She wasn’t aware of what her life cost me, because I knew she would throw it all away without a second thought. And I could never allow that. I smiled through every taking, every painful fuck, and every degrading encounter just so I could see the beautiful smile light her face.
“See you next month, Dove.” Mr Bennett smiled before he slipped out of the room.
I lay back on the bed and watched the smoke swirl into clouds above my face. I was tired and cold, the chill that had seeped into my bones years ago never offering mercy against the detachment inside me.
A shiver struck my body when the door opened and Marcus slid into the room. On witnessing my naked body, he cleared his throat and spun round. I wanted to laugh. This house, this life, offered no privacy. Marcus, as Viktor’s second-in-command, had seen my nudeness on many occasions, but every time he politely turned away.
“Viktor has called for you.”
I sighed, nodding to his back as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and grabbed my robe. “Okay.”
Marcus remained still and I could see the tension pouring from him. The hairs on my neck stood rigid. “What is it?”
He paused then once again cleared his throat. “Felix is home.”
My blood turned to concrete and Marcus turned when he caught my sharp intake of breath.
Retta, my friend and another of Viktor’s girls, walked into the room and edged her tiny, slim body around Marcus. “Shit,” she hissed, obviously hearing Marcus’ revelation. Her eyes slid to mine and she grimaced. “Fuck, Dove.”
My bottom lip popped under the pressure of my top teeth sinking into the plump flesh. The copper tang of blood burst onto my tongue and I slid my lip behind my teeth, sucking at the cut. My heart raced inside my chest and I closed my eyes for a moment’s composure.
“Why couldn’t he be into men? Why me?”
Retta quirked her eyebrow at me. “Because you’re shit hot.”
“And I’d be cold in the ground if that man got his way.”
Every one of us hated Felix with a passion. He was the most cruel, evil, immoral man we’d ever come across, and for some strange reason he’d taken a liking to me in the previous six months of his visits to see his brother.
“I’ll take Ren out for the night,” Retta offered with a sad expression. “I’ll take her to the West End and we can stay in a swanky hotel. She won’t question anything then.”
I nodded gratefully. “Thanks, love.”
“Hey.” She gave me another sad smile and tapped my shoulder. “You know I’d take your place if I could.”
“I know you would. You all would.”
Taking a deep breath then blowing it back out, I turned to Marcus. “Lead the way.”
He stared at me for a long moment before he lowered his eyes and walked out. Following him, the quiet that surrounded the house told me the girls had heard the news Felix was back.
I wondered if the walk I was on would be much different if it was the walk many took to the electric chair to be executed. At least death was offered at the end of their walk. Death and peace.
“I wish…” Marcus started then stopped, his lip pulled behind his teeth as he took control of his emotions.
Marcus was okay. He never fucked any of us, which surprised me. All Viktor’s men had their choice of girls, yet Marcus never once took advantage of that. Many of us had conferred about him being gay, but for some reason I never got that vibe from him. He’d been in Viktor’s circle for roughly three years. I’d been well ‘situated’ by the time Viktor declared his new deputy.
Although Marcus was Viktor’s ‘debt collector’ he also took care of any nasty business, namely killing people Viktor had grown bored of, but he was always kind to the girls, especially Ren. On many occasions he’d taken her to football matches, their joint love of Chelsea keeping them up late on many nights talking heatedly about the team. He was like the father figure she’d never had, and I loved Marcus for that – even if I never told him. Emotions and thoughts were the only private thing we had, and we all kept our feelings close to our hearts. Revealing them could get us killed in this life.
Viktor gave me his usual smile when we both walked into his suite. Felix presented the cruel sneer he always wore.
“Thank you, Marcus,” Viktor said, dismissing Marcus immediately.
For the briefest second, Marcus appeared to freeze, his whole essence vibrating but then he snapped out of it, nodded, and walked away, shooting me a quick glance before he left.
