His hand comes up and takes hold of my hips, where he adjusts the way I’m on top of him. Now it’s more like a straddle. I sit up so our faces aren’t so close. My hands come down and hold onto his arms. “I feel the same way. I couldn’t have stayed if it wasn’t for you.”
I playfully smack his cheek. “Aww, you’re so sweet when you’re honest.”
Since I’m no longer holding onto him, he takes me by surprise and rolls us over. Now he’s hovering over me, those lips I remember are awfully close. “How bad would it be if I wanted to kiss you again, Kimber?”
I shrug and pretend it’s not a big deal. “Like a little kiss, or full blown make out? I mean one is pretty casual. It’s normal to kiss your friends, right?”
He’s already coming in for it before I’m finished. It’s very slow. His lips brush over mine like he’s testing the water. I lean closer and fall into it. I know we shouldn’t. It’s probably wrong to want this. We’re just so close. I love being with him, even when we’re hanging out, which we do every single night. There’s never been anything more, not until this very moment. His tongue teases mine, so I take control. I pull away and draw him back just to intensify the need for more. He sucks on my lip and lets go, only to repeat the process again. Our tongues lightly brush, enough to make every single inch of my body tingle. I drag my hand through his thick hair and act like I’m not kissing someone who doesn’t belong to me. Just for once I want to pretend this could be my life.
When he finally pulls away I say the first thing that pops in my head so it’s not awkwardly silent. “You made me drop my wiener.”
He loses it. “Oh yeah, we’ll I’ve got one you can have instead.”
We sit up next to one another and brush of the sand. “I bet you do.”
He stands and holds out his hand for me to take. After helping me up I realize it wasn’t to lead me back to the fire. I’m back in his arms, his lips crashing against mine again. I stop halfway through another great moment. “I bet you take all the girls here.”
He leans forward again. “Please shut up.”
My arms come around his neck and before I can protest he’s picking me up and carrying me back to the fire.
This is bad. It’s so bad we should be ashamed of ourselves. I’ll stop when he does. I’ll stop when and if it starts to go any further. I mean it. I have to.
Chapter 27
Weston
I’ve tried to fight this feeling growing inside of me. I’ve told myself it’s wrong and that it can’t be real, but every single day I spend with her makes me certain this isn’t pity.
We’re sitting by the fire, her on my lap, our kissing becoming more than we both bargained for, and all I can think about is if she wants to stop. I’d never push her do something that makes her uncomfortable. I refuse to take advantage of our friendship, and that’s what we have. Ever since I came home she’s been there for me. Kimber has helped me to see I could live again. It’s been slow, and sometimes I have moments where I break down for no reason, but she’s always there to pick me back up. She keeps me going when I feel as if all is lost.
I don’t know how this happened. All I wanted to do was offer her a better life. I had plenty of room to spare, and it made me happy to do something for Brice even when she’s not here to see it. I felt like she’d be proud of our newfound friendship, but now I’m not so sure. What was once innocent is clearly more. Right now I’m not thinking about Brice. My hands are holding Kimber. My tongue and lips are kissing Kimber. I want Kimber. It’s wrong, but I can’t stop it. I’m tired of holding it in and questioning how it’s possible.
Kimber breaks our kiss and brings her thumb up to trace over my wet lips. I stare into those eyes and get lost in another wave of emotions I’m trying so damn hard to contain. My hand cups the small of her ass in those tiny bikini bottoms and I imagine how easily they would be to take off. She brings her lips close again and I meet them. This time I’m guiding her to grind over me. I want her to feel the effect she has over parts I’m no longer able to control. A soft moan vibrates as we part again. The lids of her eyes are heavy as she bites down on her bottom lip and smiles. “We should slow down, West. We wouldn’t want this to go too far.”
I feel defeated, but refuse to give up. When she tries to stand I keep her still. She gives me an unsure glance. “What if I can’t stop?”
