She just shook her head and looked away, not wanting him to see the tears beginning to fill her eyes.
“Hey, did he hurt you?” Steve asked, putting the gloves down and draping an arm over her shoulder.
She shook her head no.
“Talk to me. Tell me what happened.”
Like a dam breaking, she poured out the whole story, feeling horrible and yet somehow relieved to have it out in the open. When she looked up at him, she was stunned. He was looking away, tears about to spill out of his eyes. Other than his emotions during the ultrasound, she couldn’t remember ever seeing him cry before. It scared her.
“Steve, are you okay?”
“Great. Just great.” He walked over to the sink and gazed out the window.
She put her hand on his back, but he shrugged her off, his voice shaking as he said, “Not now.”
She let her hand drop to her side. “Steve, don’t pull away from me.”
He turned around, shook his head, and walked out of the room.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
December 5th
Michelle and Steve managed to somehow make it through the ensuing months. Neither of them could shake the fear that Trevor might be Madison’s biological father. Steve’s enthusiasm for the baby had waned considerably although he’d faithfully attended all the childbirth classes and feigned excitement whenever they were with family or friends. No one knew about the concern they both shared. They’d agreed it was better to keep it between the two of them.
Trevor kept his distance but periodically asked Monica to tell Michelle hi or that he was eager to see the baby after she was born. Michelle would just nod at Monica’s messages, trying not to show how deeply they disturbed her.
As the leaves turned colors and then fell to the ground, her swelling abdomen made it more and more difficult to do the normal tasks of life. They spent a quiet Thanksgiving at home since she was not up to traveling. Now only a couple of weeks remained until Madison would be born.
Gazing out the kitchen window, she saw the chilling wind and dark clouds overhead. Steve had just left for work an hour earlier, and Michelle suddenly felt the strangest sensation she had ever experienced. A gush of warm water rushed down her leg. “Oh my God,” she whispered. It wouldn’t stop coming. She quickly shuffled into the bathroom, grabbing her cell phone off the table. Easing herself down onto toilet, she hit the auto-dial button for Steve’s phone.
“Hello?”
“Steve?”
“Yeah. What’s up? Are you okay?”
“Actually, I think my water just broke.”
“What? Are you in pain?” His voice sounded genuinely concerned.
“No, but I think you’d better get home,” she replied, her voice shaking.
“I’m on my way. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“Okay. Bye.” She hung up and sat nervously waiting for Steve’s arrival, tears beginning to blur her vision. A short time later, she heard his voice.
“Michelle? Where are you?”
“I’m in here. In the bathroom,” she called back at him.
He burst into the room. “Is this it? Should I take you to the hospital?”
Michelle nodded, brushing her hands across her eyes. “Call the doctor. Tell her we’re on the way.”
“Okay. Do you need anything?”
“Maybe something else to wear. This is such a mess.” She looked up at him and felt like a fool. Suddenly she felt overwhelmed. Who did she think she was having a baby? She wasn’t ready to be someone’s mother. She could barely take care of her husband and her cat.
“I’ll be right back.”
He left the bathroom, and she could hear him taking the stairs in large leaps. He was back in a minute with a terry cloth robe and clean nightgown. “How’s this?”
Michelle didn’t know what to say or do. She just took the robe and gown, trying to figure out how she was going to stop the water from running down her legs when she stood up. “Did you call the doctor?”
“I’ll do that right now.” He hurriedly dialed the clinic. “Is Dr. Foster there? This is Steve Baron. I think my wife Michelle’s in labor. Her water broke.”
She watched him listen to the receptionist.
“Yeah. Okay. I’ll take her right over. We go in the emergency entrance, right?”
Another pause.
“Okay. Thanks.” He turned and looked at her. “It’s time. Let’s go.” He helped her stand up, as she wrapped the robe around herself like a coat. A small amount of water continued to trickled down her leg.
“We’d better take a towel for me to sit on in the car.”