“Good afternoon, Dove.” Viktor took my hand and placed a soft kiss on the back of my knuckles. “As always, you look beautiful.”
I smiled genuinely. “Thank you, Viktor.”
He clicked his tongue and winked. “Felix has asked for your company.”
Noticing my throat bob, Viktor frowned, his eyes narrowing on me. “Is everything okay?”
“Of course.” I gave him the best smile I could muster, hating that beads of sweat had started to break out over my forehead.
He blinked at me for a moment, regarding me closely before he spun around to Felix and grinned. “My best girl is all yours, Felix.”
Felix grinned wider, the chill in his eyes making me want to sit down and weep. The blood in my veins seemed to find safety in my legs when it all rushed from my head, and my vision swam with the approaching horror.
Viktor slowly walked away. Felix caught my eye and gave me a slow wink. “Aren’t you going to welcome me home, Dove?”
“Oh, Felix,” Viktor said as he held open the door, his body half in and half out of the room. “Dove is my highest earner.” I froze. “Please don’t ruin her. I’ll be seeking compensation if you do.”
For the first time I knew Viktor was aware of the foulness that lived inside his brother. Yet, as I looked back, never once did he try and stop what was to come. And that made him as guilty as his brother.
My mouth had become so dry, my tongue had stuck to my top palate. My lungs were squeezing as much oxygen in as they could get in preparation. My whole body trembled. Yet I stood still, awaiting his madness. Because this man’s brother paid for my sister’s life.
And it was the times when Felix was home that gave her the luxuries afforded to her.
“Well?” Felix slid his head to the side, glaring at me with the contempt he always gave me.
Silently, I pulled at the belt holding my robe closed. Then taking each end, I wrapped them around my hands, and then wrapped it around my neck.
Numbness, fortunately, took over. My mind went blank. And my soul took comfort in the defence of my heartbeat.
“Tighter,” he hissed as he slowly made his way over to me.
My eyes felt like they were going to pop the more I pulled the bind that cut off my air supply.
When Felix gave the nod, I stopped. My legs were weak, my muscles straining against the lack of oxygen to my brain. When he saw my hands shake he took the ends from me and wrapped them both around one of his hands. Then he knocked me in the side of the head and sent my body swaying to the side, the cord around my neck choking me as my legs gave in to the fuzziness enveloping me.
And when I was down his boot landed on the back of my head and crushed my skull into the carpet.
And then he broke me in ways I cannot repeat to you even now. Because the brain is the shield that protects the mind. It wipes away the very things that threaten to take our sanity and leave us without the comfort of our own peace.
And to this day I am grateful for that. Because I know without this defence mechanism that I would not be here to tell you my tale. And it needs to be told, however horrific it is.
The next morning, Retta slipped into my room with a stash of coke, a bottle of tequila, and the suture kit we kept hidden in our rooms.
Two weeks later Ren turned fourteen. She had the most lavish party ever. Every single girl loved her and she loved them all in return. She knew what happened within those four walls but we never spoke of it. She was the kid sister to eve
ryone who worked for Viktor, and for the first time ever I felt like I belonged to a family.
Felix had left again. And Viktor had stayed away. He knew, and for a reason I couldn’t fathom, he didn’t book me in with any of his clients.
When I walked into the huge room that the girls had transferred into a wonderland for Ren, Viktor greeted me with a wide smile. “Imelda told me you were ill. Are you feeling better?”
I knew damn well Imelda hadn’t told him any such thing but I bit back my retort and smiled. “Yes, thank you Viktor. I’m much better.”
I noticed his eyes slide down to look at the healing gash in my right cheek and then down to the bruise over my throat that I had attempted to cover with make-up. “Good.” Blinking, he looked away. “The girls have done Serenity proud. It’s like a fairy-tale.”
“It is.” I gave a real smile. “Thank you for giving her this, Viktor. You have no idea how much this means to both her and me.”
He shook his head and waved his hand across the space between us. “Nonsense. She’s a good kid, and she deserves to be spoiled now and again.”
