Actually during the night, it was not Harry on my mind but Miller who calls himself God. The boldness hooks me under the gills. The very idea makes Harry look like a dead fish. Harry, I say. What would Miller do if I paid him a visit?
Harry’s bewilderment. You want to visit him?
People like that interest me.
He’s a fake, Harry says.
Fake or not. He’s a shaman. Gifted with spirit. So full of spirit he doesn’t know how to contain it. I want to see him.
You’re the epitome of tolerance, Harry says. You accept everything with no discrimination at all.
No I don’t. I want to know everything. How does Miller confront the great religions of the world?
He ignores them.
Because I care about God, I say. I love my God. Don’t you?
Harry is puzzled. How can you love something so abstract?
Gratitude, I tell him. Isn’t it obvious.
Gloomy Harry, God is so cruel, he says.
That’s what Jesus is for, I say. Now I want to see Miller. I want to find out what he knows. Why should you be the one to talk to him? I’m the one who can learn from him.
Well, Harry says. I wish you luck.
19
David Leo
They took me back to Stump Island that I never hoped to see again. Going to my trial. Late in the afternoon under a sky full of high gloom in a boat with an outboard motor almost swamped in the black resisting sea. Windy. Cold. I held my knapsack in my lap not to get it wet in the bottom of the boat. The cold made holes and crawled into my windbreaker.
We ate on the island, burgers from shore. Kerosene lamps in the empty house. Then only sleep because Loomer didn’t want the trial until tomorrow. I in a sleeping bag in an empty room guarded by Nick, who had a rifle in his lap. I considered how to escape. Outwit my captors and dash through the woods to the boat. Best bet, wait until Nick fell asleep, then grab the rifle. They’d come after me with guns, and I’d have to get that engine going. I was tired of heroics, sick of adventure. I thought these people are insane, I am going to die, and nobody knows, nobody cares. How could I have been such an idiot as to be here, how could I have avoided it? I thought Loomer had something up his sleeve, but it wouldn’t help me. I gave up trying to wait out Nick, who was still awake when I fell asleep.
In the middle of the night the rifle went off. It was nice in the dark after the bang with Loomer yelling before he could light the lamp, and Nick yelling back and Loomer cussing when the match went out. Loomer was pissed off but Nick was cool. He said the rifle went off by itself.
In the morning Loomer cooked eggs on a wood fire, a stack of firewood next to the house. Best breakfast I ever had in such conditions. After breakfast he sent me out to shit, we’d have the trial when I was done. The outhouse smelled like summer camp, the pine needles and the soaked dead leaves on the ground, which would have been nice except for the conditions. The trouble with the conditions was I had nothing to compare this with and therefore no idea how it would come out. A game. My death. They did give us the baby back. I wondered why.
They had the trial in the building that looked like a wind tunnel, a corrugated aluminum cylinder with a big open space inside. Dead farm implements. A box of crutches in the corner.
A gouged table in the middle. Loomer sat in an old armchair at one end, Nick and I on wooden folding chairs, Nick next to him and I across. Rifle leaning on Loomer’s chair.
Oyez oyez, Loomer said. Davey, you’re charged with killing Oliver Quinn by pushing him off the waterfall on the path to Meditation Point. How do you plead?
Ridiculous.
You plead not guilty. Nicky, we’ll open with your testimony. Then Davey’s defense. You start, Nick.
What do I do?
Tell what you saw. Why are you accusing Davey?
I don’t know.
You need a lawyer to guide you through your testimony.
I don’t have any lawyer.
I’m your lawyer. I ask and you answer. Start at the beginning, Nick. On the day Oliver was killed, you and Davey and Oliver was in the woods. What were you doing there?
Is it okay to tell?
Tell everything, Nicky.
Oliver. He wanted me to shoot Davey.
Wait a minute. Careful, Nick.
Shoot me?
Shut up, wait your turn. Shoot Davey, did you say? When were you supposed to do that?
You mean like when he crossed the waterfall? The tiger’s tongue.
Is that right? So what happened?