Steve grabbed one off the rack. “Are you ready?”
Starting to tear up again, she said, “Yeah I guess. Did you get my bag?”
“Got it.”
“Okay. Let’s go.”
Dr. Foster finished her exam. “Looks like you’re having a baby today, Michelle,” she said with a smile.
Steve squeezed her hand, and Michelle tried to look happy, but her insides were in a knot. Suddenly the whole thing seemed so scary, so final.
The anesthesiologist came in a few minutes later and set up her epidural. By this time the contractions were strong, and she was thankful to know that relief was imminent. Within twenty minutes, she was feeling much better. Steve took a short break to grab a candy bar out of the machine in the hall and change into the scrubs the nurse gave him.
When he came back, he looked more like a doctor than a lawyer. “Ever thought of changing your profession?” Michelle asked, trying to distract herself from her own fears.
“Dr. Baron. What do you think?” He asked with a wink. He looked nervous too.
“How about ‘Dad’?” the nurse asked with a smile as she studied the monitor.
During the next few hours, Steve contacted Michelle’s parents, tried to keep her comfortable, and prayed for everything to go well. Around dinnertime, the nurse came in and checked her again. “It looks like you’ll be ready to push soon.” She left the room, promising to bring Dr. Foster back with her. They were both quiet when the doctor came in a few minutes later.
After examining Michelle, she said, “It’s time. Let’s have a baby.”
The room became a flurry of activity as the nurse got Michelle ready and notified the pediatric department they would soon be needed to examine the infant. Before she knew it, Michelle was pushing with Steve by her side coaching her along. He breathed with her when the doctor said to breathe, and he helped her sit up and grab her knees when it was time for each push.
A half hour later, Dr. Foster placed little Madison on Michelle’s abdomen. Overwhelmed with love, she reached down and held onto the baby’s warm, sticky body.
“She’s perfect. An absolute ten,” the doctor said with a smile.
“Oh, Steve,” Michelle looked up into his eyes and could see the tears forming there again.
“She’s beautiful, honey.” He bent down to kiss her forehead.
The nurse took Madison to clean her, and the doctor finished up with Michelle. “I know you two will want some time alone. We’ll get you settled in your room with your new daughter. Congratulations to you both.”
“Thanks, Dr. Foster. Thanks for everything,” Michelle said with a teary smile.
As soon as they were alone, Michelle called her mom. Sheila squealed with delight, telling her how much she wished she were there, and promising to get on the first flight possible.
“That’ll be great, Mom. They said I can probably go home tomorrow afternoon.”
Next Steve called his uncle and then Roger at the office, who promptly gave him the rest of the week off, encouraging him to take as much time as he needed. After calling Michelle’s grandparents, they began phoning and texting friends.
Kristin was the first friend Michelle called. “Michelle — I’m so thrilled for you and Steve! What does she look like? Tell me everything.”
Michelle gazed down at Madison who was sleeping in t
he basinet beside her bed. “She has blond hair and blue eyes.”
“Sounds like she looks a lot like Steve.”
She smiled and glanced over at her husband. “Yeah, she really does.” Resting her head back against the pillow, she silently prayed that her husband would love Madison as much as she already did.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
The next few weeks were exhausting for Michelle. Although her mom came up and spent a week helping her, it seemed like she was on a non-stop treadmill of feeding Madison, changing diapers, and sleeping whenever she could. She tried to savor little moments with her newborn, cradling her tiny body close and inhaling the sweet baby smells as she thanked God for the chance to be a mom.
Although Steve seemed upbeat and tried to help her out as much as possible, she noticed he spent little time holding Madison or bonding with her. Whenever she tried talking with him about it, he pulled into a shell, claiming he just couldn’t relate to babies. But she knew that wasn’t the real issue.
Steve was afraid. Afraid Madison wasn’t really his. All Michelle could do was pray that somehow he’d forget about biology and let himself love their beautiful daughter. Sometimes her heart ached as she looked down at her baby’s sweet face. Would Maddie miss out on the father she deserved?