“You can. We both can.” She cups my face when she’s says it like it will sink in easier.
“Fine. What if I don’t want to?”
Kimber attempts to stand a second time, but I keep her on my lap where she belongs. “West, seriously. Kissing is okay, but…”
“But what?” I ask while tracing those wet lips with mine again. One hand comes up and cups her right breast and as I do it I hear her softly moan again. “I want you.”
And again, her lips brush over mine. “You can’t. We can’t.”
We’re still kissing, and now my hand is under the sweatshirt and touching bare skin. I pinch at her hard nipple. She’s fighting a losing battle now. Her hips are beginning to move again, and I don’t think she even realizes it. I keep going, venturing around with one hand, lower to her abdomen, then down beneath her bottoms. I run the back of my hand over the fabric where her pussy sits. Her head falls back with a gasp. “Have mercy, West.” Our mouths crash for another go, while I continue to pet her there, where she’s so warm and wet already.
As soon as I feel that ass moving around I know I’ve made progress. She stopped fighting me. I’m so rock hard I can barely stand it. My hands continue shaking as I explore parts of her body I’ve never ventured. Her shaved pussy makes me crazy. I shove the crotch of her bottoms to the side so I’m able use my hands freely. One little stroke and I’m more turned on. She’s soaked and I could blow without being inside of her. It’s been too long, probably for the both of us. For something that we keep fighting, it’s impossible to deny now. She wants me too. I couldn’t stop now if I tried.
I feel her ripping at the string to my trunks. She’s trying to loosen them but failing. I distract her by pulling my sweatshirt over her head. The light of the fire will let me see things I’ve never had the pleasure. I lean her back and shove the sides of her top out of the way. She takes me by the neck and pulls me against her. I shove her further until she’s lying on the sand and I’m above her, finally giving my trunks a good shove, and then her legs are wrapped around my back. Right now we’re not thinking about anything else. It’s selfish and I know we’ll fight when it’s over, but I’m tired of lying in bed at night and hating myself for wanting her. Like it or not, something is happening between us that neither of us want to admit.
We’re slow and gentle. The fire dies down, but we keep going. The moment I’m inside of her everything changes. I feel alive again, and it’s all because of her. We come together, both of us crying out with our lips pressed together. We’re out of breath, panting and holding each other close, neither of us knowing what to say now.
Then I hear her sniffling.
Her head sits up from being on my chest and I wipe away the tears. “Talk to me.”
“I’m sorry, West. We shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why?” I hug her when I ask, because I’m afraid she might try to run.
“I’ll never know if you’re with me, or if I’m just replacing her.”
Oh God. No. “Kimber, do you really think I’d use you?”
She shakes her head, refusing to give me an answer.
“What just happened was between me and you. I never once thought about your sister. I swear.” I wipe my tears away and kiss her on the nose. “I’ve been thinking about this for weeks.”
“Why do I feel so scared?”
I sit up with her in my arms and hold her tightly. She rests her head on my shoulder and sniffles. My hands rub her back while I think of what I can say to comfort her. “I’m scared too. I’m scared of what people will say when they realize we’re more than friends. I’m scared of what your
father is going to do when he discovers what’s happening between us, but mostly I’m scared because I know I could love you.”
She finally lifts her head and manages a smile. “It’s because I’m a part of her right?”
I shake my head. “No. It’s really not. I love Brice. I’ll always love her, but we both know she’s gone. She wouldn’t want either of us to live the rest of our days alone. I didn’t want this to happen. We were just having fun. We spend so much time together. When I’m away I miss you. Whatever this is might have started because we both lost Brice, but what I feel for you now has nothing to do with your sister.”
She’s quiet again. “I don’t think I can handle it, West. I’ll always wonder if I’m being compared to her. It’s silly,” she says as she stands. “I know what I feel when I’m with you, but I’m jealous. I can’t compete with my sister. I won’t be compared to her.”