I don’t know.
Never say I don’t know, Nicky. It makes you seem indecisive. Did Davey cross the waterfall?
He came back down.
He came down? Then what?
He went up again.
With somebody?
Oliver went with him.
Then what? Did somebody else come along?
You came along.
Did I really? And what did I do?
You said let you do it.
Do what, Nicky?
Shoot the black man.
Come on, you’re kidding. Shoot Davey? I? I said I’d shoot Davey, is that your testimony?
I guess. What’s testimony?
Testimony is what you say, Nicky. Well did I shoot him? I don’t know.
Well what did you see next?
I saw Oliver on the rocks.
Did you see anything before that?
I don’t know.
Remember what I said about I don’t know. Did I shoot?
Yes.
What did I shoot at?
I don’t know. Squirrels? You shot at squirrels.
Did I get any?
I don’t know. I guess. You’re a good shot so you got a squirrel.
And then you saw Oliver on the rocks? Was he dead?
You said he was dead.
What did Davey do?
He talked to you.
He came back down first. So why are you accusing Davey of killing Oliver?
I don’t know.
You don’t? Didn’t he kill Oliver?
Yes, he killed Oliver.
How do you know?
You told me.
I? What did I tell you?
You said Davey pushed Oliver.
Did you see Davey push Oliver?
No.
Think again. Did you see Davey push Oliver?
Yes.
Where were you when you saw him?
I don’t know. I was with you.
You were at the bottom looking up?
Yes.
You saw Oliver cross and Davey right behind him and when Oliver was over the elephant’s pecker Davey reached out and give him a shove. Is that what you saw?
Yes.
What did Oliver do then?
I don’t know.
Never say you don’t know. Did he fall?
Yes.
What happened to Oliver when he fell?
He died.
So who killed Oliver?
The brown man did. Him. Davey.
Okay now we’ve established that—
You haven’t established that, I said.
Loomer ignored me. What do you think we should do to Davey?
I don’t know.
Should he pay?
Yes.
Why? Because he killed your teacher? Your best friend. Do you miss Oliver?
I miss Oliver.
You’ll never see Oliver again. Does that make you sad?
Nick started to cry.
Does it make you mad?
What kind of trial is this? I said. You’re stirring him up.
Why he’s got a grievance man, release his bottle up feelings. Okay Nicky, it’s Davey’s turn. Let’s see what he got to say for himself. He looked at me. What’s your defense?
I didn’t kill Oliver. I was nowhere near him. I was on the ground and he was three-quarters across—
Over the elephant’s pecker or the tiger’s tongue?
&nb
sp; I don’t know what you’re talking about. It sounds to me from Nick like you killed him yourself.
Easy man, it don’t help the defendant to accuse the judge.
Nick looked at Loomer, a shocked expression in his eyes.
Nick says you shot the gun. What happened, did you miss me?
Nick says I shot a squirrel, Loomer said. He was calm like he was expecting everything we said, like he was drawing it out of us.
What are you up to? I said.
Shit man, Loomer said. I just want to get this business over with. So it’s your theory Oliver slipped on those rocks he had crossed a hundred times in his career since the short time Miller Church moved to Miller Farm? He just simple stupid slipped?
It’s my theory somebody shot him.
That would be easy to check if we had the body. Unfortunately, the body’s burned. All we got is your word against Nick whichever the judges deem is most plausible.
And what Nick said, I said. He saw you shoot and Oliver fall.
Did you say that Nick? Did you see me shoot and Oliver fall? Is that what you saw?
I don’t know.
You ought to stick to your story. You can’t go around changing your story all the time.
Okay, Nick said.
Listen man, Loomer said to me, your chances in this trial ain’t good if you go around saying I shot a man on the waterfall.
I don’t intend to. If I get out of here alive, I won’t come within a hundred miles of you or Miller Farm long as I live.
Had enough of us?
Damn right.
That’s a point to consider. Let’s see what you and Nicky’s testimony has produced. There’s the question if I shot a gun when Oliver fell, what I was shooting at? Nicky knows I wasn’t shooting at Oliver, don’t you, Nicky?
