by Vivian Ward
He stops surfing through the channels and sits up in bed, propping himself against the headboard. His long, tan body still takes up the entire length of the bed, and his toned feet stick out from the bottom of the covers.
“Penny,” he says. “I’m not sure where you’re going with this, but Lucas and I share everything. We made that clear up front.”
“I know you guys do ’stuff’ together,” I say, making an air quote around the word stuff. “But what happens when things turn into more than that? I know you can feel it, too. Every time we’re together, I can feel it because I feel the same way, too.”
“No,” he shakes his head. “That’s not how this works. Maybe we didn’t explain things well enough to you.”
Sitting up in bed, I scoot my feet under my bottom and face him. “Then tell me, Mason, because I’m so confused. What are we? What are we doing here?”
“What are we?” He echoes my question. “We’re not anything, Penny. We can’t be. Lucas and I made a pact a long time ago. Either of us are free to date whomever we’d like to date, but once we share a girl, we always share that girl. It’s just how things are, and it works. It has always worked.”
I hear the words coming out of his mouth, but they don’t match his body language or facial expression. He says them as though he’s reciting it from memory.
“So we can never be together? Just you and me?”
He reaches up, stroking my hair and takes a lock of it in his hands, twirling it around his fingers. “I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is. I like you, I do. I really care about you, but I thought you understood that.”
Hot tears are threatening to spill down my cheeks. I can’t believe what I’m hearing; I thought he felt the same connection that I feel, but apparently, I was wrong. He doesn’t feel the same about me at all, maybe it was all in my head. I want to leave; just get out of this bed, go, and never look back. I can’t believe how foolish I’ve been.
“Listen,” he says, his voice cracking as he clears his throat. “I don’t want to lose you. I’m sure Lucas doesn’t want this to end either. We’ve talked about you, and we both agree that you’re good for us. Don’t make me choose.” I can’t even look at him right now because if I do, I know I’ll start crying. “Please,” he adds.
Pushing his hand away, I scoot out of bed and stand up. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”
Without another word, I walk into the living room and begin putting my boots on and grabbing my keys when he comes out of the bedroom after me. “Penny, wait.”
“No, Mason. It’s okay, really. I’ve got to go.”
Slipping out into the night, I hope in my car and take off as tears begin to trickle down my face. I was so stupid to think that he liked me, or that we could ever be anything together as a couple.
By the time I get home, I’m exhausted. It’s been a long day, and crying didn’t help any, so I make myself a cup of warm chamomile tea and climb into bed. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I’ll go to my classes, focus on my school, and forget that Mason and Lucas ever happened.
Chapter Sixteen
Mason
Penny has consumed my thoughts since the moment she told me how she felt, but I don’t know what to do. We’ve never met anyone like her, and it kills me to know that she’s upset.
I never meant to hurt her feelings. The truth is, she does mean a lot to me. I’ve never met a girl who would take the time to go sit with my dad or see to it that things were taken care of when I’m not around.
Maybe this is all my fault for spending so much time with her, especially without Lucas, but it was never my intention to hurt her. That’s the last thing I want to do. Honestly, if we hadn’t met her that night at the bar and took her home together, she would be a girl that I’d date, but once we share a girl, that changes everything.
I pour myself another bowl of frosted flakes and continue my pity parade for misleading Penny and potentially fucking things up. I have to explain all of this to Lucas because he’s going to question why she doesn’t come around anymore.
Adding more milk to my bowl, I watch Lucas leave his bedroom to walk across the hall to the bathroom. He’s in there for a good half hour as I finish my cereal before the toilet flushes and he walks out.
Placing my dishes in the sink, I scrunch my face at him. “You’re disgusting,” I say.
“What?” He asks.
“You didn’t wash your hands.”
He holds his hands up. “What? They’re clean,” he says defensively.
“Dude, you took a shit and didn’t wash your hands. That’s nasty.”
“Here,” he walks over to the sink and pumps some soap into his hands as he turns on the water. “Does this make you feel better?”
He dries his hands by wiping his shirt which makes me cringe. I don’t know how I put up with him sometimes.
“What now?” he asks as I stare at him with my shoulders scrunched up around my neck.
“Why can’t you use paper towels like a normal human being?”
“Okay, what’s going on?” he says, plopping into a kitchen chair.
“What do you mean what’s going on?”
“Mason, you’re nitpicking everything I do. You look like something’s bothering you, and you were up all night. So, tell me what’s going on.”
How the hell does he know that I was up all night? He’s not wrong. I spent most of the night on the porch until he got home, and then I was in my room watching shitty infomercials. The shit they sell on TV amazes me these days, and why anyone would buy it is beyond me.
“What makes you think I was up all night?” I ask.
“For starters, you never sit out on the porch until two in the morning, you were blaring shitty commercials that I know you hate watching, and it’s,” he looks at his watch, “almost one in the afternoon and you’re not dressed. Call me crazy, but usually by this time of day on our day off, you’re at the nursing home feeding your dad.”
