Sean is nonplussed and he launches into another story, this time involving a naked lady that snuck into his room and handcuffed herself to the bed. Teagan says that it sounds like something she would do, and of that, I have no doubt. I roll my eyes and take a sip of my beer. Sean is having no problem keeping Renner entertained, and Cady and Teagan have decided to dance to the music a DJ is pumping out right now, so I take the opportunity just to watch her.
She's an interesting study because she still looks a lot like that innocent girl I kissed five years ago, and sometimes she still acts like it. But there's a mature calmness about her, like she's settled into her own skin. There's a restlessness there as well, which practically hums off her. I can feel it when I kiss her, like she's vibrating with some sort of need to let loose. And she's proven, at least on one occasion, that she does have the ability to cede control. I do think she's far too serious by half and if there is one thing I'd like to crack wide open, it's her ability to be spontaneous.
I'd so love to see all the ways she could be spontaneous with me.
When a waitress comes up to our table, Sean orders us shots of Tullamore Dew, his favorite Irish whiskey. He orders one for Cady and Teagan, but they are still burning up the dance floor. I notice they have a throng of guys surrounding them, and I try to keep an eye on Cady to make sure she doesn't get mauled. Teagan, however, looks like she wants to get mauled but it's not my job to look out for her.
When the drinks finally arrive, Cady and Teagan have made it back to the table, both glistening with sweat. We hold the glasses up and Sean says, "Slainte". We all quickly shoot them back and I'm impressed when Renner sets her shot glass down without even so much as a gasp. Her eyes raise to mine and I can see they are burning from the effects of that one shot. I give her a casual smile and I'm pleased when she returns it, even if only briefly.
By the time the band comes out to play, we've all had three more shots and I'm nursing my second beer. The girls are buzzed good and thorough, and they all three come back to the table after having just left the dance floor.
It was absolute torture watching Renner dance. She's good...sexy damn good. But what got my dick hard was when Cady and Teagan grabbed her hand to pull her out there. She turned her back on us to follow them, and I almost groaned out loud when I saw her backside. The halter-top she's wearing doesn't have a fucking back to it. The material basically stops at the sides of her breasts and is held together across her back by three, thin ribbons that she has knotted into bows.
When I saw her back for the first time, I vaguely heard Sean let out a whistle between his teeth, but then I had to concentrate on forcing the pornographic images out of my mind. I don't know what it is about a woman's back, but I think it's about the sexiest place on her body. And Renner's is magnificent. I can see the slight cut of her shoulder blades, and inch after inch of pale, smooth skin. I even notice the tiny mole she has, just above her hipbone, right where the low cut waistband to her miniskirt lies. I imagine running my tongue over that spot. Then I imagine her bent over a table while I smooth my hands up her back.
Fuck, I need to get my head on straight or I'll be sporting a boner all night... all because her back is bared to me.
When the band finally comes out and the music starts, the crowd starts pressing inward. I have a nice buzz, and I know Renner has one too as her cheeks are rosy and her eyes are a little glassy. The same goes for Teagan and Cady, and they push their way through the crowd to stand in front of the stage but Renner doesn't go with them.
Sean and I are standing side by side, yelling back and forth our observations about the music. At the end of the first song, the crowd is thick and frenzied, and I can feel people pushing in on me from all sides. I'm able to deftly maneuver Renner in front of me, and because the crowd is so thick, I'm pressed up against her back before too long.
When our bodies first make contact, I feel her stiffen slightly, but then she must realize there's no place for me to go and she relaxes into it. I bring my hands to her hips and lightly hold on to her there, my thumbs softly grazing the bare skin above her waistband. I have no clue if Sean can see what I'm doing, but I think not because we are all packed in so tight.
I have two things on my agenda tonight. To listen to some hopefully good music, and to try to touch Renner as much as she will let me. So far, everything is going according to plan.
