by CORY CYR
“Oh God, don’t waste your time on me. Your talent lies in erotic pieces. I’d much rather be privy to one of those.” I blushed.
“Nothing has truly inspired me in a very long time. Reproducing your beauty on canvas is a task I gladly undertake. Besides, it’s not for public consumption. It’s for me. I want to be able to stare into those jewel-colored blue eyes and have instant recall regarding your taste and the feel of your body. I never want to forget.” He picked up two pieces of chalk. “Besides, you’ve already seen my best erotic works in person. You’ve been up close and quite personal with my cock.”
I pulled the sheet over my head and mumbled. “Stop. Please. I could die I’m so embarrassed.”
“Okay, okay… I’ll tell you the truth. You haven’t seen my best work yet, but you will. Can you take off your clothes for me?”
The request sounded casual, not sexual. I pulled my head out from underneath the sheet and looked at him questionably.
“It’s for the sketch, Elle. It’s called research,” he mused, putting his glasses back on.
I flung the sheet off me, and I suddenly felt nervous. He’d never called me by my nickname. That was reserved for friends. We might have fucked, but being friends… that was too personal. It would require time.
“You called me Elle. You’ve never called me anything but Ellery.” Among other things, like gold-digging bitch and home-wrecking whore. “No one but my friends calls me that, and I think we have miles to go until we’re at that stage,” I hissed nervously.
“Good God, calm the fuck down. Let me explain before you condemn me, believing I’m still that man, the one you despised. It’s not what you think.” He stopped abruptly as he tossed the chalk and placed his pad face down on his lap.
“While you were asleep, your phone was blowing up. I finally snuck a peek, and you had close to thirty text messages from Coco. I assume she’s your best friend. She sounded worried about you, so I called her.”
My eyes opened wide as my jaw dropped. He had called her? Oh shit. Did he mention last night? Because I was sure she thought I’d never go through with it. I groaned loudly. I’d planned to do it silently, but he heard it.
“I had to call her. I was concerned if I sent her a text, she would think I was holding you hostage. Somewhat funny, considering I was the one in cuffs. Anyway, I thought she might call the police, so I had no choice.”
I got out of bed and began to pace. “What did you tell her? Crap. I should have called her this morning. She probably thinks you murdered me.”
He flashed me a mocking smile. “So let me guess. She knows all about my elegant personality. You told her everything?”
I nodded reluctantly, but it felt like a betrayal of sorts. “She knows who you really are. Both identities.” Now it was my turn to hear him groan. I could see a small ticking in his cheek as he looked up at the ceiling while shaking his head.
“Can she be trusted, or do I have to get my checkbook? I can get Preston to pay for her silence.” Shock riddled my face as I stared at him in disbelief. “What? I’m used to it. I’m always careful as hell, but sometimes a rag mag will track me down and snap a photo. I could never take a chance of someone finding out the truth of who I really was, so when it happens, it’s an instant payday for him or her. They receive money and I get the footage. This is my life. Sometimes you have to pay for anonymity.”
“Not with Coco, not with her. She would never betray a confidence. You’re an art god to her as Wicked—but as far as you being Kieran Wick… Let’s just say the verdict is still out.” I glared at him, annoyed. I didn’t have the heart to tell him my bestie referred to him as Satan.
“Very funny,” he said as he picked up his shirt and threw it at me. I caught it and placed it on the bed.
“I owed her. I kept so much from her before. I never confided in her about Hartman. When he died, she expected us to get the gallery along with enough money to secure our future with Salacity. Your appearance and actions forced me to tell her the truth, most of it anyway. I’m not sure she could handle the truly dark shit. What it boiled down to is I had to explain to her why I married Hartman and who you were.”
“So I gather she hates me?” he said rather nonchalantly, as if he were used to the reaction.
I walked over to him and combed my fingers through his hair. “She doesn’t know you, so I think hate would be too strong of a word. She respects you as Wicked but has concerns about you being Hartman’s son. She’s afraid for me.” I moved back to my bed and sat on the edge.
