Blazer felt his world crumble as he clutched at his head, Gavit hefting him back to his feet. “Negative, we have people down. We leave no one behind. Big Eye, maintain covering position. Recon, where are you?”
Rudjick helped a limping Gokhead around a corner towards the dropship a moment later. The heavy repeating plaser he’d taken off Arion’s corpse chattering away the whole time. “Right behind, we are cut off from Marda anyway,” he continued, the radiator vanes on the HRP glowing white hot down the length of the barrel, the air sizzling all around the weapon.
“Gavit, subdue Blazer. I am now Lead. Big Eye, drop back now,” Zithe roared, trying to save the situation.
“Copy, Lead,” Bichard replied. “All units, heavy weapons troops are closing on the dropship. We will attempt to hold them off.”
“Eyes on,” Gokhead replied, his words slurred. He brought his rifle back up to bear and squeezed the trigger. Every shot went wide of the approaching enemy troops.
“Am attempting to get the drop off this thoroughfare,” Mikle’s voice rang over the link.
“Negative, hold position,” Zithe ordered. “Our people are almost here. Big Eye, hold position. We will come to you.” Zithe brought his rifle up and fired on the rocket launcher carrying troops running down the street. He managed to down two of the approaching troops before the others dove for cover.
“We are already on the move,” Matt called back. “Position was compromised when we started to move. Your mind is made up for you, act accordingly!”
Zithe sneered at that response and edged towards the ramp as the others came within a quick sprint of it. “Do not think to give me orders, old man. I am in command now. Drop, proceed to pick up our lost lambs as soon as we have everyone else onboard. Now lower the shields.”
Blazer felt the field drop around them. The ElectroMagnetic Toroid (EMT) field was capable of frying a living being if they attempted to penetrate it, assuming the Gravitational Deflectors didn’t knock them away first.
“Copy, Lead,” Acknit replied, and plaser rounds rang off the hull of the dropship, singeing the armor.
Zithe leapt out the ramp in an instant to help the four survivors back into the dropship.
A GF Battle Tank rolled onto the street and turned its turret on them. “Tank! Shield’s coming back,” Acknit called out, warning the others to stay back or try to get inside the shield bubble before it activated.
The team scrambled the last few metra inside the bubble before it activated. Negative and positive charged ions fired from their ports before the magnetic field captured them and spun them around the dropship at relativistic speeds, just missing the team members as they rushed across the ground. Dirt all around them began to fly from the static charge, kicking up a dust cloud that obscured vision. It was not enough to stop the tank.
Blazer’s head wobbled as he looked back at the team and saw the flash of the tank’s heavy plaser cannon fire. The plasma round pierced the undercharged shields. The familiar stink of vaporized metal met Blazer’s nose, the ceiling above him radiating heat after a great gash of dorsal plating disappeared in an instant. Worse, the hit knocked the dropship forward, forcing the aft shield towards team members still on the ground.
The charged particles washed over them, frying their nervous systems in an instant. The ions pummeled them as they lay on the dusty ground, cooking them from the inside out.
Zithe stood mouth agape beside the ramp. Acknit and Mikle screamed at him to get back aboard as the tank prepare to fire again. He looked back at Blazer as he motioned him back aboard. Zithe nodded and scrambled back into the hold of the small tactical dropship. “Get us off the street and make to pick up Matt and Bichard! We need to get out of here!” Zithe roared as he wrapped his arm in the netting beside the door.
“What about the others?” Mikle called out.
“They’re dead, torch the bodies,” Zithe ordered.
Sullen, Mikle pushed the throttle forward to get them off the street before the tank could fire again. “Copy that.” They didn’t clear the street in time and the tank fired again, stripping the rear shields. Mikle hauled back on the stick and climbed high enough to turn around before he went on the attack. Engines pouring star-hot fires onto the dusty pavement, he roared back onto the thoroughfare.