This band is pretty awesome. They play an interesting mix of rock-techno-pop. When one of their songs turns frenzied, the crowd starts letting loose, jumping up and down in place. It doesn't take long before people are knocking into us and I don't want Renner to get hurt so I grab her hand and lead her from the thickest part of the crowd. Sean stays behind, clearly enjoying himself. He'd be the first to throw himself into a mosh pit if one formed and I can only hope that Cady and Teagan can handle themselves up front.
We reach the edge of the crowd, although there are still quite a few people around. I place her back in front of me. This time, rather than just hold onto her hips, I wrap one arm around her waist, and the other around her chest, holding her tight to me. She doesn't even stiffen up this time, immediately softening her body against mine, and I'm not sure if that's because she enjoys my touch, or she's just buzzing from the alcohol we've had.
Either way, I'm going to relish it.
I can't help myself. The music is thumping in my veins, the whiskey has warmed me up just right, and Renner smells like the most sinful dessert. Loosening my hold on her, I skim my fingertips down her side, coming to rest on her hips. I let my fingers dig in just a bit, then I graze them back up over her ribs and then just a bit higher, loving the way she goes absolutely still when they skim over the side of her breast. It's a move that's just bold enough that I might get slapped, or she may consider it a mere slip of the hand so to speak. But she then lays her head back on my shoulder and I know she enjoyed the touch. I don't waste any time though and lower my hands back down to her hips.
And before I even know what I'm doing, I pull her back into me so my hardness presses up against her. At the same time, I dip down and whisper into her ear, "You don't know how bad I want inside of you. Come home with me right now."
It's not a request, but a demand. The only way I know how to do things.
I can feel her body shudder over my words. Her lips move but her mouth is too far away from my ear to hear what she says over the music. I start to put my ear closer to her lips so I can hopefully hear that she is telling me, "yes", but movement catches my eyes and I see Cady and Teagan headed our way.
I immediately straighten up and drop my hands from Renner's waist. She doesn't see the girls headed our way, so she turns and gives me a questioning look.
I merely nod over her shoulder at Frick and Frack and she turns toward them, just as they arrive. They shout at her over the music and grab her hand, pulling her back through the crowd, presumably to stand with them up at the front.
Renner glances back at me once, and I cannot read the expression on her face. I'm hoping it's sadness that our moment was interrupted, but it could be relief.
She turns away from me and melts into the crowd with Cady and Teagan.
CHAPTER 11
Renner
Work tonight sucks. I'm still sporting a headache from that damn Irish whiskey, no matter how many Nurofen--the Irish version of Tylenol--I took today. I make a mental note never to drink that stuff again, and I only hope Sean is suffering as bad as we are, since he's the one that kept buying the damn shots for us.
The end of last evening is still a blur to me. Some things I can remember clear as Waterford crystal. Like the way Cillian practically ate me up with his eyes when we first walked in. I had not wanted to wear that outfit but Teagan insisted. It was one of hers and she finally talked me into it after yammering at me relentlessly for an hour. I felt self-conscious as hell, particularly because a good breeze could lift my top away and expose my breasts.
I also remember, but not as clearly, as Cillian s
tood behind me while we listened to the music. His hands had glided up my sides, his fingertips just sneaking past the flimsy material of my top to stroke the barest swell of the side of my breast. I thought my body would go up in flames when he did that, but it was nothing compared to when he pulled my hips back into his and I could feel how hard he was. In my effort to be more spontaneous, I'm surprised I didn't combust right on site over that touch. It was hot as hell, because I knew that I made him hard like that.
He asked me to go home with him.
No... correction. He told me to go home with him.
Despite the way my body was reacting to him, I still had enough wits about me to know that would be a bad idea. I was trying to tell him that when Cady and Teagan suddenly appeared in front of me and hauled me away.
I was relieved and empty at the same time.
The rest of the night got blurrier, thanks to Sean's heavy hand with the shots. I vaguely remember the men loading us girls up in a cab, while they went home in another. I woke up on Teagan's couch this morning with a raging headache and nausea gurgling in my stomach.