It was less than two weeks before Christmas, and the house showed no signs of an approaching holiday. Michelle tried to rally her energy to decorate at least a little. Her whole family would be coming up for a few days, and she wanted everything to look nice.
“Steve?” she said quietly into the phone, hoping not to wake Madison who was sleeping in her cradle.
“Michelle? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. I just wanted to ask a favor.”
His voice was muffled as she heard him say something to someone in his office.
“Steve? Are you there?”
“Sorry, babe. I’m back. What do you need?”
“I was hoping you could pick up a Christmas tree on your way home tonight.” Michelle noticed the baby beginning to stir.
“Sure. No problem. It might be a little late though. I’ve got a brief to finish.”
“Okay. I’ll keep your dinner warm,” she offered.
“That’s all right. Don’t worry about dinner. I’ll send out for something. Just take care of yourself, and I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
He had been working late a lot lately. That seemed to be his pattern whenever he was uncomfortable or upset about something at home.
“Steve?”
“Yeah?”
“Is everything okay?” She tried to hold her voice steady.
“Everything’s fine. I just have to finish this brief.” His muffled voice told her he was talking to someone else in the office again, a hand covering the mouthpiece. “Listen, Michelle, I’m kind of busy. Is there anything else you wanted?”
“No. I guess that’s it.”
“Okay, then I’ll see you when I get home. I’ll bring the tree.”
“Thanks, honey.” As she hung up, Madison began to whimper. “I’m coming, Maddie,” she said, swallowing her hurt.
“Want to decorate the tree tonight?” Michelle asked the next morning, as Steve was getting ready for work.
“If I get home in time. I’ll call you.” He gave her a peck on the cheek and headed downstairs. “Did you make me a sandwich?” he asked over his shoulders on the way down.
“I’m sorry, babe. I forgot.” She mentally kicked herself. “I’ll be right down to make one.”
“Don’t bother. I’ve gotta run.”
She heard him leave through the garage as Maddie started to cry. She pushed herself out of bed and went to her daughter. “I know, sweetie. You’re hungry, too.” Would she ever be able to pull herself together to meet the needs of her baby and husband at the same time?
As she was nursing Madison, she thought about Steve and the struggles he was having bonding with their baby. A lonely feeling engulfed her. She needed someone to talk to – someone older – but she didn’t want to worry her mother with all she was going through taking care of her dad.
Help me, Lord. I need someone to tell me what to do.
As she sat and prayed, her grandmother’s face came to mind. Perfect. She valued and trusted her grandparents’ wisdom. Surely Grandma Joan would have an answer.
She waited until after breakfast to call. Even though she knew her grandparents were early risers, she also knew her grandmother usually spent at least an hour pouring through her devotionals and her Bible each morning while she sipped her coffee.
On the second ring, Grandpa Phil picked up. “Hello?” His voice always warmed Michelle’s heart. It was a gentle voice. A voice of compassion.
“Grandpa?”
“Michelle? Is that you?” She could hear a spark of excitement in his tone, and it made her smile.
“It’s me, Gramps. How’ve you been?”
“Just fine, pumpkin. Getting these old bones going for another day,” he added with a chuckle. “How’s my favorite granddaughter?”
“I’m good. Busy with the baby and trying to keep up with life.” She hoped her voice sounded upbeat.
“I remember those days. You’re poor grandmother was such a trooper, up several times a night and then up at dawn with your mother.” He hesitated and sighed. “Those were the days...” A fondness crept into his voice.
“Sounds like you really cherished them,” she replied.
“It was different when we had our babies. Dads weren’t really that involved, but I’ll tell you a secret, sweetie. I just couldn’t keep my hands off your mother. She was the most precious, the most beautiful baby God ever created...” His voice trailed off as if deep in thought. “Well, anyway,” he continued, coming back to the conversation, “I’m sure Steve feels the same way.”
