"Here he stopped. Awful silence swayed around, and my curiosity was harrowed up to the highest degree, when he began nearly in the following strain:---
"I am the son of an innkeeper at A----, whose name was Wolfe, and who died when I had reached my twenty-fourth year. I succeeded him in his business, which being indifferent, many of my hours were unemployed. Being the only son, I had been spoiled by my parents, who were delighted with my wanton pranks and indulged me in everything. Grown-up girls complained of my impudence when I was but twelve years old; and the boys of the village paid homage to my inventive genius. Nature had not dealt niggardly with me in respect of bodily endowments; however, an unfortunate kick from a horse disfigured my face in such a manner, that the girls of the village shunned me, and my play-fellows took frequent opportunities to make me an object of their merriment. The more my female acquaintances avoided me, the more the desire of pleasing took root in my heart. As I grew up, I was given to sensuality and persuaded myself to be in love. The object of my flame treated me with scorn, and I had reason to apprehend that my rivals were more successful than I; however, the girl was poor, and I had reason to hope that her heart, which was inaccessible to my vows and prayers, would yield to presents, which I knew not how to procure, the small income my business afforded me being entirely swallowed up by the vain efforts I made to render my person less disgusting. Being too much addicted to idleness to exert myself in amending my circumstances, and too ambitious to change my expensive mode of life, I had only one means left to improve my fortune, which thousands before me had tried with more success.
"The village in which I lived gave me an opportunity of committing depredations on the game, and the money I raised in that way wandered regularly into the hands of my mistress. Robert, a gamekeeper to the Lord of the Manor, was one of the admirers of Jenny, which was the name of my paramour; he soon observed the advantage which my presents procured me over him, and being spurred by envy and jealousy he watched me closely. By degrees he began to resort to the "Sun," which was the sign of my inn, more frequently than ever, and his prying eye soon detected the source of my liberal gifts.
"A very rigorous law against game-stealing had been renewed not long before, and Robert was indefatigable to find an opportunity of getting rid of his rival. He succeeded but too soon; I was caught in the very act of shooting a deer, and condemned to be sent to the house of correction. It cost me all my little remaining fortune to buy off that punishment. Robert had gained his aim, and Jenny's heart was lost to me.
"Glowing resentment rankled in my breast, and I was determined to be revenged as soon as a proper opportunity should offer. Poverty and want, hunger and despair, tempted me once more to have recourse to game stealing, and Robert's watchfulness surprised me a second time. Being reduced to the lowest degree of poverty, it was not in my power to gild the hands of justice a second time, and I was committed for a whole year to the house of correction in the residence. Every lash of the gaoler's whip gave new strength to my resentment, the separation from my mistress increased my passion, and I hastened on the wings of love and revenge to my native place as soon as I had been set at liberty. I flew to Jenny, but was denied admittance and treated with scorn. The pinching want having subdued my pride and laziness, I offered my services to the rich, in the village, but nobody would employ a fellow who had been imprisoned in the house of correction.
"Pressed by hunger and dire necessity, and foiled in all my attempts at getting an honest livelihood, I renewed my depredations on the game, and was entrapped a third time through Robert's watchfulness. The repeated infringements on the game laws had aggravated my guilt. The judges looked into the records of the law, but not into the heart of the transgressor, paid no regard to the plea of want and dire necessity, and sentenced me to have the mark of a gibbet burnt on my back, and to work three years in the fortifications.
"At the close of that term I recovered my liberty a second time, and here begins a new period of my life.
"I was entirely changed, having entered the fortress as a common transgressor, and left it as a consummate villain. I was not entirely divested of all sentiments of honour when I was confined; however, the few remaining sparks of ambition were soon extinguished by ignominy, being confined in one room with twenty-three malefactors, two of whom were murderers, and all the rest famous thieves and vagabonds. I was laughed at when mentioning the name of God, and urged every day to utter blasphemies against our Holy Redeemer! My fellow prisoners sung obscene songs to me, which I could not hear without disgust and horror, and committed actions which I could not behold without blushing. Every day new rogueries were related, or wicked designs fabricated.
