"How do you know?" Jillian gasped.
"It's all right, you're hardly the subject of town gossip." She grinned, tossed her blonde hair over shoulder. "Well, you are, but not because you kissed Wade. Eileen was in town and I happened to be at the mercantile when she was telling Letty about your-" she giggled. "Doctoring skills."
If the tea had been cold, she would have pressed the cup against her heated cheeks. Instead she settled for her palms, but they were as hot as her face.
"Wade is an attractive man."
Jillian thought of Wade, shirtless and sweaty. Of the texture of his face as she'd bathed him. Of his lips expertly caressing hers.
"Apparently you agree as your face is redder than a tomato."
Silver grinned, all the while watching Jillian as though she were a pot of water set on to boil.
"Yes," Jillian conceded. "Wade is a handsome man and I enjoy being around him."
"And just how many times have you 'been around him'?" Silver asked.
Despite her embarrassment, Jillian couldn't help but laugh. Silver was right, having a friend to discuss such matters was indeed special.
"That was our first kiss."
"The first of many?"
If it were only a matter of thinking of the rush of emotion she'd felt in Wade's arms, the answer would be simple. But there was more to consider. Frowning, Jillian pushed her empty teacup aside.
"What is it? Clearly it isn't a lack of attraction. And I know Wade, he's a good man, so it can't be that."
"No, it isn't that. I've already seen the kind of man he is and there's no faulting him there. It's me." Her gaze met Silver's. "I was engaged back home. Clint and I had courted for months, he was from a good family, treated me well. He didn't seem to mind that I was a veterinarian."
"But…"
"But as the wedding day drew nearer he made it very clear that I was expected to give up 'the foolishness of being a doctor and become a proper wife.'"
"Then he was an idiot. Who says you couldn't do both?"
Jillian grasped Silver's hand, squeezed. "Thank you. It's what I told him as well, but he was adamant. It was all about his reputation, you see. So when he said it was him or being a doctor…"
Silver laughed. "Good for you, Jillian. You'd have never been happy otherwise."
"I know. As did my father. And funnily enough, it was the only time I could remember agreeing with Katie on anything. She's my sister," Jillian added when Silver looked confused.
Someone tapped on the door. Silver glanced at her pocket watch, signaled to the patron she'd be five minutes.
"Jillian, we're going to have to finish this another time, but let me say this, if you're worried Wade would do the same, don't be. Amy was a midwife, much to her mother's dismay."
"Her mother didn't approve?"
"Mrs. Hollingsworth approve? I think not!"
Jillian nearly fell off her stool. "Wade's wife was Mrs. Hollingsworth's daughter?"
"Indeed. She wasn't happy her daughter had chosen a rancher, and then to become a midwife…poor woman had the vapors for weeks. Anyhow, that wasn't my point. The point is that Amy didn't become a midwife until after she'd had Annabelle. So if you're worried Wade wouldn't want a woman who has work outside her family, don't."
Hope bright as the sun that beamed onto the saloon floors spread within Jillian's chest. Was it truly possible she could have a man and be a doctor?
The knocking returned, louder and more insistent.
"I'll be right there," Silver hollered.
Jillian helped Silver carry their cups and saucers to the back kitchen.
"I'm so glad you stopped by. I hope you'll do it again."
"I will. As I hope you'll ride over sometime so I can return the favor. After all, I've yet to find out if there is a man you have your eye on?"
Silver sighed. "Now that, Jillian," Silver said, opening the back door to the breeze and the birdsong, "is a long story and a conversation for another day. Now, not to push you out but it's time I open this saloon. I'll see you Saturday."
"Saturday?"
"Eileen said they were having a barn dance at the ranch on Saturday. And since most folks will be there, there's no sense in me being here." Silver grinned. "You'll be wanting to get home; she mentioned Wade would be riding over to ask you."
Jillian's hands once again flew to her hair. "Oh, dear! I have to go!"
Then, with Silver chuckling behind her, Jillian rode out of Cedar Springs as fast as she'd ridden in.