“I guess,” she replied.
“Mimi, your grandmother is chomping at the bit to talk to you. She’s standing here with her hand out, so I’d better give her the phone. You take care, now. We’re eager to see that darling baby of yours in a couple of weeks.”
“Okay, Gramps. Love you.”
“Love you, too, Michelle. Here’s your grandmother.”
Michelle and Joan exchanged greetings and caught up on surface things. Then Michelle began to reveal the real reason for her call. “Grandma, I’m worried about Steve,” she began.
“Steve? Why? Is there something wrong with him? Your mother hasn’t said anything about him being sick or anything.”
“It’s nothing like that. He’s just so busy. So distant.” Michelle was groping for words to explain their situation.
“Well, he’s got a demanding job. Maybe that’s it. Maybe this is just a particularly busy time at work, dear.”
“It’s more than that, Grandma. It’s like he’s pulling away from us.” Her voice began to quiver.
“Oh, honey. It’s a big adjustment becoming parents. Maybe he feels overwhelmed by the responsibility. I can only imagine how hard it must be for men, having the burden on their shoulders to support and provide for their families.”
“That might be part of it, but there’s something else. Something I haven’t told anyone,” she sniffed, reaching for a tissue to wipe her eyes and nose.
“What is it? Tell me, baby.”
The floodgates opened in Michelle’s heart. As she wept, she explained to her grandmother about the infertility tests, the insemination, and Steve’s insecurities, telling all but her fears about Trevor being the biological father.
“Oh, sweetheart. You’ve been keeping in a big secret for a long time. There, there,” she said softly to calm her. “I know this is hard for you, but it is not too big for God. Do you hear me, baby?”
“Mm hmm.”
“I’m going to pray now, okay? And then we’re going to see what God shows you. He’ll know what’s best for you two.”
“Okay, Grandma.”
“Lord, my sweet Michelle needs you. She doesn’t know what to do. Fathe
r, You have created this precious new baby. We know you are going to take care of her and of Michelle and Steve. Help Steve, Lord. Give him the wisdom he needs to press through his insecurities and to be a father to baby Madison. Bolster his confidence, show him his role here, and help Michelle to love him and be patient with him as he works through this. Thank you, God, for this family. Bless them, protect them, guide and direct them. We pray this in Jesus’ precious name, amen.”
“Amen,” Michelle echoed, a new peace flooding her heart and mind. “Thanks, Grandma. You’re the best.”
“It’ll work out, Mimi. I mean it. Give Steve time. We’ll be praying down here.”
“Grandma?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t tell Mom, okay? She has enough to worry about with Dad.”
“Okay, baby. My lips are sealed.”
“Oh, Grandma, I love you.” Michelle sighed as she pictured her grandmother’s weathered face in her mind’s eye.
“I love you, too, honey. We’ll see you soon.”
After she got off the phone, Michelle peeked at Madison, who was fast asleep in the cradle. “It’s going to be okay, Maddie. Everything’s going to be okay.”
Steve was on his lunch break, eating a sandwich from the local deli as he conducted a word search on his computer. DNA testing he typed into the search engine and instantly a list of websites appeared. He scrolled down until he found one entitled, “Fairfield Laboratories, DNA and Paternity Testing.” He clicked on the title and began to explore the sight. Within five minutes he had his answer.
It was only 5:20 when Steve walked in the door that night carrying a bag in one hand and his briefcase in the other. “Michelle?” he called, as Max trotted over to him. “Hey, boy, where’s your mom?” Max purred momentarily as he let Steve scratch his chin, then he darted over to the cupboard and began pacing back and forth demanding dinner.
“Okay, okay. I’ll feed you,” he said, joining him at the other end of the kitchen.
Just then Michelle walked into the room, Madison in her arms. “Steve — I thought I heard something in here. What a great surprise!”
Through the Tears (Sandy Cove Series Book 2) Page 27