"At first I avoided the company of that abominable set of wretches as much as possible, hiding myself in the remotest corners of the prison; however, I wanted a companion in my solitude, and the cruelty of my gaoler had refused me even the poor consolation of taking my dog with me. My labour was hard and my health declining: I wanted assistance, and, to be sincere with you, I was in need of comfort, which, scanty as it was, I could not obtain without sacrificing the last remains of my conscience.
"Thus I used myself by degrees to hear without disgust the most horrid language, and to behold without aversion, and at length with secret pleasure, the most shocking actions; before the termination of my confinement I was superior in wickedness to my instructors in villainy, and began to thirst with increasing impatience for liberty and revenge. I hated the whole human race because every one of my fellow creatures was either happier or less wicked than myself; I fancied to be a martyr to the natural rights of man, and a victim of glaring injustice. I rubbed my chains against the wall in a fit of frenzy, grinding my teeth when the sun was rising behind the rock on which the fortress stood, and experienced with unutterable agony, what a hell an extensive view creates in the bosom of a prisoner.
"The free air whistling through the iron gates of my window, and the swallow perching on the massy bars, seemed to mock me with their liberty, and rendered my imprisonment more hateful and horrid to me. Seized with the burning fangs of despair, I vowed unrelenting and burning revenge to the whole human race, and have been as good as my word.
"The first idea which rushed upon my mind as soon as I saw myself at liberty, was that of my native village. I had indeed not the least glimmering of hope to meet there with the smallest assistance in my distress; however, I entertained sanguine hopes to glut my revenge, which gave wings to my steps. My heart beat violently when my impatient eye beheld the steeple of the village; however, it was not that sweet satisfaction which I had felt on my first pilgrimage, which was now heaving in my bosom. The recollection of all the misfortunes and cruel persecutions I once had suffered there awakened me suddenly from a kind of stupefaction; all my wounds began to bleed anew. I quickened my steps, anticipating the pleasure it would afford me to strike my enemies with terror by my sudden appearance, and to feast my eyes on the pangs of the devoted victims of my vengeance.
"The bells were ringing to summon the inhabitants to the church when I went to the market-place. I was soon known by the inhabitants, who were going to church, and every one who met me started back at the sight of me.--Having always been very fond of children, I could not resist the involuntary impulse of giving a penny to a boy who was skipping by; he stared at me for a moment and then threw the money in my face. If my blood had not been heated so much, I should have recollected that my long and bushy beard had frightened the poor boy however, my polluted heart had infected my reason, and tears, which I never had shed in my life, were trickling down my cheeks.
"The boy does not know who I am, nor whence I came, said I, half aloud to myself, and yet he avoids me like a wild ferocious beast. Is my black heart marked on my brow, or have I ceased resembling a human being, because I am sensible that I hate all human kind? The contempt of that boy grieved me more than my long imprisonment, because I had treated him kindly, and could not accuse him of personal hatred.
"I seated myself on a large stone opposite the church. What intention I had I do not know; however, I remember very well that I rose up in a fit of burning rage when I saw that all my former acquaintances passed by with visible contempt, and scarcely deigned to look at me.
"I left my station in an agony of vexation, to find out a lodging, and as I was turning round the corner of a street I met my Jenny. "My dear Wolfe," she exclaimed, and offered to embrace me, "God be praised that you are returned at last; I have shed many a bitter tear during your absence!" Hunger and misery were marked in her face, and I beheld with horror that she was infected with an ignominious illness. Her tattered raiment and her whole appearance told me plainly what a miserable wretch she was. I soon guessed the origin of her abject situation, concluding by the sight of some dragoons that soldiers had been quartered in the village. "Soldier's strumpet!" I exclaimed, and turned my back to her with an exulting laughter. It gave me some satisfaction to see her infidelity rewarded in so shocking a manner. I never had loved her sincerely.