Ren looked over at us both, waved, and grinned.
“She’s growing up too quick,” I said quietly, more to myself than Viktor but he nodded.
“That she is. She’s becoming quite the stunner.”
Every part of me tensed, the beat of my heart stilling. “I have no words to tell you how grateful I am that you have allowed Ren’s innocence, Viktor. I…”
“Calm yourself, Dove,” he cut in quickly when he heard the implication in my declaration. “I have no intentions of turning your sister into a whore.”
I couldn’t help but sag with relief. Nodding, I swallowed. “Thank you.”
He sucked air through his teeth and I knew something was coming. I braced for it.
“You’re my highest earner, Dove. We both know that. And although I have no intentions of allowing your sister to step into your shoes, you should also know that if ever you feel the need to leave, then something, or rather someone, would have to step in to fill the gap you leave behind. Balance the books so to say.”
I didn’t miss his own hidden message this time. I nodded. “I know. And I will continue to give you myself in exchange for Ren’s safety.”
“Mmm.” His eyes slid down over the length of my silver dress, the expensive material skimming over my curves like it was made just for me. “I’m feeling in need of a little indulgence myself right now,” he stated with a small smile. “Follow me.”
I nodded, taking his hand when he reached out for me, and followed him through a door to the rear of the room that lead into his private quarters.
Knowing what was expected of me, as soon as he closed the door, I lifted my dress over my hips and pushed my knickers down my thighs and then bent over his desk, wiggling my arse and giving him a look over my shoulder. “I’m yours,” I told him, as I always did.
He stood watching me as he undid his fly, the sound of his zip distorted by the heavy music from the party that continued behind the door.
His face hardened when his eyes dropped to my backside. Closing my eyes, I clenched my teeth when he strolled over to me and gently ran his fingers along the scar on my right buttock. A heavy sigh left him. “I’m not as brutal as my younger brother.”
This was the first time he’d verbally acknowledged that he was aware about his brother’s ‘tastes’ and his voice held a sadness I couldn’t understand.
“I know,” I whispered. I didn’t know what else to say. This man owned me, in every way, and for me to tell tales, so to speak, about his brother was just not done. I prayed that now he knew about Felix he would stop him hurting me and the other girls, yet I also knew how this world worked. And my prayers would once again be unanswered.
I stuck my backside higher in the air when I heard him spit and coat his cock. Then I gave the usual moan when he slid inside me, the thick girth of him stretching my dry cunt painfully.
Viktor was always quick, always. And we all thanked God for that. He wasn’t cruel, or overly hard but the words he always spewed made each of our souls recoil in horror.
“This dirty fucking cunt will one day bleed for me,” he hissed through the harsh clench of his teeth. “You belong to me. A whore that takes cock, takes it hard. And fucking loves every minute of it!”
I nodded. “I do.” I grunted, forcing myself back harder on him and praying for him to hurry up. “I love cock, Master. I was made to take cock. My pussy is always greedy for it.”
My words luckily tipped him over before the evil that always left him brought the tears I never allowed free. I faked another orgasm – it was actually humorous that I had fucked hundreds of men, yet I had never experienced an orgasm. How fucking sad was that?
Viktor yanked off the condom, slung it in the bin under his desk then smiled at me as he tucked himself away and zipped up his trousers. “Always a pleasure, Dove. Go and join the party.”
“Thank you, Viktor.”
Lowering my dress back down, I kissed his cheek then went back out to Ren. The room was packed, everyone dancing and drinking, laughter loud and exhilaration in abundance.
My eyes scanned the room for her but with all the dancing bodies I couldn’t find her among the swaying crowd.
Retta came rushing towards me, her eyes wide and full of terror. My heart stopped when the most indescribable sensation slithered over me. My breath broke inside me when I saw Felix leaning against a pillar, watching me. Catching my eye, he winked and saluted me. Then he turned and walked out of the front door.
