but though they stayed that way for a long time she wasn’t sleeping. In her mind she was talking to David, trying to tell him what she had done and asking him to forgive her.

  An hour or more ticked by and at last the church bells that had been chiming out merrily over the hillside clanged untidily into silence, telling her that Midnight Mass was starting, that Christmas Day had begun.

  Pulling herself up from the bed she went downstairs to her desk and taking a sheet of paper from the drawer she started to write David a letter she knew she would probably never send. But maybe, if she wrote it all down – explained what had happened, the way she was feeling now and the reasons why she had taken the decision she had – it would help her to come to terms with it in her mind. And maybe, should the day ever dawn when she needed to, she could give him the letter in the hope it would help him to understand.

  When she reached the part where Esther Delaney had reminded her that she didn’t know whose baby it was she found her thoughts beginning to stray and, turning to gaze out at the black, starry night she wondered where David was now and what kind of Christmas he would have. It would be foolish of her to hope that he might call, but in her heart she knew that she did. So much so that when the telephone suddenly rang she found herself staring at it in dread of what she was going to say.

  ‘Hello?’ she said softly into the receiver.

  There was a loud hissing noise, a sudden burst of static, then Sammy’s distant voice came down the line. ‘Pen? Are you there, Pen?’ she shouted.

  ‘Yes, I’m here,’ Penny called back. ‘Where are you?’

  ‘On a boat somewhere in the Caribbean,’ Sammy answered. ‘I didn’t expect to find you in tonight. I was going to leave a message.’

  ‘You’re OK, are you?’ Penny asked.

  ‘Yeah! I’m just great. How are you?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ Penny answered.

  ‘What are you doing for Christmas?’

  As the emptiness of the days ahead stretched out in front of her Penny said, ‘Oh, a couple of parties – you know the sort of thing.’

  ‘You sound a bit down. Are you sure you’re OK?’

  ‘I’m sure. I miss you,’ she added quietly.

  ‘What? What was that? I didn’t hear what you said.’

  ‘I said I’m fine. It’s good to hear your voice.’

  ‘And to hear yours. I miss you and love you hundreds of thousands.’

  ‘Love you hundreds of thousands too.’

  ‘You have a great Christmas, OK?’

  ‘I will.’ Penny smiled. ‘Happy Christmas and God bless.’

  ‘Good night, God bless,’ Sammy said, sounding just as she had as a child.

  Smiling through her tears, Penny replaced the receiver and turned back to her letter.

  In August of the following year David was sentenced to ten years in prison. By then, knowing what Gabriella was going to do, he had severed all contact with Penny, believing it to be the only way of releasing her from her commitment to him and allowing her to get on with her life. So he had no idea that the day after she received the news, with Sammy at her side and Ruth having once again come out of retirement to step into the breach, Penny gave birth by Caesarian to a healthy, eight-pound baby girl with a veritable mop of blonde curls and her father’s beautifully sleepy blue eyes.

  Chapter 28

  ‘YOU KNOW, THIS feels really weird,’ Penny laughed as she drove in through the gates of the villa. ‘I mean, it’s usually me doing the interviewing and I can’t quite get the hang of it this way round.’

  Serena Brothers, the new editor of Starke magazine, laughed too. She’d flown over from London the day before specifically for this interview, which was a bit of a coup in itself, there having been so much speculation lately about Penny Moon and what was happening over here, as well as being a nice little jaunt to the Rivieria in the middle of June. Of course, she had her boss, Sylvia Starke, to thank for it, as so many others had Sylvia to thank for their lucky breaks.

  ‘Do you think that bit back there at the office went all right?’ Penny asked, uncertainly. ‘I mean, did you get what you were hoping for?’

  ‘It was fantastic,’ Serena murmured, trying to stop her mouth dropping open at the sight of the spectacular villa they were approaching. ‘And so is this. Is this really where you live?’

  Penny laughed. ‘Yep, it’s where we live. A bit on the ostentatious side, but we like it.’

  ‘Just look at that view!’ Serena groaned. ‘How do you ever drag yourself away from it? And this wonderful garden. You must have an army of gardeners to keep it this way.’

  ‘Heavens no, I do the whole thing myself,’ Penny teased as she stopped the car at the front of the villa.

  Serena laughed. ‘You really are amazing, you know. You’ve achieved so much down here.’

  ‘Not without help,’ Penny said. ‘Which reminds me: I’ve got a few things I’d like you to take back for Sylvia, if you don’t mind. Nothing heavy.’

  ‘Not a problem,’ Serena answered, getting out of the little convertible Peugeot Penny was still driving around in. It was totally impractical, of course, but there was the great lumbering estate car they used for family days out.

  ‘You know, I’m filled with admiration,’ Serena went on. ‘I mean, how on earth do you manage to find the time to run the magazine, write an entire book of short stories, run this house and bring up a little girl?’

  ‘More help,’ Penny grinned. Then, wincing as she heard the noise comi
ng from the other side of the house, she said, ‘I hope you’re ready for this. It’s Shana’s birthday today, so things could get a bit out of hand.’

  Laughing, Serena said, ‘How old is she?’

  ‘Two years and ten months,’ Penny answered wryly. Then, with an ironic lift of her eyebrows that did nothing to disguise the pride, she added, ‘With David as a father, I’m afraid every day is a birthday.’

  ‘I can’t wait to meet them both,’ Serena said, following Penny round to the swimming pool.

  ‘Dear God,’ Penny muttered, coming to a standstill as they rounded the corner of the house. ‘Will you just look at them!’

  Serena was doing just that, watching in delight as the tiny girl, with white-blonde curls and a rotund little tummy, chased her father with a trifle, trying to splodge it in his face. It didn’t take her long to succeed and she screamed with laughter as David scooped her up in his arms and ran back to the table, where he dipped his hand in a bowl of gooey dessert and wiped it all over her face.

  ‘Most days are like this around here,’ Penny remarked. ‘You get used to it after a while.’

  ‘Mummy!’ Shana squealed, spotting Penny coming towards them.

  David turned, his face and hair still thick with trifle, and, even as she burst out laughing, Penny’s heart felt as if it were melting. God, she loved him so much. Then suddenly she was backing away as she caught the wicked glint in his eyes. ‘No!’ she cried as he and Shana started towards her. ‘No, David, stop! I’m having my photograph taken in a minute.’

  ‘But we want a kiss from Mummy, don’t we, Shana?’ David declared.

  ‘David, I’m warning you . . .’ Penny laughed.

  ‘Kiss, Mummy! Kiss!’ Shana cried, bouncing up and down in David’s arms and clapping her hands.

  ‘Oh no, David, please don’t,’ Penny wailed as he grabbed her arm. But it was too late and as his mouth came down on hers and Shana hugged them both in a wet, sticky embrace Penny couldn’t stop herself responding to the brief touch of his tongue on hers.