"My mother was dead, and my house had been sold for the benefit of the creditors. I had no friend, no money, except a few groats; everybody fled me like a mad dog; however, I was dead to shame and disgrace. After my first imprisonment I had shunned all human society, because I could not stand the contempt I met with everywhere. Now I intruded upon them, and it afforded me a malicious satisfaction to drive them away by my appearance; it gave me a pleasure, because I had nothing farther to lose, and nobody to care for; I had no farther occasion for the least good quality, because nobody believed I had one left; the whole world was open to me, and perhaps I should have been able to recover the character of an honest man in a distant province. However, I had no courage to assume even the mask of honesty; despair and disgrace had forced these sentiments upon me, and I persuaded myself that every sense of honour was useless to me, since I had no claim to the smallest share of it. If my vanity and pride had maintained their dominion over me, I certainly should have put an end to my existence. I did not know myself what my intentions were; I wanted to do mischief--so much I knew; I wished to deserve my fate. "The laws," said I to myself, "are the guardians of human happiness, and therefore I will do whatever is in my power to subvert them. Necessity and thoughtlessness had once compelled me to sin, but now I did it voluntarily, because it gave me pleasure."
"I had again recourse to game-stealing, for hunting had always been my chief passion, and life called for support; but this was not the sole motive which prompted me to reassume my former favourite occupation; the desire of bidding defiance to the laws, and to infringe the prerogatives of the prince, was an additional impulse. I had no apprehension of being taken up once more, for now I had a ball in readiness to stop the mouth of my informer, and was sure I could not miss my aim.
"I killed all the deer which came in my way, selling only a few pieces on the frontiers, the remainder I left behind to rot. I lived very sparing, in order to be able to afford the expenses for powder and shot. My depredations, and the havoc I made in the forest, caused a great alarm, but nobody suspected me, my miserable appearance screened me from suspicion, and my name was forgotten.
"This mode of life I continued for several months without being detected. One morning I was rambling through the forest, pursuing the traces of a deer; having hunted without success two tedious hours, I began to give up every hope of coming at my prey, when I saw it at once within the reach of my gun. I took my aim, and was going to fire, but started suddenly back, when I saw a hat upon the ground not far from me. I looked around with great circumspection and beheld Robert, the gamekeeper, standing behind the trunk of an oak, and aiming at the same deer which I intended to kill. My blood froze in my veins as I beheld the author of all my misfortunes; and this very man, whom I hated most among the whole human race, was within reach of my fusee. Infernal joy thrilled my whole frame, I would not have exchanged my gun for the universe; the burning revenge which till then had been rankling in my bosom rose up to my finger's end, which was going to put an end to my adversary's life; however, an invisible hand seemed to retain my arm to prevent the horrid deed. I trembled violently as I directed my gun against my foe--a chilly sweat bedewed my face--my teeth began to chatter, as if a fever frost had seized my frame; methought I felt the icy fang of death upon my heart, and every nerve was quivering.
"I hesitated a minute--one more elapsed--and now a third. Revenge and conscience were struggling violently for victory, --the former gained, and Robert lay weltering in his blood!----
"My gun dropped on the ground when Robert fell. "Murderer," stammered I, with quivering lips. The forest was as silent as a church-yard, and I heard distinctly the word murderer. Creeping nearer to the spot where my enemy was swimming in his blood, I saw him just expire. I stood a dreadful minute of grisly horror before my murdered foe, as if petrified; a yelling laughter restored me to the use of my senses. "Wilt thou any more tell tales, good friend?" said I, stepping boldly nearer, and turning him upon his back. His eyes were wide open. I grew serious, and every power of utterance fled; strange and horrid sensations chilled my heart.
