by Vivian Ward
An hour later, I’m pulling into the first parking space I can find and dashing through the parking lot to the front door. I approach the older woman who’s patiently sitting behind the desk.
“Can I help you, sir?” she smiles sweetly.
“I’m here to see my father, his name is Bill Rogers. William Rogers, he was brought in by ambulance for a stroke,” I say, winded and out of breath.
She nods and knows exactly who I’m talking about. She’s probably worked here a hundred years and knows everything, but I’m glad she here.
“Yes, William Rogers is in ICU on the third floor. When you get there, one of the nurses will show you to his room.”
Hopping on the elevator, I feel my heart drop when the doors close. He’s gone through similar bouts with the stroke stuff before, but never anything this serious. In fact, the last time they thought he had a stroke, they weren’t one hundred percent sure, so they had to run a battery of tests on him before confirming that it was a stroke.
The bell dings and the silver door slides open. An oval nurse’s station occupies the front of the floor, and there’s no way of missing it. A heavy set woman, in her late 40’s, is on the phone taking orders from a doctor as I catch her eye. Holding her finger up, she signals for me to wait.
Impatiently, I start craning my neck, trying to peer inside the rooms to see if I can find my dad himself, but most of them have curtains preventing anyone from seeing beyond the doorway.
“Can I help you?” she asks, replacing the phone back on its cradle.
“Yes, my dad, William Rogers, is here? I’m not sure what room he’s in, but he had a massive stroke this morning and —,”
“What’s your name, please?” she cuts me off. I can tell her patience with me is thin; she probably gets a million people a month rambling about their loved ones, and I’m no different.
“Mason Rogers,” I say as she looks at the computer monitor.
“He’s in room 302. Please be quiet upon entering, try not to disturb the patient, and if you need anything, we’re right here.”
I nod and glance around at the numbers posted outside each door. Spotting 302, I slowly enter, afraid of what I might see. I’m so scared what he’s going to look like, and honestly, I don’t know if I can handle seeing him in much worse of a state than he already was at the nursing home.
“Dad?” I say quietly as I enter. He’s hooked up to an IV and has a nasal cannula to help him breathe. It looks as though he’s sleeping, and I’m afraid to wake him; she said not to bother him.
The monitors on the flash numbers and display his heart rhythm. His skin is ghostly white, and his white hair looks greasy and is standing on end. He looks so fragile, so weak. I’ve never seen him look this bad.
Taking a seat at his bedside, I place my hand on top of his and say a few words, willing him to get better. The slow lull of the monitors put me to sleep for, I don’t know how long. An hour? Maybe two?
I’m woken up by the sound of a familiar voice. “Mason?”
My eyes flutter open, and I think I’m dreaming for a second when I look up and see Penny standing on the other side of his bed. I realize that it’s not a dream as I notice she’s wearing hospital scrubs with a stethoscope around her neck and a name tag.
“Penny?”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Penny
My heart dropped when I saw Bill come in this morning as they admitted him to the ICU. I knew it would only be a matter of time before I’d be face to face with Mason again.
“Do you need anything?” I ask him as he stands on his feet. “A pillow? A blanket? Something to drink?”
“What are you doing here?” He asks, keeping his voice low as he glances down at his dad.
“I work here,” I say. “I just started a few weeks ago.”
“How is he? And don’t give me a bullshit response. Tell me how he really is.”
There’s so much emotion and strain in his voice. He looks like he’s on the verge of tears, and, honestly, so am I. I hate seeing his dad like this just as much as he does.
“The doctors said they don’t know what his recovery will look like. We won’t know until he’s more stabilized. Right now, they have him on some medications, and they’re running tests.” I look him over, and it’s obvious that he came straight from work. “Are you okay?”
Running his hands through his hair, he says, “No, I’m not okay.”
Checking the monitors, I chart his vitals and say, “I’m sorry, Mason. Let me know if you need anything.”
He nods. “Thank you. I will.”
An awkward moment of silence follows before I turn on my heels and make my way out of the room.
I know I’ve been wanting to see him, but not like this. I’ve got another six hours of my shift left before I can go home, and I don’t know if I can make it through it.
When I came in this morning, I figured it’d be another day at work. Working in the ICU is never fun, but I like it because it makes me think and keeps me on my toes. It’s crazy how fast someone’s life can change at the drop of a hat.
“You can go out for break whenever you’re ready,” my co-worker Brandy says to me.
“Thanks. I just made rounds to check vitals,” I pause. “Do you think you could take care of room 302 for today?”
“Why? Is something wrong?”
“No,” I say. “Well, sort of. The man that’s in there, his son is here with him, and we have a past together. It’s just that it was kind of awkward, and I don’t know if it’s such a good idea for me to go back in there.”
She laughs and waves me off. “Penny, sometimes you have to do what needs to be done. You’re caring for a patient; nothing more, nothing less. You’ll be fine.”
She’s completely serious and isn’t even entertaining the idea of giving me a break. “Okay,” I sigh. “I’m going to head to the cafeteria. Do you want anything?”
Brandy shakes her head. “No, thanks.”