Nicky thought and said, Yes.
I was supposed to shoot you, but evidently I didn’t.
Unless you missed, I said.
I don’t miss. Does the evidence suggest I was trying to save your life?
He looked like I should answer this and I felt a little roller coaster thrill. I didn’t want to assent but he stared me into it. It might, I said.
Would that be because maybe I thought it wouldn’t be good to let you get killed on your first visit to the Farm with your connections and your mission? Or could it be that I am basically good and don’t approve of killing?
It might be.
But goodness knows, I wouldn’t shoot Oliver would I? Not if I don’t approve of killing. Do you understand what we’re talking about, Nicky?
No.
Don’t worry, it’s just high I.Q. chitchat, it has nothing to do with you. So what on earth could have made Oliver fall?
Maybe you hit the wrong man, I said.
Hell man, he said. I’m the best shot on the Farm. Is it possible I was shooting to scare you just before you pushed Oliver. Maybe the bullet went bang up whiz between your hand reaching out and Oliver’s shoulder waiting to be reached, zip between you and him to prevent you pushing at the very moment Oliver lost his balance and fell. Is that a good compromise?
Not very.
Never mind what you think. Is it plausible for Nicky? That’s what counts, ain’t it, Nick?
I don’t know.
Never say that. Maybe the shock waves of the shot trotted Oliver down bouncing off rocks until he were dead. Would you buy that, Nicky?
I don’t know.
It’s the same difference to you because it’s still Davey’s fault if he started to push and it was the shock waves to stop him that sent Oliver over the edge. We’re talking about this from Nicky’s point of view. Nicky’s version which ain’t necessarily your version. That’s for the judges to decide, which version. Is that all? You got anything more to say for yourself?
Why would I kill Oliver? I said. I don’t kill things. It would be insane to kill Oliver in the midst of you people.
You wanted him dead, Loomer said.
I thought of denying it and decided not to. That’s not the same, I said.
Loomer shrugged like I had proved his case.
Take a break, he said. Defendant, need to pee?
He led me over to a corner where the floor ended, so I could pee in the dirt. He leaned near me and looked back at Nick at the table. Relax, he said. I’m getting you off.
What?
Don’t tell Nick. I’m saving your life again.
I was glad to hear that but not sure I believed it.
Nicky wants you strung up and shot dead because you took his baby but I’m fixing so you’ll get off and live your life in peace. Be grateful man. Thank me.
Thank you.
We went back to the table. Now we come to the punishment part, Loomer said. It’s up to us, me and Nicky the judges, to decide what to do to you the defendant.
The accuser can’t be a judge, I said.
Don’t interfere with the way things is done, Loomer said.
He turned to Nick. What kind of punishment should he get?
The maximum, Nick said.
Wow where’d you get that word, from me? What do you mean by the maximum, Nick?
You know, Nick said.
You mean like tit for tat? Like he should die.
Nicky’s eyes shone. His lips tightened, he clenched his teeth. Die, he said. I wondered how Loomer figured this was saving my life.
Death penalty? Loomer said.
Death penalty, Nick said.
Execution?
Execution.
Hanging?
Hanging.
Firing squad?
Firing squad.
That what you want, Nick?
Yes.
So there you see in bold relief the terrible burden of the judge, Loomer said with a sigh. Defendant, what should your punishment be?
You should let me go because I didn’t kill Oliver, and you should persuade Nick too.
I saw a question unclenching Nick’s teeth.
The judge’s burden, Loomer said. Between the death penalty and letting you go. We need to find a compromise.
Come on, Loomer, that’s not how cases are decided.
You don’t think cases are decided by compromise? Look at the conflicting evidence. He say you pushed him, you say you didn’t. The rifle shot by me suggest a different scenario in which your intent to push was thwarted but the consequence was the same. The argument is, we don’t have the proof of guilt we need to convict. Neither do we have the proof of innocence we need to acquit. Therefore we must compromise and find a punishment satisfactory to both sides. To satisfy your blood thirst, Nicky, and to satisfy Davey’s feelings of innocence, which need to be respected no matter how guilty he is. Do you follow me?