"Till then I had been a transgressor of the laws on the score of the disgrace I had suffered, but now I had perpetrated a deed for which I had not yet atoned. An hour before that horrid action, no man living would have been able to persuade me that there was a more abject being upon the earth than myself, but now I began to fancy that I had been enviable an hour ago.
"Not the most distant idea of God's judgments came in my mind; however, I had a confused notion of halter and gibbet, and of the execution of a murderer which I had witnessed when a boy. The idea of having forfeited my life froze my very soul with dreadful fear. I wished ardently that it might be in my power to restore to life my slain enemy, and racked my brain to recall to my recollection all the injuries he had made me suffer, but, strange to tell, my memory seemed to be entirely extinguished, I could not recall a shadow of all the ideas which, but a quarter of an hour ago, had filled my soul with glowing revenge, I could not conceive how I could commit such a horrid deed.
"I was still standing by the corpse in a kind of stupefaction, when I was roused from my desponding reverie by the cracking of whips and the creaking of wagons on the high road, which was about a mile distant from the spot where I then was.
"I went mechanically deeper into the forest, and recollecting on the way that Robert had been used to wear a watch, I wished to get it in my possession. I wanted money to reach the frontier, and yet I had no courage to return to the place where the corpse lay; the idea of the devil and the omnipresence of God rushing suddenly on my mind, I struggled a few moments, and having summoned all my boldness determined to go back and fetch the watch in defiance of God and the devil.
"I found what I had expected, and in a green purse a little more than a dollar, silver coin. As I was going to put both in my pocket, I started suddenly back and considered whether I should take it or not. It was no fit of shame, nor was it fear to aggravate my crime through robbery; it was rather scorn which prompted me to fling the watch upon the ground, and to take only one half the money. I wanted to be thought an enemy of the gamekeeper but not his robber.
"Now I fled deeper into the forest. I knew that it extended itself four German miles towards the north, where the frontiers of the country began. I fled on the wings of fear till noon; the swiftness of my flight had dispelled the agony of my conscience; however, it returned with redoubled violence as my strength began to be exhausted: a thousand grisly phantoms tortured my fancy and filled my soul with dreadful bodings. I had no other choice but either to put an end to my wretched existence, or to drag on a life embittered by a continual fear of dying under the hand of the executioner. I had not the courage to rid myself of a painful existence, and shuddered at the idea of leading a life of never-ceasing torments.
"Hemmed in between the certain tortures of life and the uncertain horrors of eternity, equally averse to life and to death, I finished the sixth hou
r of my flight, an hour abounding with agonies which no living man can form an idea of.
"Gloomy and slow I had pursued a narrow foot-path which led through the darkest thicket, when suddenly a rough commanding voice ordered me to stop. The voice was not far off. Agony and the horrors of despair, which had assumed their dreadful sway over me, had made me entirely regardless to the objects around me; my eyes were cast to the ground, and I had covered part of my face with my hat, as if that could have hidden me from the eye of the lifeless creation. Starting and lifting up my eyes I saw a savage looking man coming towards me; he was armed with an enormous club, his figure was of a monstrous size, my first surprise at least had made me think so, and the colour of his face was of the mulatto hue, which gave to the white of a squinting eye additional terrors. Instead of a girdle he had his green buttonless great coat tied with a thick cord, to which an enormous knife and a brace of pistols were fastened. I had quickened my steps when his terrible voice assailed my ears, but he soon came up with me and stopped me with a powerful arm. The sound of a human voice had filled my soul with terror, however, the sight of a ruffian raised my spirits. In my miserable situation I had full reason to tremble at the sight of an honest man, but none at all at that of a robber.
"Who art thou?" thundered the frightful apparition in my ear.
"Thy equal," was my reply, "if thou really art what thy appearance bespeaks."
"This is not the right way. What business hast thou here?"
The Complete Northanger Horrid Novel Collection (9 Books of Gothic Romance and Horror) Page 134