Blazer felt the cargo webbing enshroud him as the dropship swooped in low. He winced as the fiery exhaust engulfed the bodies of his fallen comrades moments before the dropship streaked over the heads of their enemies. Dozens burned as the plasma fires washed over them and the tank’s dorsal shields collapsed before the dropship shot down the road towards the homing beacons of the last two survivors.
The dropship bucked. The first plasma round from the tank’s double-barreled cannon collapsed what remained of the dropship’s shields, dispersing the charged particles. A great wrenching of metal spelled the doom of the shield as the mounts for the spinning magnetic controller at the heart of the dropship shattered. The second blast slipped through the opened rear hatch and immolated everything inside.
Blazer forced his eyes closed as the plasma fire engulfed him. He heard Matt and Bichard scream out over the link as the dropship collided with something, a building perhaps. Then the world disappeared, replaced by the cool darkness of the input helmet.
Star System: Classified, UCSBA-13, Debriefing Room 2
Rage radiated off Tadeh Qudas as he stormed into the debriefing room a few pulses after the catastrophic failure in their latest simulated rescue mission. “Would anyone like to explain just what happened in there?”
Still dressed in their monitoring suits, the cadets could only hang their heads in response. Numerous foul ups and miscommunications had resulted in their highest casualty rate to date and a less than organized retreat that killed the rest of them. They didn’t even come close to the mission objective before their cover was blown.
In charge of the whole mess, Blazer looked up at the fearsome Telshin. His eyes still refused to focus, rapid pulls from the simulation always did this to him, left him dazed. He could never tell when they were in the simulation. “We weren’t prepared for what we faced. No, I wasn’t prepared, when enemy assets shifted the way they did. It threw our whole plan into complete disarray.”
Blazer felt his resolve wither as Tadeh Qudas just stood before him in silence, his head tilted up to look just over his head before he shifted down to engage him again. Was he reading , the mission summary report in his HUD?
“You also changed up your fire teams immediately prior to insertion,” Tadeh Qudas admonished. “You all need to concentrate on learning each other’s moves and learning how to back one another up. As squad leader, Cadet Vaughnt, you must ensure that your fire teams are capable of working with each other.”
Gokhead cleared his throat. “We’re still trying to determine our optimum fire team composition.”
Tadeh Qudas fixed Gokhead with a hard stare that backed down the smaller Drashig. “This is not the slamball field anymore. You can’t just go around changing your lineup on a whim, putting personnel in positions they are not qualified for. And Cadet Talkerna, what was with your aim out there?”
Matt rubbed his hands together and looked up. “I’m a little off my game. I’ll do better next time.”
“There is no next time, cadet. Don’t you realize that? You’re dead. You were killed and so was your whole squad, because you couldn’t cover the retreat or give them adequate warning.”
Bichard held up a hand. “The warning is my fault. As the lookout, I should have been the one to issue it. It is my failure.”
Tadeh Qudas fixed the insectoid with a frozen glare. “Be that as it may, let’s go over the mission.”
Tadeh Qudas went over the mission. Starting with the drop into the system, infighting had torn at the team. Blazer’s injury brought about even more confusion in the command chain, the team not relinquishing command to Zithe in a smooth manner.
Blazer hung his head in shame. He hadn’t let go of
command after he was injured. Worse, he’d let his emotions get in the way. He had to remain hard in a mission and not let his feelings for his squadmates, Marda in particular, affect his decisions. He looked over at her and she shied away from his gaze, fingering the ring on her finger.
“You have another training mission in a decle,” Tadeh Qudas reminded them. “Be ready, and settle whatever issues you’re having, or it will be your last.”
The room sprung to attention as Tadeh Qudas left.
Blazer slumped back into his seat. “Tadeh Qudas is right. We allowed ourselves to get distracted. Even I did, thinking about classes, home, my own personal issues,” he said, trying not to look at Marda.
Blazer almost jumped from his seat when Marda gave his hand a tender squeeze. He looked over, and she gave him a hopeful smile.
To Blazer’s surprise, Rudjick offered a few words of encouragement. “Hey, everyone screws the pooch at some point. That’s why we train so hard.”