“I don’t do that.” I’m speechless. I should have seen this coming.
“That’s the problem. I trust you in every way, but a part of me will always wonder that, and now we’ve slept together so things are going to be horrible between us.”
I walk up and shake her so she stops. When I have her attention I say one more thing. “You can think whatever you want, but what we just experienced together was unique. It was us. It’s all we have. I’m not perfect. I’m always going to miss her, and maybe it’s fucked up that I want to be able to miss her together, but that’s all I can offer you. I’m sorry if it’s not enough, Kimber. I really am, because I know we could be good for each other.”
She nods. “Okay.”
“Okay?” She confusing me now.
“It’s okay if we miss her together.”
“Are you sure?”
She’s barely nodding, but I take it as a yes. “What do we have to lose?”
I rub the sides of her arms. “Oh I don’t know, just everything.”
We gather our things and head back to the truck. It’s not exactly how I saw things going, but I get why she’s scared. I’m scared. I’m a thirty year old man who suddenly has feelings for his dead fiancée’s sister. I need to be on a talk show. I need my head checked, or at least that’s what I think everyone will say when they find out.
I’ve contemplated the best and worst scenarios and either way it goes I know it won’t change the way I feel about her. If anything, it will make me want to protect her more. Coming home was hard. Becoming friends with someone I once despised was hard. Wanting to take care of someone else was hard. Developing feelings for Kimber was easy, so easy I never saw it happening until it was too late to turn then off.
Chapter 28
Kimber
I’ve known for a while that something was happening between us. It started with little things. He’d tickle me when we were watching television, or throw beans at me during dinner. I’d be blind if I didn’t notice the way he looks at me, but I always just thought it might be because I remind him of Brice. We’re not exactly the same. My hair is longer, and has a red tint in the sunlight. I’m shorter, and built more for sports, where she was always studious. Brice liked doing things outdoors, but she liked books more.
Our ride home from the beach is quiet. I feel like the five minutes drive takes an hour. When we pull up at the house West insists on putting the boards away. I head inside and go straight upstairs to get ready for a shower. We said we were going to try to be together, but now I’m wondering if he’s having second thoughts.
I’m sitting on the edge of the tub testing the water when I see him come up the steps. He stands on the landing and crosses his arms. “What are you doing?”
“Taking a shower, why?”
“I thought we’d get one together. You know, conserve precious water and all.”
“You haven’t said a word to me since we left the beach.”
“You haven’t said a word to me either. And that’s wrong. I told you I had the boards.”
I roll my eyes. He’s right. He did say that. “So you think that because we screwed on the beach we should just start showering together? What’s next, sleeping together?”
He motions with his hands like it’s not a big deal. “Well, yeah.”
Here’s the thing. I’d love to shower with him every single day. I’d love to wake up next to him every single morning, but I’m scared. I feel like I’m trampling on my sister’s grave and it breaks my heart. “West, I know we had sex, and I do have feelings for you that I’m trying to figure out, but we have to go slower. There’s still parts of this that are hard for me, and they’ll be that way for you too. We can’t pretend this is going to work.”
“Why not?”
I stand up and wave my hands around as if it will make him understand. “Because I’m not just going to replace my sister, that’s why.”
I take a few steps and slam the door shut.
He yells from the other side. “This is why there’s no comparison. I want you because you’re nothing like her, you stubborn asshole. Just like our first kiss. I never said it was bad. Kissing you was an entire different experience. I liked it too much, obviously. Why do you think I wanted to do it again? You know what, forget it. You’re right. This won’t work.”
I cover my mouth to keep him from hearing me cry. It’s all been made clear. Crystal freaking clear. Suddenly there is no one standing in the way. What happened on the beach was the most intense experience I’ve ever had. I can’t fight this anymore.
