She was alone. The woman was never there.
Abby shook and slowly turned her head to look at the setting sun outside behind the city buildings. Her stomach was churning again; and when she blinked, she threw up. She was hunched over, staring outside the window at the sun, spitting puke from her mouth as her eyes turned red with tears. She could have sworn she had seen the woman before and had heard everything she had said. She could not understand what was happening with her, but she knew she was not okay.
She could not tell what reality was and what was not anymore. The virus was infecting her mind, and not only could she feel it in her body but her mind as well. She shivered and rubbed spit from her lips and then leaned back onto the wall looking at the shut door in front of her. She wondered how many things she had imagined. If Tomas had ever been real in the first place. If she was even alive at all. She touched her face softly and felt some teardrops. She felt very numb inside. She closed her eyes and took in a long deep breath and sighed.
“You didn’t answer me.” She heard the woman say angrily. Abby opened eyes wide and jumped. The woman was crouched in front of Abby with tattered clothing and a bruised face. Some of her teeth were bashed in, and one eye was bloody. She did not look happy. Abby got to her feet, her heart pounding, legs trembling. She fell sideways and caught herself on the wall. She reached for her hockey stick and pulled it up. She looked back, but the woman was gone again.
She needed to get out of this building. She felt crazy, and her head was pounding. Her shirt was soaking with sweat, and her eyes were red. She stumbled forward towards the door as darkness started to fill the room. The door opened with a loud squeak that echoed through the larger office. Abby looked around as her eyes adjusted to the darkness in the room. There was a little sunlight outside that kept the room from being pitch black, and Abby was grateful. She felt very alone and scared. She had followed that woman around the building and talked with her. She was all in Abby’s mind, and it made her feel so stupid.
She walked through the office slowly, the hockey stick slamming on the floor, her breath coming out ragged and sharp. She sniffled and found her way to the hallway they had come from and entered. It was dark inside, and Abby could barely see in front of her. She breathed heavily and stared ahead of her. Her mind was telling her something was there, and it was coming for her. She opened the first door she came to and pushed herself in. It was another large office, yet this office had been under renovations.
Wind blew in from an unfinished window to her left. It sent eerie whistles throughout the cramped room. She moved slowly around the covered desks and chairs and towards the other side of the room. Paper danced along the floor as a gust of wind blew through. She was too scared to go back into the hall. She looked to her left and saw the last light from the sun disappear. It was cold now. She shivered and took in a deep breath as she moved slower through the room. She could hear tarp flapping in the wind and something else moving with it. She gritted her teeth and stopped next to a ladder that had buckets of paint on it.
Abby looked around trying to see; but even as her eyes adjusted, she could barely make out what was in the room. She pressed her lips together and grabbed her necklace, confused of what to do. Her ragged breath sounded too loud, and it made her worry it would attract something. Though she felt it would not even matter. She was dying and wanted to die. She had come here to find a nice safe place to die and that was the truth. Did it matter if something else took her? She looked down feeling guilty.
“So you do?” A sharp voice asked from beside Abby. Abby looked over gasping, and the woman was leaning on the ladder touching one of the paint cans lightly. Abby hurried away with tears running down her face. She heard the woman grunt.
“Then why are you running?” The woman asked as she appeared in front of Abby. Abby let out a painful scream and fell backwards hitting the floor hard. Her hockey stick made a loud bang as it slammed down onto the ground with her. Pain shot through her body, and her chest ached. The woman stood in front of her with a red gown on, and she was smiling. Abby pushed herself towards a desk and covered her eyes, crying.
“Go away.” She begged as she choked on tears. She heard footsteps and saw a light coming through her fingers. She looked up and saw Tomas sitting next to the woman, smiling at her with a dirty face. The woman leaned downward and tilted her head then said, “Stop wasting time.”