Damn. He’s right, but what else should I expect from my best friend? He knows me better than anyone; anyone, besides Penny. She knows me pretty well, too. I know I have to come clean about her to him, but I don’t want to be to blame for fucking things up.
“Mason?” he presses, waiting for an answer.
“Fine,” I say, my voice coming off harsher than I meant it to be. Looking out of the small, rectangular kitchen window, I see the sun reflecting off the chain link fence that encloses the backyard. A brown pigeon is hopping along the railing of the fence as though it’s happy to be there.
Plopping down in the seat next to him, I lean over the table, taking my hand through my hair. “It’s about Penny.”
“What about her?” He asks. “Is she all right? Did something happen?”
“Yeah, something like that.” I look him in the eye and study his face. He’s beginning to worry. “We lost her.”
“What do you mean we lost her? Lost her how?”
“She doesn’t want to do this anymore; us. Said she couldn’t handle it. I think she wants a real relationship, you know?”
He nods and looks out the kitchen window; the pigeon is gone like it had never been there, just like Penny. It’s like she was never here. The house is so empty without her. We’ve spent the past 17 out of 20 Saturday’s together—not that I was counting—and now she’s gone.
“That sucks,” he says. “Did she say why? I mean, what did she say to you?”
I don’t want to tell him the truth, so I shrug my shoulders. Silence is better than telling him what really happened.
“You know what they say: all good things must come to an end,” I say to him.
“Yeah, but that fucking sucks. She was perfect. Perfect body, perfect personality, perfect girl for us to share; damn, Mason, she was perfect in every way.”
Hearing Lucas talk about her like this surprises me. He’s not one to talk much about any of the girls we’ve shared. She must have left quite a mark on him, too. I can see the disappointment writte
n all over his face.
The two of us sit in silence, staring out of the small kitchen window as we watch a couple of cars drive down the alley behind the house. I imagine he’s thinking about things; I know that I needed time to do the same thing, but I took all night. He’s just now learning that she’s gone. It sucks being in his place right now.
“Listen, I do need to go see my dad today. Are you going to come with me?” I ask.
He bobs his head. “Let me take a shower first and then we can go.” He makes it to the bathroom door when he stops and says, “Hey! Your dad’s going to wonder where she is, so you’d better have a story ready for him or something because he really liked her.”
Shit, my dad. I didn’t even think about how losing Penny would affect him.
Chapter Seventeen
Penny
It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve seen Mason or Lucas, and it’s been the loneliest two fucking weeks. I haven’t been this bored or lonely since….Owen. The thought of my boring weekends with Owen makes me laugh. At least when we were together, I had someone to talk to, but now I don’t have anyone.
The only thing I’ve been able to do is bury myself in my school work, which is probably for the best. My whole life has been busy chasing the opposite sex. It’s nice to put myself first for a change; it’s been a long time coming. I figure once I’m finished with school and stable, I can look into dating, but for the time being, I’m finished with men.
I do miss Masons’ dad, Bill, though. He’s such a sweet man, and I’ve been wondering how he’s doing, but I can’t go see him. There’s too much of a risk of running into Mason on the weekends, and I also don’t want to upset his dad by randomly showing up in case shit goes south and I’d have to stop seeing him for good, so it’s better that I just stay away.
Neither Mason nor Lucas have tried to get a hold of me, which kind of surprises me. We had a good thing going, but I guess I shouldn’t be too shocked. It’s not like either one of them were serious about me. We were a good trio, the three of us, and it was fun while it lasted. God, do I miss it, though. We had so many good times.
When I first met those two, I never dreamed in a million years that it would’ve worked—especially as long as it did—but we were great together. Maybe I read too much into what Mason and I shared, but at the time, I felt it was real. I thought there was a connection between the two of us.
I suppose that I could’ve easily thought the same thing about Lucas if we had spent more time together like I had with Mason. It’s hard for me to think that, though, because Lucas was always chasing after the next girl. I don’t think he would’ve ever taken me seriously.
Exhausted from a long week, I decide to treat myself to a hot soak in the tub. Yep, just me, a couple of bath bombs, water hot as hell, and silence. For the past couple of weeks, my brain hasn’t shut off. My thoughts have been non-stop, and I’ve made myself so busy that I’ve hardly had a moment to myself to do anything. Right now, I’m going to do absolutely nothing and not think about a single thing because I deserve it.
Running my water, I plop in two of my favorite bath bombs and grab a towel and a washcloth. It’s been so long since I’ve pampered myself that it really does feel like a treat. Just to add more calmness for my soak in the tub, I light a vanilla-scented candle and climb into the water.
The steam swirling around me allows me to relax and clear my head. Placing my toes on the faucet, I see that my feet are in dire need of a pedicure. It’s been ages since I’ve gone to the little shop down on 13th Street. They probably don’t even remember who I am anymore.
Looking at my fingernails, I see that they could use a little TLC, too. I’ve never been one to keep up on that kind of stuff; there’s just never enough time. Plus, with nursing school, they don’t like us to have our nails painted, so it’s not like I should really care too much about them right now anyway.