“That’s actually kind of amusing, considering everything that happened last night. She doesn’t have to worry. That part of me is finished. I don’t want to be that man anymore. I’ll never allow pain of any kind to touch you again. I need you to believe me so you can make her believe it.”
“I want to trust you, but for me, it has to be earned. I can’t just give it. You expect me to forget everything you’ve said and done. My God, you violated me. I woke up with a piercing. Do you understand how many times your words and actions reminded me of your father? I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but it’s not going to be easy.”
“I get it. I’ve hurt you. I’ve done and said unforgivable things. I don’t expect you to forget, but please, I am begging you. Forgive me. I know now my father tortured you. The Wick name is scum. But give me time, I’ll prove it to you. I don’t want you to have any doubts in me or us. I want to be your friend. I want to earn the privilege to call you Elle.”
He wanted to be together; he believed there could be an us. This news should have left me overjoyed—if I wasn’t older and his last name wasn’t Wick. Our beginning had been tempestuous, the middle passionate, and the end frightened me because the thought of never seeing him again left me cold and desolate.
“I want total transparency between us. I will tell you everything—ask me anything—but I need you to do the same. I have to know what my father did to you. I need to hear it.”
My body shook as tears prickled my eyes. I tried blinking them back, but one got away and trickled down my cheek. “I never even wanted Coco to know about that. If she knew, it would destroy her.” I choked back a sob.
Kieran got up and tossed the pad facedown, then walked over to me. His arms circled around me as he sat. “Let me be your friend, Elle, even if I haven’t earned the right yet. Let it be my shoulder on which you unburden yourself. It’s nothing I want to hear, but I think you need to share it with me.”
“You have to understand how much I admired and respected your father in the beginning. He was like a mentor to me in all aspects of my life. We shared the love of art. We enjoyed each other’s company. He didn’t even kiss me for two years. I knew there was something off about him. I would hear chatter at work regarding his sex life, but I assumed it was just water cooler gossip. You know how women are. When he confessed he was ill, it caught me off guard. I mean, we saw each other for two years, but it was totally a platonic relationship. To be frank, I’d wanted more, but I never forced the issue. I just assumed he wanted me as a companion, not as a lover.
“He made a strong argument why I should marry him. It became all about protecting his assets so he could take care of me. I believed him. God help me. Somewhere deep inside, I knew all of it was wrong, but I did it anyway. It was never about the money, really, but the gallery, which was an opportunity to have my dream fulfilled. Your father paid for Salacity. Sure, my name was on the deed, but, in reality, he owned it and me. Coco and I had worked all of our lives with this as our goal. I wanted to secure our future. So I sold my soul to the devil.”
Embarrassment flooded my cheeks as I began recounting specific personal details. Kieran didn’t comment, but squeezed my hand occasionally to let me know he was there for me.
I stared at the carpet as tears began to choke my voice. “We never had sex… not the traditional kind. He only enjoyed oral and anal.” As he held my hand, I could feel it tighten as anger rolled off him in waves. �
�Seven times—I sold myself. He brutalized me. I always tried to rationalize his behavior because he was dying, yet he appeared lucid when he raped me.” I stopped to swallow a sob as my voice got very quiet. “Sometimes he used other things besides his cock to penetrate me.”
Kieran dropped my hand as his jaw clenched, and I saw thunderous rage flicker across his face. He sprang off the bed and went directly into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I heard the faucet come on. He was trying to stifle his reaction. But I could hear him as he howled in muffled anguish. I stayed seated on the bed for at least twenty minutes. What I confessed changed everything.
What he must think of me, among everything else I’ve done, I thought as I hung my head in humiliation.
He finally came out, his eyes reddened in despair. He appeared broken as he sat next to me.