Something wasn’t right. He loved to degrade me, to break me down little by little. So why smile – and then leave? It didn’t make sense.
Every part of my skin broke out in a mass of goosebumps as my eyes scanned furiously around the room. Marcus hurried over to me when he saw me spinning in a circle on the spot, hunting.
“What’s wrong?” he shouted over the music as Retta reached me.
“I can’t find Ren!” I stumbled out. “I can’t find her! Where is she?” I was going into panic, my heart pumping the blood to my brain too quickly as I broke into a run.
“Dove!” Marcus shouted as he broke into a run behind me, but I couldn’t hear him over the frantic throb in my head.
Every room I checked was empty, every corner full of shadows as I hunted for my sister, praying with everything in me that the knowledge deep down inside me was wrong, that my instincts were wrong.
But when I found her, the tortured scream that burst from me popped a blood vessel in my eye, and told me that my instincts were never wrong.
I dropped to my knees before her, Marcus and Retta falling beside me as I scooped a shattered and bleeding Ren into my arms. Her broken sobs haunted my nightmares for years, the scent of her blood burning a place inside my mind for eternity. But it was the sight of her torn knickers that lay beside her that caused the cold, evil to spill into my veins. Such a simple item granted me the strength I found to plot and perfect a murder. But not just any murder. A murder that filled my soul with the blood of another, the murder that annihilated any virtue I had left.
And when Felix’s screams pierced the air around me six weeks later, in the cold empty warehouse where Marcus led him, all I heard was the happy laughter of a man I had once loved. A man that was now lost to me forever.
My sister’s stolen innocence gave me freedom. Or so I thought at the time. I was never really granted freedom. And I wouldn’t be until, once again, the darkness that lived in me fought for the end. Whether that would be Viktor or myself, only time would tell.
Present Day
FOR SOME REASON I was standing by the window, the pale light from the moon the only thing that told me we were back in the present. My whole body trembled with the memories. The sound of Ren’s heartbreak, the scent of blood, the rage that consumed me.
Flick sat on the bed, his eyes fixed on me as I came back from the horror of my past.
Very slowly, his
body lifted from the bed and he moved towards me. The air around him crackled with his own heartache, his eyes full of a sadness that mirrored my own.
I looked up at him, both of us overpowered with grief and sorrow, and I jolted when he lifted both hands and gently covered my face.
“Men flock to you because you’re stunning,” he whispered. Tears, unwanted tears, filled my eyes and I blinked them back. “But me…” His hands slid from my cheeks and into my hair, pushing it from my face and clearing a path for my tears. “I see the beauty that lies beneath all the horror, Dove. I see the brilliance of your soul.” My throat hurt, my heart beating so hard I was scared I was going to drop to my knees before him. “And it’s so fucking radiant that it’s blinding.”
I couldn’t speak, the softness to his voice captivating me, the complete adoration in his eyes digging so deep inside I could actually feel the warmth of his love embrace my heart. Looking up at him, I prayed with everything to come and everything gone that my life wouldn’t cripple and annihilate this beautiful man.
I kept my eyes locked onto his as he leaned forwards and so very softly pressed his lips to mine. My past, my future, the losses and the fear, it all evaporated when our skin touched again. My bones liquefied and Flick caught me in his arms, scooping me up against his chest as a whimper burst from me. He took it from me, devouring it with his kiss as he carried me over to the bed and sat. I couldn’t let go of him, my own arms hooked around his neck as his mouth moved over mine, the love in his kiss bringing fresh tears. For so long I had dreamed of what he would feel like again, how his lips would feel against my own. But never had I imagined it to take my emotions and obliterate them.
I clung to him, begging with my very soul for him to never let go. His kiss was so gentle, so warm, so utterly perfect. His fingers gripped my hair but it wasn’t a painful hold. He was grasping onto me as much as I was to him, both of us needing the grounding to save us from being consumed by each other.
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