It doesn’t take too long before the skin around my fingers and toes begin to shrivel like a prune from the hot water, which is starting to cool, so I reach for my towel and hear the loudest banging on my apartment door that I’ve ever heard in my life.
Jumping, I grab the towel and quickly start to dry off as I yell that I’m coming, but the banging is relentless.
“Hold on!” I shout.
Scared, and a little annoyed, I wrap the towel around me and head for the door. Looking through the peephole, I see Lucas standing on the other side of it.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, my heart pounding out of my chest as I crack the door.
“Hello to you, too, Penny. Aren’t you going to invite me in?” Frowning, I glance down at my towel before looking him in the eye. “Oh, come on, Penny. I’ve seen you naked in positions that shouldn’t even be possible.”
Scared to death that my neighbors across the hall might hear him, I grab his shirt and pull him inside my apartment. “What are you doing here?” I demand.
Lucas ignores my question as he struts into my living room and looks around.
“Mason was dead on when he told me what your place looked like,” he says after a beat.
Pulling my towel around me, I tuck it in a little tighter as I cross my arms. “Mason? He told you what my apartment looked like?”
He laughs, picking up a picture of Sabrina, Abby, and me. “Well, since I never got an invitation to come over, somebody had to tell me what your place looked like.”
“Lucas, what are you doing here?” I finally ask again.
“I came to talk to you.”
“Now isn’t a good time. You could have at least called first,” I huff.
He plops down on my couch and stretches his arms across the back of it like he owns the damn thing. I’m two seconds away from kicking him out of my apartment when he puts his dirty work boots on my table, and says, “I would have—if you would’ve given me your number.”
I’d given him my number….hadn’t I? Surely, at some point over the course of the last almost six months, we talked or texted. Right?
“Let me get dressed,” I say. “I’ll be right back.”
Throwing on a pair of black leggings and a long, loose-fitting top, I head back out to the living room where I find Lucas musing around my apartment. Checking out my book collection, he seems either impressed or intimidated; I can’t tell which.
“Find anything interesting?” I ask.
“He wasn’t wrong about you. You love your books. What’s this one about?” He holds up a paperback copy of We Were Liars.
“You didn’t come here to ask me about books,” I say, snatching it from his hand and putting it back on the bookshelf.
“No, I didn’t, Penny. I came to talk to you about us.”
“About us?” I’m not sure if I like where he’s going with this. I’m not sure who the ‘us’ is that he’s talking about.
“Look, I know that you said you were done and we respect that but damn it, Penny. We want you back. We need you back.”
“Why? Can’t get any other girls to play your little game? The pact you two made?”
He cocks his eyebrow and tilts his head. “How do you know about our pact?” The look on his face tells me that I’m not supposed to know their rules, but I do. For a second, I regret saying anything because I don’t want to cause a rift between him and his best friend, but he quickly forgets it. “It doesn’t matter,” he says. “The important thing is that we want you to come back.”
“Both of you want me to come back? Why isn’t Mason with you?”
He could be at the nursing home visiting his dad, but if they both wanted me so badly, I’m sure he could’ve left the nursing home a few minutes early to come with Lucas.
“I don’t know what his deal is, Penny. Ever since you left, he’s been different.” His tone is concerning to me, so I let him continue instead of pushing him out the door even though I’m still annoyed by him. I want to know what he’s got to say, especially if Mason’s involved. “Things aren’t the same without you.�
�
“How?”
“For starters, he doesn’t have you with him when he goes and sees his dad—,”
“How is his dad?” I cut him off. He pauses like he’s not sure how to answer, and shrugs.
“He’s been fucking up at work like he can’t concentrate, he doesn’t ever go out. I can’t even tell you the last time I was able to drag his ass to a concert or party.”
I laugh inwardly at the thought Lucas dragging Mason off to a party or concert. He’s not the type. Instead, he’d rather go to a bar, shoot some pool or play darts, or sit around watching movies at home with a beer in his hand. Lucas is the party goer, not Mason.
“So, what do you want me to do? I mean, why are you here?”
Lucas glances aimlessly around my apartment as he scratches his stubble. It looks sexy on him; it’s the perfect length. “I want you to come over tonight.”
There’s a bit of hopefulness in his voice like if he says it kind enough, I’ll do as he wants, but I don’t know if I can. I still want to be with Mason, and I still like Lucas. The trio thing was fun for a while, but I don’t know if that’s truly what I want. I’ve never been that girl, but God do I miss them.
I miss both of their hands on me, both of their mouths kissing me, and fucking both of their cocks. The two of them drive me insane when we’re in bed. It’s been weeks since I’ve been laid and truth be told, these two men have given me the best sex any woman could ask for.
Of course, it’s not all about sex. I also miss their company, their laughter, their jokes, their….everything. Lucas’s carefree spirit is just what I want, and Mason’s heart is just what I need.
And it hurts me to know that Mason has been in a funk since I left. I understand their pact—sort of—so I can see why we can’t be together but do I really want to be without him? Why should the two—or three—of us be apart, all suffering at the same time?