“West wait!” I’m not paying attention when I start to run down the stairs. I lose my footing halfway and start tumbling. West is standing over me when I hit the bottom. He’s laughing and worried at the same time, if that’s possible. He takes my hand and helps me up. “Jesus, woman, you okay?”
“That hurt.”
He pulls me close and kisses the top of my head. “I’m sorry. The truth is, I’ve never been in a real relationship before, not one like this. It was easy pretending I didn’t want anything more from you, but now we can’t take it back.”
“Do you want to take it back?”
“No. I don’t, but I also didn’t want to fall in love with you, and if that’s what’s happening I’m screwed.”
West laughs at me. “Why are you screwed?”
“Because I don’t deserve this with you. It’s not my life to have.”
“How do you know you’re not exactly where you’re supposed to be?”
I look to the ground to avoid eye contact. “I’m not trying to sound like a jealous crazy person, but if Brice were still alive you’d be with her.”
“If Brice were still alive you and I wouldn’t be friends. We wouldn’t have connected from our shared loss, and we wouldn’t have become the best of friends because of that connection. You’re right. We wouldn’t be together, but we could stand around all day and talk about what ifs. You sent me story after story of what ifs. It changed nothing, except for my respect for you, Kimber.”
A single tear skids down my cheek. “I’m scared that if I love you I’ll lose you too, and then I won’t have anything left to live for.”
He takes me by the hand and starts pulling along until we’re in the bedroom. Then he kicks the door shut and leads me into his bathroom. He’s still holding my hand when he turns on the shower and adjusts the temperature. It’s not until he’s finished that he speaks to me. “The truth is we never know when we’re going to leave this earth. We have one life and I’d like to spend my time with my best friend. I’ll go slow. I’ll stop if that’s what you need, but don’t you ever think I don’t want you for who you are to me.”
He cups my face and kisses me slowly, his tongue teasing mine just enough to make me want more. “You make me want to look forward to tomorrow.”
“When you say things like that you’re hard to resist.”
He’s pulling me under the shower head with our clothes still on. “We’ll go slow and I promise if it’s too much we’ll go back to being the way we were. We won’t even tell anyone until yo
u say it’s okay.”
“Stop being so nice.”
“I’m not. I’m horny, and that little frolic on the beach wasn’t enough. I hope you’re not tired, because I have a lot of convincing to do.”
We start in the shower and end up in bed. Bee is the only one who isn’t thrilled with the current situation, especially when we kick her out of the bedroom for staring. She’s allowed back in when we finally take a breather, and snuggles up at the foot of the bed, where West tells me she’ll stay. He holds me close and even when I’m drifting off he kisses me on the head. I want to hate myself for what we’re doing, but I can’t, not when every second we’re like this makes me want to be with him more.
When I hear him snoring I lie awake and think of my sister. I wonder if she hates me, or she’s somehow helped us find one another. I may never be certain, but what I do know is that my sister wasn’t selfish. She loved West with her whole entire heart. There’s no way she’d want him to live out the rest of his life alone, and I have to believe she’d feel the same way about me. Caring about West doesn’t mean we don’t love Brice. I’m not taking what is hers. She’s gone and we can’t change it. I’m simply falling in love with what could be mine.
Chapter 29
Weston
It’s been three months and we’ve kept our relationship a secret. It’s been tough in the house, especially with my brothers. Not much has changed to warrant their curiosity. We always sat next to each other on the couch and wrestled around at times. Except now when we’re on the couch with the covers pulled high, we’re holding hands or doing more without them even noticing. We’ve sat with both of the twins for an entire movie and they never even looked in our direction. At night she waits for them to go to sleep before coming downstairs, or sometimes I go up to her, granted Bee comes too and it’s a little tight with the three of us.
To be honest it’s like I’m a teenager again, hiding a relationship from my parents. It’s sort of fun and also risky. For the most part Kimber and I don’t act much different around each other. We’re always friendly. No one has said anything, at least until we got careless.
Waves of Despair: Oyster Cove Series Page 17