Bussing off a table, I glance around. I've been doing that a lot tonight, wondering if Cillian will come in for dinner. I can't decide if I want him to walk through that door, or not.
When Cillian demanded I go home with him last night, my body wanted to say yes but my brain was saying no. It terrifies me to think, though, had Cady and Teagan not rescued me, he would have been able to convince me of surrender. His words, his touch...they are hard to fight against. He's proven it to me once before.
"Table for one, cailin alainn."
My body goes still at those words murmured just behind me. Turning slowly, Cillian is standing so close that I can smell his body wash. It smells like a forest after a spring rain. Taking a step back, I look up into his eyes. He's looking at me with a mixture of mischief and hunger, and I don't know if his intent is to joke around or seduce me.
Probably both.
"There's an empty table over there," I indicate with a nod of my head. "I'll be with you in a minute."
Turning away from him, I head straight to the water closet. I resist the urge to check my hair in the mirror, because I could care less how I look to Cillian.
Sort of.
No, I mainly came in here to take a deep breath, and figure out how I should deal with him tonight. He's going to whisper words to me that will make my bones sizzle. He'll figure a way to touch my skin that will make me want to strip naked for him. Cillian is too powerful... too carnal... and if I don't buck up against his brand of magic, I'm going to be lost.
I take ten more deep breaths, just for good measure. Then I glance in the mirror and yes, my hair looks fine.
Leaving the bathroom, I head to the bar and grab him a Guinness. It's what he always drinks, although never more than two when he's writing. I take it to his table and set it down before him. Those dark eyes pin me and I can't even get words out of my mouth to ask him what he wants to eat.
"Did you have fun last night, Renner?"
I swallow, just to coat my throat with wetness, hoping it will work. "Sure. It was a great time. How about you?"
He nods, all the while his eyes are boring into mine. "Especially touching you. Your skin feels like the softest of satin. Tell me... what would your answer have been last night?"
My stomach drops that he would hit me so fast with something like this. I thought I had mentally prepared myself in the bathroom to handle anything he threw at me, but I'm afraid the only thing I think I can manage is incoherent babbling. He scrambles my brain that much.
And while I might enjoy the fact that I've let loose on one occasion, I just don't know if I can get involved with someone like Cillian. I'm afraid I'll stop being me. That he'll consume me until nothing is left.
I take a deep breath, in through my nose, out through my mouth. It doesn't help the frantic beating of my heart. With as firm a voice as I can manage, I say, "My answer would have been no."
One eyebrow cocks at me in skepticism. "No? Truly?"
"Truly. Now what would you like to eat?"
"Now that's a loaded question," he says, attempting to lighten the mood. I have to fight to keep the corners of my mouth from turning upward in response. When I just continue to stare at him, he understands I'm not taking the bait.
Sighing he says, "Just bring me whatever the special is tonight."
I turn to leave and make it two steps when I hear his voice. "What are you really afraid of, Ren?"
I shouldn't respond. I shouldn't turn back to look at him. I should march right into the kitchen and turn his order in.
Instead, I turn around and walk up to him. "I'm afraid of getting lost."
His hands reach out and take mine. He squeezes them gently and I never thought I'd think of the word comfort in relation to Cillian, but that's exactly what I feel.
"I won't let you get lost." His eyes are serious, not a lick of mischief in them now. My heart starts a new rhythmic beat and I have to resist the urge to step further into him.
There is no denying I want him. Physically, that is. Although he would never fit into my stereotypical, ideal relationship partner, there is something about him that is appealing to my need for security and order. I find that strange, given Cillian's middle name is probably chaos.
Before I can say anything, Keefe yells at me from behind the bar that I have an order up. I stare one moment longer at him, and then he releases my hands. With a sigh, I head back to work.
***
Cillian has finished his dinner, and true to form, he lingers over another Guinness while writing furiously on his notepad. I finally got a glimpse of it when I brought him this last beer, and he's writing music. It amazes me he can even concentrate to do that sitting in a busy pub, but he clearly knows how to focus.