I’ve never been so relieved to get on the elevator to go down for my break. Looking at myself in the stainless steel doors, I make an ill attempt to straighten my hair and tidy my makeup. There’s nothing glamorous about my job, but it makes me feel good to help people.
Sitting at a small table near the window, I stare out at the busy street and watch the cars go by as I think about how terrible things must be for Mason right now. I didn’t want to tell him that the doctor said his dad might not have a good outcome. Even though we haven’t talked in a while, I wanted to give him some hope. Sometimes, having a little faith makes all the difference.
The small salad I picked up from the cafeteria tastes like shit, so I push it to the side and sip on my iced tea as I begin daydreaming what Mason’s morning must’ve been like today. I can only imagine what went through his mind when he got the phone call.
“Hey,” I feel a tap on my shoulder.
Turning around, I look up and see Mason standing behind me. “Hey,” I say back to him.
“Mind if I have a seat?”
His eyes look hopeful, and I don’t have it in me to tell him no. I wouldn’t say no to him anyway, even if it does hurt me to see him because I still have feelings for him. I think Mason and I would’ve been a great couple, but I know he thinks otherwise. Scooting the chair out with my foot, I nod toward the seat across from me. “Be my guest.”
Taking the empty seat, he half smiles at me. “Never thought I’d run into you this way,” he says.
“I know, it sucks.” I realize that my words might not have been the best choice. “I mean, I’m glad to see you, but it sucks that your dad is here.”
Sipping his coffee, his eyebrows shoot up. “I know. I knew what you meant. So tell me, how bad is it? Really?”
“I already told you,” I say to him. “And what your dad really needs right now is for you to be strong for him. When he comes to, he’s going to need your support.”
“You know, I feel really shitty. I feel like it’s my fault
for sticking him in that damn nursing home. Maybe if he wasn’t—,”
“Mason,” I stop him right there. “Listen to me, I know you hated your dad being in there, but he was going to have this stroke regardless of the care he received. It wouldn’t have mattered if he was at home in his own bed or if he was at the nursing facility. Sometimes we can’t control what’s going to happen, so you stop that nonsense right now.”
He’s quiet for a few minutes, sipping his coffee from the styrofoam cup, courtesy of the grotesque cafeteria. “I also feel like shit for what happened between us,” he finally says.
Wow, did he just say what I think he’s saying? Not wanting to assume anything, because I’d die of embarrassment if I read too much into his comment, I ask him what he means.
“Penny,” he reaches across the table, grabbing my hand. “I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t have feelings for you because I do. I care for you a lot.”
“But?” I ask.
“But Lucas and I made a pact a long time ago.” He lowers his voice so that we can’t be overheard. “The reason why I said the things I did is because we both agreed that once we share a girl, neither of us can stake claim to her.”
“But why, Mason? What’s wrong with us liking each other and giving our relationship a real shot? It wouldn’t be so bad.”
“That’s the thing, I want us to be together—as a couple, not a trio—but you’ve got to look at it where I’m coming from.”
“Which is?” I press. I’m want to understand, I’m trying to understand, but it sounds like gibberish to me.
“Penny,” he leans in closer to me. “You were fucking my best friend; my best friend and me. If you think Lucas doesn’t like you, you’re wrong. We both like you, so—,”
“He might like me, but we don’t have the same type of relationship, Mason. For starters, Lucas has never spent any one-on-one time with me, we’ve never talked on the phone or texted, I’ve never met any of his family or anything like that. It’s a completely different relationship.”
He opens his mouth to speak, but I don’t give him the opportunity.
“Mason, I love you, and I look at Lucas as more of an acquaintance. The way I feel about you is why I’ve stayed away this whole time. What we have is so much different, and even though you pushed me away, I still want to be with you.”
Placing his hands on the back of his neck, he exhales a deep sigh. “But what about Lucas and I? Even if you only view him as an acquaintance, there’s still the fact that we’re best friends and we had a deal.”
“You need to decide what you want, Mason. I can’t make your decisions for you, but what’s Lucas going to say? Do you think he likes seeing you sad? And don’t tell me that you aren’t or that you weren’t because he’s the one who stopped by my apartment begging me to come to your house. He told me all about how you were practically moping around and said that it’d be good for me to come over.”
“He did that?” he asks, stunned.
“Yeah, he did. And think about it, Mason, don’t you think that Lucas wants to see you happy?”
My eyes are watering as I try to plead my case with him, but I’m not sure it’s doing any good.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Mason
Listening to her talk, she makes a lot of sense. She’s completely right. Lucas would never discourage me from being with someone that makes me happy, and if he did, that would mean that we weren’t as good of friends as I thought we were.
I’ve never looked at it the way Penny has. The worst thing that would happen is that Lucas and I no longer share girls because I’d be in a committed relationship. It’d be no different from any other time I was seeing someone.
But it would also mean that I’d be breaking the pact, which is something neither of us has ever done. I know for a fact that there was one girl in particular that he liked, her name was Kerry. He’d hinted around that he wouldn’t mind dating her, but it was me who reminded him of the pact. I don’t want to go behind his back and do something that I may have prevented him from doing at one time. That would make me look like a shitty friend.
