"She's on hiatus from the band. I gave her two choices. She could enter rehab and get therapy, and if she stayed sober for a year, we would consider bringing her back. Or she could leave permanently."
"What did she choose?"
He shrugs his shoulders. "I'm not sure. None of us have heard from her. Daniel went by her apartment a few times, but she doesn't appear to be there."
"Are you worried about her?"
"Of course I am. I'll always worry about her and Father O'Grady would probably have a stroke to hear this, but I pray every night for her well-being and safety. I want her to be happy and healthy. But I can't give up my happiness for her. I can't let her take advantage. And I have to focus on my priority right now... which is you. It will always be you, Renner."
I want to launch myself into his arms, let him sink his tongue into me. I want to feel his warmth against me. But before I can even make a move, he sits up, facing me again.
"Renner... I don't know what you have planned for your life. The only thing I want is for you to plan for me to be in it. Sean once told me he would give up his music career for love. I thought he was certifiably crazy when he said that. But I get it now. I understand it deep in my bones. I'd give up everything I have just to be with you. Because I love you."
He takes a deep breath and looks up to the ceiling, as if trying to compose his next words. Then he returns his gaze to me and I want to get lost in his shadowy eyes. "I'm so fucking in love with you, it physically hurts that we're not together. I only want to exist with you. I think the only way I can exist is with you."
My heart nearly bursts over his words. "You love me?"
"Yes, cailin alainn. I love you. And what I'd love... is for you to be with me, wherever I go. I want you by my side. But if you don't think that living with a musician is your cup of tea, then I will give it all up. If you want me to get a regular job, and wear a monkey suit when I come home to you at night, I'll do that too. You just tell me... tell me and I'll do it."
Shaking my head at him, I bring my hands to his chest. "No, I'd never let you give up your music. I love you too much to ever let you do that."
A smile lights his face up, so bright it makes me smile back at him. "So you love me too, huh?"
Leaning forward I run my lips lightly over his and get a small measure of satisfaction when he groans from the touch. "Yes. More than I ever thought possible. It broke my heart to walk away from you and I've been swimming in misery since we've been apart. I will go wherever you go, if you'll have me."
Cillian pulls me into his arms and lets out a huge sigh of relief. He kisses me softly, murmuring against my lips, "My beautiful girl."
The sweetness of the moment is over when he pulls back and whips my shirt over my head. Pulling my hair back so my neck is exposed, he runs his tongue over my collarbone. "Do you love it when I do this?"
"Yes," I whisper, my hands curling around his neck.
He pulls the cup of my bra down, exposing my breast. He runs his tongue in a circle around my nipple, causing me to shudder. "And this?"
"Mmmm. Hmmm."
"Can we go ahead and get to the make-up sex now?"
"God yes, we can do that."
My need for him is great, and I expect him to rip the rest of my clothes off. But instead, he slowly strips me... taking his time. He runs his hands over every inch of my body, following along with his lips and tongue.
He uses words and touch, invoking the same feelings inside of me I had when I listened to his song. Cillian makes love to me with exquisite care, and as he moves inside of me, I can only think about how my life has come full circle.
I had an ideal I was striving for but with no clear direction. I stood on the edge of a precipice, not knowing what may lay below but unwilling to take the risk to find out. It was only when Cillian taught me to give up control that I realized I was missing something. We hit some bumps along the way, but he came through in the end. He gave me his love and I accepted.
And now I have found it... my ideal.
My ideal man, my ideal love, my ideal life.
We will be existing together.
EPILOGUE
Flynn
I have ideas about love.
Some from personal experience, but mostly from watching others.
First...there are my parents. They've been married for almost twenty-eight years and they still hold hands under the table. They don't think anyone notices, but I do. The touch is natural... one that exists after many years of sitting side-by-side with your best friend.
There's my Uncle Hank. With him, love came only once and has no physical existence, except for what remains in his heart.