Blazer had to tear his eyes away from Marda to acknowledge Rudjick. He was right, of course, but he didn’t need to be so crude. “Regardless, we need to stop letting outside pressures affect us while we’re on mission.”
“Midterms tend to have that effect,” Chris added. Those exams were only two decles away.
Matt leaned forward. “That’s not what was bothering me.”
Blazer looked at him, curious what could be bothering their sniper so much.
“I don’t want to burden you all. I’ve done well enough getting past what happened to Ferelias. But I’ve been following reports, and efforts to retake the system are going slow or totally stalled. It looks like we won’t be able to retake it for quite some time, if ever.”
Arion turned to Matt, his psychologist face on. “There’s something else bothering you.”
Sighing, Matt went on. “This cycle, it’s mine and Lademine’s anniversary. I proposed to her exactly an annura ago. Thing is, despite all the reports, I can’t help but feel that she’s alive out there, somewhere, that maybe the Geffers took her captive. I mean, there’s no way they would just destroy the whole station and not take prisoners.”
Chris took a knee in front of Matt. “You can’t keep thinking that way.”
“I know. I just have to work through it. I’ll find a way.”
Arion laid a hand on Matt’s shoulder. “We’ll all help you. Now come on. Let’s see if anyone else fared better than we did.”
Blazer just sat there a moment, feeling Marda’s hand in his. Will I end up like that, if something happens to her? He met her eyes and she shook her head, smiling again, but he could read the same fear in her. I will never let that happen. Whether we’re together or not, Marda will not die on a mission again.
UCSBA-13, Dorm Room 305
Matt sat in silence at his desk several hects later, focusing on his class work, everyone else in the room leaving him to his quietude. All attempts at consolation fell on deaf ears, Matt waving them away despite the overwhelming pain he felt. None of them know what I feel, but Vaughnt may have come close this cycle. What an idiot, though,getting involved with a squadmate. Something happens to either one of them in the field, and the whole unit could fall apart.
The door chimed after Gavit got up from his homework, and he headed to it. Chris stormed the room, shoving Gavit out of her way after he opened it.
“Everyone but Gavit and Matt, out. Now!” Chris barked, her voice carrying as much authority as any of their drill instructors.
Blazer moved to protest, but a cold stare from her silenced him. He signaled the others, then gathered up his macomms and data cards before he, Arion, and Bichard rushed out of the room.
Matt refused to acknowledge her and focused on his classwork. “What do you want, Chris?”
“Look at me when you talk to me,” she ordered, taking a step towards him as the door closed.
Matt turned around in his chair, his face defiant. “What do you want?”
“I want you to cry,” she said. She grabbed another chair and took a seat opposite him.
“What?” he asked. “What will that accomplish? My family and the woman I love are dead. None of you can understand that, especially not Gavit. His family left Ferelias annura ago.”
“But Blazer can understand the loss of family and a lov…”
“He was a child when the Vaurnel was destroyed, he could do nothing to save them. I’m an adult and cut off at the knees. I can’t do anything. I’m stuck here.” He balled his hands hard enough to whiten his knuckles.
“I know what it is to lose the love of your life!” she said, locking eyes with him again, a glimmer of tears in them. “You can’t understand what I saw when he died. You didn’t have to watch as he burned to death. You didn’t have to watch. It wasn’t an enemy solider that killed him, but just some drunk. You didn’t watch when that drunk staggered out of his truck with little more than a few scratches, while you sat there bleeding and broken, watching your love die. So don’t you go telling me that I don’t know what loss is, that I don’t know how it feels to lose your greatest love, the only one you’ve ever shared your most intimate self with! Because I do, you son of a crimik!”
“I didn’t know,” Matt replied, feeling humbled. “But what can I do about it? I can’t do anything. I don’t know if she’s alive or dead, if it was quick or slow, or if those Geffer bastards did anything to her before she died. I just don’t know.”