***
She'd thought him handsome at first sight, but never more so than she did as he rode into her yard. A worn, soft-looking chambray shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbows. Pants that clung to his long, muscled legs. His hat cast a shadow over his eyes, which only added to his appeal. He rode closer and the sun caught the gold hair on his muscled forearms. Swallowing was impossible.
With little more than the move of his lips and a gentle pull on the reins his horse came to a stop. Jillian dropped the curtain and came to her feet. She shook her legs to get the blood flowing, cast a quick glance at a mirror and, as though she hadn't rushed home to change clothes, brush out her hair until it shone, not to mention sat at the window for the last hour, slipped on a mask of surprise and opened the door.
Wade paused at the bottom of the porch. He tipped his hat back revealing those golden eyes that she'd come to dream about.
She'd spent hours reliving their kiss, reliving and wondering if it had meant as much to him as it had to her. Did he close his eyes and remember the way their mouths had touched? The way they'd clutched each other when the kiss had deepened? Did he yearn for another the way she did?
Feeling a wave of heat rush up her neck, Jillian cleared her throat. Then, mortified to realize she was still standing in the doorway, closed the door behind her and stepped to the edge of the porch.
Oh dear, Jillian thought. Her porch wasn't high off the ground, only one step and she came eye-level with the open vee at his neck. Remembering how his chest had looked naked and sweaty, Jillian couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to run her hands over that golden skin, to feel his heartbeat under her touch. She'd never touched Clint's chest, hadn't really, she just now realized, felt a desire to. But Wade's…
She was doing it again, standing there like a ninny. She yanked her gaze up, nearly faltered at the heat she saw reflected in his eyes.
"I-" her voice squeaked. Her cheeks were now completely aflame. His lips twitched into a smile and there was nothing to do but smile in return.
"I'm sorry, I'm not usually so ungracious. Did you want to come in? I can make us some lemonade, or coffee if you'd prefer."
He shook his head. "I can't stay. I told James and Scott I wouldn't be long."
She licked her lips. "Oh. I see."
His gaze fell to her mouth and she saw the pulse in his neck throb faster. Since Clint had asked her father permission's to court her before he ever talked to her on it, she'd always known how Clint had felt. She'd never had to wonder, never had to try to gauge what a man was thinking. But surely if she got a man's blood pumping faster he was interested, wasn't he?
Wade coughed, met her gaze once more.
"Ma talked me into having a barn dance before we fill the new barn. Most of the town will be there, so I'd understand if you didn't want to come."
The excitement that had driven her from Silver's and chased her as she'd anticipated his invitation withered. Was he warning her because he cared about her feelings or because he hoped she wouldn't go?
"Well, I wouldn't want to ruin the evening. It's probably best if I-"
"Having you there won't ruin anything. I just wanted you to be prepared, is all. I'm having this dance to make Ma happy and it would make her happy if you were there."
Despite fearing his answer, she asked it anyway because it wasn't in her nature not to go after what she wanted.
"And you, Wade? Would it make you happy if I went?"
His eyes d
arkened. There wasn't a soul around but the two of them yet he whispered when he answered.
"Yes, Jillian. It would make me happy if you came."
***
Wade loved this part of the day. The chores were done; he was clean and could unwind from the day. There wasn't anything calling to him, weren't a million things he needed to get to.
He could concentrate on his daughter and enjoy some quiet time with her.
Washed and in her nightgown, she snuggled her father as they enjoyed this time before she went to sleep. They were sitting on her bed; the light from the lamp was as soft as the little hand that held his.
"Papa? When do you think you'll want to get married again?"
Wade grimaced, glad Annabelle's head was against his shoulder so she couldn't see his face. Yet he wasn't surprised at her question. He'd evaded most of the ones she'd asked about kissing Jillian by telling her it wasn't appropriate for little girls to talk about kissing. He knew it was only a matter of time until Annabelle got around to forming her questions in such a manner that her father would run out of excuses and have to answer.