Tomas giggled and Abby covered her eyes again and shook. She needed to puke again and felt her stomach turn. She had never felt so sick and out of it in her whole life. She forced herself to her feet and stepped down on her left leg. Pain shot through her like a knife stabbing into her back. She pushed herself forward going for her hockey stick. She just wanted it all to stop; and when she reached down for her hockey stick and looked back up, it all did. The woman and Tomas were gone, and the room was filled with light and silence.
There was a man standing in front of her with a thick beard and dark eyes and a bald head. He smelt like piss and alcohol. And he had a crazed look in his eyes. Abby blinked, confused at first, and then wondered if he was just a part of her sickness. However, the tight feeling in her gut made her know he was real. He had something in his hands; and before Abby could get a look at it, he jumped at her. Abby moved backwards, but he was on her pulling at her clothes and cursing at her.
Abby screamed and tried to fight back. She was too weak, and her limbs felt as if they weighed a hundred pounds. He threw her to the ground and hit her with the butt of a pistol and let out a laugh. Abby’s head bounced on the floor. The world went spinning round her as blood filled her mouth. She could feel the man’s rough hands tugging at her clothes. She put her hands in front of her face and tried to breath. He was sitting on her chest, crushing it. She screamed as one of his hands hit her bite marks, and she clawed at his face. She felt skin under her nails as she slashed again.
The man roared in anger and grabbed a handful of her hair and ripped it out. She cried out and grabbed at her head. She felt blood. The man ripped her sweater, and she could feel his hands trying to rip her undershirt off. She kicked and shoved, but nothing worked. It was when his right hand smacked her across the face that she realized the gun was no longer in it. As the world around her raced and blood filled one of her eyes, she reached around her hysterically. When she thought all hope was lost, she felt cold metal under her fingertips.
She grabbed it and swung it at the man’s head. It hit him hard. He fell away from her, screaming and kicking. Abby pushed herself upwards and scooted backwards, gasping for air and rubbing blood from her eye. Her leg was throbbing and burning. She felt faint and ill. She looked over at the lantern he had left on an uncovered desk away from her then back at him. He stood up holding his head.
“You bitch!” He spat out with a deep starchy voice. She moved the gun towards her chest and aimed it at him. She had never used a gun before and was not even sure it was loaded. He leaped up and charged at her. Abby screamed, closed her eyes, and squeezed the trigger. The gun went off, numbing her ears, and causing her head to feel worse. She did not hear the man scream, however she did hear his body hitting the floor with a load thud. She opened her eyes and saw his body lying motionless.
She kept the gun up, shaking, and crying. When he did not move after five minutes, Abby moved forward and found her hockey stick. She picked it up and stood up hurting. She lightly kicked the man, and he did not move. She turned him over with her right foot and saw he had a bullet right under his throat. His eyes were wide open, and they were looking right at her. Abby chewed on her bottom lip and then spit out blood. He was dead, and she was alone again.
Abby could hear the wind howling outside and felt very cold. She was trembling, and the world around her was spinning. She started to walk, stumbling with every step. She felt so cold, and the blood in her mouth had a taste of bile in it. She would pass out soon, and she knew that. She feared that someone else was in the room with her, but she figured they would have already
come for her. She grabbed the lantern on the desk and walked forward.
There was another light ahead of her, and she went toward it. She could smell something rotting in the room. She rounded a large desk and found herself staring at the corner of the room. There was another lantern next to a makeshift bed. It had many different blankets and pillows on it. Next to it was a small side table full of empty cans and dirty bowls. Abby saw a bucket away from the set up and could smell piss. Then right next to it, lying on a bloody sheet, was a naked woman’s body.
Abby stared at it for a long time. She had been badly beaten, and one of her arms had been cut off. Her face was covered in bruises, and clumps of her hair had been pulled out. Abby’s stomach twisted in knots. She tried not to wonder what had happened to the poor woman. She wanted nothing more than for the corpse to just go away. Just disappear along with everything around her.