“And you think you’d rather have been there?” Chris countered, wiping away a tear. “You think you would rather have watched when any of the scenarios dancing in your head occurred? You would be dead then too, and the dead can’t bring justice. The dead can’t go after the bastards that did it and smash their head into the pavement over and over again until onlookers pull you off them,” she went on, recounting the events of the terrible duwn when her former lover died.
“Right now you’re bottling up everything so much that when it explodes, you’ll take out the whole Academy. Believe me, I remember that. You can’t let those emotions get the better of you,” she explained as the tears welled to such a point that they obscured her eyes, but she didn’t wipe them away.
Matt couldn’t believe what he was seeing or hearing. I’ve never seen this side of Chris. She’s always come across as this rock, a hardened warrior, no emotion, no weakness. As he watched tears well up in her eyes, though, he realized why that was, and he found in her a kindred soul. She understood his pain, and he could go to her for help.
“I have to be the rock,” he said, looking down at the floor, no longer able to meet her eyes. “For the younger ones, the new cadets, the ones who just came from Ferelias. I can’t let them see me cry, can’t let them know I hurt. They’ll come look to me for support and help. How can I do that if I turn into a bubbling crying mess?” he asked, his voice starting to crack.
“Don’t be the rock,” Gavit said, taking a knee next to his friend, and laid a hand on his shoulder—it sagged under the weight. “They can look to the officers or the enlisted or even me, if they need support or reassurance. We all know you feel pain, but just like Chris says, you have to let it out. You have to grieve.”
“You say you have to be the rock,” Chris held, lowering her head to look him in the eyes again. “But you only have to be the rock out there, not here,” she countered pointing at the deck. “Behind that door, or any doors, you don’t have to be the rock. You can let go here, and you can grieve.”
“What if they come to me here? What if they need my shoulder to cry on, my advice?” he asked, the first few tears ready to burst from his eyes.
“We turn them away, and you go to them once you’re cleaned up and your head is clear,” Chris said and the floodgates opened on both of them. “Sometimes even the rock can cry with other mourners.”
Matt broke down crying and she moved in to hug him. She pulled him close, letting him sob into her chest.
“Lademine,” he wailed, as if saying her name would bring her back, w
hile Chris rocked back and forth. Gavit squeezed Matt’s hand for comfort, just to let him know he was there. They continued the crying session until Matt was too tired to continue, his tear ducts exhausted and Chris’s shirt soaked with tears.
Matt knew that this was only the first step in his grieving process and it would be some time before he fully healed, if ever. For now, he could at least sleep and knew that he had someone to go to, to help him through what were sure to be many tough tridecs ahead. Outside the doors of their rooms, he would appear as strong as a granite cliff face, a pillar of support for the other cadets from Ferelias. Back in his room he could let go, and for now, that was enough.
UCSB DATE: 1001.212
Nasha System (Galactic Federation Held), En-Route to Nasha-3, Dropship-211
Hanging onto a handhold behind the command chairs, Blazer watched Gavit, Mikle, and Acknit guide their massive Ferine dropship towards their objective. The dropship’s crew raced the tri-hulled craft through holes in Nasha-3’s near-space sensor net projected on the canopy ahead of them. Gavit and Mikle dove into gaps between ground- and space-based sensors, Acknit updating their displays as he kept their magnetic and thermal signatures to a minimum.
As they slipped past the lowest orbit of surveillance satellites, Blazer laid a hand on Mikle’s shoulder. “ETA?”
"Ten decimal five pulses to touchdown. I'd mount up in the AT-APT if I were you,” Acknit replied from his seat behind the two pilots, their All Terrain, Armored Personnel Transport in the bay below.
Acknit’s normal sleepy demeanor was gone, replaced by the consummate professional they needed in that seat. Blazer attributed it to the exercises they’d conducted to ready themselves for missions. Everyone’s exercises were different. For Blazer, he and Arion used operant conditioning to allow his helmet to initiate his transition into a cold warrior, ready to fight, ready to kill, the rest of his world nonexistent within its protective shell.
“Copy that,” Blazer replied and pushed on the backs of the pilot’s seats, propelling himself towards the rear of the flight deck.
In Death's Shadow Page 21