"I'm not sure I want to marry again."
Annabelle sighed. "It sure would be nice to have a mama like everybody else."
He couldn't help but smile. She was clever, his Annabelle.
"You have me, Grandma, James and Scott. Even Grandma Hollingsworth. I know you're not lonely."
Another sigh. "It's not the same."
"I know it's not, Button. But we have a family and we need to be thankful for that."
She pushed herself back and looked into his eyes. "I wouldn't mind if you married Miss Matthews."
Had he been standing his knees would have buckled. Where had that come from? Granted he'd been caught kissing Jillian, but marrying her? Sweat beaded his upper lip and his heart gave a solid thump against his ribs. Yes, she was beautiful. And soft. And the way her mouth moved with his, the way she'd leaned into him-
He shook his head. Desirable or not, he couldn't take that road again. Not after where the last one took him. Heartbroken, widowed. Ashamed. Yet he couldn't tell his daughter any of that.
"I'm glad you like her, Annabelle, but I don't plan on marrying her."
"But you asked her to the dance, right, Papa?"
The gleam in her blue eyes and the curve of her mouth warned him that if he thought he had his hands full with her now, it would be nothing compared to what she'd be like once she got older.
"Grandma wanted me to," he said. No way was he going to admit to her that he wanted Jillian there as well. His daughter had enough ideas without planting more in her head.
"But you like her, don't you? You'll dance with her, won't you?"
"Yes, Button, I'll dance with her."
"A lot?"
He shook his head. "At least once," he said.
With another deep sigh, she resettled against her father. He placed his cheek against her head, inhaled the innocence and sweetness of her. He didn't blame her for wanting a mother. And since Jillian was the first woman he'd kissed since Amy, he wasn't surprised that she'd come to the conclusion she had. Still, despite his undeniable attraction to her, Jillian wasn't a woman he'd consider marrying.
She'd never give up being a doctor and he wouldn't play second fiddle again. If he wasn't good enough-
Wade took a deep breath, let it out. It didn't matter.
It wasn't as though he ever planned on proposing to Jillian.
***
Wade couldn't have heard Liam right. Goddammit, he couldn't have heard right.
"You can't be serious," Wade said.
He and Scott had headed out after morning chores, each with a rope around the bull's neck, the big animal plodding along between the horses. Since it wasn't far to Liam's Lazy J ranch, the air was still moist and cool when they rode onto Liam's land.
"Afraid so, Wade. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" Wade gaped. "We arranged this back in the winter. We agreed to trade bulls when it was time to breed the cows again. I won't have time to look for another one now, not if I want them bred soon." He shoved his hat up his forehead so he could see Liam better. "What the hell happened?"
The tall, bow-legged cowboy shrugged. "Change of plans, is all."
Wade was fit to be tied. It didn't take a whole lot of smarts to figure out what was going on.
"This is because of the town meeting, isn't it? Because I stood behind my decision to hire Miss Matthews."
Liam kicked some dirt aside with his boot, looked out over his pastures. "Look, Wade. You do whatever you need to, whatever you feel is right, but the rest of us have got to do the same."
"What do you mean by that?" Scott asked. Unlike Wade, Scott remained astride, his gloved hands holding tight to the bull's rope.
Liam squinted as he raised his eyes to Scott. "I have a ranch to run, too, and I can't afford to be sentimental." He turned back to Wade. "I had a better offer. Look, I'm sorry, I know you were counting on me, but I can't afford to pass it up."
The fields and pastures were green around Wade but all he saw was red. He'd counted on this. He'd planned on the new blood line, needed it as some of his heifers wouldn't be able to be bred now, not when they were the same blood as the bull. It would mean yet more money lost if he couldn't breed all his heifers.
He dropped his head, heard Scott's muttered curses.
"Look, Wade, there's nothing more I can say. I gotta get back to work."
Ambling back to his horse, Liam left Scott and Wade in stunned silence.
"That was a dirty bloody trick," Scott said.