No, Nick said.
Never mind. What I decree is exile. Exile on this island to spend the rest of his days foraging for berries and catching the spawn of the seas, birds if he can. He have the house and hangar and woods and sea. What do you think of that, Nicky?
You’re not going to kill him?
No, Nicky. Exile’s right because this guy think he innocent. So who kill Oliver? Must be somebody behind the scenes pulling strings. Davey’s only the innocent stand-in. We can’t get the absent killer so we punish the stand-in by absenting him. Okay Nicky?
Nicky looked bewildered almost crying again.
Would you like some counseling on that matter, Loomer said.
Yes.
Tit for tat, but it wasn’t as if Davey killed you. If he killed you then it would be right to demand his life in return, but it wasn’t you it was your guru he killed. So who’s life should pay for the life he took? Think of it this way. Your guru for my guru, that is, Davey’s guru for yours. The one who pull the strings, reflect on that. Don’t worry, everything’s for the best. We’re going now. Get our stuff, Nick.
No, Nick said.
Get our stuff I tell you.
I’m mad, Nick said.
The hell you are. Get our stuff.
Nick’s fa
ce wrinkled and he started to cry. He went to the house. Loomer said, I’ll send a boat to pick you up. Don’t forget our agreement.
What agreement?
Jesus you already forgot. I saved your life. I saved it twice, do you grasp that fact?
So you did.
So don’t go around making trouble.
I said, what are you going to do with my car?
Ho, your car. It belong to Hertz, Bangor, right?
Right.
I’ll take it to Bangor for you, he said. So you see it all come out right in the end. Guess we’ll go now. Take care.
I went down to the shore and watched them go, the little boat reducing to insect size past the big island across the channel and out of sight. I sat on a rock by the dock and waited for the boat from shore. I was thinking how to get home. Thinking fortunately I had my knapsack and wallet with cash and plastic. I had an unreserved air ticket from Bangor which Harry had paid for but how could I get to Bangor from Black Harbor without a car? I doubted there was a bus from Black Harbor to anywhere. I could hitchhike. But if I could hitchhike to Bangor, I could hitchhike home, which would save Harry the ticket refund. I wondered if Loomer would actually take the car to Bangor, because if he didn’t I would have to press theft charges against him.
Meanwhile I waited for the boat. I sat on the rock and paced on the shore, exercise. I thought of going around the island but didn’t because the person in the boat might not know where I was or which island and I would have to wave to him. I got into the question of payment for the person in the boat. This raised the question of cash, of which I would certainly need more before getting home. I could get this out of an automatic teller machine, thanks to modern technology, though I doubted I’d find one in Black Harbor.
Meanwhile the boat didn’t come. My expectations shifted. Whereas before I expected the boat to come and hoped my fear it wouldn’t was paranoia, now I expected the boat not to come and hoped my contrary hope was not foolishness. Another of Loomer’s tricks, he being a man of tricks. Exile after all. If no boat was ordered for me, I would have to use my ingenuity to find a way to shore.
A lobster boat went by. It came suddenly around the point moving fast. I waved and shouted, though they couldn’t hear me over the engine. The lobsterman waved back. He got smaller like Loomer’s boat and disappeared around the big island.
Before it got too dark I went up to the camp to see if there was a boat in the wreckage. There was a canoe with a hole in the side. Also a large aluminum rowboat. It was so heavy I could barely move it. When I lifted it I saw a gap between the metal and the spine along the bottom. I couldn’t find any oars either. I thought if I looked long enough I might solve the oar problem. The only way to get the boat to the shore would be to roll it on logs. To do that I would have to widen the path through the woods. I could do that with the axe in the hangar. But I couldn’t think of a way to seal the gap in the bottom and if I didn’t the boat would sink. I thought if I had to stay here a year I could probably devise a way to get ashore without help. I wondered if Harry and Judy would file missing persons reports.
Disciples Page 18