As usual, when he's working, he pays me little attention and I'm okay with that for now. Taking stock of the few tables I have left, I see I don't have anything immediate to do so I walk up to the bar to chitchat with Keefe for a few minutes. I've not been able to see him and Aunt Shannon in a few days and I miss his cheery personality.
I'm almost to the bar when movement from the corner of my eye catches my attention. I turn and my breath freezes solid in my lungs. Tall, black hair, sparkling blue eyes... I had almost forgotten how handsome Cormac was.
"Hello, Renner."
I glance around the pub. Keefe is busy talking to customers behind the bar and I see that Cillian still has his nose buried in his music. Although why I should look to them is beyond me. Am I seeking help? Or do I want to avoid having them see Cormac?
"What are you doing here?"
"You haven't responded to me in a few days. I was worried. And I just wanted to see you." He reaches a hand out as if he's going to touch my face and I jerk back reflexively. He stares at me with hurt in his eyes and lowers his hand.
"Now isn't a good time."
"I'll wait for you to get off, if that's okay. Then we can talk after."
God no, that's not okay. First, I wouldn't be able to continue working, knowing that Cormac was here and we would have to confront our issues. I would be a nervous wreck. More importantly, Cillian is here and if he stays on course, he'll expect to walk me home tonight. And I don't feel like explaining Cillian to Cormac or vice versa.
Glancing at my watch, I say, "I can give you ten minutes, but then I have to get back to work."
He nods his head and I motion with my hand for him to precede me to the door. He walks out of the pub and I follow, heading a few feet away from the front door. I'm not sure standing here on a busy sidewalk in Temple Bar is the best place to have this conversation, but it's certainly better than inside the pub.
Cormac turns to face me, tucking his hands into his pant pockets. He glances down at the ground for a second, then back up to me. "Have you given any further thoughts about giving us another chance?"
Oh, boy. Here goes.
"Actually I have. And I
'm sorry, but I don't think it's a good idea for me to be involved with you. We had our chance and it didn't work."
Cormac steps into me a bit closer and I hold my ground, even though every instinct tells me to back up. His face is sad but there's an urgency in his eyes. "But that's just it... we can have another chance. I swear I will make up to you all of the pain I caused if you'd just let me back in your heart."
There was a time, not but just a few days ago, where I would have given serious consideration to his plea. I'm not sure what has happened in that short amount of time, but now that I have said the words out loud, I know I'm making the right decision.
"I'm sorry, Cormac. But there is not any more room in my heart for you. It's done. We both need to move on."
Pulling his hands from his pockets, he places them on my shoulders and grips me lightly. "No. I can't move on. Not without you. Please, Renner."
His words are whiny...pathetic, and I'm surprised he doesn't stomp his foot like a child. It's not attractive at all. Cillian would never act this way. He would demand I give him another chance and then probably throw me over his shoulder to carry me off. Why I find that sort of alpha behavior hot is beyond me?
I bring my arms up in between him with the intent to shrug him off, but his grip becomes firmer. "Cormac...let me go. My answer is no and it won't change. I have to get back to work."
"I refuse to believe that," he says with desperation. "You need to remember what we had."
Before I can even process what he is doing, Cormac leans in to kiss me, pulling me into his body to meet him the rest of the way. My hands come up to his chest and I try to push him back. All the while his tongue is trying to gain entrance into my mouth.
I'm repelled by his attempt to kiss me but my efforts to push him back are like me trying to push The Hibernian down the block.
I do manage to wrench my head to the side and break contact between our lips. "Cormac... stop it."
His hands move to my face and he holds me in place, his eyes beseeching me. "It can be good again, I swear it."
He leans in to try to kiss me again, and I am just considering a knee to his nuts, when I hear from behind me, "I'm going to give you to the count of three to let her go, or I'm going to make you do it. And you can ask our girl, Renner, here but I don't give choices that often so consider yourself lucky."
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