Wade ran his hand down his face, struggled to hang on to the last threads of his temper. Though there wasn't anything to be gained by it, he wanted nothing more than to charge after Liam and get in one good punch. Did the man not realize the damage he'd done?
"I'm sorry, Wade. But it's not too late, I can check around, Liam can't be the only one-"
"He is. We checked back in the winter, remember? Nobody else was willing to trade straight across." And he didn't have any money to throw in to sweeten a deal, which is clearly what had changed Liam's mind. And whoever made the deal would have known Wade had no way to counter offer.
Picturing the ledgers and knowing by the end of the day he'd be seeing yet more negative numbers, Wade felt sick.
Once Wade was back in the saddle, Scott tossed him his rope. "Any idea who it was?" he asked.
"Not for sure, but I know it's all to do with Jillian."
"Because of the meeting?"
"Seems suspect, don't you think? Liam doesn’t breathe a word about backing out of our arrangement and within a day of me defending Jillian suddenly he has a better offer?"
"Steven, then?"
"If not directly, then he was part of it."
They rode in silence back onto Parker land. He wanted so much more for the ranch than what it was, but as determined as he was to make it better, fate seemed as determined to ensure it never happened. He wouldn't have a new bull this year. Hopefully next year. In the meantime he had to cull the herd, move those heifers that couldn't be bred into a different pasture. Then, come fall, whether he liked it or not as he couldn't afford to feed them all winter, he'd have to sell them.
It was money that could go to the debt, he told himself as they opened the pen and released the bull, but next year he'd have fewer calves, which meant even less money.
"You going to rest that foot for an hour or so?" Scott asked.
"Nah, it hardly hurts at all," Wade lied as his ankle throbbed and his boot fisted around it like a vise. "Let's get James. We have some heifers to move."
FOURTEEN
She'd heated water, washed and rinsed her hair. She'd soaked in a rose-scented bath until the water was tepid and her fingers and toes looked like prunes.
Though it was neither practical nor needed to fuss with her hair on a daily basis, she nonetheless knew how and she drew upon that skill as she curled and pinned her hair. Jillian didn't own
a great many fancy dresses and she'd left all but two of them back in Pennsylvania, opting to bring the two that seemed best suited to a simpler way of life.
Taking the pale blue silk--which would match the ribbon she'd woven through the complicated tangle of curls--she laid it gently on her bed. She wasn't putting it on until the animals were fed for the night, Hope was saddled, and she'd eaten her supper.
She pressed her hand against her belly where anxiousness grew. It was silly to be this excited considering the reception she'd received at both the church picnic and the town meeting. But then it wasn't those people she was anxious to see.
Silver would be there, as would Letty and Eileen. They'd come to mean a great deal to her and she was looking forward to spending an evening with them.
As she ate a cold meal of bread, ham and cheese, she acknowledged that she wasn't fooling anyone, least of all herself. She hadn't taken hours to ensure she looked her best for Silver's benefit. It had been done with Wade in mind. He'd said it would make him happy if she came to his dance. In the hours and days since then, she'd clung to those words, along with how he'd looked at her with stormy eyes. How that look had made her feel.
Like her feet couldn't quite touch the ground. Like she couldn't quite catch her breath. Like she'd never once felt before.
With her supper taken care of, though she'd barely done more than nibble at it, Jillian tidied the bit of mess she'd made then headed for the barn.
The evening was perfect for a dance. The air was calm and warm. Green and silver leaves spread wide, caught the sun's heat and shone their thanks. Wildflowers staked their claim at the edge of the trees and filled the air with perfume.
Of course as Jillian neared the barn, the smell of hay, grain and soiled bedding competed with the blooms. But she wouldn't be a veterinarian if she couldn't tolerate and accept all aspects of animals, and the ripe smell coming from the barn meant they were healthy.
Her step faltered. She cleaned her stalls every morning and that morning hadn't been an exception. Her barn never smelled this strong in the evening. Knowing something was wrong, she grabbed her skirts and ran into the barn.
Another Chance Page 14