I’m still trying to process the fact that he was the one who went to Penny’s apartment and talked to her when I was in a funk. It makes me wonder if maybe he knew all along how I felt about her. Neither of us has mentioned Penny’s name since the night she left for good.
“I know Lucas wants to see me happy, but it puts me in such a bad place. You know? He’s my best friend, and we’ve always shared girls. This was an agreement that we made a long time ago, and I don’t want him to hate me for it.”
She laughs. “He’s not going to hate you for it, Mason. But if you want me back in your life, I think we need to decide what we’re going to do because I don’t want to be shared by the two of you. I only want you.”
“Only me?” I ask. I heard her right, but I want to hear her repeat it.
“Only you,” she squeezes my hand. “Mason, you’re what I’ve wanted my entire life, but could never find.”
I smile, “Right.”
“Seriously,” she says. “I’ve always wanted a guy who was a hard worker, someone who was fun, loyal, caring, and decent. You’re all of those things and then some.”
Hearing her say all of these things about me makes me realize that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. It also makes me realize how much I love her, too. I was scared to admit it—even to myself—but after hearing how she feels about me, straight from her own mouth, I know that we were meant to be together.
She’s the one.
The only one.
“So, uh, how does this work? Am I supposed to ask you to be my girlfriend or something?” I tease, giving her a wink.
Grinning, her eyes light up. “Well, that’d be a nice start. Don’t you think? And, oh, I don’t know, maybe you could take me out to dinner, maybe a nice restaurant?”
It occurs to me we’ve never done any sort of date before.
“Holy shit, I’ve never taken you out before, have I?”
“Nope,” she shakes her head. “Not unless you count the nursing home trips as dates, but I don’t think those are very romantic.”
Her face scrunches up, and her nose crinkles. She looks adorable. “Tell you what, as soon as my dad’s out of here, I’ll buy you the best steak in all of St. Louis.”
“Deal,” she says, checking her watch. “I better get back upstairs. My break was over five minutes ago.”
“Here, I’ll walk with you,” I say, grabbing my coffee. “I’m probably going to stick around for a while, at least until my dad wakes up, and then we’ll play it by ear.”
Almost two days later, my dad finally comes to in his hospital bed. His speech is very slurred and he’s even more agitated than usual.
“S-s-son,” he stutters. “W-where am I? Am I?”
His language doesn’t make complete sense, and I feel awful for him. “It’s okay, dad. You’re at the hospital. You had a stroke. How are you feeling?” I ask as I press the button for his nurse to come in. I wish Penny were here to see him when he woke up.
“Is everything okay?” the nurse walks in.
“He’s awake,” I say. “He seems a little confused.”
She nods and grimaces, “It’s common for a lot of stroke patients. I’ll call his doctor in to come examine him.”
“W-where is she?” he asks.
“The nurse? She went to get your doctor dad. Relax, it’ll be okay,” I smile, giving him a reassuring nod.
“No,” he tries to sit up, but he can’t because he’s too weak. “P-p-p-pretty P-p-penny, my girl.”
How in the world he’s still asking about her all these months later and after waking up from a stroke is beyond me. “You’ll see her soon, dad. I promise.”
“Me, I mean, I-I heard her,” he says.
“You did? When?” He’s not wrong, he could have heard her voice many times, but I can’t believe he’d remember it since it was unconscious.
&
nbsp; Instead of answering me, he drifts back to sleep until the doctor comes in and rouses him.
“William?” the doctor says as he pulls back the covers on my dad. “How are you doing today?”
My dad opens his eyes and stares at the doctor; it’s clear he doesn’t know who he is. “My n-name’s Bill.”
“Bill, can you tell me where you’re at?”
He looks around the room and stares at the window. “H-h-home.”
“No, Bill, you’re not at home. You’re at the hospital. You had a pretty big stroke. Do you know what today is?”
My dad shakes his head no. He’s completely out of it and doesn’t know very much of what’s going on. “No, go h-home,” my dad mumbles.
“Well, you can’t go home, Bill. But if you recover quickly, we can send you back to your room at the nursing home and you’ll be good as new in no time. Can you look at the light?” The doctor asks, checking dad’s eyes with a tiny light scope.
“No!” dad says, spit pulling in the corner of his mouth. “I g-go home.”
It kills me to know that he remembers home and wants to be there, but I can’t take him on. There’s no way I could ever work, and Lucas needs me to help finish this job and run the business. We’re a team.
After the doctor finishes examining dad, the nurse brings him a tray in hopes that he’ll eat. “He needs to get his strength up,” she explains. “Try to get him to eat a couple of items off his tray, or at least drink the broth. If you need anything, just let me know.”
I send Penny a quick text to let her know that he’s awake as I try to get him to eat something, but he’s refusing everything. He doesn’t want to eat, drink, or talk. I’ve never seen him this bitter, not even when he initially went into the nursing home.
Penny shoots me a text back saying that she’s coming to the hospital. I text her back to let her know that she doesn’t have to come since it’s her day off, but she insists. She’s such a good girl. I don’t know how I got so lucky when I found her, but I’m glad that I did.