Abby walked towards the makeshift bed and fell onto it as her vision blurred. She ignored the pain from the fall and sat with her left leg stretched out and her right under her. She started to sob as she squeezed the gun in her right hand awkwardly with her finger brace. Her body was burning, and she was sweating. Her mind was spinning. She had just killed a man, even though she did not want to. Even though he deserved it, she felt a pinch of guilt. She did not want the world to be this way. She did not want anything to be this way.
Abby lifted the gun and stared at it forlornly. She waved it back and forth shaking. Her hands felt heavy, while her head very light. She looked up towards the darkness of the room and listened to the wind and silence. She took a quick glance at the dead woman. And back down at the gun as she let out a cry.
“I can’t do it…” She shook and choked on her words. The pain was unbearable, and the loneliness was ripping her apart inside. She lifted the gun, and her hand shook. She rubbed her face with her free hand and sniffled.
“I’m so sorry…” She choked. She took in a deep breath and pressed her lips together. She felt her skin crawl as she raised the gun. She bobbed her head back and forth, tears running down her dirty face, her heart beating faster than it ever had before. She took in a long deep breath.
Abby looked upwards at the roof and felt tears roll down her face. The roof was white with dark stains on it. She felt suddenly very numb inside. She was squeezing her necklace, and her lips were shaking. She had to breathe. Everything felt like a blur with no way out. She closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip. How did things become this way?
She put the gun down and shivered.
“I’m so sorry,” She whimpered to herself.
“We all get lost sometimes. And that does not matter. All that matters is that we find ourselves before it is too late.” She muttered with sleepiness. Her expression was dead, and she was just looking around with hollow eyes. She was not fine, but she felt that somehow she would be okay. Somehow in this fucked up world, she felt as if the fight inside her was alive again. She lay down and fell asleep.
“I knew you would do this. I knew you would drag it out of me. You always do.” Aaron cursed as he threw his hands up. His face was hard, and his body stiff. He had such anger in his eyes, and it made Abby fill with fear. She could not believe he was acting this way; and the guiltier he sounded, the more he blamed her, and the worse she felt.
“I didn’t do anything. I just asked! It did not look right. I felt bad. I needed to know,” She cried as she sat down on the bed behind her. Aaron rolled his eyes and crossed his arms and glared at her then looked away. He could not even look her in the eye. Her stomach turned, and she felt sick. She stared at his phone on the side table next to the bed.
“Now you do! Happy?!” He almost yelled. She wrapped her arms around herself and started to sob and rubbed her face. “What does she mean to you? It didn’t look just friendly.” She cried. He grunted loudly and tossed his arms in the air again.
“Just a work friend okay! I had a little crush on her, but that is over.” He snapped and started to pace around the floor. His face turned red as his eyes filled with daggers. Abby felt her heart drop into her stomach, and her throat tightened. A crush? She felt so lightheaded and ill. It was so stupid, but she found herself caring more than she should.
“What did I do? Why won’t you talk to me? I keep trying so hard-“He cut Abby off and said, “You didn’t do anything, and I didn’t cheat! Okay? I wanted to be closer to her, and I realized that and stopped myself before anything happened.”
Abby looked at him with agony. She felt as if she did not know him anymore. One moment he was telling her she was his everything, and he would marry her and had no doubt he would. Now he was talking about how he could have cheated, but he had to stop himself. She wanted to throw up, and he just kept blaming her.
“You wanted to sleep with her?” She exclaimed feeling hopeless. He shot her a mad glare and replied sharply, “NO! I did not!” Yet she felt as if he already had. He had done everything to get closer to her at work and then had to stop, so nothing would happen. How was that not cheating? She felt so stupid and blind. Maybe if she were smarter or prettier, then he would stop being this addict and love himself and them the way he had before.
She felt so lost and alone, and all she wanted was for him to comfort her. “But it is like cheating. You thought about her, didn’t you? About sleeping with her?” She felt anger and disgust building up inside her. How could he do this? How could he be so cruel? They had a beautiful thing going on, and yet he wanted to ruin it, because he was too scared to admit he had a problem. Though she knew she did not help being so clingy and scared.