“I should have never forced you to do anything. I’m no better than he was. You were right; I made you relive it all by becoming just like him. I’m a monster, too. God, there are no words I can say that would make this better. If I had the power, I would wish those years away for you. Just the thought that he fathered me makes me want to end my life. I want so much to transfuse his blood from my veins and be someone else.”
It was my turn to comfort him. Regardless of the fiend he’d known his father was, I just put the final nail in Hartman’s coffin. His son might never get past this. Hell, I wasn’t sure if I could, and we weren’t even blood.
“You’ll never be him. It’s not possible. As of today, whatever you were is now part of the past. Whatever happened before doesn’t have to define your future. You have the ability to channel your anger elsewhere, into your art.”
“I need you to go and get checked out by a doctor,” he blurted out, his expression disconcerted.
His request was odd and off the cuff. Exactly how did this fit into our present conversation? His expression was unsettling.
“What? Why would you ask me to do that that? I’m confused.”
“He killed my mother.” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“No, Kieran, that’s not possible. Your father was many horrible things, but he wouldn’t murder anyone, let alone your mother.”
“When we found out, it was too late. The cancer had originated in the cervix but then spread everywhere. He did that.”
I rubbed his shoulder as he shook. “Cancer doesn’t have an agenda. It attacks whoever, whenever; there is no rhyme or reason. I’m so sorry you lost her. It must have been devastating at your age, but your father didn’t do this. I promise.”
He took my hands and gripped them tightly. “The doctors blamed a variety of untreated sexually transmitted diseases. I didn’t go to medical school, so I don’t have the particulars. But I Googled it. Did you know that having continual STDs for some women is a death sentence? Especially since many you can’t detect unless you look for them specifically, so quite a few go unnoticed. My father was a manwhore, a cesspool of disease.”
I leaned back and arched my brow.
“At least I have the good sense to wear condoms. I even went out of my way to have them specially made so I didn’t have to remove my piercings every time. I know they’re not one hundred percent, so I have a checkup every six months. I never knew how many years he fucked around, but once my mother died, I always worried he passed something to me in utero. You would have thought my fear would keep my dick dry-docked for life, but I enjoyed fucking too much to sideline my cock.”
What he said had my mind reeling. Among every inhumane thing he’d done to me, could Hartman have given me some disease? Could he have been so cruel and callous that my health was of no concern? Or had it never occurred to him that his sexual behavior could put me at risk? I had wellness checks every year, but I doubted they ever tested for sexually transmitted diseases, and I hadn’t had a rectal since the injury two years ago.
Kieran was right. I needed to be examined. First thing Monday, I would go to my gynecologist.
“I hate Hartman for what he did to me, you, and to your mother. But you will never convince me he set out to kill the woman who gave birth to his son—his only child. He was many despicable things, but not a murderer. I’m not asking you to forgive him, but begging you to let it go. What you’re feeling inside will consume you piece by piece until you have nothing left to give anyone. And I want you whole. You and I shared more than sex, and we both recognize that. We have a bond now because we’ve shared our pain with each other. Don’t allow him to take anything more from either of us. The best revenge is that you and I find contentment. Some kind of happiness.”
His tongue slipped in my mouth as he cupped the back of my head. I inhaled him as he kissed me possessively. He began to speak as he broke away. “There is no happiness for me if I can’t be with you. You braved my darkness, and I want us to experience the light together.”
“I’ve never been ill even once since meeting your father.” I could sense panic rising inside.
“The way you work out and eat, you seem healthy to me. You appear to take care of yourself. There’s no way I’m willing to take a chance—not this time. I’m no doctor, and we need to know one hundred percent.”
“I do get a yearly exam, but if they missed something, have I’ve put you at risk?”
He clasped both my hands to his lips. “I was at risk the minute I tasted you on my fingers. Probably before that because I already knew when I first saw you, you’d be the one to unravel my world. I never planned to fuck you, you know. Why do you think I didn’t touch you that night in my room?