My two knucklehead cousins, Nix and Linc. I love them beyond measure, but I never thought those two guys would be smart enough to figure it out. But they both fell hard and fast. In just a matter of a few months, Nix and Emily will tie the knot. They'll start making a new generation of Caldwells, which will make Uncle Hank happy and give him a new kind of love.
Linc will be there soon. He's grown a vagina as big as Cillian's, freaking out over how he'll propose to Ever. He wants to make it perfect for her and all I keep telling him is, "Dude, keep your head on straight... you have hockey games to win."
But I snicker to myself. It's kind of cool to see someone so madly in love that they only want to please their partner. That's Linc... he exists only for Ever.
And finally... my baby sister. I watch Renner now, sitting beside Cillian at my parents' dinner table. It's her farewell dinner because she's moving back to Dublin with him.
She's so obviously in love with the man beside her that it infuses me with warmth. Renner is my best friend and I would sell my soul to the Devil for her to have happiness. She deserves it and I think she's finally found it.
I notice that they're holding hands below the table. At least, I hope that's what their hands are doing below the tablecloth and then I immediately banish the thought. I so don't want to think about my sister in that capacity. Plus, I might lunge across the table and plant my fist in his face.
Cillian is an interesting man. He's tough looking with his piercings and tattoos. I can still see the skeptical look in Dad's eyes over Renner's choice, but he's never been one to hold us back from our dreams. He and Mom support her choice fully, and I can even tell that Mom really likes Cillian. It must be an Irish thing.
Oh, well, there's no accounting for personal taste, I guess.
But Cillian does have something that makes me like him. He loves my sister. Oh, I gave him shit when he showed up but I knew from the minute I first laid eyes on him that he was the one for Renner. There was the mere fact he flew all this way, not even knowing if she'd see him... especially when a mere call would have sufficed. That told me a lot.
Then there was the night we spent getting drunk together. That also told me a lot. It only took a few beers to get him loose enough and then he told me and Nix everything... the story of his parents, how he met Renner, how he foolishly let his hero complex to rescue Maeve get in the way of loving Renner. He laid it all out on the table, and trust me... Nix and I made fun of him all night for it. It was his penance for letting my sis get away.
When it was all said and done, I had no hesitation in handing him the key to Renner's home.
Because at the end of the long day, Cillian was only seeking another chance at love and if there's one thing I know... that's the one thing that is deserving of a second bite at the apple.
I'm patiently waiting for my second bite... because, I too, have loved and lost.
I hope it will come soon.
I'm ready.
If you enjoyed reading Off Course as much as I enjoyed writing it, I would love it for you to give me a review.
Connect with Sawyer online:
Website: www.sawyerbennett.com
Twitter: www.twitter.com/bennettbooks
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AFTERTHOUGHTS
I hope some do
n't find this book lacking because the Epilogue doesn't shed a lot of light on Cillian and Renner's HEA. I did that purposely to set up Flynn's book, which will be the 5th and last book in the Off Series. You can be rest assured you'll there will be plenty about Danny, Ryan, Nix, Emily, Linc, Ever, Cillian and Renner and that Flynn's book will tell you all you need to know about all of the characters that you have come to know and love.
Please note that I took significant liberties with the storyline when it came to the treatment center Maeve had entered. Her condition would not have been treated so cavalierly and it wasn't realistic that she would be allowed phone contact so early on in the program. I did that to make the storyline work and with no intention of undermining the important work that goes on in these rehab centers.
Regardless of the reason it is done, any attempt at suicide should be taken seriously and with the utmost care. Sadly, mental disease often has a negative stigma attached to it, and it is only through education and open communication that it can be dealt with.
If you or someone you know may have suicidal thoughts, you can get some wonderful information from The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
If you are in crisis, please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
About the Author
Sawyer Bennett is a USA Today Best-Selling author, a native North Carolinian and practicing lawyer. When not trying to save the world from injustice, she spends her time trying to get the stories she accumulates in her head down on paper. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, Shawn, and their two big dogs, Piper and Atticus.
THE END
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