“No.” He snapped again, putting his hands over his face.
“Then why did you have to stop seeing her!” Abby cried with anger as she threw her hands in front of her. Aaron turned around with narrowed eyes and an unpleasant expression.
“Don’t you even love me?” She cried, “Why would you do this?”
“Shut up!” He screamed at her, “Just shut up!”
Abby choked on her words and had never felt so frightened of him. He had never yelled at her before. Never screamed at her like this. There was so much abuse in his voice, so much hate, and bitterness. Abby’s cheeks were burning, and she was going to faint. She could not believe he had yelled at her. She wanted to say something, but no logical words would come.
“You yelled at me,” She cried softly.
She did not know what to say or do. She felt so cheated and betrayed. She felt so lost and broken. It was as if everything she had believed in was not true. He always swore he loved her more than anything, and yet there a problem stood, and instead of trying to work together he was running to someone else, because they did not know of this problem. He would not be filled with guilt or disappointment. He would just have it easy and not have to worry about the truth. She knew she did not make it easy, yet deep down she also knew it was not her fault, and she should not take this abuse.
She went to sleep with tears in her eyes that night and an empty belly. She felt so cold and sick. She did not know what to believe or what to trust anymore. She wanted to believe he would never cheat. However, she did not trust him. And she finally realized she had never really trusted him inside. She squeezed her pillow and sniffled into it. Aaron got into bed and pulled her close into a cuddle.
He kissed her neck softly and held her very tightly. His hands traced her nakedness, and he kissed her cheek. She hated how he did this. Every time they fought instead of figuring it out he would just kiss her and pull her in. And she let it happen and allowed herself to forget the pain. It was as if he was saying sorry but not really. She felt his hot breath on her neck, and she closed her eyes.
“I love you so much,” He whispered with a kind voice. A tear rolled down Abby’s cheek. She did not feel safe anymore. She did not know what she felt. She just felt very confused and lost. She was hopeless and so scared to lose Aaron, and worst of all she had no idea how to save him… save them. She could not lose him. She had no idea what she would do
if she did. However, she felt so sad inside. He had no right treating her this way, but she was the one allowing him to do it, and it made her feel ashamed.
“I love you,” Abby replied with a powerless tone.
Chapter nine
Abby dragged herself out of the building and into the blinding light outside. The air had a twist of rot in it, and it made her gag slightly. She was happy she did not have anything in her stomach. She looked up into the sky with calm eyes and down at the empty streets. The city seemed so bare without people. Loneliness filled her, and she shivered. Suddenly the sound of something shuffling to her right caught her eye. Two people were standing a little ways from her with puzzled expressions. Abby stared at them with a blank face.
The man was very tall and well-built with a face full of dark hair and bright hazel eyes. He wore a white button down shirt that was dirty and old blue jeans. He had a bag over his shoulders and a gun in his hands that was pointed straight at her. His face looked weary, but his eyes were alert. The woman was short with a bubbly pink face and brown eyes. She had long blond hair and was a little thick. She had a nonchalant expression and a relaxed pose. She wore a long blue blouse that had little white birds on it and had black jeans on. She had a red backpack and a bat in her hands. She smiled at Abby uncertainly and started to raise her hand. Abby did not move. She just stared blankly.
“Are you okay?” The woman asked with a squeaky small voice. She had a pleasant face and a kind voice. Abby did not reply. The woman took a step, causing the man to tense.
“She has a gun.” The man snapped at the woman. He tightened his grip on his gun as his face hardened. Abby looked down sadly at the gun in her right hand. She did not even want the gun. The woman glanced at the gun in Abby’s hand and back at Abby’s face and gave a small smile.
“My name is Megan. Do you need help?” Megan asked with such softness in her voice. The man tensed more and moved closer to Megan. He looked very annoyed and had no trust in his eyes. However, Megan moved closer and eyed Abby’s hockey stick and left leg.
The Amour series (Book 1): The Embers of Amour Page 9