“I had to do something because I couldn’t get you out of my head. Of course I realized I’d pushed you too far when I woke bound to my bed. I knew immediately how screwed I was—literally. I wanted to say something then, but you would have thought it was a ploy to keep you at bay. By then, I’d been such an asshole… And let’s face it; with everything I’d done, you knew I had no moral compass, so whatever I said would have been disregarded or ignored. Using a condom was my last play. I’m not worried, Elle. No matter what happens, I’ll be here with you.”
I shook my head adamantly. This new revelation had shaken me to my core. Hartman had taken everything from me, and now he would deprive me of any future well-being. I’d always known there would be a price… but paying with my life? If he did transfer something to me, I would force Kieran to go. I would make sure he would want to leave, whatever I had to do. The thought of him going through this again and losing another person—no matter what he’d done, I couldn’t do that to him.
He pulled me close to his chest, placing a kiss to my head. “I need to call Preston. He’ll make all the arrangements for you to see Dr. Eisley tomorrow. He was my mother’s physician for years here in the States and was with her when she got sick in France. He’s well versed in all things Hartman Wick.
“I think I was five or six when I became aware my mother was always sick. It was either the flu or some kind of female issue. But she was always frail. You have none of the symptoms she had.” He held me back slightly where I could see an expression somewhere between anger and deep concern. He lowered his voice to just above a whisper. “They had regular sex. I’ll go out on a limb and say my mother would have balked if he’d asked for something other than missionary. She was pretty conservative.” He tried to give me an assuring smile.
“So on top of Preston knowing everything else, he’ll know about this, too, along with your family physician. What will they think of me? You’re Hartman’s son, for God’s sake.” I sucked in a feeling of defeat. I knew with utter certainty if our affair got out, I would be done. But this—our involvement combined with a venereal disease—if that went public, the Wick Empire would crash and burn. I’m not sure there would be any place far enough where I could hide.
“Baby,” he cooed, “this info will only be shared with people within my trusted circle.” He chuckled. “Hell, Preston already assumed we had sex. I’ve kept him in the dark regarding other things, so I�
�ll just add this to the list. He doesn’t need to know all the intimate details. But he is trustworthy. Preston would never betray your confidence. He’s the man I always wished was my father instead of the monstrosity I got. And Dr. Eisley has a facility to run the full battery of tests privately and discreetly. No one will ever know but us three. The results will take four or five days I think, and I won’t leave your side.”
“Four will know. I need to tell Coco. I can’t keep this from her. We’ve been friends too long, and I’m not sure she could take another betrayal. I want her to hold my hand through those tests. I don’t want you to have to go through it again. I need her support as well as yours. Please don’t let me be the one who makes you relive the past. I don’t want to be that person, because I’m afraid it will destroy any future you think we may have.”
“You text her, and I’ll send a car. I’m not happy about my ass being benched, but I get it. You need a trusted friend. Maybe eventually, I’ll fall into that category.”
As soon as our conversation ended, I sent Coco a text while Kieran called Preston, then for a car.
I felt physically overwhelmed and emotionally pushed to the edge. What just happened suddenly depicted a new reality. If I were sick, this man had saved my life. The depraved, pierced, and tattooed bad boy would be responsible for it all. Without everything that had happened, all this information would have remained concealed.
He’d told me I was the light in his dark world. I, too, had existed in blackness. I hadn’t known elation for many years. But with him, I felt comfort and solace, and now it might be ripped away. Maybe it was contemplating my mortality, but knowing him had satiated me at least for a little while. And I would rather have known one day with him than spend an entire lifetime without ever experiencing his touch.
Twenty-Eight
Kieran
My life would be over.
Elle had been right about one thing; I couldn’t go through that pain and loss again. But regardless, I would weather it for her. I owed her that much. We hadn’t had time to get to know each other. I was desperate to learn everything. Finding out about who she was prior to my father suddenly seemed more important than fucking her again. There was a lifetime of memories I wanted us to make. I wasn’t ready to lose her.
